


Please Don’t Leave Me Again

by JenoTheSamoyed



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Baby Boy Lee Jeno, Blow Jobs, Bottom Lee Jeno, Caregiver Doyoung, Caregiver Renjun, Cock Warming, Doyoung best boy, Healthy Coping Mechanisms, Holding Hands, Idol AU, Implied Past Trauma, Implied Sexual Content, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Jealousy, Kidnapping, M/M, Mentions of the past, Morning Sickness, Mpreg, Nomin are whipped, Oral Sex, Relationship Goals, Sasaengs, Soft Lee Jeno, There are good managers and bad managers, Top Na Jaemin, a lot of jealousy, and he has a slight oral fixation, and he is a whiny baby, author is sorry, caregiver Jaemin, caregiver Taeil, caregiver Ten, jeno gets pregnant, little Chenle, little Yangyang, little jeno, littlespace, louis bella and leon are here too of course, mentions of vomiting, mentions of weight, renjun best boy, sick, side markhyuck, vlive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:08:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 48
Words: 99,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26304643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenoTheSamoyed/pseuds/JenoTheSamoyed
Summary: "Oh, sweetheart." He coos, rocking Jeno from side to side. "I'm sorry, Nana-hyung is sorry for leaving you. I'm here now." Jeno's face breaks out into a smile and he claps his hands together in delight at the presence of his favourite person of all time, barely registering his words of apology. Jaemin kisses his forehead softly. The string finally snaps in Jeno's mind, his eyes gloss over, and he headbutts his boyfriend's shoulder.Jeno loves him. And he certainly loves Jeno a million times more back.But Jaemin loves everyone.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 122
Kudos: 495





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Czennies!  
> This is my first fic here...  
> and it’s a lot oops
> 
> As you’ve probably seen from the tags, this is an mpreg fic so if you don’t like it, then nobody is making you read it. Also, there are several scenes with vomiting and mentions of weight (not ed, though). If that makes you uncomfortable in anyway, please don’t read. Or you can skip those chapters - I’ll put a warning at the beginning of them. 
> 
> Jeno is often the bad boy or jock in fanfics but I see him as a shy softie who wants a hug. So, I am here to fill out the tags and promote the baby boy Lee Jeno agenda. You’re welcome.
> 
> This is set in 2024, in a corona-free and much more accepting world where anyone can get pregnant. This means that fans know about and support Nomin’s relationship, as well as his little headspace.
> 
> There is a little bit of smut and cock warming but no full explicit sex. Jeno’s headspace is a way for him to cope with his thoughts and stress and is not sexual in any way. Little space is a perfectly acceptable coping mechanism. 
> 
> An extra note - I am British, so when I write jelly I mean the wobbly dessert.
> 
> I have put a lot of work into this and it turned out longer than expected, so I hope that you all enjoy it!

Jeno slumps against the mirrored wall of the dance studio. His limbs are screaming from lack of rest, his mind muddled with the guilt of messing up three choreographies in a row. They weren't even new ones. He watches the dance teacher grab his bag and leave the room without another word, then the door slams shut and begins to blur in his wake. Today's practice wasn't with their usual dance teacher and Jeno wasn't used to the harsh demands of whoever ran their session. Byeongho would never be so mean. Jeno pushes his head into his knees before the first tears can spill. All of his thoughts and haunting memories swirl together around a stormy haze and his body feels so heavy, whilst his head starts to turn fuzzy with a confusing innocence. Soon, all he knows is that he is exhausted and upset, without knowing the reason why.

A warmth embraces him, causing him to look up. The lights are harsh on his sensitive eyes but he can still make out Mark's figure. He pushes his head into his hyung's shoulder. His hands shake when he wipes his tears away but his vision is still blurred. He blinks lazily up at Mark, who quickly gets the message and leans over to rummage through Jeno's bag, the younger whining at the change of position. But Jeno stops mid-complaint. He needs to stay big. He can't let the dance teacher's words get to him like that. He inhales heavily and pushes himself up onto his feet. Or rather, he attempts to. Mark catches him when he wobbles, pulling him back down into his lap.

"It's okay, Jeno-yah." Mark runs his hands through Jeno's sweaty hair and helps him take a sip of water. Jeno leans against Mark again and surveys the room, taking in the sight of the other members. They are all sat together, clearly unsure about if they should approach or not. Everyone except Jaemin. Jeno frowns. He vaguely notes that Mark is massaging his legs softly to help ease the pain, but his mind is full of Jaemin. His nostrils are full of the scent of the leader's shampoo which is usually a comforting smell, however Jaemin's is better. Jeno tries to push himself up again in the midst of another spurt of feeling big. His determination helps him to take a couple of steps into the centre of the room, before his left leg gives up, aching and pulling him down to the floor again. Renjun rushes over this time.

"Take it easy, yeah? Don't beat yourself up. You did nothing wrong." Renjun begins to hug Jeno, who only pushes him away.

"Nana..." Jeno forces out in a weak wheeze.

"Nana is just helping to pack our things into the car with Jaehwa-noona." Haechan looks up from his phone. "He'll be back soon."

"Nana-hyung." Jeno pouts, not accepting that as an answer.

His mind is still racing, his breathing picking up. He wants to stay big, to stay strong after the insults were hurled at him, and to make Jaemin proud. But his head is sinking deeper into the realms of his headspace. It is attached by what feels like one single string that only needs to be stretched a tiny bit further before it snaps, letting him drop entirely. That hasn't happened in a few weeks now, so he is naturally more restless, complete with a drained energy store.

Jeno stays sat in the centre of the room, avoiding his reflection in the mirrors and dodging any affection from the other Dream members. He refuses to listen to any of them when they ask him to follow them to the car. Suspended as a middle, he simply reinforces his pout and doesn't budge. Not until Jaemin bounds into the room to help out. He beelines straight for his boyfriend and can immediately tell that he is beginning to slip.

"Oh, sweetheart." He coos, rocking Jeno from side to side. "I'm sorry, Nana-hyung is sorry for leaving you. I'm here now." Jeno's face breaks out into a smile and he claps his hands together in delight at the presence of his favourite person of all time, barely registering his words of apology. Jaemin kisses his forehead softly. The string finally snaps in Jeno's mind, his eyes gloss over, and he headbutts his boyfriend's shoulder.

"Why don't we get going, hm? You must be tired." Jaemin gets to his feet and prompts Jeno to follow suit by tugging on his hand gently. Eager to be good, Jeno tries to do as he is told, except it is a struggle for his little brain and his aching limbs to co-operate. For the third time in the past ten minutes, he tumbles. Jaemin sweeps him off his feet before any damage can be done and before any more tears overflow. Jeno rests his head in the crook of Jaemin's neck. His eyes flutter shut.

Jisung holds the door open for Jaemin and then Mark, who is balancing the rest of the bags that are yet to make it into the car between his two hands. The walk to the car is quiet out of consideration for Jeno. The members are just glad that he has finally let himself drop, which buys them all some time before big Jeno starts to overthink any mistakes he made in the practice room that evening.

They make it to the car without any disturbance from sasaengs, thank goodness, and due to his exhaustion, Jeno is quickly seat-belted in next to Jaemin without any stubbornness. His thumb makes its way into his mouth within a few more seconds. Jaehwa, the manager assigned to drive them back tonight, gives Jeno a dirty look through the rear-view mirror, her eyebrows frowning and her eyes rolling. Haechan glares back at her and she keeps quiet. She is the only member of staff working closely with them who disapproves of Jeno's method of stress relief. Even more so of their relationship. Jaemin knows that he can trust any of their other managers to care for Jeno when he can't be there, though, so he avoids her stare and turns back to his sleepy boyfriend.

Jeno is sucking on his thumb, his head drooping dangerously close to sleep. Jaemin gets worried whenever Jeno picks up that habit again, remembering that article he read about how it could deform his thumb. His boyfriend looks so adorable, despite the small amount of drool beginning to collect on his lips, but Jaemin feels the need to help him. He turns to Chenle and nudges him with his elbow.

"Could you pass me a water bottle and a tissue?" Jaemin whispers, careful not to speak too loudly. Chenle seems confused until he spots what Jeno is doing and he nods. His eyes fixate on the little but he quickly snaps out of the daze and unzips his bag. After a short moment, Jaemin is gifted a half-empty bottle of water and a packet of tissues. He presses the tissue against the opening of the bottle, tipping it upside down to wet the material. The car hits a speed bump and he spills a few drops of water onto his lap. It is not a lot, but it soaks through his tracksuits. He mentally curses himself for not packing a pacifier. Jeno had insisted that morning that he would be okay and then they dashed from schedule to schedule all day, barely even stopping for half an hour for lunch.

Jaemin quickly recaps the lid back onto the bottle, mouths a 'thank you' to Chenle, then wipes his first and middle finger with the dampened tissue. He is always careful to clean his hands before letting Jeno suck on his digits because God forbid he picks up any germs that could make Jeno ill. The wet tissue is unlikely to have cleaned his hand thoroughly, but it soothes his worries enough to offer his fingers as a makeshift pacifier.

"Jeno, love. Here." Jaemin coaxes his boyfriend's thumb away from his mouth and pulls Jeno to lean against his shoulder, who begins to whine at the loss. Then his eyes soon sparkle at the sight of his caregiver's hand raising up to his lips. He eagerly seals his mouth around the long fingers, letting them rest on his tongue and leaving his jaw slack.

"'Ank you." Jeno babbles, his words even more muffled now. Jaemin chuckles and tickles Jeno's chin affectionately.

It isn't long before the car comes to a stop. Jeno snaps his eyes open, only to whine when he realises that they are at Chenle's house rather than their dorm. He pushes his head closer to Jaemin's neck. The caregiver skilfully interprets the signal as him becoming impatient.

"Not long now, Jen." Jaemin brushes a stray bang out of Jeno's eyes and kisses the top of his head with reassurance.

He briefly waves goodnight to Chenle, grateful that he carefully pushes the door closed instead of slamming it with his usual vigour. Jaemin turns his attention back to Jeno to nuzzle his nose into his hair. Jaemin soon feels relaxed, with his free arm wrapped around the love of his life who is so dependent on his care right now. It makes him giddy to think about how he gets to look after Jeno in his tiniest moments, gets to cuddle with him, or kiss any booboos better. He is infinitely proud of his boyfriend but sometimes of himself, too, for gaining Jeno's trust in that way.

Jaemin is the chosen one. The person Jeno chose to open up to first. Things weren't easy for him, far from it, but he felt safe enough around Jaemin to talk about it. And that fills him with an irreplaceable honour.

"Sorry if I'm interrupting, but I was told that you need to go shopping. Mark and Haechan, you both can get the stuff for 127 and Jaemin you can bring some groceries back to the Dream dorm." Jaehwa speaks in a flat tone, obnoxiously chewing gum and clearly not being sorry in the slightest. They all bet she even chose Jaemin on purpose just to wrench him away from Jeno. Haechan and Jaemin both open their mouths to protest, but Renjun speaks first.

"It's not worth arguing, guys. Just go. Me and Jisung can look after Jeno just fine." His eyes tell the other half of the story, wide and pleading them to not cause any dispute with the manager. None of them like her, but an argument would upset Jeno and they are all hoping that the little might be asleep soon and therefore not notice when Jaemin leaves.

"No." Jeno cries around Jaemin's fingers when his boyfriend begins to sit up to move, his eyebrows knotted together in a deep frown. "Nana stay."

Of course, they never have that type of luck.


	2. Chapter 2

It is not far from a wrestling match to get Jeno to allow Jaemin out of the car. The little kicks his legs and cries until his throat is raw, all while Jaehwa smirks at the scene. Jeno continues his tantrum throughout the remainder of the journey, filling the car with piercing screams and wails.

"Pack it in!" The manager suddenly loses her patience and slams her fist against the steering wheel. "When I got this job I expected to be working with a group of lovely, mature young men, not a damn baby." Jeno is silent for a couple of seconds before only starting up again, this time even more worked up from the unexpected scolding. Renjun moved to sit next to him when Mark, Haechan and Jaemin got out of the vehicle but Jeno keeps his back turned to the elder. Anyone's efforts to cheer him up or distract him from his main caregiver's absence are all entirely in vain.

Much to his annoyance, it is down to Jisung to carry Jeno inside, him being both taller and stronger than Renjun. But for the sake of speed, Jisung doesn't complain and scoops him out of the car. Jeno kicks at the maknae's shins, making it near impossible for him to walk, then inside the lift (the stairs being obviously out of the question), the sound of his screaming rebounds around the confined space. It has been months since Jeno has had a tantrum this extreme and all of the members quickly learned that only Jaemin is ever able to talk him out of it. The very member who is not with them. Jeno stalks away to his and Jaemin's shared room immediately. This leaves Renjun and Jisung to collapse onto the sofa with heavy hearts and ringing ears.

"It just pains me to hear him cry like that." Renjun mumbles, staring at the black television screen. Jisung sighs.

"I know, hyung. Let's hope that he calms down, or that Jaemin-hyung makes it home quickly. Do you think we could file a complaint against Jaehwa? She is starting to really piss me off."

"I don't know. We could try talking to an older member. Taeyong, perhaps?" Renjun suggests. Jisung hums in agreement, then they both fall silent to listen to Jeno's cries. They come in heavy waves, separated with hiccups and harsh sniffles, incessantly flooding through their apartment.

"Hyung, I seriously cannot listen to him without trying to help. I can't bare it." Jisung stands up, determined, then pushes the bedroom door open.

He is met with the sight of Jeno sprawled across Jaemin's bed, his jacket discarded on the floor. His eyes are an angry red, his face is soaked with tears which shine under the remainder of the evening sunlight entering through the window, and his body is shaking violently with each sob. Jisung racks his brain for any recollection of what on Earth Jaemin does to help Jeno when he is mid-tantrum.

He starts by taking a cautious step closer to the bed, his arms extended. Jeno scowls and reaches for the book on the bedside table, drawing his arm back and weakly throwing it towards the maknae. It only flies for a couple of feet, barely reaching Jisung and the lack of strength saddens Jisung even further, as Jeno works out hard for his muscles. He bends down to pick it up along with the jacket, trying to not lose his patience with the little.

"Jeno-yah, Jaemin will be back soon, I promise. And wouldn't he be so proud of you if you greeted him with a smile? If you were patient and independent like the big boy you are, hm?" Jisung doesn't even know what he is saying. He is just pulling words out of his mouth to try to find something that soothes the overwhelmed little.

"Bu' I want Nana." Jeno shifts on the bed. He rolls over away from Jisung, who begins to hear suckling noises. He is sucking his thumb again. The maknae spots one of his pacifiers on the side and attempts to break through with another method.

"Would a pacifier help?"

"Nana-hyung!" Jeno wails. His voice cracks mid-syllable and it wrenches on the maknae's heart. He is starting to panic slightly, worried that Jeno could collapse or become dehydrated from his sobbing fit. But the last thing he needs is to show any signs of his stress to the little. His prayers are partially answered when Renjun slowly enters the room, tiptoeing to place a sippy cup of juice on the bedside table.

"I've brought apple juice. Your favourite." Renjun speaks softly. Jeno's chest is rapidly rising and falling from his rattling breaths.

"Don't wan' it." Jeno mumbles around his thumb. Jisung and Renjun exchange a glance.

"What about some jelly? Do you remember how we put some in the fridge last night? It will be ready by now, specially for you." Renjun tries.

"Don't wan' it." Yet another failure.

"Well, what do you want?" Jisung speaks this time, staring at the ceiling in despair.

"Nana." Jeno hides his face in the stomach of Jaemin's oversized orange Ryan plushie.

Renjun motions for Jisung to follow him to the living room, where they both sit back down again in defeat. Jeno is usually so bubbly and well-behaved whilst regressed, so this new side shocks the pair of them, rendering them absolutely clueless. Renjun pulls out his phone and taps away into the search engine. He clicks onto a series of littlespace and childcare sites, scanning for any advice that might help in this situation. They are both tired after the intense day, so the quicker they get Jeno to calm down, the better.

Renjun and Jisung's frowns are immediately smoothed out at the sight of a disgruntled Jaemin opening the front door twenty minutes later. The twenty minutes which felt like twenty hours. He dumps the bags of groceries onto the sofa and kicks his shoes off messily.

"Where's Jeno?" He demands, panting slightly from dashing up the stairs two at a time.

"In your room. He's still upset." Jisung points vaguely in the direction of their room, leaning closer into Renjun's embrace. Jaemin disappears into the room in a flash.

"Nono, baby. I'm back." Jaemin locks their bedroom door and coos at the sight of Jeno sucking on the round ear of his Ryan plushie, his hair a complete disaster, and his face coated with dried tears.

"Nana-hyungie ba'." Jeno babbles, his eyes finally forming the famous crescents he is known for. Ryan's ear falls from his mouth.

Jaemin carefully places his most prized cuddly toy to the side to create a space for him to lie down next to his boyfriend, who is quickly slipping even deeper into his headspace. Jaemin leans against the headboard and watches in adoration when Jeno crawls into his lap to lean into his chest.

"Yes, I'm back, sweetheart." Jaemin speaks softly into Jeno's ear.

"Don't 'eave me again, hyungie." Jeno stumbles over his words, which are clearly becoming too heavy on his tongue for his tiny mind to form. The little hiccups. Jaemin is completely in love with him and he uses his sleeve to clean up his eyes, dabbing at the damp skin.

"Why don't we get changed, baby?" Jaemin suggests.

But Jeno only looks up at him in wonder, his eyes shining with the entire galaxy. Jaemin giggles and motions to the little to raise his arms so that he can remove his shirt. Jeno easily complies, being too tired to resist any more instructions today, and Jaemin ensures that he dresses him with a clean hoodie and shorts before he gets cold. He doesn't bother to change his own clothes because he doesn't have the heart to keep Jeno waiting any longer for his cuddles.

From Jisung's defeated tone, Jaemin gets the idea that Jeno probably wasn't the best behaved for the other two dreamies whilst he was gone. However, now is not the time for a rant as Jeno is clearly too small to understand much vocabulary, plus being in a fragile mood from all the stress. He didn't mean to lash out, of course not. Instead, he offers his boyfriend the apple juice.

"Drink, Jen. It'll help your throat." Jaemin presses the tip against Jeno's cracked lips and he quickly latches on, sucking lazily at the cold juice. The caregiver watches the drink gradually disappear with pride.

This is his baby. Jeno may be his boyfriend of six years, but sometimes, whilst looking after him in his most vulnerable moments, he becomes full of such a parental love. Jeno blinks slowly every few seconds. His eyelashes are stunning, Jaemin thinks, stroking his cheek tenderly.

The little whines slightly when the juice is all finished and it break Jaemin's daze. He replaces the cup on the bedside table and shifts their position a bit, ensuring that Jeno comfortable against him. Their dorm is entirely quiet now except for their even breaths. Renjun and Jisung have likely retired to their own beds by now and Jaemin is pleased at the thought. They need to rest well, too. He rocks Jeno from side to side, humming quietly. The tune is 'Puzzle Piece'. Jaemin remembers how he and Jeno got the chance to write the lyrics. The song is about them finding Mark when he came back to Dream, but also about how the two of them complete each other perfectly. They are both halves of a jigsaw, coming together to create a chemistry between them that everyone wishes was present in their own relationship. Hearing the melody of this specific ballad is like a sleeping charm on Jeno. Usually.

After the second chorus, Jaemin feels a pressure on his chest. He stops his humming and looks down to see Jeno clutching his shirt and still gazing up at him. Swiftly, he moves Jeno's hand away, intertwining their fingers.

"We should sleep. Aren't you tired, bub?" Jaemin hugs Jeno tighter. His boyfriend makes eye contact with him, pouting, then shoves two of his fingers into his mouth.

"Paci." Jeno states in a determined voice. Then Jaemin finally understands. He swiftly grabs the pacifier off of the bedside table and Jeno is already leaning to capture it between his lips by the time Jaemin looks back at him. They both giggle and Jaemin tickles Jeno's chin softly.

"Better?"

"Mmh." Jeno hums in appreciation and finally closes his eyes.

"Goodnight, Jen, sweetheart."


	3. Chapter 3

Jaemin wakes up with a space next to him on the bed. The duvet is hanging off the edge of the mattress, doing nothing to cover his legs, so he flicks away a crust of sleep in the corner of his eye before repositioning the covers. A squeal gathers his attention. He turns his head to see Jeno laid on the carpet, still sucking on his pacifier, seemingly showing off some colouring he has done to the Ryan plushie. Usually, the caregiver doesn't let anyone else take the toy but seeing as it's keeping Jeno occupied, he doesn't protest. They practically share it at this point, anyway. Jaemin stretches his legs and sits up to watch the adorable scene. It is rare for Jeno to wake up still little so he decides to savour the moment. He steps across the room and sits down opposite him.

"Mornin' Nana!" Jeno sings, already hyper so early in the day. Jaemin squints at his alarm clock, trying to decipher the numbers so soon after waking up.

It is barely seven o'clock and they don't have any schedules. Jaemin himself would have wanted to gain at least an extra hour in bed but there is no way of getting Jeno back under the covers now. He is full of energy already, kicking his feet against the carpet and babbling cheerfully to his plushie. Jaemin leans forward to get a glimpse of the colouring page.

"Sweetheart, why don't you show Nana your pretty drawing?" Jaemin prompts for Jeno to explain the explosion of colours filling the page. The little sits up to face Jaemin.

"Is you, hyung!" Jeno declares, stabbing the page where a stick figure with a mess of pink hair is situated. "'N me! With Ryan the carrot." The orange blob is bigger than probably the other two stick figures combined, but Jaemin is utterly in love with the drawing. Because his baby drew it.

"Wow, Jeno-yah. Nana loves it. Well done, sweetie." Jeno claps his hands at the compliment, his pacifier falling out of his mouth. Jaemin is quick to scoop it off the floor before it gathers too much fluff, noticing how there are a couple of pens without their lids, the ink seeping into the carpet slightly. He groans internally but keeps his smile. "Why don't you go put it on the fridge?"

Jaemin helps Jeno unlock the door and he then goes toddling away into the kitchen. Meanwhile, Jaemin rescues the pens up off the white carpet and tosses them back into their container, clicking on the lid and replacing it in the toy cupboard. He is proud of Jeno for occupying himself so nicely; the new ink stains on the carpet are easily forgotten about. He is beaming so widely all throughout throwing on a pair of sweatpants and shirt, then still when he heads into the kitchen.

The last space on the fridge door has been filled with Jeno's latest artwork, it being wonkily attached with a magnet from one of their Back to School kits from a few years prior and Renjun is already sat at the table with a steaming mug of tea, like usual, and a book about stars. The little has sat down next to him and is frowning at the page over the Chinese's shoulder.

"Do you have any fun books?" Jeno crosses his arms and sits fully against the back of the chair with a huff. Renjun raises an eyebrow then takes a calm sip of his tea before answering.

"I find it interesting. Everyone has different tastes and that's okay." He gives a composed answer, but Jaemin can tell that Jeno is starting to agitate him slightly. Renjun loves his peaceful time in the morning, as he is always the first out of bed so gets the liberty of a quiet hour on his own. Jaemin helps Renjun out by placing a bowl of Shreddies down in front of Jeno and then filling up a bowl for himself. Jeno stares down at the cereal, which begins to turn soggy and sink down into the milk.

"You like Shreddies. Eat up." Jaemin holds out a spoon to the little. Jeno scowls.

"Want jelly." Jeno decides, jutting his bottom lip out. Renjun closes his book and places it on the table, awkwardly glancing between the other two and waiting to see if anything kicks off.

"You can't have jelly, silly. It's not a decent breakfast. Have your cereal like a good boy." Jaemin puts the spoon into the bowl ready for Jeno who continues to glare at the food.

"Bu' Renjun-hyung and Jisung-hyung said I can have jelly." Jeno protests. Jaemin's eyebrows shoot up his forehead and he casts a look at Renjun. The Chinese retaliates the look of distaste accompanied by throwing his hands up in defence.

"When did they say that, hm?" Jaemin questions.

"Last nigh'." Jeno is clearly determined to get what he wants.

"Did you?" Jaemin turns to Renjun.

"He wouldn't stop crying, so we thought it might get him to calm down or something." Renjun admits.

"You thought that giving him sugar late at night would calm him down?" Jaemin asks, calmly in the way that only he can ever muster. Perhaps that's why he is such a good caregiver.

"Well, we didn't know what to do."

"It's okay." Jaemin easily forgives him. Renjun takes his tea and book into the living room out of the way. "Look, bub. You want to be strong and healthy, don't you? And you want to be a good boy? So eat your cereal for Nana."

"Bu' I don' want it." Jeno continues his stubbornness until Jaemin raises a hand to his lips to shush him.

"No buts. You can have some jelly at lunch." Jeno accepts that proposal and digs into his cereal as though he wasn't so apposed to the idea a few seconds ago. Jisung appears at the table next to Jaemin, dark bags under his eyes and a hoodie pulled over his messy hair.

He reaches for the box of cereal and carefully glances at Jeno who is now so engrossed in his breakfast that he doesn't acknowledge the arrival of the maknae.

"How do you do that?" Jisung whispers. "Renjun and I had a real fight with his stubbornness yesterday."

"Maybe because my baby is whipped for me." Jaemin smirks. Jisung only screws his face up in disgust. "You look tired, Sungie. Did you not sleep well?" Jisung shifts slightly in his seat, avoiding Jaemin's soft stare, which turns sterner when he picks up on the younger's apparent guilt.

"You didn't stay up playing games, did you? Jisung-ah, you need to sleep properly. It's not healthy." Jaemin scolds, but with no real anger behind it.

"Says you, hyung." Jisung scoffs and grabs the milk bottle.

"Your health is more important." Jaemin ruffles Jisung's hair which causes the hood to slide down.

"Done!" Jeno drops his spoon into the bowl triumphantly. "Can I go play now?"

Jaemin surveys the table in Jeno's place. There seems to be more milk on the surface than how much actually made it inside his stomach but Jaemin allows him to run off to find whichever toys take his fancy this morning. Jisung's mouth drops open in surprise once more.

"He didn't even say please! This isn't fair. I thought I was supposed to be the maknae." Jisung pouts and Jaemin doesn't miss how he glances at the older, likely to gauge if he is going to comfort him at all. He simply receives another pat on the head and a coo.

•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•

They all have a lazy morning playing video games then asking Mark, Haechan and Chenle to join them. After the seventh race on Mario Kart, Jeno starts to grow restless. He slumps against the sofa and pushes his head into Mark's shoulder to get his attention.

"'M bored." He whines, pulling a hoodie string to chew on the end of it. "I wanna do a live." The other Dream members nod their heads in approval of that idea and start to pack away the controllers. Jaemin prompts Jeno to sit on his lap as he lovingly tugs the hoodie string out of his mouth.

"Can you give me an age, bub?" Jaemin smooths Jeno's dark brown locks into place so that he can at least look a bit more presentable for the fans. He has never liked the idea of Jeno being on camera when he is really little. Partly to protect him in his most vulnerable states, but anyone could tell that Jaemin just wants to keep those precious moments for himself. None of them decide to bother with makeup. They all gather on the living room floor against the blank wall and Mark offers his phone for the vlive.

"Six." Jeno mumbles. He leans on Jaemin's chest, immediately messing up his hair again. "I'm a big boy, Nana."

"Yes you are, Jen." Jaemin securely wraps his arms around his little's frame to keep him still and warm, then motions for Mark to start the live.

They don't have any specific plan for what the live will be about but they just want to chill and chat with the fans on their day off. Most of them recognise that Jeno is regressed as soon as the numbers begin to flow in so of course the comments go crazy, full of love for Nono, and Chenle reads some of them out loud.

"Aw, Jeno is so adorable today. Nono! Hello, Nono, how are you?" All of the members turn their attention towards Jeno. Shy from the sudden influx of compliments, he sucks on his sleeve and stares at the floor. Everyone laughs, reaching to pinch his cheeks tenderly.

"How are my lovely czennies doing? Are you eating well?" Jaemin speaks next, his voice rising in pitch in his signature aegyo voice. Renjun pretends to vomit from disgust at his antics which provokes Chenle to erupt into a pool of laughter.

"We have a surprise for you all." Mark pipes up, smirking at the camera. Always thinking on the same brainwave as each other, they all add to the leader's comment with fake spoilers and exaggerated eyebrow raises. Jisung says that the fans can expect new hair colours soon. One fan comments something about if they'll finally go bald for a comeback. What is it with them and wanting the members to be bald? However, throughout all of their teasing, Jeno starts to frown, sinking lower into Jaemin's lap.

"Dreamies have a 'prise?" He looks up at Jaemin, confusion rippling through his voice. Jaemin chuckles and leans down to whisper.

"Not really. But we're pretending." Jaemin finishes it off with a tiny kiss on Jeno's ear.

"Bu'... you said that lying is bad." Jeno speaks up. All of the Dream members look at him with betrayal.

"Jeno-yah, you're supposed to play along." Haechan prods Jeno's stomach lightly and it is as though he pressed a button to release a squeal from the little. Chenle takes another look at the comments.

"They're telling us to stop clowning them." Chenle exclaims, entertained, his finger tapping away at the heart button.

"Of course, Jen. You should always tell the truth." Jaemin squeezes Jeno's torso even tighter into the hug. The little jabs at Jaemin's cheek to squish the flesh, giggling.

Jeno zones out of the conversation after that, mumbling under his breath against the fabric of his hoodie sleeve, perfectly content with Jaemin making him feel safe in his embrace. In fact, being surrounded by his honey scent pulls his eyelids together with an overpowering lethargy. His head becomes empty; the chattering of the other members is a distant sound effect and he can no longer make out any of their words, for they all merge together.

"Is someone sleepy?" Jeno vaguely feels the breath of his caregiver against his ears as he speaks.

"I'll sing you a lullaby, Jeno-yah." Haechan claims, starting his serenade with the full attack and vibrato of a live performance. A second line, presumably Renjun harmonising with Haechan, joins in. The Korean stops to shoot Renjun an unimpressed expression.

"Why do you always have to ruin my spotlight?" Haechan whines and screws his nose up.

"Why did you sing that phrase weirdly? I always go down and you're meant to go up, dumbass." Renjun's voice extends through a crescendo while he spits his words at Haechan, who begins shouting back louder. Mark soon raises his voice over the both of them to restore order in the room.

Jeno stirs in Jaemin's lap. Jaemin hears him whimper at a particularly heavy shot from Haechan, so he covers his ears and rocks him from side to side. Jisung's eyes widen at the realisation that the bickering is scaring the little. He reaches out to tap on Renjun's shoulder to distract him from his war with Haechan.

Less than thirty seconds later, Chenle turns to check on Jeno. The little has been yanked back up to the surface and is shaking his head with a deep frown and a wavering gaze.

"What's going on?"


	4. Chapter 4

Hearing the deeper voice which very clearly belongs to Jeno, Renjun and Haechan immediately cease their bickering. It casts an unexpected silence over the members. Jeno glances around the room then grimaces at his dampened hoodies sleeves.

"We were just talking about how Renjun likes to steal Haechan's spotlight." Chenle throws them both a smirk and they are all grateful for how he easily saved the awkwardness.

Jeno lifts his head from Jaemin, now being big enough to support himself, then looks from the members to the camera, slightly out of breath. He is sure that his eyes are damper than usual. The huge, fuzzy gap in his memory of the past day, plus the way Jaemin sympathetically reaches to stroke his hand, signals to him that he must have regressed. He feels his cheeks flare. That'll be all over Twitter in a flash.

They hastily finish the live and Renjun and Haechan rush to his side. They stumble over apology after apology. It is certain that the two of them feel awful about pushing Jeno out of his headspace, and just before his nap, too. Shaken by the whole event, he politely accepts it and hugs them, before retreating to his bedroom in search of his computer.

The familiar soundtrack to the game relaxes him. Not in the same way as regressing does, but he is able to get into the zone and win a few rounds easily, his mind soon distracted. The clicking of the keyboard is a simple rhythm for his dexterous fingers - one that he practises religiously day after day. It then takes him a few more minutes to even figure that he has company.

A hand is on his shoulder. He instantly recognises the touch.

"Hey Minnie." Jeno says, his tone raising slightly as he aims at a particularly difficult opponent, focussed and determined. Jaemin instantly misses the subtle lisp and mispronunciations of Nono, but of course he doesn't mention it. He doesn't even acknowledge the change in headspace.

"Hangyeol-hyung has just phoned. My photoshoot has been rescheduled. It's now today and he wants me to leave, like, now." Jaemin watches the characters flash across the screen whilst he waits for the response.

"Oh. I wanted to cuddle tonight because I'm tired. My legs hurt." Jeno complains, finally hitting pause on the game. Jaemin licks his lips.

"We had a long dance practice yesterday, love." He chooses his words carefully, well aware that Jeno has likely yet to crash over yesterday's mistake. "I'm sorry. I'll try to get back as soon as possible, yeah?" Jaemin hugs Jeno from behind. His boyfriend turns his neck to place a kiss on Jaemin's bicep.

"Good luck with it." He breathes out. Jaemin can hear the exhaustion in his tone and an idea springs to his mind.

"Renjun has his radio, too. So why don't you and Jisung go visit the 127 hyungs? I'm sure our manager can drop you both off with Mark and Haechan on the way to the shooting." Jaemin traces along the length of Jeno's jawline. Jeno nods after a few seconds of contemplation.

He quits out of the game and redresses into a new hoodie, although it isn't clean, instead being from a pile on the end of his bed. He then pulls Jaemin into a lazy kiss. Their lips intertwine, dancing together with perfect synchronisation. They don't pull apart until they both need to take a breath, touching foreheads and smiling with their shimmering eyes. Jaemin pecks his boyfriend's lips one final time then ushers him out of the room to find Jisung.

Hangyeol is more than happy to take a quick detour despite the tight schedule and Jeno traipses up the flights of stairs behind Mark and Haechan, the maknae following them a couple of steps back, until they reach the fifth floor of the building. They had all previously come to a solid agreement in the car that the tenth floor was a no, due to both the extra stairs and the lack of tidiness. Mark confirmed that it still hasn't improved there, so they ring the doorbell of the cleaner of the two apartments. It is less than a ten second wait before Johnny swings the door open, his eyes lighting up at the unexpected visitors brought back with the other two.

"Hey! Come in, how was your morning?" He steps aside to allow for the Dream members to enter. Mark and Haechan immediately disappear into the latter's shared room with Johnny.

"No weird stuff in there, you hear me?" Johnny shouts after them, his eyes crinkling in the corners. They hear what sounds like a snarky response, likely from Haechan, but the exact words are muffled from the door. "Lee Donghyuck, what shall we do with him?" He exhales exaggeratedly then addresses the two guests, who are still stranded in the hallway. Jeno forces out a laugh. "Oh, don't be awkward. I though we all got over that years ago." Johnny lifts Jeno up with his strong arms, twirling around and gaining a shout of glee from the younger. He does the same for Jisung, who is only less happy about it.

"You're more than welcome to sit down. Don't need to ask. We were just about to start cooking dinner. In fact, we bought some chicken nuggets this morning." Johnny lowers his voice as though he were telling them a deep secret. "Would you both like some?" Receiving two eager affirmations, he heads out into the kitchen to start cooking them whilst Jeno and Jisung turn into the living room. They barely make it past the doorframe before Jeno is dashing across the carpet and into a particular pair of arms.

"Taeil-hyung!" He nuzzles into said member's embrace, quickly making himself comfortable.

"Don't I get a hello hug, too?" Doyoung pipes up. Jisung sinks into the sofa and leans his feet on the coffee table, not quite as enthusiastic.

"Of course you get a hug, Doyoung-hyung!" Jeno pulls the older in to join the hug for a minute. Doyoung kisses Jeno's head and chuckles at his antics.

"Hey, hyungs." Jisung says, and once all the hugs have been fairly distributed, Johnny is already coming through with two platefuls of steaming dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets. Jeno thanks him whole-heartedly. He digs in then hums in approval at the taste, showing his gratitude once again. Jisung feels someone elbow his side lightly. He swallows a mouthful and turns around to see Taeil looking confused.

"Is he little right now?" He quizzes. Jisung observes how Jeno uses his fork to make a dinosaur walk across the plate.

"Probably. Or maybe teetering on the edge. He wasn't little on the way around, but he regressed last night and even woke up little this morning." Jisung offers rather unhelpfully. Jeno goes back to eating the chicken nuggets without playing with them, staring into the distance, brow creased deep in thought.

"I thought you would have been able to tell, Jisung-ah." Doyoung teases the maknae, who glowers in response.

"He does most of his regression around Jaemin-hyung." He explains in his defence.

"I am here, you know." Jeno's voice startles the trio. "I'm not little." He states with an inkling of pride scattered in his words.

"You can if you want to be." Doyoung runs his fingers through Jeno's hair. The younger shakes his head adamantly.

"I don't want to, because I want to hang out with you guys. It's been a while since we've seen each other." His voice wavers slightly, but the others all accept his reasoning with a smile, proceeding no further in the topic.

Doyoung flicks on the tv and a music show starts. The songs fill the room whilst the two Dream members finish their dinner, attracting a few humming voices and subtle dance moves from them all. It is Johnny who then breaks the tranquillity.

"Who wants a glass?" He prances in, swinging a bottle of what suspiciously seems alcoholic and a stack of cups balanced precariously inside each other. Doyoung frowns in disapproval, but before he can protest, Jeno speaks up.

"Hyung, I'm nearly twenty-four and Jisung's twenty-two. We've had drinks before." He gives Doyoung a pleading smile, who finally nods and allows Johnny to pass the cups around.

The drink is potent but it quickly loosens up and they all become giggly in no time. The music is switched out for Johnny's party playlist, which is when Mark and Haechan emerge from the bedroom, both with ruffled hair and Haechan's shirt on back to front, to join in the fun. The songs are loud, but their singing is louder. Despite being idols, the keys become more off as their energy grows, the alcohol inside them multiplying.

The two-hour cycle of drinking and singing ends with the doorbell intercepting their shouts. Jaemin appears in the living room, leaning against the doorframe with eyebrows climbing up his forehead.

"Jaeminnie." Jeno stumbles out of Taeil's arms and towards his boyfriend to plant a sloppy kiss in the centre of his cheek. Jaemin quickly blinks and scrunches up his nose, coaxing Jisung to get off the sofa whilst keeping a hyper Jeno at arms distance. He thanks the 127 members for... looking after Jeno and Jisung, although he is no longer sure that that would be the correct word. He had expected to be picking up a bored Jisung and a sleepy, little Jeno, not two drunk and excited young men. But he lets it slide and leads them both into the lift. He fires off a text to Renjun, warning him that he will be needing back up once they make it back to their dorm.

The Chinese is already waiting in the hallway to drag Jisung into his bed, leaving Jaemin to look after Jeno. His boyfriend is restless, pouting every time Jaemin attempts to remove his sweaty hoodie before descending into giggles.

"Minnie?" Jeno whines then almost chokes on a hiccup. Classy. What a catch. Jaemin tries to compose himself, looking at Jeno expectantly. "Can you hold my hand?" Out of all the things Jaemin was maybe expecting Jeno to say, this was not one of them. He takes his boyfriend's hand into his own. He strokes the soft skin with the pad of his thumb, wondering what the sudden need for affection is all about. Jeno throws his head back with a roar of laughter and Jaemin startles.

"Now I can tell everyone that I've been touched by an angel!" He seems proud of himself for that pick up line. Jaemin decides that it is actually time for bed now. He wrestles Jeno into his pyjamas despite all his protesting and further attempts at flirting, and badly.

A few minutes later, Jaemin has Jeno next to him. He pulls him so that the elder's back is against his chest, making him the little spoon, and he locks him in place with a firm hug. Jeno eventually stops wriggling. His limbs slacken with a sudden wave of exhaustion and when Jaemin hears his breath even out not even a minute later, he considers it a success.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for 600+ reads already!! I am so grateful for my readers and kudos and comments are hugely appreciated :))
> 
> There is now a little new addition to the group. Enjoy!

"You'll be having a comeback next month!" Hangyeol drops his pen onto the pile of paperwork triumphantly. A buzz of approval shoots around the room, the members of NCT Dream all nodding their heads and grinning from ear to ear. Minus Jeno. In fact, Jaemin isn't even sure if he has been listening to any of the meeting.

He had woken up with a thumping headache, queasy from the hangover and has since been whining all morning, not wanting to go to a boring meeting. It certainly didn't help that Jaehwa has been eyeing him with heavy disapprobation. Jaemin squeezes his thigh then proceeds to rub his fingers up and down, massaging the muscles which Jeno was also complaining about that morning.

"Oh, cheer up, Jeno. It may never happen." Jaehwa spits. At the sound of his name, Jeno's eyes refocus into his surroundings. The whole idea of having a comeback gives him awfully mixed feelings. The prospect of more promotions and performing on shows excites him to the bones but the downside is the dieting. The lack of sleep. The lack of free time to relax and to regress. He feels Jaemin grasp his hand securely and he musters a smile.

None of them have time to breathe before they are whisked away to a practice room. The mirrors greet Jeno with his unsettled reflection. He wrings his hands together, then smooths down his hair, taking deep breaths, just like how Jaemin has taught him to do. His boyfriend's arms snake around his waist and his cologne immediately works its effect. Any worries about him bringing the group down dissipate in his throat before they can escape through his lips. His breathing slows and his mind resurfaces.

"It's alright, love. Don't worry. It's only Byeongho today and you're my favourite dancer, yeah?" Jaemin reassures him. "Just don't tell the others." Jeno giggles and lets Jaemin peck his cheek thrice in a row.

"I love you." Jeno breathes out, no space left in his lungs for air because of all the love spilling from his heart.

"Well, I love you more. Now let's go. Just do your thing."

The spurt of confidence powers him through the routines. He executes each and every move perfectly so when he sits down to take a breather, Byeongho is nodding in his direction, lips turned upwards. Jaemin collapses down next to him and offers him a bottle of water. Jeno drinks the beverage with pride and lets the younger rest his head on his shoulder. He feels bad for last night. Despite not recalling much, he is sure that Jaemin was irritated by it and probably didn't sleep too well. Jeno watches Jaemin down his coffee, the scent tickling his nostrils, but he is immune to the potency by now. Jeno smiles when Jaemin pushes his head further into his neck and releases a heavy exhale. He extends his legs and rolls his heels over the floor whilst he pushes his own nose into Jaemin's locks.

"I'm sorry for being a pain last night, Minnie." He speaks softly, not wanting to disturb Jaemin but also needing to clear things up.

"Hey, none of that, Jeno-yah." Jaemin mutters against his boyfriend's shoulder. "How could you ever be a problem?" Jeno doesn't respond, and Jaemin doesn't continue the conversation either, so they spend some time just basking in each other's presence.

Jeno spends so much time curled up in Jaemin's arms being cared for and receiving the love, that in this moment where the roles are switched, he internally combusts from the butterflies swirling around his stomach. It's been six years. Since Jaemin returned from his hiatus, their relationship has been going strong, and yet he is still reduced to a boy with a stupid crush by the tiniest things.

Is Jaemin even real? He isn't sure - what could he possibly have done to deserve him?

Jeno gets the sudden desire to kiss Jaemin's head. He adores it when Jaemin does so for him, particularly when little, so he presses his lips against his hair, resting still for a few seconds. When he pulls away, he inspects the small smile perched on Jaemin's mouth. He pecks his boyfriend's head once again. The smile grows. And grows. It flourishes into a full grin and Jaemin releases a giggle. Jeno leans down to kiss him again, thoroughly enjoying the game, only this time he feels his lips meet Jaemin's. Shock renders him still at first, but he returns the affection.

"You could just kiss my lips instead, you know?" Jaemin mumbles into the touch. Jeno whines in response. The younger shifts to sit on Jeno's lap, somehow without pulling their lips apart, and the kiss deepens. 

Jeno's spine tingles and he has to wrap his arms around Jaemin's slender waist just to give them something to do. The mouth he is competing with tastes of a mixture of coffee and vanilla, but mostly coffee. Jaemin suddenly takes a breath before attacking with more vigour and Jeno's head is pushed up against the wall. But he doesn't care, because all of his thoughts are whooping and cheering about his boyfriend. Jaemin smells so good. Jaemin tastes so good. Jaemin is so good to him.

"Yah! Lovebirds!" Haechan appears in front of them, glowering down at their public make-out session, albeit smirking slightly. Jeno nearly shoves Jaemin away from him from the shock. They both turn to look at Haechan, cheeks flushed, lips swollen and breaths stolen.

"Ten-hyung is here. He wants to speak to you." He motions to the Thai member lingering in the doorway with wide eyes and shifting feet. "And it seems urgent."

Hearing those words, Jaemin stands up to approach Ten, and Jeno wordlessly follows, his curiosity hanging behind his boyfriends concern.

"What's the matter, hyung? Is everything okay?" Jaemin asks with his soothing voice.

"We think that Yangyang has slipped. Like, into littlespace. He won't stop crying and it's the first time he's regressed, in front of us at least, and none of us know what to do." Ten doesn't stop to take a breath until he completes his information burst. Jeno's ears perk up at the mention of 'littlespace'. There's another little in the group? A fellow 00 liner? He bounces on the balls of his feet, eyes fleeting between Jaemin and Ten with anticipation.

"Can I go meet him?" Jeno questions, suddenly not being able to control his excitement. Jaemin places a hand on his shoulder to silently request that he stands still.

"Is that okay? It seems like they need help." Jaemin turns to Byeongho, who is rapidly typing away on his phone.

"We're not doing anything at the moment anyway and today's practice went really well. So, yeah, of course." He nods to dismiss them, then goes back to his phone. Ten hurries them through the door. 

They dash down the pavement. The wind whips past their cheeks and Jeno is thankful that the WayV dorm is only a few roads away because it irritates his bare arms, leaving sore goosebumps. Waiting for the lift would just take too much time, so they jump up the stairs. And the cries reach their ears before Ten even unlocks the door. Jaemin lets out a pained mutter and Jeno frowns with glassy eyes.

Yangyang is sprawled in the middle of the living room floor, his cheeks inflamed and damp from the excessive tears. Everyone else is sat around on the sofas or chairs, keeping their distance and biting their lips and wringing their hands together. Kun sees them arrive first and is visibly relieved.

"Jaemin, please. Calm him down." Kun stares at the distraught maknae as he speaks. Ten sits at Kun's side and holds his hand for comfort. Slowly, Jaemin tiptoes over the carpet and bends his knees to crouch down, getting closer to Yangyang's eye-level. He traces a single finger over Yangyang's stomach and his cries already begin to cease.

"Hey bub, what's the matter, hm?" Hearing Jaemin's caregiver voice fill the room, Jeno's thumb works its way between his lips and he plops his bottom down onto the floor.

"'M hungry." Yangyang whines and kicks his feet and his tongue stumbles slightly over the Korean words. Ten immediately goes to put some bread into the toaster, but Jaemin interjects.

"Maybe something softer? Some fruit would suffice. You'd like that, yeah?" Jaemin's fingers on Yangyang's stomach start to tickle him and the resulting babbles of joy sound like music to the WayV members' ears, being totally fed up of the wails. They look on in amazement whilst Jaemin gets Yangyang to sit at the kitchen table. "How old are you, Yangie?" Jaemin still speaks softly and sweetly.

"Four." Yangyang shoves a piece of mango into his mouth.

"Wow, such a big boy already." Jaemin feigns, and Yangyang puffs his chest to indicate his pride and strength.

Jeno watches the whole scene from his place in the corner of the room. He sucks on his thumb and rocks himself forwards and backwards, imitating the way Jaemin does so to calm him down and imagines that his caregiver is stroking his own hair, not Yangyang's.

"Ten-hyungie." Yangyang whines when he shoves his empty plate away from him. The mentioned member stands up straight and comes towards the little. Jaemin whispers to him to take his place on the chair and to rub Yangyang's back gently, and to speak softly to him.

"Hello baby." Ten coos, excited that for once Yangyang doesn't reject the petname.

"Wanna p'ay." Yangyang demands, in English this time.

"I think you're his favourite, hyung. Meaning that he has chosen you as his caregiver." Jaemin explains, beaming.

Still curled up on the floor, Jeno whimpers hearing those words. Jaemin is his caregiver. He doesn't want to have to share him with anyone. And now that Yangyang has his own, why isn't Jaemin paying attention to him? But his wish is granted before he grows too restless. Jaemin appears in his eye-line and peers into his shiny orbs.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, Nana's here now." Jeno rests his head in Jaemin's lap and the caregiver understands the message, stroking his head tenderly. "Why don't you play with Yangie?" Jeno, forever having a dwindled attention span whilst little, easily forgets any hard feelings of jealousy towards the Taiwanese and toddles over to where Ten has Yangyang already occupied with some plushies.

"We'll have to buy some supplies for him." Xiaojun notes, his eyes practically full of hearts watching their maknae babble to his stuffed Winnie the Pooh.

"For the mean time, I can probably find some pacifiers and bottles that Jeno hasn't used in a while. I'm not sure he'll want to let go of any of his toys, though." Jaemin offers, steadying Jeno and helping him sit down next to Yangyang. They both hit it off straight away, and surprisingly share the toys between them without any hitches.

"Thank you so much. Really." Ten is grateful to the Dream member for both the offer of supplies and the advice. "But what about the fans? What if they see him little?" Ten rubs his forehead and frowns.

"Then don't worry." Jaemin smiles reassuringly. "Czennies know about Jeno, and that was only because he slipped in a vlive, remember? And they all accept him, find him adorable, in fact." He chuckles at the memory of the Dream members all panicking to end the live when they noticed how Jeno was zoned out, sucking his thumb, clearly having slipped.

"Louis!" Said little squeals when he spots the disgruntled cat enter the room, then turn around to leave again, eyes wide and tail low. Jeno crawls after poor Louis, babbling with even more excitement at the sight of Leon dashing past him. It quickly becomes a game to chase after the pair of them. Winwin runs to pick them up and Jeno juts out his bottom lip. He was so close to finally stroking Louis.

"Isn't he allergic?" He looks at Jaemin for clarification.

"Oh, it's not too bad. He'll be fine if it's just brief. Let him, to keep him happy. We have medication back home." Jaemin assures the Chinese, but Louis manages to wriggle free of his grasp and quickly disappears away into another room before Jeno can reach him. Leon takes the chance of standing still on the floor and allows the little to rub his hand over his fur. Bella barks lightly, searching for some attention too. Lucas runs forward and scoops her up, and Xiaojun strokes her ears whilst Lucas cradles her like a baby.

"Anyway. I suggest you talk it over with Yangyang when he is big again. This could be his first time regressing. You should find out, because if he was a little before, then he will likely know any triggers, or what he likes to do when little. And ask him if he wants it to be private or not." Jaemin finishes talking to Ten, who is taking notes on his phone, absorbing every detail of what he is being told.

Yangyang soon gets bored and sits himself in Ten's lap on the sofa, closing his eyes and leaning against his shoulder. Ten quickly puts his arms around the little to hug him close.

"Hey Ten, how does it feel to finally get to have skinship with your baby?" Hendery smirks, receiving a glare from the Thai, who mouths a 'shut up' in his direction. A sudden sneeze and the scampering of paws on the shiny, wooden floor alerts them all.

"No." Jeno whines, stretching out his arms in the direction of where Leon ran off to. "Wanna play. Kitty!" His eyes well up. The caregiver hoists him up onto his waist and whispers sweet nothings into his ear. Jeno sneezes again, eyes watering.

"I think we should leave now. Bye everyone, and good luck with your new little." Jaemin flashes them all a smile. "Jen, love, wave goodbye to Yangie." Jaemin grasps Jeno's hand softly and makes it wave from side to side, but Jeno is highly unamused, whining into Jaemin's neck.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow...  
> Just yesterday I was thanking you all for 600, and now this has over 700 reads?!  
> I am sincerely so thankful for everyone who clicks on this fic <3  
> Double update! The second chapter is coming later.

Their new concept is taking them back to being bad boys again. All three of the previous concepts have been fresher and more youthful: brightly coloured hair and shirts for summer, fitting into place with bubbly smiles and catchy choreography. But now, they have to play the roles of villains. On set for the music video, their eyes were ringed with smokey eye-shadow and their ears were studded with various earrings. And now, in the practice room once more, the new choreography is hard, sharp and fast. The usual week to learn and two weeks to perfect seems unlikely to work out in Jeno's mind.

The thirteenth day spent with this choreo is quickly drawing to a close, and they are still holed up in the dance studio. Jeno insists on staying longer, even after the practice is over, and the others are not going to leave him alone, so they sit against the wall with pained expressions each time he limps over to the speaker to restart the song.

"You can already do the whole thing perfectly." Haechan groans, tapping his fingernails on the floor. Jeno shakes his head.

"No I can't." He says firmly then pauses the music to work through a particular move at a slower tempo. 

Inside, he is going crazy from the repetition and the nagging from his mind. His brain just won't settle. Reminders of his trainee days pound into him. All at once, he can feel his fingers tingle from the desire to cry, to lash out and to curl up in a ball with a plushie and a pacifier. He spent several weeks regressing nearly daily, but now with the sudden surmount of schedules, he hasn't been able to for over a week. Usually he can get away with allowing some of his little habits into his character if the comeback is cuter or brighter. But a tough baddie with a lisp, and who likes having his hair played with and being fed bottles of milk? That doesn't quite fit the image they're going for. 

He stumbles on a spin. His arms fly out to break his fall, then he collapses onto the floor. His day's exercise catches up with him in one go and his breathing falters, gasping for air and coughing harshly.

"Oh, sweetie..." Jaemin mutters, practically flying over to where Jeno is lying. "Don't you think you should get some rest, hm? Nana will tuck you into bed, and you can have Ryan all to yourself." Jaemin attempts to coax Jeno up off of the floor.

"No." He speaks when his staggered breathing allows him to. He hears how Jaemin begins to exaggerate his own inhales and exhales, and he naturally falls into the same rhythm.

"Jeno-yah, it's gone ten o'clock now. It's way past your bedtime." Renjun stands over him and folds his arms.

"No." Jeno complains when Jaemin resorts to picking him up off the floor. "I don't wanna be little. I need to practise." He kicks his legs in protest and Jaemin is forced to let him go. Before he can press play on the title track again, a phone ringing cuts through the air. It's Mark's, and he answers it, frowns, then smiles widely.

"We'll be right there. Bye hyung. Yes, I love you too, hyung." Mark hangs up, ignoring how Haechan narrows his eyes at his sudden love declaration. "It was Taeyong-hyung. He says that Taeil has news and we are all invited to 5th floor for a party. WayV, too."

"Party? But it's already late." Jisung cocks his head to the side, his lips gradually upturning when he makes eye contact with Chenle.

"It's gonna be so much fun!" Chenle jumps up and down, then drags Jisung out of the room, demanding everyone else to follow them. Jeno reluctantly disconnects his phone from the speakers and traipses after Jaemin.

•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•

Taeil is pushed to forward by a gleaming Doyoung. His eyes flick around the room, not sure where or who to focus on due to all the attention.

"Go on, hyung." Johnny pushes. Taeil takes a deep breath.

"I've been called into the military." He announces proudly. All the members erupt into applause, making him blush and hurry back to his seat. Yuta comes around with a champagne bottle, filling up everyone's assortment of cups. They didn't have enough champagne flutes to go around, meaning they had to dig out some wine glasses and even a few brandy glasses were added to the mix.

"Cheers to our favourite hyung!" They all shout, giggling and knocking back the bubbles.

"When are you leaving?" Winwin asks.

"I'll be in the 127 comeback in two weeks' time. And then after the Dream comeback promotions are finished, I'll be off." Taeil replies, leaning back on the sofa. It's rather cramped in the living room, but with some members on each other's laps and on the floor, they make it work.

They all easily chatter and laugh and joke amongst each other, and Taeyong is designated to collect the takeaway pizza from the door when it arrives. He almost drops the boxes in the hallway and has to lean against the wall for support, but they all laugh, him included, at his drunk antics. The leader loses all of his energy as soon as he sits down and only picks at the pizza slice passed his way.

On the other side of the room, Jeno is also struggling to eat. He is almost asleep on Jaemin's shoulder, who hasn't drunk anything besides that first glass of alcohol. But neither has Jeno, he remembers, frowning with concern at his boyfriend's lack of coordination. He can tell that he is teetering precariously on the edge, with the string reduced to a single thread before he slips fully. Jaemin presses a small piece of pizza against his lips.

"Come on, Jen. You have to eat." He coaxes. Jeno purses his lips tighter together and shakes his head weakly.

"I want jelly." He insists. Jaemin tugs on his hand to get him to follow him to the kitchen. They have to weave between Mark and Jungwoo, who have fallen asleep on the floor, cuddling each other with Haechan giving them the evils, and a wild Yuta egging Doyoung to dance with him, but they make it to the kitchen safely. Jaemin closes the door to muffle the sounds slightly. He opens the fridge, praying that there will be some jelly inside. He is aware that Doyoung often keeps some spare just in case Jeno makes an unannounced visit and his prayers are answered. There isn't much left in the bowl, so he passes it all to his boyfriend along with a spoon and Jeno eagerly digs in.

"'Ank you, Minnie." Jeno says, mouth full. He offers a spoonful to Jaemin, who cringes at the thought of strawberries. The door flies open within just a few more minutes. Xiaojun motions for them both to rejoin the group in the living room. Jeno shoves the last of the jelly into his mouth.

"Yangyang is a little now, too." Ten pecks Yangyang's cheeks lovingly. Everyone coos at the news and Jaemin is about to combust from how proud he is of them. Jeno and Yangyang make eye contact, proceeding to awkwardly nod in acknowledgement of each other. 

All of the conversations become louder, more slurred and less controlled whilst the alcohol is passed between them. Yuta starts to drag Taeil to the bathroom, claiming to want to shave his head ready for the military. Luckily, Kun intercepts that idea and ushers them both back to the living room, convincing them that it will grow back before he leaves, so it would be pointless. Plus, he needs his hair for the comeback.

Jeno buries his head deeper into Jaemin's shirt. The air is hot from too many bodies in such a small space and with his fuzzy mind, the noise grows more and more overwhelming.

"Just drop, sweetie. It's okay." Jaemin assures him that he can regress, noting how pent up his stress has become.

"'M can't." Jeno mutters. He is restless and keeps shifting his legs; he pulls them up onto the sofa, then crosses them, crosses them the other way, stretches them out straight. He can't find a comfortable position or any way which will calm the buzzing in his head.

The doorbell rings and disrupts him further.

"Yah, what did you order now, Haechan?" Renjun points a finger at him, his voice unusually loud. The accused member protests.

"Why do I always get the blame?"

"I'll get the door then." Jaemin says to no one in particular, as only Jeno actually hears him and paces after him.

It is one of their managers. Jaehwa. And she doesn't look happy.

The wrinkles on her forehead are especially creased and her bob haircut brings out the scowl on her face. 

"Ah, finally. I knew you lot'd still be up. So why could I not get hold of anyone?" Jeno slinks back at the sight of her when she pushes past Jaemin into the living room. The atmosphere chills with her presence. "What is going on here?"

"We're sorry, manager-nim." Taeyong stumbles to his feet and bows deeply, pretending that he didn't lose his balance from the action.

"Get back to your own dorms. I came to make sure that you're ready to sleep, and yet I find a full blown party. This won't do." She orders, glaring at each and every member in turn. "Mark! Jungwoo! Stop being so lazy and get up!" She raises her voice and the pair jolt awake, dazed. Without another word, she turns back out of the door, slamming it in her wake.

No one wants to, of course, but they understand, even through the mist of alcohol, that whatever she says goes, so they hurry to clear away the glasses and part to their respective dorms. The dreamies only live on the next road along and Chenle decides to crash on the sofa there, Jisung accompanying him. Jeno and Jaemin make their way to their own bedroom wordlessly. Neither of them had consumed any more than that first glass of champagne, and yet Jeno is still barely conscious. 

They don't worry about getting into pyjamas. The caregiver's bed is welcomed by their exhausted limbs. Jaemin combs Jeno's hair with his fingers. It is so comfortable for Jeno to rest his cheek on Jaemin's chest and listen to every regular beat of his boyfriend's heart whilst tracing his fingers along his defined collarbone. These peaceful moments before sleep are by far his favourite parts of the day.

"Can you talk me down, please?" Jeno requests, avoiding eye contact from his shyness. "I'm too restless." Jaemin nuzzles his nose into his messy hair and eagerly obliges, relieved that he is finally allowing himself some time to de-stress. He reaches for a pacifier out of the bedside table drawer.

"I think it's time for bed, sweetheart." Jaemin raises the pitch of his voice and Jeno quickly latches onto the teat of the pacifier. He makes sure that the duvet is pulled up around his shoulders to keep him warm. "You're so pretty, love." The caregiver presses his lips over Jeno's cheeks, eliciting a small giggle. "You can sleep, beautiful, and Nana will be right here for you when you wake up. I promise."

Jeno's eyes rove over the ceiling and he sucks on the pacifier, desperate to fall into his innocence. However, each time he takes another lunge for the edge, his thoughts crowd together and sweep him back to the beginning. Jaehwa's words sneer at him and at the same time he is somehow needy for Jaemin. He lets out a muffled huff of annoyance. His hand comes up and plucks the pacifier out of his mouth. 

"Nana." Jeno states, stubborn. He holds his mouth open expectantly and isn't satisfied until Jaemin places his fingers on his tongue. The caregiver worries about Jeno struggling to drop and the possibility of his hands being dirty, but it is already too late so Jaemin continues humming his tune, getting quite into it and experimenting to see if it could bloom into a full song. Jeno whining once more breaks the melody mid-phrase.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong, hm? Why can't you slip today?" Jaemin breathes in the scent of their shared apple shampoo. Jeno shuffles under the covers for several seconds, and the caregiver freezes when he feels something hard against his thigh. He sighs, withdrawing his fingers from his boyfriend's lips as he clearly isn't going to sleep any time soon.

"I... I want... I... Jaemin." Jeno muddles around his brain for the right words, and Jaemin listens patiently.

"Are you little or not, baby?" Jaemin brushes the little's hair out of his eyes. He figures that big Jeno could be angling for something which pushes their headspace boundaries.

"No, I'm not. But I want to. And I want you." Jeno whines, his eyes starting to water slightly. The last thing Jaemin wants is waterworks. He desperately tries to understand exactly what Jeno is trying to say because communication is key, but he is lost.

"Jeno. Talk to me, Jeno." Jaemin pushes his boyfriend to sit up on his own, and speaks at his usual pitch to try to coax him to be fully big again, without startling or confusing him too much. The little only shifts again and whimpers against his caregiver's chest, point blank refusing to obey. "Hey, listen to me."

Jeno continues his defiance, until Jaemin slaps his butt, lightly but still conveying discipline.

"Jeno, you have to be big. I can't understand you properly otherwise." Jeno eventually sits up on his own, frowning at Jaemin.

"What?"


	7. Chapter 7

"That's not a very nice way to address your boyfriend, now, is it?" Jaemin raises an eyebrow teasingly. Jeno sinks into the sheets and glances discretely at his crotch, his ears turning pink. "What are you trying to tell me?"

"Um..." Jeno shakes his head and lays down on the pillow, mindlessly stroking the Ryan plushie to distract himself. Jaemin places a hand on his shoulder.

"It's only me, love. Talk to me. Don't be embarrassed, it's not as though we haven't done anything together before." Jaemin reassures him, and he sniffs.

"It's just that I wanted to be little but I can't control myself and I'm tired and you're tired, so it's not fair." He admits, finally turning over to make eye contact with his boyfriend. "I wanted to cockwarm. But, like... all the way? I miss you."

"Then we can, Jen. I just wasn't sure what you were asking for. I'm sorry for pushing you out of your headspace, especially since it was the first time in a while." Jaemin wraps his arms around the older, who insists that it is okay.

"Really?" Jeno widens his eyes.

"Of course. What my baby wants my baby gets." Jaemin presses their lips together briefly. "And I want it too."

Jeno pushes back against his boyfriend's lips, grinning. He tastes like strawberries from the jelly he ate earlier, but Jaemin literally does not care - he decided years ago that this is the only way he would ever tolerate the sweet flavour. Both of their trousers and boxers make it onto the floor in one go.

"Oh, baby..." Jaemin mutters into his neck. Jeno finds the lube from the depths of the bedside drawer and throws it to Jaemin, his patience running thin. The younger quickly slicks up his fingers with the cold gel, then moves to lay on top of his boyfriend, his fingers circling Jeno's rim before pushing the first one inside. The older hisses at the intrusion.

"I know, it's been a while, hasn't it?" Jaemin nips Jeno's neck gently, then moves up to his lips. It serves as a useful distraction whilst he gets used to the tightness. When he is finally granted permission, Jaemin curls his finger upwards, sliding over that spot. Over the years, he has become accustomed to exactly where it is and how to give his boyfriend the ultimate pleasure. Jeno shifts his hips, bringing his arm up to cover his face when he whines softly, then pushes onto Jaemin's finger, searching for more. A second finger is added, and a third.

"I wanna... 'M ready, Minnie." Jeno mutters. Jaemin carefully wipes his hand on the sheets and flips them both over, letting Jeno sit on his lap whilst he leans against the pillows himself. His own erection is beginning to form when Jeno sinks down on top of him, slowly but oh so beautifully, with his eyebrows furrowed and lips parted. Their skin meets and Jeno hides in Jaemin's neck.

The sensation of being full of Jaemin is too amazing, too addicting, and staying peacefully still in this position is comforting. Getting to feel his boyfriend so close to him doesn't even need words to describe how much he revels in it. Their breathing syncs as their hands clasp together.

For Jaemin, watching Jeno glaze over makes his chest flutter. The action is so intimate. He stays completely still, arms locked around his boyfriend, whilst he feels his muscles relax from the soothing warmth. They are bonded so closely together that it would be impossible to tell where one body ends and the other starts. It is not a regular occurrence, but that makes it even more precious to Jaemin.

His ears detect that Jeno is muttering softly, although the words are not distinguishable. Perhaps even he is unsure of what he is saying himself. Jaemin presses his lips to Jeno's cheek, before stilling and resting with their faces against each other, because whilst the other members get drunk on alcohol, he gets drunk on Jeno. The two of them are in their own world, own universe, in fact, that Renjun assumes that they are asleep when he receives no reply from the door.

The time has stopped for the pair of them, so Jaemin has no idea how long it has been before he looks down at his boyfriend. His eyes are dazed, cheek firmly set on his chest and he is barely blinking. Jaemin wipes away a small line of drool from the corner of his mouth, at the same time feeling the extreme warmth radiating from his skin.

"Jen, sweetie. Are you there?" Jaemin taps his forehead. No response. He pulls the thumb away from his mouth. "Jeno, I love you so much." He twists his neck to join their lips together momentarily. It is a little awkward for Jaemin because of the position, but totally worth the quiet whine Jeno releases.

"I love you too, Jaeminnie. You feel so good." He speaks, his voice breathy. "Please don't leave me."

"I'll never leave you, sweetheart." Jaemin catches a tear that spills over the edge before it drops onto Jeno's t-shirt.

"Min..." Jeno buries his head into the crook of Jaemin's neck once more and his hair tickles his boyfriend's chin. "Minnie..."

"Stay with me, Jeno." Jaemin cradles his head like a baby, but still speaks to keep him afloat, not wanting him to drop. He thrusts his hips upwards a little, and the action makes Jeno jerk his head up and groan. The sudden movement wakes himself up more, too, but he holds back for now.

"Don't tease me." He makes eye contact with Jaemin, who looks down and smirks. Their lips intertwine again, and they sigh into the contact. Both of them are so accustomed to each other that they know the exact angles to avoid bashing noses by muscle memory, the exact points at which to deepen the kiss, adding tongue and fighting a duel for dominance. Jaemin always wins, but Jeno loves the thrill of it.

The older tugs on the hem of Jaemin's shirt.

"Off. I wanna be closer." He pouts, and combined with his messy hair, Jaemin just has to stare at his face, which appears softer under the dim lighting and through his lens of lust. They remove their final pieces of clothing. Then, Jeno grinds down onto Jaemin's hips, and it turns more serious.

"Sneaky, aren't you?" Jaemin holds Jeno's slim waist firmly, preventing him from moving any further. Both of them grow harder from the friction. He thrusts again, utterly in love with how Jeno closes his eyes from the pleasure, which in turn shows off his eyelashes.

The fans may get to see Jeno with bare arms, or occasionally shirtless, but no one else in the world is ever allowed to see his baby like this. So exposed, yet so trusting, spilling over the edge from the sheer abundance of love between them. He pecks kisses over his neck and his collarbones but only leaves marks on his chest, not wanting to receive a scolding from the stylists. However still desiring something which tells that Jeno is his. Their breaths intermingle. Their names tumble off each others' lips.

"Jen."

"Minnie."

Music fills the room. It is such a beautiful song, a masterpiece in fact. Specially composed by them, and only for them. Jaemin gives and Jeno takes everything he gives him, not forgetting to give that extra bit back in return.

Jaemin leans down to hide his face in the nest of Jeno's hair. It is so soft and comforting, like home.

"I love you."

All he can think about is Jeno. Jeno. Jeno.

The older pushes up against Jaemin, back arching, displaying his neck. If he could be in this position all day everyday, he would. He wouldn't think twice. Sometimes, their time together is limited due to schedules, which makes it that much more special and more desirable. He reaches out for Jaemin's hand, arm waving to find the warmth without opening his eyes, and soon he manages to clasp it. So tightly, as though he will never let go. He pulls Jaemin down into a kiss. Anything that will bring them even closer, he does it.

A second soft hand pats away his tears although more keep coming. Jeno can only breathe in the scent of his boyfriend, and it is like a drug. The world's most addicting drug. That no one else knows exists, because only he can ever obtain it. He mewls into Jaemin's chest, and the symphony powers on through into another movement: the swirling and building emotions of the second movement. 

"I love you."

His mind is so full, yet so empty. It feels as though it is about to explode, but he is so into it that he can only think one thought - Jaemin. Jaemin.

Jaemin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back again with the second chapter of the day XD  
> Slight smut ahead


	8. Chapter 8

"Get up! It's Monday and we need to be out the door in- oh my Jesus, you're naked." The duvet lands back on the couple, who are curled up in each other's arms. Jeno stirs first and just about manages to make out a traumatised Mark standing in the doorway, covering his eyes. 

"Hey hyung, what's the matter?" He croaks out, confused.

"Nothing. Just hurry up!" Mark speeds out of the room and is quick to close the door behind him. Jeno leans over Jaemin, who is beginning to stretch the sleepiness out of his body.

"Good morning, love." Jaemin meets his boyfriend halfway and tackles him into a kiss, pushing him back down against the pillows. It is sloppy and lazy, but it's Jeno, so of course it is amazing. 

"Mark-hyung is here." Jeno mumbles. "Said something about us needing to leave."

"But he doesn't even live with us. Are you sure you weren't imagining it, Jen?" Jaemin lethargically nips Jeno's neck as he speaks. Jeno softly pushes him away. He smirks at the sight of Jaemin's hair sticking up in all sorts of directions, and a particularly noticeable hickey on his right shoulder. 

"Nope. He's definitely here. So we're running late." Jeno rolls out of bed and heads to the wardrobe with a subtle limp. 

"My boyfriend is so sexy." Jaemin thinks out loud. His eyes rove over the muscles lining Jeno's arms and legs, stopping just in the middle of his ass. He suddenly spots something and scrunches up his eyebrows, rubs his eyes, then rechecks the skin. The patches of crusty white are still there. 

"Stop gawking and get dressed." Jeno rolls his eyes, lobbing some clothes in Jaemin's direction, who lets them land on the bed next to him. He runs a hand over the bottom sheet of the bed and feels the dried stains. "What?" Jeno pauses in the middle of sliding into a jumper. Jaemin jolts up. 

"Did we... did we use a condom last night?" He speaks quietly, breath frozen. The bin in the corner of the room is totally empty and there is no sign of one on the bed, or on the floor. Or anywhere at all, for that matter. Jeno notices a small white patch on one of Jaemin's legs. They both freeze, not breaking eye contact for a few seconds. 

"I'm not on birth control, Minnie." Jeno runs his hands through his hair. "I'm not on birth control. But I should be. Or I should have reminded you to use a condom. I'm sorry. In fact, I shouldn't have even started it in the first place last night. We only did it because of me. Jaemin, I am so sorry and—" He falls down onto his knee, jumper still only on one arm, and lets out a long sob into his hands. Jaemin dashes over to him. Jeno slumps into his arms, body shaking. His boyfriend's heart shatters.

"Jeno-yah. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Don't blame yourself." He peppers Jeno's forehead with a series of kisses.

"But it would be fine if I were on birth control." Jeno argues. He wipes his streaming eyes with the back of his hands, which doesn't do much good. 

"We can pick up some pills today, yeah?" Jaemin points out. "Don't worry, love. Let's just get you cleaned. Up we go." He picks his boyfriend up, who wraps his legs around his waist and clings onto his neck, then picks out the first t-shirts, boxers and pairs of sweatpants he can find and carries Jeno to the bathroom, not caring if anyone sees them. 

Jeno sits down on the toilet and lets Jaemin take the jumper off him again. 

"You can't dance in that, silly. You'll be too hot." He chastises gently before turning to the shower. He unhooks the head from its place on the wall and lets the water warm up. Using it by hand allows him to avoid getting their hair wet. "In you get." 

Jeno wipes his eyes a final time, still teary, and is silent whilst Jaemin cleans him off. The extractor fan and the running water are the only sounds resonating around the tiled room for several minutes. Jeno bites down on his bottom lip to refrain from sobbing again, and also to ground himself. The water stops and Jaemin pats them both dry then dresses himself and Jeno, all whilst the older is in a daze, barely noticing Jaemin's fingers on him.

"Stay with me, Jen. It's alright. Nothing to worry about." Jaemin engulfs Jeno in a hug, and he just about musters the energy to reciprocate it. When the younger pulls away, he presses his lips to Jeno's nose then takes a hold of his hand. "Let's go."

"I don't want to." Jeno's lips wobble and he tugs back on Jaemin's grip. 

"I'm sorry, sweetie. It's not a choice. We're already late and the managers will be furious if we skip out. I can take the blame." 

"But it's my fault."

"No it isn't. I promise it will all be okay."

Jaemin tries his best to sway Jeno's opinion, and he luckily gives in out of pure fatigue. 

Everyone is already waiting for them in the car. Six unimpressed faces greet them, and Jaemin wraps a protective arm around his boyfriend's shoulders. They take in Jeno's red eyes and their unbrushed hair with a mixture of concern and curiosity. 

"Were you really that rough last night, Jaemin?" Chenle quips and Jisung elbows him in the side disapprovingly. Haechan snickers. 

"I mean, you were rather loud." Renjun adds, not even looking up from his phone, likely searching for more memes to spam them with.

"Not now." Jaemin sighs. Jeno stays hidden in his shoulder.

"What held you two up?" Hangyeol immediately starts quizzing them as soon as they pull out into the main road. "Today is a busy day. You have dance practice all morning, more comeback meetings, then Dream mini games filming and a vocal session this evening." 

The other members perk up at the news that they will be filming another series for their fans, but Jeno only sinks further. The seatbelt feels like it is constricting stomach too much for comfort. His legs hurt, his back hurts, his head hurts. He is hungry, and there is no time for them to eat now until at least lunch. All his mind can do is pray that he hasn't messed up too badly.

Each dance move is painful. But he has to power through, utterly determined to perfect the new choreography and to please the managers after this dreadful morning. He restrains his tears and replaces them with a hard glare at himself in the mirror. This elicits some strange and worried looks from the others but he couldn't care less. He needs to stay focussed. 

Four gruelling hours later, they are granted a bit of time to grab lunch. An orange suffices him and not even Jaemin can convince to swallow anything else. He needs to stay on track. They have a comeback coming up. Mark and Haechan look completely exhausted, yet they manage, despite having to dash off to a last-minute 127 photoshoot instead of the meeting. They'll have to catch up with the details at a later date. If they can balance everything, why can't Jeno?

The meeting drags on, and the staff are almost relaying the information to blank faces. Jeno's stomach churns so badly that even his boyfriend playing footsies with him under the table doesn't distract him. He avoids eye contact and conversation all the way until they are paired up in a team for Dream mini games. 

Jaemin wrings his fingers together as subtly as possible whilst Haechan goes through the rules. The fans would naturally expect for him and Jeno to be inseparable. Except his boyfriend is now avoiding him. He is sure that it is to do with the events of the morning, and he feels inadequate realising that his words didn't soothe Jeno at all. What sort of boyfriend is he if he can't even comfort him properly? 

In the end, he follows Jeno's lead of plastering on a smile and getting on with it for as long as the cameras are on. They both win and are prized with two oversized puppy plushies, which Jisung stares at longingly. Jaemin is sure that the others went easy on them out of pity. Once they are all in the car to their last schedule of the day, Jaemin passes his plushie over to the maknae then leans against the cold window. 

Jeno doesn't even cast him a glance, opting instead to shove his face into the soothing fur of the puppy. His mind is in overdrive. One minute it is fuzzy and vulnerable, before swinging back into a slurry of stress and worry. 

"You're flat, Jeno." The vocal teacher stops the music to glare at the mentioned member. Jeno bites his lip and bows in apology before rubbing his throat. He hasn't had a drink all day, except for a mouthful of water in the middle of dance practice earlier so, as expected, his head is pounding painfully, inducing wetness in his eyes. He has hardly spoken all day and his throat is still dry and sore, yet he is still expected to sing in tune. They try the phrase again, and again. This time without the music, a cappella with the vocal coach singing each note through with him. 

"Now you're sharp." The way the teacher claps his hands harshly makes Jeno jump from the noise, pushing him closer to the edge. Renjun spots him blinking furiously. He slides a hand onto his leg, squeezing slightly to silently tell him that he is there. But Jeno wants Jaemin. 

He just doesn't know how to approach him. He is embarrassed at himself, annoyed at himself, and he feels so guilty that he believes he doesn't deserve Jaemin's forgiveness. Simultaneously, he wants to be in Jaemin's arms again, and for his boyfriend to remind him that it will all be okay. 

Even if it isn't a proven fact.

That night, they sleep in their own beds, both thinking about the other.


	9. Chapter 9

The remainder of the week is equally as blurred, as busy, and as painful. Both halves of the jigsaw are stranded, unsure of how to find each other again. They have never had so much of a hitch in their relationship. Of course, they've had their fair shares of arguments over petty little details, which are always easily solved with a good conversation and a warm hug.

But to suddenly be so silent towards each other, without even an argument, is killing them bit by bit. The schedules are so draining that they can't even find the time to have a proper talk; as soon as their heads hit their pillows, their minds drift away without any further prompting.

There is no time at all for a break until Saturday.

All seven members are splayed out across the living room with generous bowls of popcorn and no motivation to do anything except mindlessly tackle various video games. The week's work easily catches up with their bodies, so they quickly get bored of one, moving on to the next game then repeating the cycle. Renjun reaches for some popcorn and half of his handful makes it to the floor, totally avoiding his mouth. None of them tidy it up.

Chenle drags himself off the sofa to close the window - the rain is starting to pelt itself harder at the glass. It is loud and dissonant, and although there are no conversations for it to muffle it is disrupting their thoughts.

A loud thud resounds when Jeno chucks his controller onto the coffee table. It skids over the surface and unceremoniously tumbles off the other side. Again, nobody moves to save it. Jeno's game character stays stood still on the screen, mimicking the real life version who is staring blankly at the wall. Mark furrows his eyebrows and stops chewing on his popcorn.

"What's the matter?" He shuffles along the sofa to sit closer to Jeno, who then only leans further away.

"I've messed up." Jeno mutters. "I've messed up. Like, big time." His voice grows louder, his hands trembling in his lap. Mark places his own over them to provide some warmth to the younger. Jeno shakes his head repeatedly, his eyes not shifting away from the old, cream paint on the wall.

"What do you mean?" Renjun is beginning to become concerned, too. Jisung hits pause on the game so that they can all focus on the problem at hand, whatever that may be.

"Minnie... the... I..." Jeno attempts, and fails, three times to construct a sentence. Jaemin has turned pale and he digs his toes into the carpet.

"Jeno-yah, are you okay? What's up? Jaemin? Do you know?" Mark continues to rub the back of Jeno's hands.

"You two have seemed rather distant recently." Haechan looks between the couple, immediately suspicious about the high tension.

"Min, the pills." Jeno chokes out. "We didn't... I didn't—"

Jaemin springs to his feet, hands gripping his hair and he stares at Jeno, his panic rising.

"Oh my goodness!" He dashes around the sofa to pull on the first pair of shoes, not caring that they're Renjun's best trainers, which are also several sizes too small for him. "Mark. You have a license. We need to go. Now." He is panting as he gives his orders. Jeno's eyes widen at the unforeseen outburst from his boyfriend.

"Wait, what is going on?" Jisung is still sat down and he is utterly confused over the situation. The fact that no one else, except Jeno and Jaemin, seems to understand what they are worried about increases Mark's stress levels significantly.

"Nana, 'm scared." Jeno draws his legs into his chest to hide his face. Jaemin softens straight away and rapidly makes it to his side, pecking his head and hugging him close.

"Like I said before, it'll all be okay, sweetheart. It's not too late." Jaemin isn't actually sure if his words are factually correct, but the most important thing on his mind is just to keep Jeno calm.

"I'm so stupid! I shouldn't have made you. I don't deserve to have you, Jaeminnie." He sobs into his knees, flinching away from Jaemin's attempt at another hug. Hearing his breathing become erratic, the others' panic begins to rise.

"What on Earth is going on?" Renjun barks, demanding answers. Jaemin gives up and recoils away from his boyfriend, slouching into the sofa.

"We forgot to get morning after pills. We needed them on Monday." He admits quietly. Jeno wails and rocks himself forwards and backwards. Everyone else is silent. This was not the bombshell they expected.

"Maybe you should take a pregnancy test?" Renjun suggests.

"When did you fuck?" Haechan adds, watching weakly when Jeno jabs his thumb into his mouth. His eyes are totally unfocussed, seemingly blocking out his surroundings. Mark glares at Haechan for his harsh choice of words.

"Sunday. So, six days ago." Jaemin states.

"Then the test won't be accurate yet. It's best after two weeks." Haechan picks at his fingernails.

"And how do you know that?" Mark splutters, flustered. Haechan smirks.

"A useful thing to know. Just in case." He casually flicks a piece of dirt from under his nails onto the floor. 

"Why don't you just do it? It's worth a try." Renjun decides. It only takes one look at Jeno's unraveling state for him to hurriedly agree. Haechan and Renjun both complain when they are the ones designated to go out to buy some tests, but they do it anyway, leaving the others with Jeno.

He appears to be completely out of it. His eyes are half shut and his breathing has now become strangely slow, a complete reverse of just a few minutes prior. A drop of drool hangs from the corner of his mouth. His jaw is slack, causing his mouth to hang open, but his thumb still rests precariously between his teeth. Chenle waves a hand in front of his eyes. No response. Except for a tiny whine a few seconds later, so quiet that they almost miss it. Another tear slides down his cheek in what seems like slow motion.

"Is he okay?" Mark asks once again whilst Jisung flaps his hands, unsure of what to do or say, in danger of disturbing Jeno. Chenle gawks at Jaemin, awaiting for any positive affirmations. They have never seen Jeno in this state before. In fact, no one ever has, apart from Jaemin.

"He gets like this when he is too overwhelmed." Jaemin explains in a whisper. He leans Jeno's head in his lap and strokes his arm fondly.

"Is he little?" Chenle's curiosity overpowers his fears for a short moment. His eyes glint with a telling sparkle. Jaemin shakes his head.

"He says it's more a state of nothingness. His mind blanks out, but he is still conscious. Just dazed and distant, I guess?" Jaemin continues tracing hearts up Jeno's arm. 

His own mind is whirring noisily, worried about his boyfriend, and about what would happen if he were actually pregnant. He can't take his eyes away from Jeno's belly. The thought of a child, their own blood child, growing inside of him makes him dizzy. He doesn't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

The front door slams shut and Renjun and Haechan shake their dripping hair out and dump a pile of boxes onto the sofa.

"It's chucking it down outside. Take your pick." Haechan announces. Jeno grabs at Jaemin's t-shirt with his free hand, balling it into his fist as he whimpers.

"Too loud." His voice is slurred and broken, and at the sound of it, Haechan slumps his shoulders, mouthing an apology to Jaemin.

"Can you get up, love?" Jaemin watches Jeno's eyes focus on him, treating that as a sign that he is starting to come back into the room.

"Heavy." He mumbles and removes his thumb from his mouth.

"I'll carry you, then, alright?" Jeno nods and lets Jaemin pick him up, grab a box then take him into the bathroom.

"Do I have to?" Jeno pushes his head onto Jaemin's shoulder in protest.

"I understand that it's scary. Of course I do. It's a huge deal for me as well." Jaemin twirls a strand of Jeno's unbrushed hair between his fingers. "But we need to know, love."

"Fine." He huffs, pulling down his boxers. "I won't look. You can tell me what it says." Jeno keeps his eyes closed all throughout the process, and even whilst they are waiting for the test to settle into the reading. Jaemin can hear Jeno's heart racing at a million miles per hour when they curl up together against the bathroom door.

"I'm looking now." Jaemin turns the test over and Jeno squeezes his hand tightly. "Negative." 

He breathes out.

Jeno burrows into Jaemin's neck, pushing kisses into the skin there, his grip on his boyfriend's hand strengthening.

"That was scary, Min." Jeno exclaims. His words leave his mouth with a gentle lisp, and Jaemin softens.

"Would you like to go and see Yangie? To take your mind off things, hm, baby?" He utilises his caregiver voice in the hopes that Jeno will be able to properly calm down if he regresses. He nods eagerly, with gentle yet unintelligible noises escaping his throat. Jaemin pats his bottom as a signal for him to stand up, but he only squeaks, so he has to pick him up once again, not forgetting to bring the pregnancy test with them and put it in the bin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry that this chapter is both later and slightly shorter :/ 
> 
> I had envisioned posting daily at decent hours (so in the morning or early afternoon) but here I am at half ten at night...
> 
> Also, please don’t hold me to that upload schedule, as it is not a promise, just my personal goal. 
> 
> Anyway, it motivates me so much when I see the amounts of kudos and hits and bookmarks increase, and all of your lovely comments make my day, so a huuuuge thank you to everyone supporting this book!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back!!!

Jeno wriggles free from Jaemin's arms and charges across the room, barreling straight into Yangyang's collection of toy cars strewn across the carpet. Jaemin chuckles, pleased that the two littles already get on so well together. Being in different units, they don't get as many opportunities to hang out. The two grew closer during the NCT 2020 promotions, with that the being their first real opportunity to work together, but with the Dreamies then debarking on a world tour for almost an entire year, distance has wormed its way back into their friendship. Not that you would be able to tell that from the way in which Yangyang immediately offers Jeno a toy car to play with.

Jaemin pulls off his shoes and joins Ten and Kun in the kitchen. There is already an assortment of biscuits and steaming mugs of coffee spread onto the table awaiting his arrival.

"You really do spoil us, hyungs." Jaemin gratefully chooses a biscuit. The sugar does him good after the stress from earlier. Being ever observant, Kun raises an eyebrow.

"What's troubling you?" He pries gently.

"You seem stressed, Jaemin-ah." Ten adds and Jaemin weakens at the sound of his soft tone, similar to his own caregiver voice. He downs half the mug of coffee in one go before speaking.

"There's a possibility that Jeno may be... pregnant." He closes his eyes. "He took a test before coming here and it came out negative. But the others reckoned that they are only accurate after two weeks. And it hasn't been two weeks yet."

Laughter chimes through the apartment from the two littles, who jabber away without any cares in the world. A faint smile glosses over Jaemin's lips at the sound of his boyfriend being so cheerful.

"Then I suggest that you wait a bit and take another test after two weeks." Ten stirs some more milk into his drink, letting the spoon chink against the china mug. He takes a sip. The liquid burns his tongue and he recoils quickly, then a few drops splash out from the force he places it back on the table with. He curses under his breath. Kun clicks his tongue and easily finds the cloth used to wipe up any spillages.

It seems like Louis got there first, though. Ten whisks him up off the tabletop before he can lick at the coffee, and he meows, unimpressed at being picked up. He attempts to scratch at Ten's arm. His claw narrowly misses his tattoo and leaves just a small red mark in time to be set back on the floor. The Thai rubs at his wrist, eyeing Louis with disapproval when he saunters away, tail raised up high.

"Hyung, I thought you had trained him not to jump onto the table." Jaemin interjects with a smirk. Kun rolls his eyes, actually cleaning up the coffee now.

"So did I." He huffs.

"Back onto the subject." Ten retests the temperature of the beverage. "Just keep a close eye on him, yeah? I don't know much about pregnancies, but some symptoms will probably show quickly enough. If not, there is always the option of abortion."

Jaemin leans on his elbow, staring at Ten, then screws his nose up.

"I know it's legal now and all, but..." He begins, unsure about how to express his feelings.

"But what? You can say it." Kun reassures him.

"Of course it will ultimately be Jeno's choice, as he is the carrier, but I'm not sure if I'd want an abortion." Jaemin sighs, utterly conflicted over his battling viewpoints.

"Fair enough. For now, just pay close attention to him." Ten concludes. However, Jaemin is still deep in thought.

"I just... it was totally unplanned, but knowing that there is a possibility that together we have created a whole baby, like, our birth child, is incredible. I love him so much." Jaemin lets his forehead hit the table.

"That's perfectly fine, too." Kun nods. "It's going to be confusing, if another test does turn out positive. But I know that you two are strong. I've seen you grow up for goodness' sake. You'll be wonderful parents."

"Yes! All you need to do is look at how well you care for the other members, and how much Jeno is there to support them all or lend a helping hand. You two are amazing, trust me." Ten flashes a smile. Jaemin pushes his nose harder against the wood.

"Oh, I didn't know there were biscuits!" Lucas marches into the kitchen, his eyes landing immediately on the plate. It destroys the sombre atmosphere of the room and cuts off Jaemin's thoughts, but he is grateful for the temporary distraction.

"Help yourself." Kun pushes the plate across the table, then Lucas fills up a handful with a variety of biscuits. And he has huge hands. There are only four left, but none of the others were really eating them anyway, and the previous mood resumes once Lucas leaves.

Jaemin lifts his head up again and searches for another conversation starter. The background noise is completed by Jeno and Yangyang shouting with glee, imitating the sound of a car engine, which gives him the inspiration.

"So... how is Yangyang?" He proceeds. Ten immediately perks up, smiling wildly which he guesses is a very good sign.

"He is doing really well! It turns out that the other day was the first time he had ever slipped, so thank you so much for the help. He has been slipping several times a week, and we worked out that his average age is four to five, and he loves it when I make him a bottle of milk, and yesterday we went supply shopping, so he now has his very own pacifiers, and he is surprisingly well behaved, and-"

"Yeah, alright, we get it. You love your baby Yangie." Kun exhales exaggeratedly, which interrupts Ten's rapid gestures to accompany his spiel of love. Jaemin laughs along with them. "It's just nice to see you being responsible for once."

"I understand how you feel, Ten-hyung." Jaemin nods with a small smile.

"Being a caregiver just feels... right, I guess. And when Yangyang is particularly little, I sometimes get so into it. As in, I feel so privileged and focussed on looking after him, as though he were my own child. I need to protect him forever. Do you get that?" Ten looks doubtful and he fiddles with a bracelet on his wrist.

"I definitely do. Sometimes I feel so protective of Nono and looking after him relaxes me, particularly if he is in a non-verbal headspace." Ten nods along rapidly to Jaemin's words, soaking in all of them. "Caregiver headspace exists, too, so you're probably experiencing that."

"Wow." Ten breathes out. "It's so amazing."

"I remember the first time Jeno slipped." Jaemin's eyes crinkle at the memory. "Like Yangyang, he had no experience of headspace before."

"What happened? When was it?" Kun pipes up.

"It was back in 2018. We had been dating for several months by then, and we both had stayed later in the practice rooms. I could tell he was starting to stumble a bit, so I went over to him to check if he was okay. I stroked his hair, held his hand, kissed his forehead then suggested we left to go to bed, but he fell into my arms, crying. He was calling me hyung." Jaemin speaks passionately, staring off into the distance. "Of course, I was a bit confused, but as soon as I did some quick research, it just slotted into place."

"I'm so single." Kun mutters then takes his anger out on a chocolate chip biscuit, crunching away his frown.

"Oh, you'll find someone soon, ge." Ten slaps the leader's arm playfully. "Why don't we go check on the littles? They've becomes suspiciously quiet."

They finish up their coffee, then make their way into the living room. Sure enough, they had every right to be suspicious that Jeno and Yangyang were up to no good, because there are pens all over the carpet, the ink decorating one of the walls. It's only a small patch at the bottom, but enough to make the caregivers angry. Jaemin kneels down to inspect the drawings. They consist of wobbly stick men and some trees. As endearing as it is, the sight of the Sharpies does not give him confidence that it will come off.

Ten stays in the middle of the room, hands on his hips. Kun slips out of the door. It's not his problem to sort out. The Thai raises his eyebrows.

"Yangyang! Jeno! Where are you?" He barks, but there is no sign of the littles. Jaemin's ears perk up when he hears a small whimper coming from behind the sofa, so he stays on his knees and slowly approaches. Both of them shuffle backwards to keep distance between them and Jaemin, who is disappointed but would never give them a harsh punishment.

"No..." Jeno utters, his voice tiny and his eyes red and puffy. Yangyang looks more scared than distraught, with his arms wrapped around himself and eyes wide.

"You've got to come out, babies." Jaemin tries to coax them. Ten appears at his side.

"'Eno is sorry." Jeno exclaims. His hands quiver violently when he tries to wipe his eyes. Yangyang winces at the sudden noise.

"I'm sorry, Tennie." He apologises, extending out his arms for a hug.

"You have to come out from behind the sofa." Ten reprimands him. In want of a hug, Yangyang obeys, cuddling into Ten's arms. One down, still another to go. Jaemin exhales sharply. He knows that Jeno will be a tougher nut to crack. 

"Nono, baby. Come to Nana." Jaemin claps his hands softly. But Jeno is stuck in his clouded mind, teething on his first and middle fingers without understanding Jaemin's request. The caregiver sighs and attempts to push the sofa further away from the wall, having to then use his foot for extra strength. It only budges a matter of inches, but even that makes it easier for him to crawl and close the gap of several feet between them. He rests his hand on Jeno's knee.

"Hmph." Jeno's throat lets out a muffled whine. The caregiver draws him into his chest. He can tell from his boyfriend's unfocussed eyes and lack of communication that he is incredibly tiny. Jaemin spares a hand to drag himself backwards across the carpet. Jeno stays clinging onto him like a koala, making the manoeuvre awkward, but after a minute of puffing he has freed him from the cramped space behind the sofa.

"How is he doing, Jaemin-ah?" Ten whispers, with Yangyang sat on his lap looking decidedly guilty.

"He's non-verbal." Jaemin strokes Jeno's back.

"Really? So what do we do? I've never really had to discipline Yangie before." Ten questions, confused but determined to deal with the situation correctly.

"No! I'll be good, I promise!" Yangyang cries. "I'm sorry. Drawin' on walls is bad. I not do it again." Ten shushes him, pushing the little's long bangs out of his eyes.

"It's okay, Yangie. Don't worry. I trust that you have learnt and won't do it ever again." Ten speaks slowly and softly. Meanwhile, Jeno's breathing is calming down into a slow rhythm.

"If he weren't so little, I'd make him help me clean away the pens and ensure that he knows what he has done wrong. There's no point disciplining him if he doesn't even know why he's in trouble. Then, he might not be allowed an extra snack, or maybe a short timeout would suffice." Jaemin explains to the older caregiver. "But this time around, there is no point doing anything. Jeno is asleep now, and likely won't even remember drawing on the walls by tomorrow."

"Thanks for the advice, Jaemin." Ten smiles. "Yangie, we need to tidy up the mess. Be a good boy and help me." Yangyang swiftly jumps off of his lap and collects the pens up, filling the container Ten holds out for him.

"I am so sorry, Ten-hyung. I should have supervised Jeno. He rarely acts up like this." Jaemin uses the sofa to support him in standing up with Jeno attached to him. His boyfriend may be very light, but he is still the same height as him.

"It's not your fault at all. We can both learn from this and watch over them properly next time." Ten replaces the container on the top of a cupboard whilst Yangyang turns his attention back to the toy cars. "Oh, and I hope everything turns out okay with you and Jeno. Both of you are strong enough to get through anything."


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NCT 2020 IS HAPPENING  
> OMFG  
> I’M SO HYPED AHHHHHHH

Due to the hectic nature of the previous week, Renjun is now adamant that they will all sit down together to eat dinner each night. As much as that idea helps to unite them again after being so rushed around for a few days, it is becoming painful to wait for Jeno to finish. He uses a single chopstick to push a piece of beef around his plate, making no attempt to chew on it, instead simply staring at it with slightly parted lips. Bags tug at his eyes and his skin is pale, and his cheekbones appear particularly edged under the kitchen lighting. Everyone else has long cleared their own plates. He sniffs and rolls back his shoulders before returning to his previous routine. Renjun leans on his elbows.

"Do you not want it?" He asks firmly, managing to get Jeno to look up. He meets the Chinese's piercing eyes and slumps down in the chair.

"I don't know." He utters quietly. The chopstick rolls off the plate and onto the table.

"Jeno? What's the matter, love? You always eat well. You haven't been told to diet, have you? Because I will have a stern talk with whoever even dared to—" Jaemin threatens, and Renjun holds out an arm to get him to calm down.

"Relax. That's unlikely." He leans across the table to put the chopstick back onto the plate, making a mental note of how barely a quarter of it has been emptied.

"Are you feeling little? Would you prefer something softer? Or a bottle?" Jaemin tries again, rubbing his boyfriend's thigh. Jeno shakes his head.

"Jelly?" Jisung speaks up in question. He shifts his feet under the table with impatience, desperate to leave the table so he can make it to Chenle's house on time. Jeno shakes his head again.

"But you love jelly, bub." Jaemin's voice is pitiful as he rests the back of his hand against Jeno's forehead. "Hm. You do feel a bit hot, but it's not a fever."

"I don't want to eat." Jeno states clearly. Renjun begins stacking up the plates, muttering about how he'll save the rest of the food in case he gets hungry later.

"Can I go to Chenle's now?" Jisung asks, cautious in case something is actually wrong with Jeno.

"Yes. Just let us know if you are staying overnight or anything." Renjun says, and the maknae is soon out of the door.

Jaemin pats his thighs to prompt Jeno to sit on his lap, then he holds him in place with his strong arms around his waist. He pecks his lips once before speaking.

"Can you tell me what's troubling you so that I can make it better?" Jaemin's voice is sweet and it makes Jeno melt into the embrace. His mind fumbles to assemble a coherent sentence to appropriately explain his feelings. He just doesn't feel right. He doesn't know how to pinpoint the exact cause or any specific problems, simply that it's not good.

"I don't feel like eating." Jeno admits with a nonchalant shrug.

"But you're never like that." Jaemin retorts.

"I know, Minnie." Jeno sighs. His limbs are in need of a long, uninterrupted rest. "I just suddenly didn't want to eat. I don't feel like eating jelly, either. It's like, I'm not sure, but my tastes switched up."

Jaemin stills his fingers on Jeno's back and his eyes shoot open wider. His brain is set alight with too many possibilities, all according to various health websites he has been reading, and he stops breathing when he feels Jeno's stomach pushing against his own as the older tightens the hug. He is aware that another important conversation will be coming up soon, but for now he doesn't have the heart to worry his boyfriend.

"You're probably just tired, Jen. Why don't we cuddle on the sofa? I'll see if I can find something nice for us to watch." Jaemin suggests. Jeno nods slightly, but gives no verbal confirmation, so Jaemin prompts for him to stand up to let them move. The older leans into the crook of Jaemin's neck.

"No..." He whines in the same way as always. A smiles drifts past Jaemin's lips momentarily. 

If carrying your partner was an Olympic sport, he would be winning all the medals from how often he is left to walk whilst Jeno clings around him. They arrive to the sofa safely and without Renjun noticing them, although the Chinese had already let them off dish washing duty for tonight, and Jaemin leans back so that Jeno can lay across his chest comfortably. The younger attempts to find the remote but to no avail, as Jeno pushes on top of him to make himself heavier. He gives up and wraps his arms around Jeno's back instead. He can feel his boyfriend's breath against his neck. It is warm but comforting, and he returns back to his usual rhythm of tracing hearts on Jeno's arm.

"Would you like something to eat now?" Jaemin asks after a while. He receives no response. With a soft hum, he notices how Jeno's breathing has considerably slowed, and he can't tilt his head to see if his eyes are closed but he is certain that he is asleep. So now he just has to stay as still as possible to not disturb him. His heart swells at the thought of his boyfriend finally getting some proper rest, although he is concerned at his sudden change of eating habits.

•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•

Jaemin jolts awake. He hadn't even realised that he had dozed off in the first place. Something wet is soaking his shirt, and he frowns, looking down. Jeno's head is still resting on him, but now every inhale is barely a second apart from the other. A fist clutches the bottom of his shirt. It is immediately clear that the wet patch is forming from his boyfriend's tears. His hand instinctively comes up to stroke the back of Jeno's head.

"Hey, breathe with me, Jen." He coaxes him to calm down by exaggerating his own breathing so that Jeno can hear and naturally slow his breaths to join his. Jeno stares up at him, eyes shining from the tears and his bottom lip is trembling, so Jaemin guesses that he has regressed. "Oh baby... sweetheart..." Jaemin coos and sits up. His back clicks and it aches badly, but that is not important. What is important right now is getting him to calm down if he can't even understand his caregiver's words. He holds Jeno close and sways from side to side, humming the melody from 'puzzle piece', and carting his fingers through the little's sweaty hair.

"Na..." Jeno croaks out around his fingers, voice slurred and tiny. He tries again. "Na." He is struggling to pronounce his caregiver's name, which works him up again and he bursts into tears, body shaking with every sob and his chest wheezing for breaths. Each wail is loud, and pierces Jaemin's ears.

"Yes, baby. Nana's here." Jaemin presses his lips to Jeno's forehead. "Nana is right here. You're safe. Nothing can hurt you. Nana is here, love." Jaemin repeats the lines into Jeno's ear, using his softest caregiver voice despite his throat being dry from sleep. At first, he can barely hear his own words over the top of the devastating screams and cries, but eventually Jeno quietens down and the sweet nothings can break through. Although he is mentally worked up himself, Jaemin keeps a straight voice and is careful not to show any signs of his own anxiousness.

Jeno hiccups and sucks harder on his fingers. Jaemin tries to pull them away, but Jeno is insistent. The caregiver decides to just leave him be for once, due to what he's just been through. Jeno is still shaking a bit and his head is very heavy on Jaemin's chest, and his eyelashes sparkle in the moonlight from the remaining tears. Jaemin doesn't even want to think about how late it is by now.

"Why don't we make you a bottle, yeah, sweetheart?" He supports Jeno on his waist, who flops his head onto his shoulder, still not letting his fingers drop from between his lips.

It is tricky to do everything with only one free hand. The little's bottle has become lost behind an array of other cups during its recent weeks of not being used, so he has to snake his hand between others to reach it. One tiny incorrect move, and another cup tumbles out of the cupboard and lands on the floor tile. It is only plastic, so nothing smashes but it produces a sharp and loud clatter for a duration of a few seconds when it bounces and rolls under the kitchen table. Jaemin freezes, the bottle in his hand. Jeno whimpers.

Jaemin sits down as quickly as possible, leaving the bottle on the side to hug Jeno properly again. Somehow he makes it through the next few minutes without any more tears. He spots Renjun in the doorway, hair sticking up and dressed in oversized pyjamas, but he soon leaves when he realises that Jaemin has it all sorted.

"Let's try again, alright, Jen baby?" Jaemin gets to his feet again, still holding Jeno on his hip, because he is far too tiny to sit up by himself. He removes the teated lid from the top, then retrieves the milk bottle from the fridge. He pours it drop by drop so as to avoid spilling any onto the worktop. A squeeze of honey is added into it and Jeno lets out a gurgle of excitement when he realises that he is getting that extra treat.

"Yes, it's honey. Just for the world's best little boy." Jaemin pinches Jeno's cheek with a laugh.

His next task is to heat the bottle up. He picks out the first bowl he finds and fills it half full with hot water from the tap. Jeno babbles something and stretches out a finger to try to touch the stream of liquid flowing into the bowl. Jaemin pushes his hand away, and Jeno pouts.

"It's hot, love." Jaemin scolds with no firmness present in his tone. He shakes the bottle to mix in the sweet honey, then drops it into the water to gently warm it through.

Whilst waiting, Jaemin keeps Jeno entertained with a game of peek-a-boo. He hides his face with his hands, then proceeds to open them up and pull a face at the little, who squeals in delight each time. Jeno tries to cover Jaemin's face himself, but accidentally gives his caregiver a small slap across the cheek, his finger narrowly missing his eye. Jaemin pretends that he is hurt badly, although it really didn't sting in the slightest. The little shrieks happily, clapping his hands and squirming in his place on Jaemin's lap.

Fifteen minutes after preparing the water bath, Jaemin fetches the bottle out of the warmth and tests the temperature against his wrist. It is gently warmed through, in just the right way to make Jeno sleepy. He checks that the lid is firmly fastened to avoid leakages. Jeno opens his mouth ready to receive the teat, and when his wish is finally granted, he sucks eagerly. His hands weakly hold the bottle on top of Jaemin's own grip as though that would help him access the sweetened milk.

"Slowly, Jen. You don't want to get a bad tummy, do you?" Jaemin lowers the angle of the bottle slightly to slow down the speed Jeno can drink at.

Watching his boyfriend stare into his own eyes whilst drinking the milk and blinking lethargically, Jaemin relaxes into the chair. He still doesn't know what scared Jeno earlier, but he knows it was likely a nightmare. Whether it was The Nightmare or not, he isn't sure. He hadn't had one in months, so that worries him, but any doubts are rapidly erased by the calming cloud in his mind. His muscles fill with pride for his little. In that moment, he is all Jaemin can focus on, all he cares about and he vows to always look after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’ve reached 20000 words, can I get a WOOP WOOP??  
> *woop woop*
> 
> And we’re sooo close to 100 kudos too!  
> I am still gobsmacked by how many hits this is getting, since my wattpad is flopping.  
> My account is @Lifeisjustmeh and I have an nct oneshot book, a RenLe fic as well as an original book. PLUS I’m currently brainstorming for a fanfiction over there, so it would make my day if you could check out my account :)  
> Thank you for supporting me!!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My brain is a mess after trying to not freak out over the yearparty video.  
> Read more about me freaking out at the end notes ;)
> 
> Also, please drop a little hello in the comments if you read this chapter :) it is stressing me out how it’s not like wattpad, where I can see the reads per chapter, so I have no idea if people are actually continuing reading, instead of just reading the first paragraph and then ditching.

At some point between dinner and breakfast, Jisung had reappeared in the Dream dorm, now being sat at the kitchen table with a heavy frown weighing down his eyebrows. Jaemin spins around and places a plate in front of him, then proceeds to ruffle his hair.

"Hyung, stop." He grumbles and shakes his head to try to correct his hairstyle.

"Eat up, Jisung. You need the energy, and maybe you can tell me what has you frowning when the day has barely started." Jaemin rants, cracking another egg into the pan. He himself had scarcely caught three hours of sleep yet is bounding with energy, whilst Jisung slept solidly after arriving at Chenle's house. The younger pushes his food around a bit before speaking.

"I'm worried about Jeno." He admits, quickly stuffing his mouth full of food to avoid talking for the next minute. At the sound of his boyfriend's name, Jaemin turns back to Jisung and folds his arms, joining him with a creased forehead.

"So am I." He exhales slowly. "I put him to bed when I woke up. He was still sound asleep and he didn't have a great night, so I thought it would be best to let him have a lie in. But he is definitely not himself recently." Jisung swallows, hesitating over his immediate thoughts.

"I know the test came out negative and all, but..." He trails off and knows that it is not even required to finish the sentence, as Jaemin clearly knows what he means.

"I think so." Jaemin stares sadly at the door to his and Jeno's bedroom. He doesn't look away until his nostrils flare at the scent of burning and his shoulders sink, turning the hob off and scraping his breakfast out of the pan and straight into the bin.

"I'll go check on him." He decides, speaking more to himself as his voice is so quiet that Jisung has to strain his ears to pick up on his words.

The door creaks when he enters. He silently curses it, worried that the abrupt noise will have woken Jeno up. He tiptoes over to the bed which has a lump curled up under the mound of the duvet. And it is not the bed he left Jeno in earlier. He had tucked his sleeping boyfriend into his own bed, but he has ended up back in Jaemin's. Jaemin's heart clenches at the thought of Jeno wanting to be close to him that badly, and he feels guilty for leaving him alone, staying stood in the centre of the room and watching each time the duvet rises and falls to indicate another breath.

"Jaemin..." The voice cracks and sounds scratchy, but it is there.

"Jen, good morning, baby." Jaemin goes to sit down on the bed, but his boyfriend suddenly rolls over in one swift movement and it startles him to jumping back.

"Go away. 'M tired." Jeno pulls the duvet up to cover his face. However, Jaemin clearly hears how he inhales to immerse himself in his boyfriend's scent, which suggests quite the contrary to what he just demanded. Jaemin rubs his hand on the back of his neck.

"Nope. I'm staying here. Something's up, love. And I'm worried." Jaemin explains, but still doesn't approach. Jeno is never this tetchy, except occasionally whilst regressed, so he is unsure how to deal with it. Jeno grunts. "Would you like some breakfast? All you had last night was a bottle."

"Bottle?" Jeno lets the duvet drop and Jaemin deems it safer to approach.

"You woke up non-verbal after what I assume was a nightmare. Scoot over for me." Jaemin parks himself onto the bed and Jeno finally sits up for a conversation. He brings his finger up to his mouth, biting the nail.

"Sorry, Minnie. You probably didn't sleep well, then." Jeno slumps against the wall and readily avoids eye contact.

"It's alright. Don't apologise, I'm fine." Jaemin squeezes the older's shoulder. "But I can tell that something else is troubling you. Is it what I'm thinking of? I don't want you to relapse." Jeno moves his hand to bite down on his knuckle, causing Jaemin to finally intervene and take a hold of his hands so that he can't hurt himself.

"I just feel so irritated by everything. And suddenly I don't want to eat, then the next minute I'm craving some random food." Jeno pouts and eventually looks into Jaemin's eyes, which are shiny and pouring with sympathy.

"Mood swings... craving..." Jaemin thinks out loud during the next few seconds, then he feels Jeno's hands tighten around his.

"No. That's unlikely, Minnie. The test was negative." Jeno tries, exasperated. Jaemin chews on his bottom lip.

"We took it too soon for it to be fully accurate, remember?"

"But it was negative."

"Yes, I know, Jen. You still have symptoms of early pregnancy." Jaemin separates the syllables of the final word, clearly unsure about if he should even dare to pronounce it due to its uneasy and foreign nature to the couple. Jeno still shakes his head.

"For goodness' sake, love. I'll get Doyoung-hyung." Jaemin warns, begging for Jeno to cave and agree that it might be for the best to check on it again. Jeno just ignores it. All of his boyfriend's threats are empty, anyway.

•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•

Doyoung raises an eyebrow at them both, folding his arms and tapping his foot against the leg of the table.

"So let me get this straight. You think that Jeno could be pregnant?" He asks. Jaemin nods. Jeno looks away, flushing and annoyed that Jaemin actually carried through. 

"You realise that that was a bit irresponsible of you two?" Doyoung continues. Jaemin rolls his eyes.

"It's that, in the moment, we-"

"Yes, alright. I don't need details." Doyoung smirks then pulls out his phone. The room falls silent whilst he types into the search engine and looks for a reliable website. "Ah, here we go. I have a list of the common signs of pregnancy." He spends a few seconds scrolling with his finger before speaking again. "Fatigue?"

"I mean, all of us are tired twenty-four seven." Jeno murmurs.

"Fair point." Doyoung nods slightly. "Sudden cravings for various and random foods?"

"Yeah, a bit." Jeno shrugs. Jaemin sucks in a breath.

"What do you mean, a bit? You don't like jelly anymore!" He throws up his hands and glares at his boyfriend.

"Yes I do! Just... not at that moment in time." Jeno defends himself, which turns into a meek agreement that, yes, his food choices are suddenly messed up.

"I'll take that as a yes, then. Mood swings?" Doyoung ploughs through the list.

"He was rather grumpy this morning." Jaemin gives his boyfriend a look of disapproval, who only pointedly turns away and leans on his elbow.

"Right. They're the main ones. And Jeno, you have all of them. Why don't you take a test again? It's important because you need to know. It's a big deal." Doyoung emphasises his words by intermittently slapping his palm onto the table.

"I don't want to." Jeno states firmly. Jaemin leans back in his chair, biting back his tongue.

"But you have to, love." He shoves a hand into his pocket then chucks a new pregnancy test onto the table. "We can do it like last time where I tell you the result?" Jaemin himself is slightly terrified by the prospect of his boyfriend being pregnant, but is willing to put on a brave front if that means that Jeno will do what is the right thing in their situation.

Twenty minutes later, and they have hesitantly worked their way through the same routine as before. 

Another negative.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOOOOMMMMMGGGGG  
> YES  
> YES  
> YYYYYEEEEESSSSS  
> They all look so perfect and amazing and handsome and cool and so NCT! AHHH
> 
> I still can’t believe that we are finally seeing them all together in one video, even better in the vlive tomorrow!!!!
> 
> Plus, Sungchan and Shotaro already have my heart and they haven’t even said annyeonghaseyo yet~~  
> I know that ppl have managed to dig out Shotaro’s recent tiktoks/insta, but can we all appreciate Sungchan too?? He looks so good in the video and he fits right in already, and seeing Yangyang’s bubble about how his trainee bro has finally debuted makes me so happy :))) so wholesome to know that he is already close to the members<3  
> Shotaro and Yuta, too! We already have a selca and I’m so glad that Yuta now has a fellow Japanese member, moreover a little brother, as we all know how he often gets homesick and wants someone to speak Japanese with.
> 
> Anygays, see y’all on the other side of the first ot23 vlive!!!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo everyone!  
> How are you doing? It's been a while...  
> I'm so sorry for disappearing.  
> I have had a lot of work this week, and I still haven't done all of it, but I wrote this fluffy scene just for a breather :)  
> Enjoy, my lovely readers! ♥

In Jeno's opinion, there is nothing that is much better than soaring down the cycle path on his bike, with Jaemin following close behind and feeling the wind brushing over his cheeks and his heart pulsing along with each push on the pedals. Besides from being curled up in Jaemin's arms. Or having a ton of free jelly. But, even still, cycling dates with his boyfriend are certainly very high up on his list of most enjoyable pastimes. The sunshine is gentle on his face, yet not so forgiving for his body temperature, as the heat is tiring him out quicker than usual, particularly with the added hill. His left foot slips from the pedal. His hands soon react and manage to keep the handlebars straight, and he narrowly misses the grass verge.

"Are you alright, Jen?" Jaemin catches up with him, and they both come to a halt at the side of the path. A woman jogs past them with a puppy racing at her side. Jeno clambers off his bike and keels over, the exercise catching up with him and snatching away his breath. Jaemin runs a hand over his back. "You're not usually this tired."

"I'm alright, Minnie. It'll... pass." Jeno closes his eyes for a few seconds. He feels embarrassed, first off. Embarrassed for being seen like this in front of his boyfriend. Plus he is an idol, for goodness' sake. Exercise is practically his job. He tries to face away from Jaemin, suddenly feeling like a schoolboy with his crush instead of his boyfriend of six years. Their dates don't usually involve Jeno being so clumsy. The younger is patient, rubbing Jeno's back until his breathing restores back to normal.

"I think we'll definitely have to get you checked." Jaemin mutters, but softly with his words laced with concern.

"Can we walk the rest? Please?" Jeno pouts, leaving Jaemin no choice but to kiss it away. "Nana..." The older whines as a passer-by gives them a bit of a strange look.

"Oh, ignore them. Our gay powers are clearly too strong for them to handle. Of course we can walk from here." Jaemin smirks and raises his eyebrows comically in time with the syllables. This time, Jeno smiles into the kiss and holds Jaemin in place for a few more seconds, their bikes long forgotten on the grass. He moves to deepen the kiss, but their helmets crash. They jolt away from each other with a fit of giggles.

"Come on. I'll buy you a hot chocolate." Jaemin persuades Jeno to pick up his bike again and they both set on pushing them up the remainder of the hill. They thank the heavens when the entrance to the park is in their sight, which gives them an extra burst of energy to push open the gate and make it to the bike stands.

Once their bikes are securely locked in place, Jaemin takes Jeno's hand in his own. No conversation is needed, as the silence between them is comfortable, and they quickly find an empty table at the café. It is their favourite place to spend their dates. There are always a couple of other customers in there, but it is rarely full. Plus, they serve the best hot chocolates. Jaemin goes up to order whilst Jeno takes off his helmet and gets comfy. His boyfriend is only gone for a matter of minutes, but he soon feels lonely sat at the table for two on his own, wistfully staring out the window and watching a small bird hop across the grass.

"Just for you." Jaemin places a steaming hot chocolate down in front of the older, topped with a generous portion of whipped cream and marshmallows. Jaemin has one to match. He has even bought an extra slice of chocolate cake for them to share.

"You left me alone." Jeno pretends to be upset, and Jaemin rolls his eyes as he unclips his own helmet.

"It was only for a minute, love." Jeno laughs and spoons off some of the cream, letting it melt onto his tongue.

"Thank you, Minnie. I love you." He grins at his boyfriend, who eagerly reciprocates the words.

"Have some cake." Jaemin passes over a fork.

They devour their drinks and cake, having worked up an appetite from the cycling, and Jaemin snaps a few photos of Jeno with his moustache of cream before wiping it away for him with a napkin.

"I won't post them, don't worry." Jaemin winks at him. "They're for my eyes only."

It is now Jeno's turn to roll his eyes. He is sure that his boyfriend's camera roll is bursting with silly photos of him, and he isn't sure if he should be flattered or embarrassed. He has his share fair of boyfriend content with Jaemin - cute selcas from their dates and silly videos of his antics - but he is certain that the younger has way more from how frequently he hears a camera snap. He feels something prod at his lips and Jaemin is feeding him a marshmallow, so he opens his mouth to accept the offering, smiling and giggling uncontrollably.

"Aren't you going to feed me too?" Jaemin widens his eyes and leaves his lips parted expectantly. Jeno leans over the table to feed him a marshmallow as well, whilst his own rests on his tongue, the sweetness gradually dissolving over his taste buds. He can't wait to kiss Jaemin with the lingering flavours of sugar and chocolate. The younger bites down on Jeno's fingers teasingly before taking the marshmallow, and he yelps gently, then flushes when he notices another customer staring. He sinks even further into his chair when Jaemin winks and blows him a kiss.

The younger pays the bill, and then takes Jeno's hand and his helmet ready to leave. Once they have strolled down the path enough to be out of sight from the café, Jeno gets a sudden rush of courage, and his lips meeting Jaemin's shocks the younger slightly, but he naturally syncs and returns the affection, helmets well out of the way this time.

"Thank you, Minnie." Jeno's eyes turn into crescents when he squeezes his boyfriend's hand and moves to wrap his arms around his waist. He lets his head fall against the younger's firm chest. All he can hear is their soft breathing and some birds chirping brightly, but all he cares about is the warmth radiating off Jaemin.

"My pleasure, as always, love." Jaemin tenderly strokes Jeno's head. "Let's get going, yeah?"

They treat the journey back home as more of a leisurely cycle, because they always want these moments where it's just the two of them to last forever. By the time they return and lug their bikes into the lift of their apartment block, the sun has started to say goodbye to the day, casting a subtle orange glow across the sky. The lift dings and they fix their bikes back in place in Jeno's room.

"Where did you go? You two were gone for ages." Renjun appears in the doorway. He receives two sets of giggles and he crosses his arms, tutting. "Oh, it doesn't matter. I'm off to the 127 dorm to see Doyoung and to argue with Haechan. Jisung is at Chenle's, of course. There's leftover pizza in the fridge if you're hungry. Later, lovebirds." He disappears again, and the couple are alone.

They change their clothes into comfier hoodies and sweatpants, then collapse onto Jeno's bed, curled up in each other's arms.

"I had fun today." Jeno runs his finger along Jaemin's chest as he speaks, the smile spreading across his lips with ease. Jaemin's heart swells from pure infatuation.

"So did I." There is no need for any further exchanges between them, as just their presence is enough. Jeno feels dizzy from being so immersed in Jaemin's scent, and his mind empties, rendering him totally relaxed and comfortable. Feeling his boyfriend's chest rise and fall and his heartbeat beneath his cheek is like his lullaby. As for Jaemin, his arms wrap around Jeno, pulling his weight closer into him, and having him that close, being able to hug him so tightly, is a dream come true. He can clearly remember the first time he set foot into that practice room and saw Jeno stood there. Both of them, two new trainees, were immediate friends, until they were something more.

Peace encapsulates the scene. It is so perfect. Too perfect.

A phone pings and the shrill pitch startles them, tearing down the walls of calmness protecting them. Jeno recognises it as his own and stretches out his arm. The movement is lazy, so Jaemin reaches onto the bedside table to retrieve it for him, and he unlocks it to read the message. Seeing his face fall, Jaemin squeezes him tighter and speaks against his hair.

"Who is it, love?" Jeno turns to look up at him, eyes wide.

"Jaehwa-noona." He breathes out. "What do I say?"

"What is she saying?" Jaemin asks, rubbing his hand up Jeno's arm, dreading the response. He didn't want to hear what she had to say, but they would be in more trouble if they ignored the text.

"She... she says she saw us out today." Jeno's throat constricts as he swallows, and he has to cough to open it up again. Jaemin frowns and shifts to sit up slightly. He nods for Jeno to continue. "Apparently we have to ask before going out, and we can't act like boyfriends in public."

"Well that's just utter crap." Jaemin scowls at the wall, his words shooting out of his mouth with force and intention. The older tilts his head at the sudden outburst. "Baby, we're out to the world. And we're adults now. They can't control us."

"I know." Jeno mutters simply. He turns his phone between his fingers before looking back at Jaemin. "But what do I reply with? I can't leave a manager on read."

"Yes you can. Because very soon she won't be a manager anymore." Jaemin speaks considerably softly, despite his ominous statement. He manages to prise the device out of his boyfriend's hand and replaces it back onto the table, hugging Jeno tight once more. "Just ignore her. We can be ourselves. If we want to go on a date then we can, and no one is going to stop us, alright?"


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday to our Prince Hendery!!! ♥♥♥  
> He deserves so much love as he is so talented and such a happy pill, who is beautiful both inside and out.  
> I hope you are all spending the day well x

Two weeks.

Two weeks suddenly fly past and arrive at their doorstep, forcing them to pay another visit to the fifth floor to speak to Doyoung.

"Just do another test." He sighs, flicking between his Netflix recommendations to find a new drama.

"We've already done two." Jeno groans and rubs his eyes. He has no intention of taking a third.

"Yes, but they were unlikely to be accurate. We discussed this last week, didn't we?" Doyoung raises an eyebrow but still doesn't look at either of them. Jaemin affirms with a grunt.

"The most responsible thing to do would be to just try again, alright? You have symptoms, Jeno, so you need an answer." Doyoung finally stares at him, face stoic. Jeno looks away and leans against the arm of the sofa, his head spinning. Jaemin has already pulled another test out of his pocket. "You can use the bathroom here."

At Doyoung's command, they both step into the bathroom on wobbly feet and lock the door. It's the third time, and it still doesn't feel any easier.

"Shall I tell you, or-"

"No." Jeno sets his jaw firm at the sight of the test stick. Jaemin's head shoots up to look at him and he is about to persuade him that it is important but the older continues, this time with a much smaller voice. "I want to look at it first." Jaemin softens and places the test down on the counter.

"Would you like me to wait outside?"

"No, please stay. Don't leave me." Jeno whimpers and Jaemin takes a hold of his hand, pecking his forehead.

"Of course I can stay. Take a deep breath, love." He notes how Jeno is frowning with the pace of his breathing increasing exponentially.

Jeno works through the routine that is now so engraved in his mind, hands shaking at each stage but Jaemin's presence grounding him all the time. They curl up on the tiled floor, and Jeno squeezes his eyes shut. He clenches the test in his left hand behind his back. Jaemin twirls strands of his hair around his fingers and hums a slow tune.

"Will you leave me if it's positive?" Jeno utters without opening his eyes.

"No. Definitely not, sweetheart. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I did?" Jaemin's insides sink knowing that his other half thinks that.

"Promise?"

"I promise. Forever." He kisses Jeno on the head, on the cheek, on the forehead, on his nose and finally on his lips, and the older hums in satisfaction.

"I'm looking at it." Jaemin wraps both of his hands around Jeno's. Jeno turns away from him and gradually loosens his grip on the test stick to let it sit exposed in his palm. Several seconds pass. And Jaemin is ready to catch him when he spins back around to bury his face in the younger's neck, body heaving and his fingers clutching his t-shirt.

"Oh, baby." Jaemin soothes, although his own emotions are experiencing extreme turbulence. He cradles the back of Jeno's head, who doesn't move, doesn't speak for a while, and Jaemin doesn't even need to see the two red lines to infer what the result is. "Jen, baby. I love you so much, you hear me?"

Jeno sobs. He has been catapulted into a state of utter shock without the slightest preparation and he can barely think anything coherent. His mind is swinging right from the end of the string, but is holding on so tight and won't let go. Everything is overwhelming. The pair of arms hold him securely, and the voice speaks out to him again.

"I..." It is all he manages to choke out. Jaemin's instincts are immediately alerted and makes an attempt to keep him calm. Or, as calm as possible.

"Shhh." He coaxes Jeno to stay with him, and to quiet down.

"Is everything okay in there?" Doyoung's voice flies over them, and Jeno lifts up his head.

"Hyung..." He croaks.

"Shall we see Doyoung?" Jaemin offers, not having a clue about what to say, and the older nods. Jaemin wipes his tears with a piece of toilet paper, helping him to blow his nose as he continues to comfort him. "I still love you the same. Even more, in fact. I love you so much. It's okay. I'm so proud of you, Jeno."

"I love you, too." Jeno succeeds in completing a sentence and Jaemin feels a weight lift off of his shoulders when a smile appears.

Doyoung is still waiting for them in the living room, having paused the movie and tapping his foot against the carpet. Jaemin prompts for Jeno to speak.

"Yeah." His face contorts and his boyfriend pulls him down to sit on the sofa and begins to collect the next lot of tears with the toilet paper. Doyoung brings his hands up to his mouth.

"My babies Jeno and Jaemin. All grown up." His eyes fill with fondness as though he were looking at his own child. "You're going to be parents."

Now that the words are spoken out loud for the first time, they feel different. More real. They are no longer just a lingering possibility dismissed to the backs of their minds, but a certainty.

"And you'll be a grandparent." Jaemin smirks and tries to lighten the mood. Jeno weakly chuckles at that but Doyoung pokes his tongue into his cheek, returning back to the television. He doesn't restart the drama, just staring at the screen instead. From the slight dip between his eyebrows and his tapping foot, Jaemin can tell that he is concerned. But of course their hyung would never say so.

"Can I tell Taeil-hyung? I wan' him to know before he enlists and goes away." Jeno speaks, bringing the other two's attention back to him. Doyoung retrieves his phone to quickly dial his number.

Their eldest hyung appears in the room in just a couple of minutes. He hugs Jeno with a giant beam on his face, words full of congratulations, and Jeno's eyes are still streaming, drooping slightly and his hands shake uncontrollably.

"Isn't it exciting, baby?" Jaemin turns his voice up a notch to talk Jeno down. "Why don't you do some colouring with Taeillie and Doie?" The caregiver pulls a selection of colouring books and pencils, purposefully not pens this time, out of the drawer he knows they keep stashed just in case the little visits. Jaemin quickly sees the change and Jeno slides off of the sofa, tears suddenly forgotten, and crawls across the carpet.

"Nono, there you are!" Doyoung crouches down to his eyeline and ruffles the little's hair. Taeil finds an empty page with an outline of a kitten, prompting for Jeno to pick a colour whilst Doyoung starts on the opposite page, filling a rabbit's ear with pink.

"Purple!" Jeno squeals with the pencil in his fist and Jaemin pats his back with pride.

"Yes, baby. It's purple." He smiles wide from the cuteness overload. Inside, however, he struggles to collect his thoughts. 

He has just found out that his boyfriend is pregnant, which is a huge deal, and now, before he has had time to fully process it, Jeno is in littlespace without the slightest clue about the recent bombshell. The caregiver could tell that he was already teetering on the edge, so he only gave him the extra push out of sympathy, to let him escape the storm of his mind. The more serious conversations will have to wait.

Jaemin's insides are combusting and he swallows bile back down his throat, which pushes its way up, fuelled by nerves. He can't keep his eyes off Jeno's stomach. He is itching to trap him between his arms and never let go, and to keep him forever protected and away from harm. To rid himself of the urge, he picks at his fingernails. Taeil and Doyoung are doing a perfect job at keeping the little occupied, and he babbles as he scribbles over the page, completely ignoring the bold lines of the picture with such a carefree innocence that Jaemin feels his eyes prickle. Jeno's fingers end up in his mouth and coated with drool. Caregiver instincts forever present, Jaemin pushes himself up and fetches a pack of wipes from the kitchen, returning to wordlessly wipe Jeno's fingers clean and replace them with a pacifier. It's not his favourite one, only being the spare kept in the 127 dorm, but it will have to do.

Jeno eyes Jaemin when he sits back down on the carpet, keeping several feet of distance between them and leaning his back against the sofa. His pacifier bobs between his lips and his orbs are wide.

"Nana-hyung." He states, stretching out his arms. Doyoung and Taeil stop their own colouring to look at the caregiver expectantly.

"Hey baby." Jaemin smiles, although it takes a lot of energy and doesn't quite reach his eyes. Doyoung frowns and opens his mouth to speak, but is interrupted by the little wailing. Jeno stands on shaking legs, then makes it two steps towards Jaemin before he ends up falling to the floor. He lands on his front. The caregiver lurches forward, panic rising and finally giving in to the urge to protect his boyfriend.

"Nono!" Jaemin cries, picking him up off the floor and pulling him onto his lap. "Do you have a booboo?" He pecks his cheek then his gaze falls immediately to his stomach. "You have to be careful, love." He mutters.

"'m fine, Nana." Jeno giggles and headbutts his caregiver's shoulder.

"Does your tummy hurt?" Jaemin smooths his palm over Jeno's stomach because his mind is alerting him of the dangers of falling whilst pregnant.

"Nope." Jeno smiles and his pacifier drops from between his lips.

"Don't stress, Jaemin-ah." Taeil looks at Jaemin sympathetically. Jaemin closes his eyes and places his cheek onto the top of Jeno's head. He wishes he could so easily escape from his insecurities and worries like his boyfriend. Sometimes, the concept of littlespace is so tempting for him, but he has to be the caregiver. He has to be there for Jeno. Particularly now. It is going to be his job to ensure that he stays safe and healthy over the next nine months, because God forbid anything happens. He loves looking after Jeno. Of course he does. It relaxes him, makes him feel needed and loved, but right now, whilst he struggles to cope with the news, all he wants is a way to escape to let it sink in before addressing it.

"Why is Nana sad?" Jeno moves beneath his chin, which brings him back into the world around him.

"Yes, sweetheart?" His voice cracks as he speaks and Jeno clumsily shoves the pacifier back into his mouth.

"Nana sad?" He repeats, eyebrows furrowed with confusion.

"No, I'm not sad, love. I'm so happy, here with you." He lies, not wanting to alarm the little sat on his lap.

"You're crying, Jaemin-ah." Doyoung states bluntly whilst he collects the pencils off the carpet. It is Jaemin's turn to frown and he brings a hand up to his face, feeling the dampness coating his cheeks. He forces out a chuckle. 

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not." Doyoung glares at him.

"Nana-hyung? Can I kiss it better?" Jeno sloppily presses his lips against his caregiver's cheek, pulling away with a proud smile.

"Thank you, baby." Jaemin smiles for real this time and hugs Jeno tighter. "Nana is just tired." He catches how Doyoung raises an eyebrow with disbelief, but ignores it to focus back on his little, who speaks again. Hearing his voice does indeed relax Jaemin enough to push his stress to the back of his mind. It is slightly higher pitched than normal, with a gentle, legato slur between the words and an adorable lisp.

"Nap time?" Jeno rests his head on Jaemin's chest. "I wanna sleep."

"You two can stay over, if you wish. I don't know when the others are getting back, but I can tell them to be quiet when they do." Doyoung offers with a gummy smile. The carpet is now clean of the colouring supplies and he stands up to make his way over to the couple. He kisses both of their heads. "You can go in my room. Sleep well."

"Yes, have a good rest. Let's see each other soon, yeah, Nono-yah?" Taeil ruffles the little's hair before putting his shoes on to leave.

"Call me if you need anything. And Jaemin, don't worry. You can talk it through with Jeno once he is ready. It's all about communication. Don't distance yourself and don't bottle anything up just because you're the caregiver. You can express your emotions, too, because they are not any less valid than anyone else's." He pats Jaemin's shoulder, who keens into the touch.

"Thanks, hyung. You're the best." Jaemin heaves Jeno up, and his limbs are slightly limp from his already-approaching slumber.

"Nana..." Jeno whines, the sounds of him sucking on his pacifier ringing directly into Jaemin's ear.

"Yes, we're going to bed now, sweetheart." Jaemin nods goodnight to Doyoung, or rather good afternoon, as it is still light outside, and traipses into his bedroom. The bed is warm and full of Doyoung's scent. It lingers around them which is comforting, and it feels like a hug for Jaemin, who wraps his arms around Jeno. The little falls asleep without any further prompting, his caregiver's hold on him being enough.

And if Jaemin's hands sneak under his hoodie to stroke his bare stomach, he either ignores it or is too deep in his dreams to notice.


	15. Chapter 15

A member of staff places the laptop down on the table in front of them, all ready with NCT 127's new music video loaded onto the screen. Others are fiddling with settings on the cameras to finalise everything before filming. Jeno has an irritating itch on his nose, but he has just had his makeup done and doesn't dare mess it up and he can tell that his bandmates are watching him, their eyes flicking in his direction for a second, before remembering that they can't act suspicious. The fans are forever eagle-eyed and will quickly pick up on their behaviour. As long as the cameras are on, everything is normal. Jaehwa is lurking in the corner. Plus, they're here to celebrate their hyungs' comeback, not Jeno's pregnancy.

"Don't make fun of me. Please." Mark folds his arms and slouches in his seat, and Renjun lets out a loud laugh.

"Oh, we're only ever teasing. I know how hard you've worked on this music video. It'll be perfect, hyung." He speaks reassuringly. "You too, Haechannie." Mark narrows his eyes at the Chinese, hearing the use of the pet-name and jealousy quickly rising inside of him. He can't make a big deal out of it. Not in front of the staff.

"Right, let's film now." One of their managers smiles at them, and all seven of them return the gesture towards the cameras, waving hello to the czennies.

Their gazes are soon captured by the bright colours and sharp dance moves flying across the laptop screen. Mark comes to the centre with a fantastic display of flashing lights, staring straight at the viewers to bust out his fire rap bars.

"Mark Lee!" Jeno chants, crescents directed at the eldest member. The others all join in, cheering for him and complimenting his voice and style. The texture of the song suddenly becomes thinner, with just a piano chord and some lower strings underneath Haechan's honey vocals in the pre-chorus. 

"Haechan! Go!" They all hype up the 127 maknae now, who smiles into his palm, showing embarrassment but secretly overflowing with pride. Jaemin pats him on the back.

When the SM logo appears on screen and the dot flips over, they burst into applause, laughing and smiling with excitement at their hyungs having a comeback. Jaehwa stares at them, gaze hard and serious, which cues them to quiet down and begin discussing their thoughts.

"Wow, it's such a catchy song." Chenle bops his head to the beat which is still playing out in his head. "I can't wait to learn Taeyong's rap. It was awesome."

"Hey, what about mine?" Mark feigns offence at Chenle's remark, so Haechan rests his hand on his shoulder.

"Your part was fantastic, too." The words mean more to Mark than anyone else would ever assume or guess, so a stupid smile is unleashed onto his lips.

The staff are all pleased with the video and luckily they get away early without having to film any parts for a second time. Back in the van to return to the dorms, their eyes linger back onto Jeno. 

Jeno and Jaemin had revealed the news to the rest of the Dreamies just the day after getting a positive. It is advised to wait a couple of months before telling everyone, to ensure that everything is as healthy as it should be, but they were too anxious to hide it. Mark had already picked up on the fact that something was up, anyway. Jeno is finding it a little difficult to gauge their feelings regarding the news. Each member has been nothing but vocally supportive of it, and yet their gazes linger just a tad too long, their words softening around him and their actions being extra helpful. They are almost treating him like he were constantly little. Which doesn't help the fact that their own comeback is coming up soon, so he has to stay on track and utterly focussed. Jaemin has been extra cuddly, which he would never view as a bad thing, obviously, although sometimes he would like to grab a drink without him hanging off him.

•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•

Days pass, filled with long dance and vocal practices in preparation for the comeback, all whilst 127 are dashed from schedule to schedule to promote their own album. Jeno feels bitter towards the two empty spaces in their routines. He has never liked it when Mark and Haechan have schedules with their hyungs, and despite it being a recurring situation for the whole eight years of their career now, it never gets easier. Even more so now with the hormones and rush of emotions constantly cursing through of his veins. He needs sleep, he needs cuddles, he needs jelly, he needs all the members back.

His ears perk up at the sound of the front door opening and closing, so he discards his video game and paces out of the bedroom, frowning with confusion. Jisung is already greeting whoever just arrived. When the maknae moves aside slightly, he gets a glimpse of Mark and Haechan.

"Hyuck! Mark-hyung!" He launches himself at them, hugging them tightly as though he will never let go. "I missed you." He pouts into Mark's shoulder and hears Donghyuck laugh loudly.

"We saw each other earlier this week." He giggles, patting Jeno's back.

"But that was only briefly in the practice rooms." Jeno protests, holding onto Mark even tighter.

"Hyungs, you were so amazing in your comeback! I can't wait to get ours underway. It's so soon." Jisung states, him wringing his fingers together giving away his nerves. Mark stays holding onto Jeno. He wouldn't usually cling onto such skinship, but he understands that Jeno's emotions have been wilder than usual recently, so he takes that into consideration and lets the younger hold on for as long as he wishes.

"What's going on- oh, Mark and Donghyuck, you're back!" Renjun and Jaemin join them in the hallway.

"Come through." Jaemin insists, motioning to the living room. At the sound of his boyfriend's voice, Jeno peels his body away from Mark's, beaming.

"Nana, they're here!" Jeno chants, rocking on the balls of his feet and clapping his hands, then turning back to them. He drags them both by their arms into the living room. Jaemin bites his bottom lip as he watches them go.

The aching desire to squeeze Jeno securely in his arms is overwhelming him once more and it soon becomes enough to make him restless. Without a word, he heads into the kitchen and makes himself a generous mug of coffee, adding in four shots. It has been years since he has drunk such a potent coffee, having proudly overcome the worst of his caffeine addiction, but he needs a distraction right now. He can't take Jeno away from Mark and Haechan - two of Jeno's favourite people, who he hasn't properly seen in a while. With a sigh, he over pads to the sofa and sinks into the cushions. The first drop of coffee dissolves over his tongue. He tries to relax his shoulders by rolling them around, then his neck, before taking another gulp of his drink. It has hardly had any time to cool, so the burn radiates through his body and strangely helps to calm him down.

Jaemin focusses his attention on his boyfriend. Jeno is sprawled over the carpet on his stomach, babbling and giggling with delight as Haechan tells a funny story about Jungwoo. Mark traces his finger across his arms in the exact way Jaemin does and when he realises this, he physically feels a surge of anger. He swallows it down with more coffee. Jeno lifts up his head, then frowns and sniffs, spotting the distinct aroma of Jaemin's drink in the air, but dismisses it when Mark tickles his foot.

"Don't you dare tell me that you're jealous." Renjun throws himself onto the sofa next to him and nudges him with his elbow. Jaemin sheepishly looks away.

"It's just that the caregiver in me has been much stronger recently. I have to protect him." Jaemin admits whilst he swirls the coffee around in the mug.

"I get that." Renjun responds lightly. "But you can't be jealous of them. Like come on, they're literally a couple already. And Jeno's yours." Renjun raises an eyebrow when Jaemin doesn't respond for a few seconds too long. "Oh God, you are jealous." Renjun scoffs teasingly.

"I can't help it. It's the first time Nono has come out fully for a while and it's not even with me." Jaemin juts out his bottom lip. "Am I not good enough? Does he hate me for getting him pregnant? Am I a terrible boyfriend? Caregiver?"

"Hey, hyung." The maknae slides into the narrow gap between Jaemin and the arm of the sofa. He reaches out to gently prise the mug out of the older's whitening knuckles. "For starters, stop drinking that devil's drink. You don't want to get into bad habits again, do you? And why don't we go into another room to talk?" Renjun agrees and guides Jaemin into his bedroom, letting him lie down on his pristine white sheets. Jeno lets out a soft whine seeing him leave, but Haechan and Mark succeed in quickly distracting him from his caregiver's absence with another tickle attack.

"I want Nono." Jaemin speaks into the pillow. Renjun and Jisung exchange a look, which is ripped apart by a sharp gasp. "He's laying on his stomach." Jaemin sits up and is about to swing his legs onto the floor, but is swiftly blocked by the maknae.

"Hyung, just take some time to think, alright?" Jisung runs a hand over his back soothingly.

"You're an amazing boyfriend. We can all tell that by how in love you and Jeno are. Don't ever worry about that." Renjun adds. "I understand that you want to spend time with him, especially now, and-"

"It's not decided." Jaemin groans, words muffled by the pillow once again.

"Sorry?" Jisung blinks in confusion. Jaemin rolls over to speak more clearly.

"I said it's not decided yet." He clears his throat and avoids eye contact. "As in, like, we haven't actually spoken about it and come to a decision about if we're... keeping it or not."

"I see." Renjun doesn't really know what to say to that.

"Then talk, hyung." Jisung speaks clearly and with intent. "You have to talk about it. Don't get angry or jealous about whoever Jeno talks to or whoever Nono plays with. Instead, talk to him. Let him know how you feel. And make a decision. This time should be about bonding as a couple, right?" He seems to be doubting his own words as he conjures them up. "So you can't watch everything from a distance and get all worked up and possessive. It'll stress you out."

"Sungie, you've grown up so much, did you know that?" Jaemin coos, and Renjun and Jisung are just glad to see his smile return. He weakly reaches up to pinch Jisung's cheeks. For some weird reason he isn't quite sure of, the maknae actually leans down to let his hyung do so, instead of grimacing and leaning away like usual.

"Yeah, what Jisung said." Renjuns shuffles on his feet but is secretly trying to conceal a proud smile directed at the youngest. "Plus, our comeback is next week, and we don't want to go into it with any hard feelings, do we?"

"I suppose not." Jaemin frowns again. "I'm sorry, I promise I'll speak to him." 

As if on cue, Jeno squeals loudly from the living room and Jaemin's heart is nearly tugged out of his chest. He wants to let him play with Mark and Donghyuck, and yet he is now aching to have this important conversation with him. So that he can clear up any misunderstandings, but also to relieve his mind. He wants answers. And the ultimate decision has to come from Jeno himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Inktober!!  
> I’ll try to post as much as possible this month!  
> I am also doing inktober over on my wattpad (@lifeisjustmeh) with my main book, Untraced.  
> Enjoy this chapter~~


	16. Chapter 16

"Jeno, love, I want cuddles." Jaemin shakes his boyfriend's arm with a pout not dissimilar to the one that Jeno is usually the owner of.

"I thought I was the clingy one." Jeno mutters, earning an unwavering glare from Jisung. He tears his eyes away from the television, which is only playing replays of an old drama he's already seen, and faces Jaemin. He tilts his head gently to the side. "Okay, we can cuddle, Minnie." He leans forward to reshuffle himself onto Jaemin's lap, but his arm is tugged at once more, signalling for him to stand up. Confused, he follows orders.

"In bed." Jaemin demands and Jeno feels his cheeks warm up. "Not like that, you weirdo." The younger huffs, but his gaze quickly softens when he runs his smooth palm over Jeno's stomach: his new favourite hobby. "I... I want to talk, sweetheart."

Sweat starts to collect on Jeno's palms whilst they arrange their bodies on Jaemin's bed so that he can sit comfortably in the younger's lap and place his cheek on his chest. Jaemin gradually leans back against the headboard. Jeno has no idea why his boyfriend has summoned this ominous conversation and his heart is not coping well. Each beat comes in a quicker succession and he vehemently avoids eye contact. He senses Jaemin's hands snake their way back onto his stomach, yet again, and he shifts slightly at the contact. When he dares to sneak a glance at him, his insides drop further, almost as deeply as Jaemin's brow is creased. His hands stop their movements to tap out a slow beat on his stomach instead.

Is it the pregnancy that is troubling him?

Does Jaemin not want a baby?

What if he wants an abortion?

Jeno breaks free of his boyfriend's hold and slides to the other end of the bed, then pulls his knees up to his chest in an effort to block his belly from both view and reach of the other.

"Jeno..." Jaemin's eyes are glassy and wide with what Jeno can only perceive as fear. "Don't leave me. Come back here. I wanna cuddle. Wanna look after you." Jaemin's words slur ever so slightly and he pats his thighs to get him to sit there again. 

Jeno hesitates, puzzled by the new side of Jaemin - the slurring, the extreme clinginess, the more basic sentences. It is almost childlike. Jeno swallows thickly.

"Are you... little?" He asks with an edge of caution. Jaemin shakes his head fiercely and his cheeks suspiciously begin to sparkle under the lights.

"No." He claims. "I just want to hold you close, baby. I want to know that you're safe, and look after you. You can't get hurt. I love you. I love you so much." His words become choked by a rising sob which overpowers his vocal chords, and his mouth opens and closes silently for a span of seconds. 

Guiltily, Jeno scrambles back to sit on his boyfriend's lap. Jaemin hugs him again, breathing deeply in the scent of his hair, then rests his cheek on Jeno's head. The older is unsure of what to say, so he stays hushed. Except the same three questions return to circulating his mind. He looks down and bites at his lips.

"Jaeminnie." He has to take a breath before continuing. "Do you not want a baby?"

Nothing happens for several seconds. Possibly the longest seconds of Jeno's life.

Jaemin suddenly seems to process his boyfriend's words and Jeno feels his head move above him.

"What makes you think that I wouldn't?" He smiles and wipes at his tears, which have already stopped falling to just rest on his face. "I want to keep it. So badly, Jeno-yah."

Jeno exhales loudly. Jaemin freezes with his frown again.

"Do you not? It's your choice, of course, bub. I can't force you either way. You ultimately get to decide." Jaemin splutters, flustered and he tries to make sure that he is not pushing Jeno to do anything. The older only giggles, enclosing his arms around Jaemin and locking him into place as securely as possible.

"I want it too, Minnie." He presses a tender kiss to Jaemin's lips, holding still for a bit and letting his eyes flutter shut. "Of course I do."

When he pulls away, Jaemin leans forward to catch them together for a bit longer.

"That's all I wanted to speak to you about." Jaemin clarifies. Jeno's bones relax immediately at hearing those words. "Don't worry, love. And I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" Jeno runs his lips over Jaemin's neck, who leans his head to give him better access, the soft pecks sending euphoria through his mind to clear the clouds.

"I'm sorry for getting worked up just now. I want to, need to, protect you so much. My caregiver side has been appearing much stronger and more uncontrollable recently."

"That's okay, Jaem." Jeno nuzzles into his boyfriend's scent. "I get overwhelmed by my love for you, too." He smirks as he meets Jaemin's gaze.

They bask in their re-found comfort for a while, fingers interlinked and heart beating in perfect unity.

"Can we tell the others that it's a definite?" Jeno's voice works its way into Jaemin's brain and is so harmonious to him that it takes a bit for him to actually register the words.

"Of course, baby." Jaemin pecks his forehead then squeezes his hand. "Up we go." Jeno steps onto the floor and stretches, waiting for his boyfriend to follow suit.

Renjun and Jisung are still lying in exactly the same positions on the sofa as when they left, unsurprisingly. The Chinese senses their arrival without even peeling his eyes away from the screen.

"Is everything better now?" He asks as he sits up to actually face them both now. Jeno looks back at Jaemin, confused.

"Huh?" His mouth drops open. "Were you listening in or something?" Jaemin laughs and strokes at his knuckles with his thumb.

"No, love. I spoke to him and Jisung yesterday, and my caregiver side was jealous-" Jisung scoffs and clicks his tongue. "-of you playing with Mark and Donghyuck." He is slightly ashamed to admit it, but Jeno's eyes are wide with understanding, making him relax and feel more at ease.

"So they told you to talk to me?" Jeno guesses. Both Jisung and Renjun nod smugly, and Jaemin curls his toes into the carpet. "That's sweet. I'm glad we had the conversation."

"Well, why don't you tell them the news, then?" Jaemin smiles and his pearly teeth glint. Jisung turns around to rest his chin on the back of the sofa and see them properly.

"We're keeping the baby. It's a definite." Jeno beams at Jaemin. He physically cannot stop his cheeks from turning upwards from delight and pride. His boyfriend throws his arm around his shoulder, bringing him closer.

"That's amazing." Renjun nods and gives a little round of applause, Jisung soon joining in.

"I won't be the maknae around here anymore." Jisung remarks.

"Oh, Sungie, don't worry. You're our forever maknae." Jaemin reassures him, which elicits a deep laugh from Jisung.

"No hyung, I meant to say that I'm quite excited to have a little kid running about the place." He corrects his wording in order to better convey his feelings.

"Really?" Jeno lifts his head, eyebrows raised in hope. "Thank you, Ji."

"Yeah. It'll be a new experience for all of us, won't it?" Renjun pipes up, muting the television when another song starts up. "And cute."

"Aw, does our Renjunnie secretly have a soft spot?" Jaemin steps forward to tickle under his chin, the very place he is most ticklish in, and Renjun flails his arms and kicks his legs out, protesting and trying in vain to wriggle free.

"Anyway." The Chinese pants. His belly aches from the sudden attack and he is embarrassingly out of breath. "Why don't you two go take a bath? I'll cook tonight."

"I can help you, hyung." Jisung offers.

"A bath sounds lovely, doesn't it, babe?" Jaemin seeks confirmation from Jeno, and the older eagerly nods. "Thank you. Both of you. Your support means a lot."

•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•

"How hot would you like it, love?" Jaemin swirls his hand around in the bathtub to mix in a bit of colder water, looking back at Jeno who is sat by the sink and swinging his legs. He simply hums in response. Not pressing any further, Jaemin decides to just run the water at the usual temperature. On the hotter side, but bearable.

"Bubbles, too?" He squeezes in a generous amount of bubble bath without waiting for an answer. The sweet scent of roses fills the bathroom, intermingling with the steam from the hot water and it gets straight to Jaemin's head. He finally turns off the taps after testing the water one final time. "Arms up, Jen." His boyfriend lazily raises up his arms and Jaemin helps him to remove his clothes, then strips his own body. He steps into the tub first. Jeno holds his hands and uses them as a support to lower himself into the water, eventually positioning himself between Jaemin's legs, back against his chest.

The water level is dangerously close to the edge of the tub and some of the bubbles even surpass that. Jeno giggles and scoops some of them up into his hands.

"Fluffy." He states, and Jaemin rests his chin on his shoulder. He knowingly picks up on the lisp in his voice, so proceeds to change his tone accordingly.

"Yes, baby." He praises him. He takes his own hand and gets a small cluster of bubble bath onto a finger, booping it against Jeno's nose. The older, who is quickly becoming younger, gurgles slightly and crosses his eyes in confusion to try to see what Jaemin did to his face. Jeno kicks his feet. Only a little bit, but it is enough to force water to slosh over the side. Jaemin sighs internally when he hears it splash onto the floor tiles.

"Be careful, honey." Jaemin pats Jeno's thigh to get him to stop.

"Fluffy." He reiterates. Jaemin gives the same reaction as before to entertain him. This time, Jeno blows on the bubbles on his palms, and they disperse. Some decorate the wall, others drift across the room, but most flutter back down to join the other mounds on the water surface.

"I'm going to wash your hair, sweetie." Jaemin reaches for the cup and dunks it into the water. "Mind your eyes." When he raises his other to hand to use it as a shield for Jeno's eyes, the little misunderstands, instead opening his mouth and trying to catch the fingers inside like a pacifier.

"No." With his clouded mind, he is easily frustrated, and resorts to kicking again, and shakes his head to disperse some of the water. Jaemin sighs and gives in. Jeno hums happily when Jaemin lets his fingers rest on his tongue and the caregiver feels his body become heavier, pressing against his chest and his jaw slack. He guesses the hair washing process can wait.

The air is thick with humidity, steam dancing upwards from the water and forming glistening layers of condensation on the walls, and the mirror has become concealed behind a mist clinging to its surface. Jaemin's mind is empty, so empty. Nothing except the sensation of Jeno mindlessly suckling on his fingers whilst sharing his body warmth is at the forefront of his thoughts. The weight of him may be heavy and yet it only reminds him, reassures him, that Jeno is happy and healthy and safe in his arms. He traces over the ridges of his abdomen. His finger is gentle, barely pressing down on his skin. Jaemin can still feel the firmness of his muscles, and he lets his head wonder how much longer they will be visible for. He finishes it off with a kiss on Jeno's head. His hair has already started to dry off.

"Close your eyes, sweetheart." Jaemin speaks quietly, and he tilts Jeno's head backwards to avoid the water trickling into his eyes. "Would you like your Mr. Men shampoo?"

"Hmph." Jeno's eyes are already closed and he simply lets out a grunt from his throat in response, so Jaemin squeezes some of the little's shampoo straight onto his head with his free hand, then massages his scalp with so much care that Jeno mumbles to himself, letting Jaemin's fingers drop out of his mouth.

"You're such a good boy, Jen." Jaemin coos. He rubs a tuft of his hair between his fingers, getting it to stand up in a Mohican style for a few seconds, before he smooths it back down. The black strands of hair soon disappear amongst the plethora of white foam. Jaemin readily breathes in the sweet aroma. This time, he manages to make two devil horns out of Jeno's hair, chuckling to himself when the little turns around, eyes sparkling and mouth parted, to pout at him.

"Nana." He whines softly.

"I'll hurry up, love." Jaemin uses the cup to pour water over Jeno's head, bit by bit, to wash the suds of shampoo away. He has butterflies prancing through his stomach at how beautiful Jeno is. His eyes are wide and bright with a soft innocence, accompanied by the dainty mole on the top of his cheek. Jaemin loves every single tiny detail about him.

He lifts himself out of the bath and hurriedly dries his body off with a towel, before giving in to Jeno's outstretched arms which demand to be picked up. He helps him with the towel, then when he leans down to unplug the plughole, the water swirls away down the drain, taking the remaining bubbles and worries with it.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: vomiting. Nothing graphic. But it’s there.

"One and two and three and four and." Byeongho strains his voice to be heard over their footsteps and disgruntled shouts, whilst furiously clapping his hands to the beat. All the members have been attacking the moves of their new choreography for an entire morning with scarcely half an hour of rest before it eats into the afternoon. 

When the music loops back to the beginning of the song, Jeno doesn't move. His eyes can't focus properly and he feels dread work its way up his throat, making it difficult to breathe. Everyone turns to look at him. Questions hang off their tongue, but he holds up his hand to silence them, staying stood still for a while longer.

He can taste it now, so he barges out of the room and barrels into the nearest bathroom, not bothering to lock the cubicle as his breakfast lands into the toilet bowl. Dizziness pulsates through his skull with every retch. It doesn't last long, but it leaves him gasping for air as Jaemin smooths circles into his back.

"Let it out, love. It's alright." Jaemin whispers and he uses his other hand to brush his hair off of his sweaty forehead. His fingers linger over the skin there and he frowns. "You're burning up."

"Min..." It is all Jeno can muster. Jaemin coos and reassures him further, flushing the toilet and lifting Jeno up off the floor with an untainted smile.

"Take this." Haechan appears at the doorway with an unopened bottle of water and hands it to Jaemin before speeding back to the practice room to give them privacy. Both of them are grateful and Jeno gulps down half of it in one go, desperate to cleanse the acidic taste lining his mouth.

"How long were you feeling icky for, hm?" Jaemin traces his fingers over his boyfriend's arm. His words become muffled by the incessant ringing in Jeno's ears.

"Suddenly came." Jeno breathes out harshly, eyes watering.

"It's alright, love. Don't feel bad, it's not your fault. It's normal with pregnancy at first. The first trimester can be rough." Jaemin assures, continuing to rub Jeno's back, who pushes his head into Jaemin's shoulder.

"But I feel disgusting, Minnie." Jeno whines. Jaemin simply shushes him, stroking his hair and rocking him gently.

"Think you can make it back to the practice room?" He asks once Jeno has calmed down and finished his water.

"Yeah." He breathes out. "But I d-don't want to dance." Jeno looks up at Jaemin, eyes glossy as the younger pecks his nose.

"Then you don't have to. You've worked so hard recently. On top of everything else. You deserve a rest, baby." Jaemin smiles reassuringly and takes a hold of Jeno's hand to guide him to the door and back to practice.

All the members have stopped their rehearsals, now being sat in various positions around the room, hushed whispers passing around. Everyone's head turns to face the couple on their return. Renjun takes in the sight of Jeno's deathly pale skin and how hard he is clinging onto Jaemin's hand, and immediately gets to his feet.

"Is everything okay?" His eyebrows furrow deeply and he slowly takes several steps towards them. Jeno avoids meeting his concerned gaze.

"It was just an icky spell." Jaemin squeezes Jeno's hand. "He's feeling a bit better now."

"Well, he should be. You've still got a lot to run through." Jaehwa clutches at the split ends of her short hair and glares at them, specifically at where they are holding hands. Jeno only clutches on tighter.

"No." Jisung suddenly speak up, standing so that he now towers over the woman. "Can we just have the rest of today off? Jeno-hyung clearly isn't feeling well." No one expected that boldness towards a member of staff from the maknae himself, and they all stay in shocked silence, anticipating the rage to come.

"Your comeback is next week and you have to be up to standard." She hisses, shuffling on her feet to stand her ground. "So no slacking." She juts a finger in the air towards Jeno. "And certainly no faking illness. Just grow up." Jeno slouches and tries to hide behind Jaemin.

Jisung, Renjun and Jaemin all face their choreographer in desperate need for backup. He unplugs the laptop from the speaker, causing their manager's jaw to open slack, and slides the computer into his bag.

"They're already up to standard." He clarifies, and Donghyuck exhales rather loudly. "You have all worked hard, so of course we can end practice here. Get some good rest, Jeno-yah. I hope that you feel better soon." The members all race to collect up their belongings and make it out the door before the wretched woman can hurl any more insults or demands.

Once out onto the streets, they pull on their masks and hats and swiftly decide not to wait around for her to drive them back home, which she'd probably refuse to do anyway, and Mark offers for them all to go back to the 127 dorms. Despite it being mid-may with a pleasant sun beating down its warmth, Jeno shivers at the air, which of course doesn't go unnoticed by his boyfriend.

"Do your coat up, love." He reprimands lightly. Jeno fumbles around for the zip for several seconds and almost collides with a lamppost in the process. He pouts, seeking out help from Jaemin. The younger chuckles and stops his strides to neatly do up the coat, patting Jeno's chest triumphantly.

"Hey! Come in! What a surprise." Ten opens the door, with Xiaojun and Yangyang tightly in tow and confusing the Dreamies slightly, but no one questions it, and they all happily step into the hallway and remove their shoes and coats to pad into the living room, limbs finally getting a rest. Jeno immediately takes his place on Jaemin's lap, arms hanging loosely around his neck and cheek on his shoulder. It's always the same position, and yet its comfort never recedes.

"Babies, hello! How was your day?" Taeyong prances gracefully into the room, clasping his hands together with delight at the sight of the youngest members piled onto the sofa. They're already hogging it but he doesn't mind.

"Byeongho-hyung let us go early." Mark explains, a hint of pride in his voice at the reminder that their routine is already perfected. "Jaehwa wasn't best pleased, so we walked here instead."

"Hm, I can imagine. Renjun and Jisung, I've put your complaints forward, and I've been told that they're looking into it." Taeyong smiles with understanding. "I don't know whether anything will come of it, though."

"Thank you anyway, hyung. She is really getting my nerves." Renjun rolls his eyes as he lets Chenle lean into his chest.

"Jeno-yah, you look pale." Doyoung's appearance diverts everyone's attention, and Taeil enters in his wake. Jeno huffs. Trust Doyoung to notice as soon as he set his eyes on the younger. "Jaemin, you are looking after him, aren't you?" Jaemin scoffs, lightly offended, but he understands that it is only coming from a place of a sort of parental love and worry.

"He looks after me so well, hyung." Jeno confirms sleepily. Doyoung bites his lip before crossing the room to rub his back with tenderness.

"Then what's the matter?" He presses, confident in himself that he has correctly diagnosed Jeno as not feeling one hundred percent.

"I was just a bit sick. But I'm fine, hyung. Honestly." Jeno even attempts a smile to persuade Doyoung. The older raises an eyebrow.

"Sick? There's not a bug going around, is there? And right before your comeback, too. All of you, wrap up warm and rest thoroughly, you hear me?" All of the Dreamies obediently nod, completely accustomed to the same speech Doyoung gives before each of their comebacks.

"Don't worry so much, Doyoung." Ten unexpectedly enters the room with Yangyang toddling next to him and manages to squeeze himself next to where Mark and Haechan are in an awkward half-hug, as though they are not sure if skinship is allowed. Which is stupid, considering how Chenle is nearly dozing off in Renjun's arms and how Jaemin has his face buried in Jeno's mess of hair. Yangyang clambers onto Ten's lap.

"It's not a bug." Jeno reassures Doyoung, looking up. His voice shakes slightly. "I think it's... I think it's the morning sickness kicking in." He explains with a flush. Jaemin gasps instinctively and locks his arms around Jeno's waist. He nuzzles into his neck.

"You don't have to tell everyone so soon, sweetheart, if you don't want to." He whispers. Jeno whimpers softly and Yangyang lets out a grunt of confusion, his mind being filtered by his little side, so he doesn't understand the words.

"Morning sickness?" Ten lets the syllables roll over his tongue, the word being new. "Like, pregnancy morning sickness?" He frowns. Jeno only flicks his eyes to him momentarily.

"As long as you're sure that it's only that." Taeil says, and Doyoung nods, picking at his nails with worry.

"It came out positive?" Ten speaks with a softer voice now, leaning to look at the couple fondly. "Congratulations."

"Who won?" Yangyang cranes his neck to look up at Ten. "Cong'atulation!" He cheers, clapping his hands together and giggling. Jeno smiles knowingly at the little's antics. He feels his gut twist and lets his head fall back into Jaemin's neck.

"How long does morning sickness usually last?" Mark asks with a concerned frown. He hates seeing his members sick, especially the Dreamies who are all his little brothers, each with their own comfortable space in his heart.

"Did everyone know about this before me?" Their eyes swivel back to the leader, who is still standing by the doorway in shock, eyeing Jeno up and down, Mark's question ignored.

"Doyoung, Ten and Kun helped us, telling Jeno to take another test. It came out negative on the first two tries." Jaemin takes a deep breath and lets Jeno pull on his fingers as a distraction. "Then when it was positive, Doyoung and Taeil were there. We told the rest of Dream but no one else yet. We're sorry, hyung." Jaemin swallows, dryness coating his throat. Jeno looks up with a pout. Seeing the change in his eyes, Jaemin strokes his back to help him drop.

"You don't need to apologise." Taeyong waves his hands around, flustered. "It's just a bit of a shock. Unexpected news. But it's wonderful news. Congratulations." His fond smile returns to adorn his lips once more.

A comforting silence enshrouds them, and it is relaxing after a long, tiring day of being cooped up in the practice room. Haechan finally makes a move on Mark. He intertwines their fingers and shifts so that he can press his face against the older's chest, making Mark blush, but he doesn't have the heart to deny him the affection, eagerly hugging him back. The silence is fractured by a screeching laugh from Yangyang and Chenle. The Chinese has his fingers pushed into Yangyang's cheeks, who squeals with delight and tries to break free.

"'Angyang funny." Chenle babbles. Renjun smiles into his hair and nods slightly to affirm to everyone when they stare at Chenle with an understanding but questioning glint in their eyes. The leader chuckles airily and comes over to sit on the carpet in front of the two littles. He pats the spot next to him, ushering Jeno over to play too.

"I always had my suspicions about Lele, you know."


	18. Chapter 18

"Will we get to see Jeno's abs?" Jaemin reads from the iPad being passed around during the vlive, and he puts on a whiny voice to imitate the fan. "Uh, no. Of course not!" He smirks and raises his eyebrows comically in Jeno's direction. Chenle squawks with laughter, along with Jisung, whilst Jeno blushes profusely and shifts on the sofa.

"They're for my eyes only. Don't worry, babe." Jaemin's comment whispered into his ear does not help Jeno's embarrassment. He swats his boyfriend away with a gentle pat on the cheek.

"Is someone getting possessive?" Donghyuck meddles and elbows Renjun to get him in on the joke, too.

Amongst all of the chattering and spoilers being thrown about the room, Jeno can only let his mind drift. That one particular comment lodges itself in an uncomfortable position in his throat. He swallows it down, trying to push it away and forget about it, but he keeps replaying it over and over. And then he realises that, in just a matter of months, his abs will have diminished. They will soon be covered by his baby bump. 

He dreads what the fans will think. How they will react. If they will support him or not. His right hand easily finds Jaemin's warm palm, squeezing it in search of something to ground him. They're on vlive so he has to stay focussed. Their new album comes out it less than an hour. He needs to focus. But how will the precious czennies react to his pregnancy?

They are all supportive of his and Jaemin's relationship, so surely they will be all the more excited by the news, right?

"What's up, love?" Jaemin strokes the back of his hand with his thumb and leans closer to him to keep whispering. Mark is telling some story about the recording process of one of the songs, but his words are all distorted in Jeno's mind and the same thoughts are the only ones to clearly break through.

"I'm tired." Jeno tries to lie. Guilt immediately clasps around his heart. He never lies to Jaemin. Jaemin never lies to him. That's the dynamics of their relationship. The younger shakes his head slowly and widens his eyes to look at Jeno.

"That's not what's troubling you, is it, hm?" Jaemin continues. As he speaks, he notices a manager giving them a deepening frown and he is aware that they shouldn't get distracted, but his concern for his boyfriend takes priority and nothing can burst their bubble when that is the case. "Was it the comment?"

Jeno doesn't respond. His silence is filled by Chenle adding on to the end of Mark's story with the final touches and a seemingly important point which was missed off.

"I shouldn't have read it out. I'm so sorry, Jen." Jaemin stops his thumb and intertwines their fingers firmly.

"You don't need to apologise, Minnie. I'm alright. It's not your fault." Jeno pats their hands, trying to resist the urge for more skinship.

"You're not feeling sick, are you?" The younger presses on and Jeno forces a smile. He can speak honestly this time.

"No. I promise, Jaeminnie." He briefly scans over the other members, then widens his eyes when he notices that his name is written in bold on the next prompter. He rapidly skims the text and his eyes flick between the cameras to work out which one to speak into.

The rest of the countdown live whizzes past. They get engrossed in various games, meaning that Jeno can suppress his worries for a while and have fun with the members and the fans. Their excitement buzzes through the iPad screen when he scrolls through the comments. He is met with a promising sea of green hearts. It reminds him that everything will be okay.

•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•

Jeno spams the cursor over the refresh button, barely letting the circular arrow breathe before loading the website one final time. There it is, their title track, sat proudly in position number one. The top of the charts. Within a matter of hours.

"Minnie!" He squeals. Jaemin beams and puts down his coffee then charges into the kitchen to back-hug his boyfriend.

"Yes, love?"

"Number one!" Jeno pokes the screen with his finger, then giggles and looks up at his boyfriend. Jaemin meets his lips halfway. Their lips exchange unspoken words of praise for a few blissful seconds, then Jaemin pulls away. "Our fans are the best." Jeno sighs happily, turning back to the laptop screen.

"I'll send them a few bubbles now." Jaemin takes the seat next to Jeno and begins to type so fast his fingers become a mere blur.

"You spoil them so much." Jeno laughs, pouting gently, and Jaemin rolls his eyes and decides not to pick up on the shifting between more childlike to big sentences.

"But we're at number one! They deserve it." Jaemin defends, then proudly places his phone back onto the table. Jeno suddenly looks at his lap and bites on a fingernail.

"Do you think they'll be okay with me?" He speaks much quieter now.

"What do you mean, sweetheart?" Jaemin taps his thighs and Jeno is eager to sit on his boyfriend's lap, as he was already starting to feel little from the overwhelmingly positive response to their comeback.

"Pregnancy." Simply that word is enough for Jaemin to understand. However, he doesn't understand where Jeno got the idea that they wouldn't be supportive from.

"You haven't been reading any bad comments, have you?" He asks softly. Before he gets a response, Jeno leaps out of his embrace and makes it across the kitchen to jump up and down in time with Chenle's excited wriggling. A disheveled Renjun appears after him.

"Number one!" Jeno and Chenle both chant together. Renjun and Jaemin exchange a glance signifying an odd mixture of pride and confusion. The two littles have never really hung out before, and yet they are squealing like two best friends on a playdate. Jeno didn't even know that Chenle was a little until a few days prior. Renjun steps around their rejoicing to join Jaemin at the table.

"Hey." He attempts a conversation, holding Jaemin's shoulder. Jaemin lets his mouth hang open and his hands are still poised mid-air from the dissolved hug. Renjun takes a hold of them and lowers them back down into his lap with a comforting pat. "Littles sure a handful, aren't they?"

"Hm." Jaemin lets out simply.

"You look stunned. What's the matter?" Renjun observes how Jeno and Chenle giggle and toddle out of the room, likely to find Jisung, then adverts his attention back to Jaemin.

"I don't think Nono is even aware that he's pregnant." Jaemin gulps down a dangerously large mouthful of coffee. Renjun wrinkles his nose with suspicion.

"I thought you'd given that battery acid up." Jaemin blanks the comment completely.

"What if he gets too carried away? What if he hurts himself, and-" Jaemin runs his hands through his hair. A finger gets caught on a knot, and he yanks at it aggressively until Renjun gently grasps his wrist and persuades him to calm down. "And now Jeno thinks that the fans won't support him. I didn't even get a full explanation before he took off to play with Lele." Jaemin looks utterly deflated.

"Of course the fans will support him. They all love you just the same, knowing your sexuality and that you're in a relationship, right? Our czennies are wonderful, and so accepting. The addition of a baby will surely delight them." Renjun's tone is sincere and he makes sure that he has direct eye contact with Jaemin as he speaks to maximise the effectiveness of his statements. Another set of heavy footsteps approaches, and the maknae drags a chair across the floor to sit down on. 

"Do they really have to have a tea party in the middle of my bedroom floor?" He groans, holding his head in his hands and staring at the two caregivers as though pleading for a solution. "I mean, since when was Chenle even a little?" He narrows his eyes and digs his nails into the table. Jaemin perks up a bit, also intrigued by this question.

"Oh yeah, when did he start regressing? I'm assuming you know, as he dropped with you the other day." Jaemin smooths down his hair has he asks his questions. Renjuns looks at him doubtfully, receives a flashy smile from Jaemin to reassure him that he is fine, then contemplates his answer.

"It was only a few months ago, really." He responds. "He came to me and shyly asked if he could try regressing. I, of course, said yes, but it was still several weeks before we actually did anything." Jaemin coos in understanding. He can clearly remember the first few times his boyfriend had regressed.

"But he never told me." Jisung mutters, green practically oozing off his skin from his jealousy.

"Oh Jisung-ah, don't feel bad." Renjun reaches across the table to pat the maknae's head, much to his horror. "Chenle was so embarrassed about it at first. He wouldn't let me buy him any supplies, and even when I did anyway, he refused to use a pacifier. He refused to drink from a bottle. Everything."

"Poor thing. All this was going on and I had no idea." Jaemin frowns, once again dreading the pit of guilt swirling in his stomach.

"Don't even start to take the blame." Renjun scolds him with a firm voice. "You have enough going on already, Jaem." Jisung nods in agreement. "Plus, Lele has never been over four years old, so he struggles with speech a lot of the time. Korean is often out of the question."

"I'm glad he's come to terms with it now." Jisung smiles vaguely, staring at the wall. "But..." Both caregivers sigh, having sensed that there was more to come. "But can you at least try to get them out of my room?"

Jaemin and Renjun shrug, exploding into laughter on their way to see what chaos their babies are up to.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RESONANCE IS AOTY NO WAIT ALBUM OF THE UNIVERSE!!!  
> I am in love with every single song! The whistling in make a wish will surely be in my head for years to come…>_<…
> 
> I am so so proud of all of them, and it makes me genuinly happy to see the mv views increase so quickly, and to see so many ppl talk about nct. They’re FINALLY getting the recognition that they deserve!
> 
> Although it is slightly scary and dawnting to watch the sudden surge in popularity. It excites me a lot at the same time! The fandom is finally coming together again like the good ol days :”)
> 
> Stick around till the end of this chapter for a lil question from moi
> 
> ***TW: vomiting***

The air becomes smothered by fans screaming and cheering, and the area in front of the stage is a blur of neon green lightsticks as the final beat of their song rings through the set. Their energy gives Jeno the strength to stay stood still and stare into the camera, eyes slightly lidded for the ending fairy, even though his head is collapsing from a headache and his breathing is ragged. His stomach churns, but he has to act professional. It's not uncommon to feel ill just after completing a particularly taxing choreography. But today is worse than he has felt in months.

After those torturous seconds, Jeno closes his eyes and his legs weaken. His eyelids swirl from the carvings of the intense lighting, which don't relieve his nausea in the slightest, and he is aware that his heavy breathing is crackling through his microphone. His head is dangerously unsteady between his shoulders.

"Hyung?" Chenle is the first to make it over to him, being the next in line in their final positions. "Are you okay?" Jeno grunts lightly and stumbles to reach out to Chenle and his fist grabs onto his jacket. "You're not okay." Chenle glares at Jeno for not admitting that in the first place. Jaemin is next to arrive at the scene.

"Jen? Why don't we go backstage for a bit, yeah?" He mutters into his ear, not forgetting to twist his microphone out of the way first. He glances around to see that Haechan and Mark are entertaining the fans already, so he deems it safe to guide Jeno by the hand off the stage.

They are met with a bustle of staff frowning disapprovingly at the pair, mouths opening in preparation to scold them.

"You should be having another run through in three minutes!"

"What on Earth are you doing? Get back on stage!"

"The fans will be worried!"

"It's alright, Jeno, love. Let's find the bathroom." Jaemin squeezes their hands together and pulls his boyfriend into the toilets just in time for him to empty his stomach into the bowl. The younger runs his fingers over his back until Jeno is sure that he has finished retching, humming gently to let Jeno know that he is there. "Was it another sudden spell, kitten?" Jeno nods weakly and still manages to raise an eyebrow.

"That's new." He musters a smile. Jaemin smirks back.

"Just trying out new nicknames for my favourite person ever."

"Minnie, stop." Jeno draws out the syllables and pokes Jaemin's cheek with a pout. "I just chundered in front of you. How is that attractive?"

"Everything about you is attractive, sweetheart." Jaemin helps Jeno to stand up and he brushes his bangs from his eyes whilst he formulates his next sentence, eyes falling to take in the sight of Jeno's stomach. "It will be worth it in nine months, won't it? And I'm with you every step of the way."

•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•

"Oh, this is an interesting question!" The MC of the variety show unfolds another piece of paper and reads what the next fan wants to know. He raises his eyebrows. "Would you rather have a son or a daughter?"

Jeno nearly falls off the stool he is sat on. He quickly chastises himself and pulls his lips back into a smile, hoping it was swift enough for no one to notice how he faltered. His eyes search over his bandmates to wait for one of them to answer first. Jaemin is staring at him, yet when they lock eye contact his gaze shifts away to look at Haechan, whose arm has already shot up.

"I want a daughter!" He exclaims. Mark chokes and disguises it with a cough.

"You seem very sure of that, Haechan-ssi. Why a daughter?" The host prompts for him to develop his answer and Jeno relaxes, resuming his slouch. The striped jumper he is wearing is baggy but it still feels too constricting. It is tight around his stomach, squeezing him harshly and sucking the life from his child, until-

Haechan laughs loudly, and Renjun and Chenle join in the chorus.

"Good thinking." The host nods approvingly, then the director calls for a break and unknowingly saves Jeno from possibly the hardest and most pressing question received on a variety show.

The remainder of the filming passes a lot smoother. An hour or so later, they are finally free of schedules and they all are eager to follow through with Mark's suggestion of eating out for dinner. It's always the same restaurant: a small, family owned place tucked away in the corner of the bustling city of Seoul. 

For the members, it's a hidden gem. There are always spare tables, decorated with flowers and candles, and the kind owner greets them with a welcoming smile then proceeds to ask them about their day. Today is no different and they all slide into the chairs with rumbling stomachs. The fairy lights glimmer on the ceiling above them.

"Your usual order, Jen?" Jaemin rests his head on his boyfriend's shoulder and scans over the menu. He is mostly just checking to see if there are any sneaky changes, as they always order the same dishes each time. He hears no response after several seconds so he looks up, frowning at Jeno's forlorn face. "What's the matter?"

"I want jelly." Jeno announces. Renjun's head snaps up to look at him. In the background a small child shrieks with laughter.

"Of course, you can have jelly for dessert." He explains softly, albeit slightly cautiously once he spots Jeno's trembling lip and how he hasn't yet taken off his coat to keep his hands stubbornly stuffed into his pockets. Jeno shakes his head.

"No. I just want jelly." He persists. Chenle looks between the couple, anticipating what Jaemin has to say in response.

"You have a very high maintenance boyfriend, Jaemin-ah." Haechan chuckles without taking his eyes off the menu, either trying to lift the mood or just being totally oblivious.

"Take your hands out of your pockets, Jen." Jaemin tugs softly on his wrist. Jeno frowns and digs his hands deeper into the fluffy fabric. "Aren't you hot in that?"

"Cold." Jeno mutters. Jaemin presses his hand up to his forehead.

"You feel rather warm. Come on, take it off. You can wear it again later." Jeno eventually complies and lets his boyfriend drape his coat over the back of the chair. "What would you like to eat? We'll order the tteokbokki you like, as usual, yeah?"

"Jelly." Jeno's head falls forward slightly and he blinks in confusion when he lifts it back up, sleepiness clearly drawing in on his senses.

"We'll order you some jelly. Don't worry." Mark interjects and shoots wide eyes to Jaemin, warning him to just give in to what Jeno wants. The younger sits back in his seat and pats Jeno's thigh.

Jeno is almost fully alseep when their order arrives. The plates and dishes are all arranged in the middle of the table and the restaurant owner smiles when she places a bowl of strawberry jelly down in front of Jeno. They never used to serve it. But after a kerfuffle involving a stubborn little Jeno a few months prior, they are sort of obliged to.

"What do you say?" Jaemin whispers to Jeno before he can pick up his spoon.

"Thank you!" Jeno beams. The lady knows about Jeno's regression and is always understanding, even slipping in an extra lolly for the little here and there if she knows they had a particularly tiring day. They all dig into their meal, grateful sounds of appreciation ringing over the table.

Jeno slurps each spoonful of jelly into his mouth. The sugar soon kicks in and he jiggles on his chair, humming to himself when the sleepy haze clears from his mind.

"Nice to see you so happy, Jeno." Renjun states and wipes his mouth with a napkin. The others all turn and beam at him, showering him with agreements. Jaemin takes advantage of his better mood and spoons some tteokbokki onto a plate for him. Except Jeno only begins to shake his head again.

"Why not?"

"I don't feel like eating that, Nana. It's confusing." Jeno sighs and leans on his elbow. Jaemin inhales slowly and closes his eyes, before taking the portion for himself.

"You'll have to eat a proper dinner at some point, Jeno."

"I know." He suspires once more and sips on his apple juice. 

Don't get him wrong, he is forever grateful for how well Jaemin looks after him, but at this point in time he just wants to forget about the weird, conflicting emotions he is experiencing and to talk about something more normal. He strains his ears to tune into other conversations. 

Behind him, a small group of women, presumably colleagues, gossip about their current projects in whatever company they work for, and across the restaurant a second child seems to have found something equally as tickling as the first, for they both giggle in unison now. In a closer proximity, the members have started discussing video games. Jeno doesn't know why he is so surprised by the topic.

With his excitement dwindling away again, he can't focus on their sentences. Instead, he can only replay the dawnting question posed by the MC earlier. Surely the other members didn't even give their choices a second thought, for it was just a bit of fun. An innocent interest of a fan. Asking something which is a bit more out of the ordinary. And yet it sets the cogs whirring in his mind. And one of them becomes stuck, trying and trying to turn again, only tugging on the other cogs and blocking the whole system of his thoughts. None of them budge.

Which would he choose?

Does it even matter? He would be delighted by either option, of course. But what if Jaemin isn't? What if his boyfriend's choice is different to his? Would he still love the child?

Jeno seeks Jaemin's warmth and scent for comfort. He nests his head against his neck without a word and the younger wraps an arm around him, also without a word. Their hands meet over Jeno's stomach. Jeno's are shaky and cold. Jaemin's are soft and warm and Jeno lets the fingers roam under his jumper to trace over his skin. It tickles ever so slightly, but in a soothing manner, and he blushes when he realises that Jaemin is drawing out the same pattern of hearts as always.

Jaemin's stomach turns into a box of butterflies as he strokes Jeno's stomach. He is still engaging in the current conversation but his mind can't quite focus on it, and his interest is short lived. For he is amazed by how Jeno's abs seem less defined than usual, even though he hasn't stopped his workouts. He cannot control his facial muscles from beaming. To hide his silly smile, he leans into Jeno's hair. Just a short distance away from the tips of his finger is his child. Their child. 

He doesn't mind whether it's a boy, or a girl, or neither. Of course he doesn't. 

He presses countless kisses into Jeno's mess of hair, pulls his hand out from under his jumper and locks their fingers together. He picks up on how Jeno's frame relaxes, so he keeps up the physical contact to dispell all of his worries.

Somewhere along the way, Jisung and Renjun pretend to gag, but even they could never deny that the scene is in fact adorable.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 20 chapters to me! Hehe  
> Thank you for 4000+ hits and almost 200 kudos!  
> I love all of you <3
> 
> TW: mentions of scales and weight

Jeno closes his eyes when he senses Jaehwa step towards him. Her shirt and leather trousers are bright, and the only thing they compliment each other for is contrasting with the glare in her eyes. Jeno's ankles are weak, his feet shake on the scales and it is probably messing up the reading. Even so, it is still evident that he has gained weight.

"You're overweight." The confirmation is blunt but still pierces his eardrums and a lump forms in his throat, making it hard to breathe. He adamantly avoids eye contact.

"Sorry." He attempts.

"Not good enough." Jeno hopes that she will lose her job soon. Taeyong said that the company is looking into it and yet here she is, chastising him for gaining weight. A small bump was starting to form in front of the mirror a few evenings prior; he had predicted this conversation but still hadn't been fully prepared for it. "You need to get on top of it. Eat less. Exercise more."

"Yes, noona." He dares to open his eyes and immediately has to look away at the sight of her disappointed glare. A few silent seconds pass.

"How many years have you been doing this for, now? Eight years into your career. Over ten if you include trainee years. And you still can't manage your health." She spits out when Jeno had assumed she had finished. A wet tear stripes down his cheek. He doesn't bother to wipe it away. "Just get out." He bolts for the door, carrying his shoes in his hands.

A familiar warmth greets him in the corridor. Receiving the comfort makes his head cloud over and his small headspace easily takes the centre, already being vulnerable from the scolding which hits too close to his heart. He clings onto Jaemin.

"Nono is bad." He wails. "I've been bad." Jaemin widens his eyes at both the sudden switch and his words. "'M fat."

"Baby, where are you getting this from? Who told my precious boy this?" The caregiver guides him into an empty practice room away from the manager's judgements, takes his shoes from him, and pulls him into his lap on the striped sofa. He cradles his head, leaving kisses over his damp cheeks and thumbing his touch over his arms.

"Manager." Jeno cries with a ragged breath. Jaemin rocks him slowly as he shushes him.

"Manager is just being a meanie." Jaemin glares at the wall over Jeno's head in hope that his burning gaze will set the wicked woman on fire. "Don't listen to her, love. You're beautiful."

"Really?" Jeno hiccups and weakly presses his forehead into Jaemin's chest.

"Yes, you are. Of course you are, sweetheart." Jaemin carts his fingers through the little's hair and tickles his chin softly, Jeno's giggle spreading warmth through him. "Let's wipe your pretty eyes." He uses the cuff of his hoodie to dab at his cheeks. "Your eyelashes are so, so beautiful, bub." 

They are long enough to just dip onto his skin when he closes his eyes, framing them wonderfully. Jeno goes cross-eyed in an attempt to see his own eyelashes. They both laugh and Jaemin sets the little down onto the sofa, quickly dashing to grab his shoes from the floor.

Jeno whines and kicks his feet when Jaemin kneels down and tugs on the laces of the trainers to loosen them.

"You have to put your shoes on, kitten." Jeno blushes at that nickname once more. But then he can't control his smile, so he decides that it is his new favourite. He is so in love with Jaemin that he lets him slip his trainers on and firmly tie the laces. He even receives a kiss on the forehead after. "See, that wasn't so bad, was it? Up we go." Jaemin leans down to scoop Jeno up.

"Wanna walk." Jeno sets his brow firm with determination and grabs onto Jaemin's hand instead. He gets to his feet, albeit slightly shakily, but is soon walking alongside his caregiver, swinging their hands enthusiastically between them.

Jaemim listens to him tell a story about Ryan - one that he had made up in his head and is so delighted to finally be sharing with his caregiver. Jaemin laughs when Ryan doesn't want to get out of bed, then gasps when he smashes a jam jar. Jeno is hardly breathing between each sentence and Jaemin can feel his excitement oozing out of him. Jaemin's concerns at Jaehwa's comment lurk at the edge of his mind. He hopes that big Jeno is relaxed enough after regressing that he won't pay any attention to her. 

After all, him gaining weight from his tiny bump means that the baby is doing well. He repeats this to himself until Jeno suddenly tugs on his hand to pull him out of the company building and down the street. It is still mid-morning, so students are at school and most adults are at work, leaving the roads peaceful and an easier obstacle to pass.

They soon reach their neighbourhood and Jaemin remembers something. He has a schedule with Jisung all afternoon, yet he feels uneasy at the thought of leaving his baby alone. Guilt leads him to grasp his hand a little tighter. The little seemingly doesn't notice anything and just continues to bounce along the pavement.

"Love, would you like to go and see Doie-hyung today?" He decides that this is safest way to word it. As expected, Jeno stops walking to nod eagerly.

"Yeah!" He squeals and sets off down the pavement, past the Dreamies' apartment and towards 127's. "Yes please." He corrects himself when he remembers his manners.

They make quick work of the stairs and the door flies open before they even ring the doorbell, Doyoung beaming at them.

"I figured it was you two." He smiles knowingly as he steps aside to let them it. Jaemin frowns quizzically. "I could hear you both from a mile away. Now what can I do for you?"

Jeno tackles Doyoung into a clamp of a hug, nuzzling into his neck and giggling with delight. Jaemin fiddles with the strings of his hoodie.

"I have a schedule now, so would you mind looking after him?" Jaemin widens his eyes with hope. "It'll only be for a few hours." Jeno squeals again when he sees a surprised Mark enter the room, who receives a just as crushing but affectionate embrace.

"Of course, Min. No problem at all." Jaemin exhales with relief, although he was certain that there was no way he would have declined the favour, anyway.

"Jen's little right now."

"I guessed that." Doyoung chuckles, raising an eyebrow at how Jeno tugs Mark over to the drawer containing his littlespace supplies, ordering him to pick out some pencils.

"Because that dumb manager scolded him for gaining weight. There's already a slight bump forming." Jaemin stares wistfully at his boyfriend. "So it's probably because of that. But just be warned that he might be upset if he returns to his big headspace." Doyoung nods in understanding.

"Hopefully she'll be gone soon. But I'll make sure to give him lots of love."

"Thanks so much, hyung." Jaemin hugs Doyoung with gratitude before being shooed out of the door.

"Everything will be fine. You go and work hard."

Doyoung closes the door, only to turn around to see Jeno's bottom lip wobbling and Mark awkwardly holding onto an opened box of pencils, eyes flicking between the other two in the room to wait for something to happen.

"Nana?" Jeno's eyes widen and his nostrils flare. Tears start to retrace the paths they had left just scarcely half an hour earlier.

"Nana will be back soon. Why don't you do some colouring with Markie?" Doyoung crouches down next to where Jeno is sat on the floor to get on the same eye level.

"Wanna colour with Nana." Jeno shuffles on the carpet until he is sat with his back to Doyoung. Mark and Doyoung share an exasperated look. Jeno digs the pencil he has his grip on into the carpet.

"Don't do that." Mark lunges forward to save any colourful spots from being added to the otherwise fairly clean carpet. Jeno leans away from him and instead of passing the pencil to Mark, he throws it at the wall. The lead chips off and the pencil clatters back to the floor. Doyoung inhales slowly. Jaemin has barely been gone for a few minutes; an argument can't start yet. Or hopefully at all.

The little clearly has different ideas, though.

He decides to scream, then charges out of the room. Neither of the older two follow him. Their shock renders them utterly speechless and startled.

"What?" Mark mumbles, dropping the pencil box onto the coffee table.

"I leave my boyfriend alone for just a few minutes, and- huh?" Haechan strides into the room, seeking out Mark but stops dead still in the doorway, mirroring their own motionless figures. "Is everything okay?"

"Jeno just screamed and ran out of the room." Doyoung explains in a quiet voice. He had always thought that he was a responsible caregiver, seeing as he is who Jaemin comes to for back up. But now he has absolutely no clue about what to do.

"Oh, I thought it was Mark that screamed." Haechan saunters over to where the Canadian is still standing, then pecks his cheek.

"So you're getting confident now?" Doyoung raises an eyebrow when the pair flush red. "We're not dumb. We all know that you're a thing." Mark clears his throat.

"Onto the more... important issue." He gestures to the doorway. "Shouldn't we look for him?"

They all traipse out of the room. It's not that big of an apartment and none of them heard the front door open or close, so there aren't that many places he could be hiding in. The kitchen is empty. The bathroom is, too. Doyoung tells Mark and Donghyuck to check the other bedrooms, whilst he goes into his own. 

He swings open his wardrobe doors, frantically rifling through the clothes to get a better look at the bottom. A sob catches his attention. He whips around. A few seconds later, he hears it again and it sounds like it is coming from the bed. He is confused, but slowly steps in that direction anyway. There is no mound under the duvet which only leaves one possibility.

He kneels down onto the floor and ducks his head to peer underneath, finally catching sight of the little. Jeno is layed down in the darkness, sucking on his thumb with blotchy eyes. Doyoung's chest tightens.

"Come out , Jeno-yah." Doyoung coaxes. "Nothing will hurt you."

"Nana." Jeno mumbles, not moving an inch.

"Nana will be back soon." Doyoung reiterates.

"P'omise?"

"Yes. I promise. Now why don't you come out. It can't be very comfortable. And it's dark and scary." Doyoung says pitifully. Eventually, Jeno shuffles on his stomach until he makes it into Doyoung's arms. The older hugs him tightly. He is slightly concerned about how he was lying on his tummy, aware that Jaemin would be freaking out about that if he were here and he wonders if he should say or do something. He pats the little's stomach briefly, then motions for him to stand up.

"Can I have some jelly? Please?" Jeno asks.

"Of course, Nono. As a reward for doing as I said." The little gasps with pride and skips out of the room, likely towards the kitchen, as though he wasn't stubbornly screaming just now.

"I see you've found him?" Mark pokes his head into the doorway, tone flat and lacking amusement. Doyoung sighs.

"Yeah. And now he wants jelly." He says. He lets Mark and Haechan go back to whatever they were doing, then follows Jeno into the kitchen.

He meets the little sat patiently at the table, so he ruffles his hair and fetches a plastic bowl and a spoon. Jeno hits the spoon on the table when he sees Doyoung take the huge bowl of strawberry jelly out of the fridge and scoop a generous portion out for him.

"Thank you, hyungie!" Jeno sloppily kisses Doyoung on the cheek, almost getting his eye, before tucking in.

Doyoung watches him fondly. The way his eyes light up when he slurps the first spoonful into his mouth makes his heart melt. Even the way his mouth drops open when a bit of jelly falls off the spoon onto the table is adorable. Doyoung wipes the mess away with some kitchen towel before it can upset Jeno. He then sets to work preparing a cup of apple juice. He guesses that Nono is not as small as he sometimes is, as he can easily speak and walk, so a sippy cup of juice is gratefully received by the little once the jelly has disappeared.

They relocate onto the sofa. Doyoung speedily tidies away the colouring pencils and paper that were never used, finds a cartoon that Jeno likes, then joins his side to cuddle. He is amazed at how his mood can change so quickly. His brain guesses that it could be down to the new hormone changes and he finds himself staring at Jeno's stomach. The thought of them becoming parents still blows his mind a little and he doesn't know what to make of it, meaning that he can't even begin to imagine what the couple must be feeling. But pride and excitement are the prevailing emotions, for he has seen Jeno and Jaemin grow up from shy preteens to the successful, all-rounded adults they are today.

Feeling Jeno's head become heavier against his shoulder breaks him out of his thoughts before he can let his emotions get the better of him. The sippy cup is now empty but hanging precariously in one of Jeno's hands, so Doyoung gently prises it out of his grip and sets it down on the table. Jeno's lips are parted and the older is satisfied watching each rise and fall of his chest.

Blissful minutes pass. Jeno suddenly stirs in his sleep, trying to find something with his lips. Doyoung freezes and the little eventually sticks his thumb into his mouth. The older stares at the littlespace drawer, plotting his movements before realising that there is no way he should risk disturbing Jeno. Unknowingly, Haechan saves him by dragging Mark into the living room and Doyoung signals for them to throw him a pacifier before they begin any flirting.

Jeno easily accepts the soothing paci and Doyoung keeps him wrapped up in his arms until Jaemin returns.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is @plopdropflop's request!!!  
> I had fun writing it, thank you so much for the request, and congrats for being the first *woop woop*  
> I made it more Jisung focussed to switch it up a bit from the usual nomin focus, I hope it is okay! All requests are a part of the main plotline btw  
> {Note: requests are now closed}  
> I hope everyone had a wonderful week♥

As the credits roll at the end of the cartoon, the doorbell rings. Haechan jumps up to answer the door whilst Jeno gradually opens his eyes, removing the pacifier from between his lips and looking up at Doyoung.

"Hey, hyung." He stretches and the older hugs him again.

"Did you sleep well?" Doyoung's voice is still high-pitched as though he were talking to a child and Jeno blushes.

"Yes, I slept fine, thanks." He answers. His ears twitch at the sound of Jaemin's voice at the door and he dashes to greet him.

"Hello, Jen, love." Jaemin kisses his lips briefly, making Jeno's heart swirl. He breathes in his scent with a smile.

"Minnie, hi." He utters, voice muffled by his boyfriend's hoodie. "How was your afternoon?" Jaemin strokes Jeno's hair and ignores the fake gagging from Haechan as he stalks off.

"It was wonderful, bub. And how was your's?" Jaemin asks lightly although he is actually trying to work out if his boyfriend coped alright.

"It's a bit blurry. But I cuddled with Doyoung-hyung." Jeno beams and moves to hold Jaemin's hand. They wave goodbye to the others, Jaemin thanking them for looking after Jeno, then they descend the stairs in the building and cross the road towards their own dorm.

"You were regressed when I dropped you off, sweetheart." Jaemin explains.

"I think Nono missed you." Jeno pouts and Jaemin stops outside their front door to drop his mouth open with feigned offence.

"But Jeno didn't?" He teases. Jeno immediately becomes flustered.

"That's not what I meant, Min." He states defensively and Jaemin briefly tickles his chin before unlocking the door and pulling him through.

They crash onto the sofa, tangling their legs together and sharing their warmth.

"I don't want to do tomorrow's stage." Jeno mutters and chews on his bottom lip.

"It's the last one, love." Jaemin reminds him, hoping that it will give him the motivation to power through. Jeno sighs.

"I'd rather play video games or watch a drama. It's exhausting." Jeno fiddles with the string on his boyfriend's hoodie, who racks his brain to work out the cause of the sudden demotivation.

"An age?" Jaemin asks softly. He waits for several seconds to pass until he gets his response.

"Twenty-four." Jeno blinks and locks eyes with his boyfriend to prove that he is fully back. Jaemin smiles and kisses his lips, then sinks into the sofa with his arms wrapped around Jeno. He figures that he must just be tired.

"But you're still my baby." Jaemin pokes Jeno's side tenderly. He grumbles and wriggles in his boyfriend's arms for a bit until surrendering, breathless.

Jisung lifts his gaze from his phone screen and watches how Jeno goes back to curling up on Jaemin's lap, with Jaemin twirling strands of his hair around his fingers. He swallows hard and lets his phone turn off. The couple reshuffle and connect their lips together with a giggle. 

Usually, Jisung would find even just the thought of them making out repulsive, and yet he can't stop staring. Neither of them have noticed him at all. All afternoon, he was at the receiving end of Jaemin's attention, receiving compliments and hugs and some of his hyung's chocolate and lots of his love. But, as always, as soon as they make it home, the only person Jaemin pays attention to is Jeno. When one of them draws out a moan, he barrels out of the room, nearly charging straight into Renjun.

He lifts his hands up in a silent apology but doesn't manage to slam his bedroom door before Renjun follows him inside and closes it himself. Jisung freezes. They both stare at each other for several seconds, the maknae panting with his fists clenched and the Chinese keeping his distance with wide eyes.

"What's the matter?"

"Go away."

They both go to speak at the same time, then both sigh in unison.

"Well?" Renjun pushes for an answer. Jisung collapses onto his bed and tugs the pillow into a hug.

"What was the question?" He asks meekly, clearly knowing full well what Renjun said.

"What's the matter?" Renjun repeats without approaching any further.

"Jaemin-hyung." Jisung states. It doesn't exactly inform Renjun about the situation.

"What about Jaemin?" The maknae sits up, the pillow on his lap, then simply looks at the floor and shrugs. Renjun closes his eyes momentarily to recompose himself before continuing. "That doesn't help me. I can't make it better if you don't tell me."

"Jeno always gets all of Jaemin's attention." Jisung finally admits. Renjun bites his lips to retain a laugh; he gets an extreme sense of déjà vu from when a few weeks prior Jaemin himself was jealous. "Why is that funny?" Renjun shakes his head and lets a smile creep out.

"It's not, Sungie. Everyone just seems to be pining after everyone nowadays." He explains and takes a seat next to Jisung on the bed.

"But I miss Jaemin-hyung." Jisung whimpers, alerting Renjun that this is in fact coming from somewhere much deeper inside of him than just a bit of jealousy. The maknae leans on Renjun's shoulder out of his own accord. Renjun nods for him to continue. "It was nice this afternoon."

Renjun's eyes soften at how melancholy and deflated Jisung sounds and at how he eagerly leans in for more affection, sighing heavily.

"Did you have fun together?" Renjun asks sweetly to try to pry some positivity out of Jisung's trembling lips.

"He complimented me after each photo and each outfit and he shared his chocolate bar with me." He wipes at his eyes before the tears can even break free. Renjun rocks him slowly, squeezing him tighter in his arms when he shyly finishes off his sentence. "And he let me sit on his lap during the break."

A silent minute passes whilst Renjun lets Jisung cry out his frustrations and whilst he sorts out his words. The older feels a heavy weight pressing on his shoulders as he is left to watch and listen to each sob that leaves his beloved maknae, and he partly feels powerless, being stuck awkwardly into the edge of this problem without really fitting in.

"He loves you so much, Jisung-ah. You should hear the way he talks about you." Renjun says finally, tracing his finger over Jisung's cheek. His voice is soft and warm. It clears some of the clouds in the younger's mind.

"Then why doesn't he show it anymore? Not even in filmed videos. I don't want the fans to suspect anything, either." Jisung mutters, his eyes turning dark and filled with a pain that Renjun does not like at all, so he hushes him and continues to stroke his cheeks. "I'm not a little, hyung." The maknae whines and pulls himself free of the hug.

"I know. And I'm not trying to talk you down or treat you like one. I'm simply trying to help you. This helps Chenle to calm down, too." Renjun explains in a voice coated with no less warmth, despite his inner frustrations. Jisung grumbles something and he doesn't ask for it to be repeated, either. He is supposed to solve the issue, not escalate it into an argument.

"I just want to spend more time with Jaemin-hyung again." Jisung whines.

"They are in a relationship, remember." Renjun goes back to stroking his cheeks again, and Jisung wordlessly lets him this time. "And Jeno is pregnant. So of course they are going to be spending all their time together. I've noticed that, too. We all have." He wipes Jisung's eyes with his hoodie sleeves and the maknae finally musters a smile, allowing Renjun to relax his shoulders from the burdening weight. Jisung insists that he hasn't forgotten that very important factor.

"I just miss him and the old days." Jisung says. "It was so nice this afternoon when he payed attention to me and looked after me for a bit, but it went back to usual as soon as he picked Jeno up." His hand suddenly flies up to his mouth. "Is it selfish?"

Renjun shakes his head and immediately reassures him that it is not at all selfish, instead that it is perfectly understandable.

"Don't worry, Sungie. Go and speak to him. Just like we told Jaemin to do when he was the jealous one, hm? He'll probably baby you to the end of the universe if that's what you want." They both laugh airily, tensions lifting and letting them both breathe.

The door creaking alerts them that there is someone else around, and the very topic of their conversation pokes his head around the door.

"Can I... May I come in?" Jaemin speaks cautiously. Jisung notices the redness of lips and his messy hair and turns away, but grants him entry anyway. Renjun lets the maknae out of his grip so that they can have a conversation. The very much-needed conversation.

"Hey hyung." Jisung weakly starts.

"I've been abandoning you, haven't I?" Jaemin rubs at his bicep and shifts his weight between his feet. When Jisung scoffs, Renjun shoots him a glare.

"No arguing. You need to sort out this misunderstanding. Neither of you are leaving this room until everything is okay again. You hear me?" He even shocks himself at his sudden outburst of authority, but the other two nod eagerly.

"I didn't realise I was hurting you. It wasn't intentional. There's been a lot going on recently." Jaemin kneels down in front of where Jisung is sat on the bed and takes a hold of his hands.

"I understand, hyung. I'm not mad." Except the maknae is partly convincing himself of this statement. "But this afternoon it felt like the old days again, and I suddenly realised how much I... how much I missed it. Missed you." Jaemin squeezes his hands as encouragement as he speaks.

"I am so, so sorry." Jaemin speaks with sincerity, and Jisung feels guilty when he picks up on a subtle voice crack disjointing the otherwise confident apology. It makes Jisung weaken and he slides off the mattress to join his hyung on the floor and tackle him into a hug. Renjun watches the scene fondly.

"This is so soppy, oh my goodness." He exclaims dramatically.

"You told us to sort it out." Jisung raises an eyebrow without being able to restrain his smile.

"I'm only joking. Why don't you go cuddle somewhere else? It can't be comfortable down there on the floor."

"We're just experiencing the world from your height, Junnie." Jaemin quips, then pulls Jisung up and out of the room before they end up slaughtered.

They land on the sofa amongst a bubble of giggles.

"That was a boss move, hyung." Jisung says between fits of explosive laughter. "You better watch your back now."

"Oh, it's all just a front. Empty threats." Jaemin plumps up a cushion to get comfortable.

Jeno watches the scene with confusion, but the warmth in his heart and the smile on his lips overpower his puzzlement. They both look truly happy. Which has been a rarer occurrence in the past two weeks due to their comeback and the stress it has brought. A tiny inkling of a thought tells him that it is his fault that Jisung had been feeling how he was, and that he hid it for so long, but seeing them so tightly bonded now makes him melt.

"Can Jeno join our cuddle pile?" Jaemin whispers. Jisung throws him a quizzical look.

"Of course. Why would I say no?" Jisung replies, signalling for Jeno to slide along the sofa and snuggle into Jaemin's other side. "Yeah, okay, I was jealous of you two. But that doesn't mean anyone else should get left out."

"I give you permission to steal Jaemin whenever you want." Jeno gives the maknae a mischievous fist bump. Jaemin traps their hands in front of him, turning his head to look between them both.

"Oi, I'm not an object. I promise to spend plenty of time with both of you." He rolls his eyes, releasing their hands, then Jeno leans forward for the television remote. Jisung inhales Jaemin's honey scent and watches the oldest load up Netflix. It surprises him when he is handed the remote.

"Why doesn't our baby maknae choose tonight's movie? I'll go fetch Renjun." Jeno leaves the room. 

Jaemin widens his eyes and grits his teeth with fake fear, making Jisung laugh again. They both know from plenty of experience that Renjun won't really be mad at their teasing, just that this evening has blessed them all with an opportunity to relax together.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: vomiting (again, I’m sorry :/)

"Where should I start?" Taeil tilts his head in various directions as he stares at himself in the mirror, turning around and anxiously tapping on the sink. Jeno aggressively shakes the box of hair dye to force the bottle out. He looks up to inspect Taeil's hair, an evil smile growing across his lips.

"In the middle." He giggles. Taeil makes eye contact with him in the mirror and his hands fiddle with the clippers.

"What?"

"Just shave a huge line right down the middle, hyung." Jeno rolls his eyes and skims over the instructions for the hair dye. Taeil is leaving for the military the next day, so has decided to shave his head in preparation and Jeno wants to join in on the ceremony by dyeing his hair a bright blue. Promotions are over, so management can back off if they find anything wrong with it. Or they'll have to get past Jaemin. Jeno snickers at the thought of his boyfriend getting in a fight.

"Stop laughing." Taeil groans, finally plugging the clippers into the socket and turning them on. He flinches when they whir to life.

"Shall I do it for you?" Jeno reaches for them, but the older pulls them away defensively.

"I can do it myself." Taeil insists. Jeno raises an eyebrow.

"Well, go on." He waves an arm to encourage his hyung to start the gruelling process. But better to do it sober than drunk with Yuta, for sure.

Taeil lines the clippers up with his hairline in the middle of his forehead, takes a deep breath, then drags them across his scalp. Tufts of chocolate brown hair tumble into the sink and onto the floor. The sight of them raises his heartbeat, but Jeno collapses into a cascade of laughter, eyes watering at how ridiculous Taeil looks with a strip of hair missing right down the middle.

"An aeroplane could land there. Let me take a picture." Jeno finds his phone and opens up the camera. Taeil's eyes shoot open. He brings his hands up to his head to block himself from view, shouting for the younger to have mercy and stop. "I won't post it anywhere. I swear." Jeno bats his eyelids innocently. Taeil's mouth simply forms a thin, straight line and he hums with disapproval. Jeno wraps a towel around his shoulders then proceeds to wet his hair with the tap water. He yelps when it is much colder than anticipated.

"Serves you right for laughing at me." Taeil mutters with disdain whilst he chops off more of his hair. His face is adorned by an unmovable concentration. Jeno rubs at his arms to calm his goosebumps and shivering down, smiling at how Taeil's tongue wriggles its way out of the corner of his lips. He uses his finger to test the water once more and when satisfied, he rinses his own hair, drawing out his bangs through his fingers. "That's not fair." His hyung states with a pout.

He has reduced his hair to a close shave all over, short enough for his scalp to slightly show through, and looking at himself in the mirror now brings him a relief that the stress is over but he still bites his lip with worry. A part of him definitely preferred how he looked with longer hair.

"Your hair will grow back, hyung. Plus it'll be my turn in a couple of years. You'll get your revenge, I'm sure." Jeno pats the worst of the moisture out of his hair, puts on the plastic gloves and begins to smother on the dye with the brush supplied in the box.

He jerks his head up at the sound of the front door crashing open and a cacophony of shouts tumbling over each other. Gasping, Taeil grips onto Jeno's shoulder.

"Where do I hide?" His words fire out of his mouth, eliciting a confused laugh from the younger.

"Hide? What?" He asks.

"They'll laugh at me." Taeil turns to look at the floor and becomes even smaller when his shoulders sink. He rubs his hands over his scalp, grimacing at the prickly sensation of the short hairs against his skin.

"No they won't." Jeno reassures him, although knowing the Dreamies they almost certainly will. "They're all changing their hair, too." He steps forward to open the bathroom door but Taeil gets there before him, blocking the way and folding his arms. Jeno sighs and laughs once more. "Seriously, hyung? We've been discussing shaving your head for days. If they're mean about it, just assert your hyung powers for once and tell them off."

"Did someone say shave?" Chenle squeals from the other side of the door and bangs his fist on the wood and Taeil scrambles to open it up, suddenly wanting to get it over with. "Have you done it yet?" The Chinese nearly stumbles into the bathroom when the door moves.

Taeil keeps his eyes closed to let the taunting wash over him. Not that it really comes.

They all bundle him in a hug, fawning him by stating how much they're going to miss him and wishing him luck. He closes his eyes again, but this time to simply make the most of their presence while it's there. Jisung in particular is reluctant to let go. So, Taeil gives him an extra hug, exclusively for him, and he strokes his hair like he used to do when the maknae was merely twelve years old and still shorter than him.

But they don't allow the mood to become too sombre, for within minutes they are goofing around with various assortments of hair dye, taking selfies with their wet hair sticking up in eccentric directions. The not-so-embarassing ones make it onto Jaemin's instagram.

"Aw, hyung, look. They miss you already." Jaemin smirks and scrolls through the comments flooding in, showing his phone to the honorary dream member.

"Can I use your weights when you're away?" Mark pipes up, his voice lilting with hope, only to be crushed when Taeil announces that he's already packed them to go with him. The Canadian's grumbles don't last too long as the alarm on Jeno's phone alerts them that it is time to finish off their new colours and by the time the hairdryer has been used as a microphone by each of the them, melodies being practically screamed over the top of the noise, they are utterly exhausted. Their new hair colours expel quite the opposite energy, however.

"I can't believe you went for purple, Jisung." Haechan quips. The maknae scoffs, acting offended.

"Why?"

"I think you look great, Sungie." Jaemin coos and ruffles his hair. Jisung whines but they can all tell that he is well chuffed with the compliment.

"When we suggested that colour you didn't seem too pleased." Haechan continues. "And as for you, Markie Poo."

"I told you not to call me that." Mark grits his teeth and his eyes race around the entire room whilst treating Donghyuck as their greatest obstacle.

"That's not what you think in bed." Haechan tuts with a playful glint lurking on his face. Mark shifts on the sofa and attempts to pull his hoodie over his face, leaving tufts of neon pink hair poking out. "Anyway. Before you so rudely interrupted me, I was going to compliment you. I think, no I thought, that your hair looked amazing. But I guess I'll just have to give my love to somebody else." He throws his head back and places a hand on his forehead with a dramatic exhale.

"I'm sorry, Duckie. I didn't mean to hurt you." Mark's tone softens. He pulls Haechan onto his lap, who breaks his persona and goes along with it to contently hide in the older's shoulder.

The atmosphere reduces to small-talk, with Taeil taking an interest in how their comeback went. Jeno, for one, is partly grateful to have left that stage persona behind for several more months. Glaring at cameras with fierce dance moves and smokey eyeliner is tiring and sometimes it feels too wrong, too alienated from who he truly is. All of that, combined with his increasing fatigue, is nearly tearing apart his limbs.

He watches Chenle babble softly on Renjun's lap, playing some sort of game which involves pulling on his caregiver's fingers. His voice is slightly higher than usual and the words are unintelligeable to Jeno's ears, so he assumes that it must be Chinese. Jeno doesn't even know when he slipped. He can't rip his eyes off the scene as he contemplates how unfair it is that Chenle can drop so easily, and yet Jeno has been doing it for years to help him cope and still struggles sometimes. Renjun nods along and laughs with the little then whispers something back. 

The warmth radiating from their affection reminds him of the current absence of his own caregiver. He vaguely spotted him and Jisung leave the room several minutes ago. But he can't kick off a fight. Jisung wants and deserves time with his hyung, so he is not selfish enough to take that away from him. The string in his mind swings higher and higher, the individual threads snapping one by one.

"Hey, are you there, Nono?" Taeil appears in his line of vision, and Jeno does a double take before recognising him with his new hairstyle.

"No. I dunno. Not yet. Hmph." Jeno stares at his lap. His mind is swirling, and all of a sudden his thoughts are muddled, his vision blurry and breathing is difficult.

"You look rather pale." Taeil frowns and touches his forehead, recoiling when it is much hotter than it probably should be. "Would you like a drink? I'll get you something." He gets to his feet and Chenle claps his hands together, thinking that he is coming to play with him. Renjun spots Jeno's leg shaking up and down and his Adam's apple bobbing where he keeps swallowing profusely. He asks Chenle to quieten down. The little pouts but obeys nonetheless and leans back onto Renjun's shoulder, longingly watching Taeil in the kitchen.

Taeil speeds back into the room with a glass of water. Jeno simply stares at it when he holds it out for him to take. He shakes his head, not daring to open his mouth. Just the thought of anything entering his stomach with his nausea makes the sensation a million times more unbearable. His brain is dizzy and pounding at his skull and the quiet in the room is deafening. Swallowing one final time, he realises his fate and pushes past Taeil. He vaguely registers the thud of the glass hitting the carpet in his wake as he reaches the bathroom, this time not to dye his hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anything interesting happen to anyone today?? Hehe let me know if it did  
> Storytimeeee~~  
> It rained so hard all day today ugh and it turns out that my trainers aren’t waterproof... by the time I got to school my socks were already soaking wet and my feet were so cold all day :( but I’m in bed with a hot water bottle now yay


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Dew2008‘s request! Thank you for reading!

Sweat drips off Jeno's forehead and his knees give way, landing on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor. His throat is sore, nearly torn apart and stinging from the harsh acid. He coughs weakly and the pain spreads into his shoulders. He manages to flush the toilet and splash some relieving water onto his face by the time Jaemin barges in, concern dampening the usual sparkles in his eyes.

"Jen, bub? What happened?" Jaemin reaches out to embrace his boyfriend, who whines and collapses back onto the floor. The caregiver kneels down in front of him and takes a hold of his shaking hands. "Oh, sweetheart." Jeno shivers from a chill only he seems to be suffering from. He whines again and Jaemin successfully picks him up in one swift movement to carry him back into the living room.

"Is he okay?" Mark is quick to be concerned. Taeil pauses with a cluster of tissues in his hands to soak up the water and carefully inspects Jeno, lightly frowning.

"Tummy all weird." Jeno mutters and lets his thumb slide in between his lips. Jaemin brushes his bangs out of his forehead and circles the pad of his thumb over his scalp in a massage.

"I know, love. I know." Jaemin's voice soothes.

"'Eno sad?" Chenle's eyes are wide and glistening, and he cranes his neck to look up at Renjun for an answer.

"Jeno's just a little upset right now, Lele. But don't worry. He'll be fine, won't you, love?" Jaemin presses a kiss to Jeno's head and runs his palm over his stomach. The little sighs contently and lets his eyes flutter shut. "Why don't you both do some colouring?" 

When prompted, Jisung empties the supplies onto the coffee table and Chenle is soon on the floor, reaching for a piece of paper and all of the pencils at once. Jeno, however, is more hesitant. His bottom lip wobbles dangerously and he sucks harder on his thumb. Jaemin starts to slide off the sofa.

"No!" Jeno cries without warning, startling everyone else in the room. His arms grab onto the back of the sofa and he wriggles to leave Jaemin's lap and curls up in a ball. Two watery eyes stare at Jaemin. The caregiver is overpowered with confusion. He reaches for the little again, preparing to attempt to encourage him off the sofa, but he seems very firmly fixed in place and incredibly reluctant to move. Jaemin makes eye contact with Renjun, who is equally as perplexed. Jeno shies away from his boyfriend. "I stay."

His voice is tiny and makes Jaemin's heart shatter. He doesn't know what he's done wrong, and yet Jeno is refusing to let him touch him.

"Do you not want to colour?" Jaemin asks carefully. The little shakes his head. He tugs on the bottom of his t-shirt and wrinkles it between his fingers before releasing it and rubbing his hand over his jeans. "Are you not comfy? Would you like some warmer clothes? Let's get you changed." 

Jaemin manages to pick Jeno up this time. He wriggles in his arms, meaning that he only makes it several steps across the room before he is forced to let go. Jeno immediately tumbles down and lands on his hands and knees. Chenle shrieks with laughter and crawls over the floor, babbling and wanting to play some sort of animal role-play game with him. Renjun runs in and diverts him back to his colouring, which leaves Jeno to descend into a waterfall of tears, stretching out his arms for Jaemin to pick him up.

The caregiver understands this signal, even if it is only one of many, and complies. This time, Jeno is still, except for his sobbing, until he is placed down on his bed. Jaemin pauses for a bit, watching Jeno rock back and forth but the little remains cowering away from his touch. Jeno returns back to scratching and pulling at his clothes. Working as quick as possible, Jaemin finds Jeno's favourite hoodie and a clean pair of sweatpants.

"Hold still, bub." Jaemin tries to maintain the calmness in his voice as he starts to tug off Jeno's t-shirt. He only succeeds with the first sleeve before Jeno wails and swings his arms to get Jaemin away. 

This isn't want he wants. But he doesn't know what he wants. Well, he does know. But his mind is muddled and the words aren't forming in his throat properly and it's frustrating. He resorts to crying and thrashing his limbs. Jaemin gets the message that Jeno needs something else.

"Are you still feeling icky?" That is certainly one possibility. Jeno pushes himself up and then presses his head into his pillow, facing away from Jaemin. He huffs and sorts out his t-shirt so that he is wearing it properly again. This time, Jaemim doesn't even know what to make of that response. "Would some medicine make it better?" Another huff. "A hug?" Jaemin is dying to have Jeno curled up in his arms.

"No." Jeno whines unhelpfully. He rolls over, nearly toppling off the bed, and Jaemin lunges forward to ensure that he doesn't fall, and the little presses his back against the wall again. Jaemin bites his bottom lip and lets the hoodie and sweatpants slide out of his grasp.

"What do you want, then?" He speaks slowly and focusses on not snapping from anger.

Jeno inhales deeply but his brain is underwater, with the words floating on the surface well out of reach. He is sinking deeper into his headspace and there is no way he can process what he wants, not without being forced out. Another set of tears trails down his cheeks. This time, Jaemin doesn't try to comfort him as he only knows what he would be met with. They stare at each other in silence.

"Can you try to show me what you want?" Jaemin tries a different approach. Jeno simply sucks on two of his fingers wordlessly. The stressed caregiver picks at a fingernail. "Well, I'm going back to the living room." He turns towards the door but Jeno whimpers and cries out to him before he can actually leave. Which is what he was secretly hoping would happen. Jeno straightens his legs and shuffles onto his feet to toddle after his caregiver, not wanting to let him out of his sight. This confuses Jaemin further, as the heavily mixed signals are irritating him.

They make it back to the living room and Jeno plops himself down on the carpet. Chenle has nearly filled in an entire page with an explosion of colours whilst he hums to himself happily. Jeno stares at a blank page. Tears threaten to fall again. His stomach clenches and his throat turns dry, but all he can manage to do is whine. Chenle notices his distress, so pushes a pencil into one of Jeno's fists.

"Like this." He jabs at his own artwork. The older little, who is clearly now in a smaller headspace, drops the pencil as soon as Chenle lets go and then makes no attempt to retrieve it. "'Eno silly." Chenle giggles. Everyone else watches Jeno's face contort as more tears form in his eyes. This time it is Taeil who races to the rescue. However the little doesn't accept any comfort from him, either.

"Lele mean?" Chenle looks back up at Renjun with worry and the caregiver pulls him onto his lap, away from the other, and rubs a hand over his back.

Meanwhile, Jaemin sits down next to Jeno and shakily places a hand on his shoulder. Jeno flinches away. It leaves his hand awkwardly suspended mid-air, a reflection of Jaemin's defeat and thinning patience when it forms a fist. Jeno continues to choke and sob and shake his head, his own mind confused and lost in the middle of this unknown realm.

"Someone get a paci!" Jaemin's throat constricts as he shouts his orders. Mark dashes into their bedroom to retrieve said item, passing it to Jaemin who waves it in front of Jeno. 

Not seeing straight, Jeno jerks his head away. The paci follows him and eventually forces its way into his mouth. Jaemin immediately slows down his frantic movements, which are overcome by guilt when he realises that he probably did shove it a bit too harshly. But he is set on getting Jeno to quiet down; the quicker the better.

Jeno's crying ceases for a matter of seconds and he goes cross-eyed to try to see what is now in his mouth. No one dares breathe from not wanting to disturb him. That is soon deemed pointless as the little spits out his paci, collects it in a weak grip and hurls it across the room, throat now raw from his crying.

"He never drank the water I offered him." Taeil speaks, voice barely audible over the racket. "I'll get him a sippy cup." Jeno falls backwards and beats at the carpet with his hands and feet, knocking over the box of pencils in the process. He slides an arm over the floor to send a few of them scattering away to another corner of the room. Jaemin curses and wrings his hands together.

Renjun strokes Chenle's hair, pats his back, hums sweetly into his ear. He tries everything to keep him calm. It works until Jeno screams. Literally screams. 

A voice crack rips the sound apart and his face is streaming, legs weakening by the minute. They now twitch every couple of seconds because most of his energy is gone. No one understands him. But how can they, if he can't even understand himself? Chenle freezes, then follows suit with the waterworks. Renjun had anticipated it, but had been hoping so hard that it wouldn't happen that he isn't prepared and it catches him totally off-guard. He bounces his legs to rock Chenle on his lap.

Mark and Haechan are shifting their gazes from each other, to Jeno, then to Jaemin, who is staring at Jeno, barely blinking, and frowning deeply. Taeil dashes back in the room and haphazardly fixes the lid onto the sippy cup then passes it to Jaemin.

"Apple juice." He states, slightly out of breath from his frenzy. 

The caregiver doesn't thank him, instead taking the cup without a word and setting it down on the coffee table. He taps the table with his knuckles to capture Jeno's attention without giving him the drink directly. Intrigued, the little sits up - Jaemin's shoulders relax - and clasps the cup by both handles. He sucks up the cold juice for a couple of seconds. Then, he slams it back down on the table. It's not what he wants. Coils of frustration snap and unwind all at once inside of him. He is utterly lost.

Chenle whimpers at the loud thud from the cup. He pushes his head into Renjun's chest and burbles something in Chinese. Renjun shushes him, eventually standing up.

"I'll take him to the WayV dorm to calm down a bit." He announces, and everyone silently bids them goodbye. Chenle's cries of distress fade away into the distance. It makes Jeno's seem even more piercing.

Jaemin swallows a lump in his throat. His head hurts from the volume of the tantrum and with his thoughts criticising him. He is a failure. He can't even meet the needs of his little. He doesn't deserve to be a caregiver. Step by step, he retreats back to the sofa. His eyes never leave Jeno. The little's eyes never leave him, either. It is unnerving, the way they both stare at each other.

"Are you hungry?" Jaemin closes his eyes and tries for a final time. In response, the little jams his fingers back into his mouth and whines. Jisung widens his eyes and nods at Jaemin to continue. "What would you like, Nono? I'll get you anything." His tone is practically begging Jeno to just straight up tell him what's wrong at this point. Although life is never that simple. The use of full sentences, directed at him this time, pulls Jeno closer to the surface, albeit only slightly.

"Dunno." He mumbles around his fingers. His stomach certainly feels weird and he is thirsty, but he doesn't know the name of what he wants, no matter how hard he chases the letters of the alphabet around. Jaemin sucks in a breath.

"Jelly?" That is the most likely culprit, he reasons. Jeno's eyes light up at the sound of his favourite food being mentioned. But they soon dim again. He is craving something totally different. His tongue can taste it, which makes him squirm restlessly and crawl across the floor to press his cheek against Jaemin's leg. "Is that a yes?" The little shakes his head. Jaemin contemplates for a while. "A sandwich?" The little lifts up his head and stares at Jaemin with wide eyes, which, despite being rimmed by dried tears and red skin, suddenly seem much happier.

Something shifts inside Jeno, allowing him to see clearer and think straight. His mind is still swimming but the string has been reattached and so stops him from sinking too deep again. He suddenly succeeds at putting a name to the saltiness.

"Cheese." He states, opening and closing his mouth in expectation. Jaemin smiles.

"My baby is craving cheese, huh?" He tickles his boyfriend's chin and all of his irritation dispels at the beautiful sight of Jeno gazing up at him with awe and a melting dependency.

"That's not particularly healthy, I-" Haechan starts, but Mark slaps a hand over his mouth to prevent him from continuing. Jeno pays him no mind, but Jaemin certainly does.

"He's pregnant, Hyuck." He narrows his eyes protectively. "He can get what he wants." Jeno cocks his head with confusion at his caregivers words. "Don't worry, kitten. Let's go grab some food." His tone softens when he picks Jeno up. He fully relaxes when he doesn't put up a fight and Jaemin feels warmth spread through his body from his shoulder where Jeno rests his head.

Jeno babbles away whilst Jaemin prepares him a cheese sandwich with extra love. The look of pure adoration that the caregiver receives when he places the plate onto the table reassures him that it was not his fault, that he didn't do anything wrong, and that Jeno loves him. And he certainly loves Jeno a million times more back.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first chapter of @PrinceJenoEyesmiles 's request!!  
> It fits in really well with the upcoming plot, so I have decided to split it over 3/4 chapters to maximise the angst oops (I only have the first draft done at the moment, I'm not sure how long the final thing will turn out)  
> HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BEST BOY WINWIN DONG SICHENG!!!! AND OUR PRICE YUTA!!!!

But Jaemin loves everyone. 

His heart is somehow so big that it finds space for every single member and he would therefore never deny a video game session with Jisung, who he is particularly smitten over. Considering the incident a few days prior, he ensures that he spends as much time with the maknae as possible. He hates the idea of anyone being left out or forgotten.

Jeno hears the way they both squeal and shout at each other over their game from Jisung's bedroom and pulls his knees tighter into his chest. He turns up the volume on the television to try to drown them out with the cheesy drama playing onscreen. His throat is tight and his eyes are sore. A shiver spreads through his tired body. The clock on the wall tells him that it is late but there is no way he is falling asleep with the two of them being rowdy and competitive, or with the weight pushing onto his stomach. 

A persistent chain is looped firmly around his middle, squeezing tight and pulling him towards Jaemin. The problem is that his boyfriend is not picking up the other end. It leaves him stranded in solitude. 

The two leads lean towards each other on-screen and their lips meet, making Jeno squeeze his eyes shut and chuck the tv remote across the room. It cracks against the wall. The back of it falls off and a battery rolls along the floor. He doesn't care. He rolls over so that he is facing the back of the sofa, face pressed into the cushion. It smells of Jaemin. He throws that away, too. The room is cold, his thin t-shirt not doing a lot to save him from the chill but he doesn't have the motivation to move to find something warmer. He shares a wardrobe with Jaemin and most of the clothes inside don't belong to one of them in particular, meaning they carry his sweet scent. His heavy eyelids fall closed.

His ears automatically tune in to Jaemin's aegyo for Jisung, who shouts for his hyung to back off and calm down. Jeno's mind swirls and he is being unwillingly shoved closer and closer to the edge. He stretches his legs in an attempt to relax himself, but one of his calves twinges as a reminder of the extensive hours he has spent dancing. When he goes to cling onto to his shirt to occupy his tense fingers, his knuckles brush his skin underneath. His muscles are definitely less defined. Maybe he should stop- no. He doesn't want to give Jaemin another pathetic reason for him to leave him. The next time his eyes open, his vision is blurry. His skull nearly rips open from a splitting headache and he whimpers. 

Giving into his deeper desires, he stands up and guides his wobbly legs towards the bedroom. Autopilot opens up the wardrobe and he is wearing Jaemin's warmest hoodie before he can even realise what he is doing. He scolds himself for being so weak but he can't bring himself to take it off, either. It immediately helps him to slow his breathing and relax his muscles, then he lays down on his bed and hugs a pillow to his chest. The softness is not as amazing as feeling Jaemin's arms around him, protecting him. He can't feel Jaemin resting his chin in his hair whilst their legs intertwine. In his place the duvet is cold. 

He keeps his eyes shut and focusses on his breathing. In. Out. Why is it so hard? His phone pings and he fumbles around in the dark, turning it on only to see an Instagram notification. He bites his lip and wipes his hands on the sheets before clicking onto it. A selca of Jaemin and Jisung. Of course. The comments are full of emojis and green hearts. Usually, this gives Jeno energy, yet tonight it only fuels his bitterness. The tears overflow this time. 

It is going to be a long night. 

•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•

"Jeno-yah." He cracks open his eyes. They are sore and itchy. He cried himself to sleep. Rolling over, he rubs his fists into his eyelids and blinks to clear his vision. "It's eleven o'clock." Renjun smiles sympathetically when Jeno whines and pulls the duvet back up to his chin. "Aren't you hot in that hoodie?" Jeno swallows hard and looks down at his choice of clothing. 

"Smells like Nana." He croaks out. His gaze shifts past Renjun. Jaemin's bed is empty but the duvet is crumpled and piled up in the middle, indicating where his boyfriend slept. Part of Jeno is glad that he didn't stay up all night, but his face falls again at the realisation that he chose an empty bed over him. 

"Alright." Renjun reaches to comb Jeno's hair with his fingers. "I'll make you some food, yeah? You'll feel better if you get dressed and eat something." He smiles again and leaves the room, letting the door close softly. Jeno stares at the ceiling. He gets the impression that Renjun is aware of what is going on so he is grateful that he didn't directly bring it up. The jumper he chooses is the one hidden right at the end of the wardrobe, furthest away from the half where Jaemin's clothes are kept. It is really old but still warm. Renjun gives it an odd look when he enters the kitchen.

A plate of fried eggs, bacon and toast is placed in front of him. They eat in relative silence but it is not awkward - Jeno is deep in thought and Renjun is simply trying to give him some space. The older has cleared his plate by the time Jeno has finished barely half of his own. Renjun moves on to his daily cup of tea without a pressurising word. He will stay sat at the table until he is sure that Jeno has eaten everything. 

"Where are Jaemin and Jisung?" Jeno speaks. His words are slow and slurred from fatigue. Renjun sucks in a breath. 

"I don't know." He stares into his mug, finger tracing over the colourful stars printed on the side. Jeno stares at him. "Truthfully, I don't know. They were gone when I woke up." Jeno aggressively stabs at the last piece of bacon and chews on it, mind busy. 

"When will they get home?" Jeno continues. He hates the idea of spending another day alone, without his boyfriend's comforting presence and kind words. 

"Again, I don't know." Renjun watches pitifully when Jeno nibbles on the corner of his piece of toast without taking a proper bite. Crumbs pile onto the table. "I'm sorry." Jeno's throat is dry and a persistent stinging sensation builds up at the back, growing and twisting itself into a lump he cannot swallow away. The toast is just as dry. His eyes stare at the pack of butter and the jar of jam, then the knife Renjun used to spread his own. 

"Can you... can you spread it for me? Please?" Jeno keeps his eyes on the table. His cheeks flame from how he just asked his bandmate to spread a slice of toast for him as though he really were incapable. But the effort required to do so himself would be too overwhelming. Renjun pulls Jeno's plate towards him and picks up the knife. 

"Of course I can." He does the task with extra care, ensuring that he spreads it right to the edge and covers all the corners in a generous layer. Next, he cuts it into four smaller squares before handing the plate back to Jeno. 

"Thank you." Jeno says and manages a smile. The squares lathered with jam suddenly make him feel a lot better and he musters enough energy to munch through them, then to down a whole glass of apple juice. 

"Better?" Renjun asks, voice as soft as ever. Jeno nods and thanks him again. He reaches to clear the plates but Renjun is quicker, tutting and taking them over to the sink before he can even stand up. 

"I wanna help." He insists. Renjun incredulously examines his prominent eye bags, sunken cheekbones and thinning jumper, but passes him a tea towel nonetheless. 

"You can dry them." Jeno takes his position and eagerly wipes the plates and cutlery until they are entirely free of soap suds and glinting in the light. He replaces them in their respective cupboards but is pulled back by Renjun when he goes to leave. 

"No. Come here." The Chinese pulls him into a hug, holding him tight and rubbing his back soothingly. Jeno immediately melts into the touch. He had been keening for affection so much that his every move ached and silence was an opportunity for his mind to scream and run wild. 

His worries dissipate and it allows him to fall onto Renjun's lap when he pulls them to sit down. "It's going to be fine, you hear me?" Renjun speaks into his ear. In response, Jeno pushes his cheek harder into his shoulder and clings onto his shirt. 

"What do I do?" He exclaims with a sob, finally letting go. Renjun hushes him and continues his circles on his back. 

"You've done nothing wrong, Jeno." He reminds him. "Jaemin is likely torn between you and Jisung, as Jisung was upset that he wasn't getting any attention anymore." He explains carefully.

"But I'm his boyfriend." He wails. "Has he lost interest in me? Is it because I'm pregnant? Was it all fake and just for fanservice?" Jeno's words are harder and harder to release from his clogged vocal chords. His breathing is erratic and palms sweaty. 

"No, no, no. Calm down." Renjun rocks Jeno as he's seen Jaemin do many times. "It's none of those reasons. It's not your fault. He still loves you. He is overjoyed about the baby. And he would choose you over his career any day. Trust me." Jeno wipes his eyes, tears dampening his jumper. 

"Then why?" His voice cracks terribly and Renjun has to force back his own tears at the sight of Jeno's distress. "I miss him." 

•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•

They say that time flies when you're having fun, and yet the day is pulled out of Jeno's grasp in a flash when all he did was binge watch five movies through a wall of tears. Renjun was there the entire time, comforting him and listening to his rants and breakdowns. Both of them keep an ear out for the sound of keys in the lock but there is still no sign of Jeno and Jisung. Jeno becomes increasingly worked up whilst Renjun gradually loses hope. Another movie plays and Jeno's eyes are drooping by the time the credits roll. The battery has been replaced into the remote and Renjun lazily shifts to turn off the television. 

"Seems like somebody's tired." Renjun comments, watching Jeno bring a finger into his mouth. He shakes his head and leans into the older's chest. "Don't be stubborn. It's bedtime." 

"It's not even midnight yet." Jeno mutters, glancing at the clock. 

"But you're tired." Renjun persists and attempts to lift Jeno off him. The younger grumbles and clings around his neck with his strong arms, rendering Renjun powerless against him. "Wouldn't it be comfier to be in bed?"

"They're not back." Jeno frowns with discontent. Renjun strokes his hair. 

"They'll be here soon." He isn't even convinced by his own words.

And rightfully so, as they don't stumble through the door until mid-morning the following day. It turns out that they'd crashed at Chenle's after spending the day messing around in a practice room, not doing much practicing. 

"Jen! I missed you! How-" 

"Go away." 

Jeno hides his face in his pillow so that he doesn't have to look at his boyfriend. Jaemin drops his arms back to his sides, eyebrows knotting together with confusion. 

"I just wanted-"

"I said go away." Jeno hisses without moving an inch. He holds his breath until he has definitely heard the footsteps fade away and the door close. Then he exhales, irritation seeping through every pore of his skin. He's messed up. If the situation was bad enough before, he's just made it worse. 

He grips onto his messy hair with his fists and kicks at the wall. The duvet tangles with his legs and is heavy, but he doesn't stop his thrashing. With each kick, the string of his mind weakens. He can't drop. Because Jaemin won't be there to care for him. The thought of his boyfriend hugging him and stroking his hair and whispering compliments to him after disappearing for two days straight makes him tense, makes his throat constrict and his blood boil with anger. 

Jeno's heart draws him inevitably towards his boyfriend's side of the room. He takes a moment to sit on the bed and wrap the duvet around his shoulders, inhaling Jaemin's scent. His mind clears and is so close to the edge. Just one final push and he would drop. Except his stubbornness takes centre stage and forces him to stand up again and discard the duvet. 

He takes a shower and gets dressed in a daze. After staying stood in the middle of their shared bedroom, gazing at Jaemin's unmade bed and glossing over all the times he has fallen asleep there whilst little and all the times they have been intimate together, he grabs his bike, gloves and helmet and wheels it through the dorm to the front door without looking back. 

The air is still colder than expected for spring, but not unpleasant. Usually, he would focus on the beautiful scenery of the parks he cycles through, or on racing Jaemin along the path. Instead, he keeps his head low and powers through. He doesn't have a destination. Just one that is far away. Far enough to help him forget about his torn heart for a bit. The wind clutches at his cheeks as he soars down a slope. Back up the other side, his legs burn from the strength required to pedal. He doesn't stop. The terrain levels out again and allows him to let the wheels do most of the work, only pedalling once they need an extra boost of energy. 

He thought that he didn't have a destination. Yet he finds himself in the same park he and Jaemin bought hot chocolates at not long ago. He passes the window and is dangerously tempted by the muffled laughter escaping through the open door and the delightful aroma of the drinks they serve. His desires are stamped out when he realises he didn't bring any money with him anyway. He sighs and continues on. The path bends around, leading him to where they stopped and shared a sweet kiss together. His feet slip off the pedals and he fumbles to remain upright, stopping the bike with his feet on the ground then sliding off the saddle. He collapses onto the nearest bench.

The helmet is pinching his skull and his eyes sting. He can remember how Jaemin's lips slot against his own. So perfectly. But so out of reach. He wraps his arms around his body, naturally protecting his tummy and he ignores the wetness beginning to coat his face. Salt works its way into his mouth. It tastes nothing like Jaemin. He needs Jaemin. But he doesn't want him. 

Minutes later and he is still chasing after his breath. It doesn't usually take this long to recover from exercise. He can't see straight, his head throbs and his hands are shaking so much he can barely hold his phone still. He scrolls through the contact list. His finger brushes over Jaemin's, tracing the heart and the bunny emoji with a vague smile. He even clicks on the name and admires the line of numbers presented to him. The sequence he has been able to recite straight off the tip of his tongue for years. But he doesn't want Jaemin. 

Next possibility is Taeil. His dependable hyung who he knows would sit and let him cry in his arms for hours, waiting for him to be ready to speak about it. But he's in the military now. He's on the other side of the country, likely busy, so it would be selfish to disturb him with his love life problems. 

He finally decides on calling Doyoung. The hyung who has pretty much played the role of his father over the years, watching him grow up and guiding him through life. He was there for him when he first started questioning his sexuality. Then still there for him when his relationship with Jaemin was still a mere fleeting spark which had just been set alight. Then when another spark was lit by the positive pregnancy test. Now, the flame is burning out of control, eating away at his heart and making him weak. 

"Hyung." He pants as soon as he hears Doyoung's voice sing through the phone. 

"Jeno-yah? What's the matter?" Doyoung's protective side jumps out when he registers Jeno's distress. 

"Please pick me up. I-I need help, hyung. 'M scared."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why are my eyes sweating?


	25. Chapter 25

Doyoung had carefully helped him remove his helmet then pushed his bike to the carpark and let him pour out his feelings for the entire journey back to the fifth floor, where he now lets Jeno rest his head on his lap.

"What are all the tears about?" Doyoung dabs the younger's cheek with a tissue, brow furrowed. Jeno still hasn't diverged any information, leaving the cause of his incessant sobbing a mystery. He uses the last of his strength to push himself upright then shifts to sit on Doyoung's lap.

"Jaemin." It is all he says and the name is enough for Doyoung to roll his eyes.

"Jeno-yah. I asked you if he was looking after you well. And he's clearly not." Doyoung reprimands, scrunching up the tissue in a fist. Jeno sighs.

"He usually does." Doyoung raises an eyebrow at the younger's defensive tone. "Which is the problem." His voice trails off and eventually is snatched away by another sob.

"What do you mean?"

"He's always been so caring, hyung. But he's suddenly stopped spending time with me." His bottom lip wobbles in a pout and Doyoung wipes at his cheeks once more. "Yesterday, he was gone for the entire day. Went somewhere with Jisung." The sight of Jeno so worked up forces Doyoung to hold back his own emotions. Jeno's phone wakes up and Jeno whimpers from the shrill ringing.

"Who is it?" He weakly asks. Doyoung simply shows him the screen and presses the red button for him, smiling with encouragement. "I need to speak to him, though."

"No, you don't. It'll be better if you calm down a bit first." Doyoung replies, voice firm and it makes Jeno sink into the hug, feeling small and at ease. Barely a minute later, a series of pings fill the silence. The older wordlessly turns down the volume of the phone.

Jeno's breaths are more or less even by now and his head is not so muddled. He manages to support himself, taking the tissue from his hyung to wipe at his eyes himself and he then wriggles his fingers to regain sensation.

"Why don't you find something to do for a bit? To take your mind off things." Doyoung suggests while he rearranges the mess of hair on top of Jeno's head. "You can stay here. Or I'm sure that you'll be welcome at the tenth floor." His voice drops to a mutter. "If you can put up with the mess." 

Jeno's ears fade out the words being spoken to him and his brain diverts his attention to his eyesight, which focusses on the bathroom door. It is cracked open slightly, allowing him to see inside. He takes in the view of the exact tiles he was sat on when those two red lines formed in from of his eyes. He was in Jaemin's arms. The arms around him now aren't Jaemin's. Another knot creeps up his throat and sits right at the top of his airways.

"Easy, Jeno-yah. You're safe." Doyoung catches him just before he collapses and falls onto the floor, bringing him back into his chest.

"I want to leave." Jeno closes his eyes.

"Sorry?"

"Can I go to the tenth floor? I want to see Mark."

"Of course, sweetie." Doyoung revels in their touch for a final few seconds then helps Jeno step into his shoes and guides him up the stairs.

It is Mark himself who opens the door. He immediately steps aside to let the younger in when he takes in the red eyes and running nose.

"I'll get your bike back home for you, yeah? I hope you feel better soon." Doyoung pats his shoulder and Mark closes the door, turning straight to the younger Dream member. He clutches both of Jeno's hands and gets him to look him in the eyes to ensure sincerity.

"What's up?" Jeno looks away and Mark soon drops his hands again, tongue struggling to find the appropriate words to follow up. He doesn't want to push him but the quicker he finds out what the root of the problem is, the quicker he can help him solve it. The thing is, he never would have thought that the tension is between Jeno and Jaemin of all people.

"Kart Rider?" Jeno's eyes are wide and he lets out a wet laugh, the occasional tear still trickling down his cheek. Mark gives in.

He's not the best at the game, only having played it a handful of times with Haechan, but today he eagerly takes the thrashing he receives. Anything to make Jeno feel better. The younger keeps his eyes fixed unwaveringly on the screen so he doesn't notice how Mark keeps his own eyes on him. He doesn't rip his look away from Jeno's softened but determined side-profile until he has to rapidly swerve around an obstacle. The shock momentarily raises his pulse.

"Watch out, hyung." Jeno smiles his signature eye-smile and shoves a handful of popcorn into his mouth. He had spoken sarcastically and several seconds after the near-accident, making Mark poke his tongue into his cheek and shake his head with disbelief.

"You kids are so cheeky." He states, returning his thumbs back to the controller. Jeno scoffs.

"You're only a year older."

"So?"

"Stop speaking as though you're a grandpa." Jeno crunches on more popcorn, still smiling. It is rather mismatched with the red of the skin around his eyes and bitten lips, but at least it is there.

"I will be soon." Mark retaliates. Next, he doesn't miss the way Jeno looks at the floor and shifts his position on the sofa and raises his knees to his chest to cover his stomach. Mark gulps. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine." Jeno mutters, now jabbing at the buttons with more pent-up frustrations. His sudden drop in mood warns Mark that he has just prodded at a very sensitive topic. Jaemin.

"Did you and Jaemin break up or something?" He can't restrain himself from speaking again and he mentally face palms as soon as the words leave his mouth.

"Not yet." Jeno answers after a few seconds of contemplation. His jaw is firm and his knuckles are white around the controller. Mark blinks slowly and stares at the bright colours on the screen. He came last place but in reality he feels like his ranking should be off the bottom of the scale entirely.

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologising! Gosh." Jeno snaps, eyes lit with fire and Mark freezes in place. He has never heard him raise is voice like that before. The younger recoils back into the sofa, clenching his toes in his fluffy socks and swallowing hard. "I already said it's fine."

Neither of them bother to proceed to the next track in the game, instead turning off the television and dropping their controllers onto the coffee table. The tension surrounds their bodies like the red beams of a laser field. If any of them move, a blaring alarm will scream into their eardrums to remind them of the issue at hand. Someone pads past the doorway then they move on, deterred by the fragile silence. Jeno scratches his scalp. If only his nails could pierce his skin and scrape away all the bad thoughts from his brain. A taunting concoction of the memory of Jaemin's touch on him, their blood child inside of him and the deafening silence he has faced for the entirety of two days circulate his mind, agitating the winds and swirling it all up into a terrifying storm. Closing his eyes does nothing to stop it. Mark's frantic calling of his name does nothing, either. The voice is not Jaemin's.

Except it is.

Jaemin races into the room, panting and shivering and desperate to wrap his arms around his boyfriend. Jeno chokes up, fists now yanking at his hair.

"Bub, I'm here. It's alright. Nana's sorry." Jaemin's own voice is trembling and thick with guilt. Mark notices how Jisung is hanging back in the doorway. And when Jeno sees him, chaos unfolds. 

He wails and roughly shoves Jaemin back. The younger stumbles until the back of his legs collide with the table, then he loses his balance and falls to the floor. His spine knocks against the corner of the wood, sending a sharp pain shooting through his back. It steals his breath away and pollutes his mind with the memories he had locked away.

He shoots his eyes wide open, staring at Jeno who has descended into a frenzy of muttering and scratching at his arms, even when his pupils burn and his vision blurs.

"I'm not little." Jeno hisses. Jisung disappears from the doorway and Mark watches the scene with disbelief and honestly a little bit of fear. Just a week ago they were fine, but now Jeno can barely breathe and Jaemin is crying on the floor in front of him.

"Jeno..." The name leaves Jaemin's throat along with a sob and his mouth hangs open in silent cries when his vocal chords shut off. His shoulders shake. In fact, his entire body is trembling, including his eyes which don't break contact with Jeno's. 

Jeno keeps his knees instinctively tight against his chest. Whether is it out of protection or for comfort he doesn't know, but he is conscious of the fact that he has backed up into the furthest corner of the sofa, leaving nowhere more distant for him to escape to. His limbs are too weak to run away.

Jaehyun bursts into the room, Jisung scurrying in behind him with his hands frantically flapping around.

"What is going on?" Jaehyun's hair is slightly curly from tangles and his swollen eyes give away the fact that he has just woken up. But his voice is deep with authority. Jaemin ducks his head. Mark still doesn't move. Jeno clasps his hands over his ears, scrunching his eyes tightly shut. "Well? There are two members in tears in the living room of an apartment they don't even live in. Something must have caused it."

"I don't know, hyung. I came here with Jaemin and-" Jisung strokes at the hair by his ears with his thin fingers, not sure about where to look.

"Shut up!" Jeno orders.

"Jeno!" Jaehyun clicks his fingers and raises his own voice over the younger's, which only turns up another notch to still be heard as he hurls his pain at Jaemin. "Calm down!"

"You calm down!" Jeno looks up at Jaehyun, not at all intimidated by his frame towering over his own, which is still curled in on itself.

"That's hyung to you." Jaehyun warns. "Mark, what is going on?"

"Some sort of relationship problem. I genuinely don't know, hyung. Doyoung picked Jeno up from the park then brought him here to calm down. He wanted to play video games."

"And not to see him here." Jeno jabs a finger in Jaemin's direction. The accused licks his lips and raises his hands to hide the salty tears leaking out of his eyes. Jeno's stomach sinks when he hears the pitiful whimper which follows, but there is no backing out from his anger now. His own pain stays in the position of power. There is no space for guilt inside of him yet. Not when Jaemin is the one who started this mess.

Jaemin shakily inhales. It takes him several tries to get a smooth lungful of air in one go. When he does, he grips the carpet and exhales with the same careful determination. Jeno's throat grows void of all moisture. He simply watches him stand up and limp away through lidded eyes. Neither Jaehyun nor Jisung stop him in the doorway. Mark remains silent. The front door slams shut.

Jeno's ears prickle at the sound. His boyfriend just left. He shouted at him. He shoved him. The two hands in front of him don't look or feel like his own at all. His own would never be capable of such a violent action. What is happening to him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry PrinceJenoEyesmiles this is probably more than the ‘grudge’ you mentioned in your request...


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: blood  
> more angst I'm sorry :(

He cracks his eyes open. Coming from somewhere distant, there is a piercing wail and his ears immediately tune into the noise, which becomes clearer and much, much closer. Jeno rubs his eyes to help them focus in the dim lighting. He doesn't know what the time is but it must be the middle of the night. He pads across the carpet and the hairs on his arms stand on end from the sudden loss of warmth and the deafening wails escaping from the cot on the other side of the room. They get louder as he approaches.

The nightlight releases a soft, consistent glow over the corner of the room, allowing Jeno to lean over the bars and take in the sight of the baby. His baby. His daughter. Her face is red and swollen and her cheeks glisten from the tears. She opens her mouth and lets out another wail, displaying her pink gums, yet to gain any teeth.

"I'm here. Appa's here." Jeno reaches down and picks his daughter up, bouncing her in his arms and rubbing her back to soothe her distress. "What's the matter, baby?" All he receives in response is another piercing cry and some drops of spit over his face. She kicks her feet and Jeno's arm slips, but luckily he can regain control before he drops her, breathing a sigh of relief and returning to his routine of pacing around the room, rocking her in his arms.

This time however, she doesn't calm down. Ten minutes pass. She refuses two different pacifiers. Another ten minutes. She kicks and cries even more when he attempts to change her diaper. After an hour, Jeno's head is pounding and his arms are shaking, trying desperately to get her to suck on a bottle. It ends up on the floor. He simply stares at the puddle of warm milk splattered over the kitchen tiles. He is tired and frustrated and doesn't have the time or energy to deal with this. She is still screaming in his lap. Jeno wonders how her throat isn't raw yet.

"Jaemin?" He calls out. He doubts that his boyfriend can even hear his voice over the wails of the baby on his lap. Or from the other side of the country.

He forgot. Again. Jaemin doesn't live with them anymore. He hasn't for nearly fifteen months. Not that Jeno is counting the days...

•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•

He jolts awake. He sits up and the blood leaves his head, rendering him dizzy for several seconds. His palms are pooling with sweat which keeps coming even after wiping them on the sheets. A duvet rustles on the other side of the room, tugging Jeno back to his reality. Jaemin still lives with him. His boyfriend sighs then settles down again, peacefully asleep. 

Jeno's strongest desire is to cross the room and curl up in the warmth of Jaemin's arms but he can't. Jaemin has yet to pick up the other end of the chain. His stomach churns. His dream, or nightmare, about ending up a single parent sits dangerously close to his heart, the weight almost preventing it from beating. It is scarily close to reality if they continue their hostility towards each other. Jeno crosses his legs and stares at Jaemin. All he can make out in the darkness is a mound of duvet but he can imagine what is underneath. He knows every centimetre of Jaemin's face just as well as he knows every step of all their choreographies. And the choreographies can't be anything except memorised.

But he can't let Jaemin's features become a distant memory. Jeno raises a hand to trace over his own jawline, his own lips, his own nose and up to the dainty mole next to his eye. Was he not enough? Why has Jaemin stopped paying attention to him? His hand is shaking when it returns to his lap. It prickles from the reminder of the contact it made with his boyfriend's skin. Not like that, but when he shoved him over. Jaemin hurt his back. Jaemin cried. Jaemin never cries. 

The nightmare flashes in front of his eyes once more. The silence in the room explodes into the deafening screams and wails. Torturing him. Because the mess they're in is his fault, too. He made it worse. He doesn't have any right to stop Jaemin from hanging out with other people.

His thoughts are loud. Jeno tugs on his hair, scratches at his arms and presses his palms against his ears. Nothing succeeds in numbing them. His limited vision is weakened further by a stinging layer of tears. His body is stranded in a sea of darkness, enshrouded entirely by the increasing weights of his actions. The nightmare was a warning: a twisted prophecy of what his future could entail if he doesn't put everything right.

The velvety fur of his puppy plushie, the one he won, soaks up his tears. It is smooth against his flaming skin and Jeno squeezes tight around its middle, digging his nails into the fluffiness and gazing at his boyfriend through lidded eyes. He freezes when Jaemin rolls over, now facing him. His eyes are closed and Jeno quickly notices how he is clutching the oversized Ryan. The swirling storm and the high winds tormenting his mind are too overwhelming and the string snaps.

Jeno whimpers and buries his face into the puppy. It is much smaller than the Ryan and it doesn't smell at all like Jaemin. The realisation that Jaemin is so close yet so far makes Jeno wriggle in the bed, kicking away the suffocation of the duvets then fumbling to pull them back over himself when the cold invades his skin. His movements are weak and he has less control of his fingers than he would like. He can't grip the edge of the duvet, so it keeps slipping out of his grasp. When he kicks out again, the last corner slides off the bed, leaving him totally exposed and he drops onto his stomach and buries his face back into the plush.

His mouth finds purchase on one of the floppy ears and warmth spreads through him, chasing away the bad thoughts and forming a protective wall around his heart. Everything is so conflicting. Jeno is no longer aware of what the issue is, just that something hurts and no one is there to make it better. He aches for a hug and for someone to cling to.

Jaemin is still asleep. Jeno's eyes are enchanted by the sight of his favourite plushie tucked under Jaemin's chin. His caregiver isn't with him. He wants the Ryan plushie. The puppy is so soft against his cheek. Not as soft as Jaemin's touch, though. The little slides off the bed. His feet make contact with the uneven mound of duvet, which gives way and he topples onto the floor. A deep thud resonates then turns into a dull throbbing, diffusing through his hip. His eyes sting once again. Jaemin doesn't move at all, completely unaware of his little crying on the floor of their bedroom merely several feet away from where he is sleeping. Realising that he isn't going to get any attention, Jeno sniffs and pulls himself up. The pain in his hip has readily subsided and yet he still hurts. His head hurts, but his heart most of all.

He grits his teeth tighter to secure the ear of the puppy plush in his mouth, then clasps a handle on the nearest drawer to pull his heavy body up. The carpet suddenly feels a lot rougher under his cold feet and he tumbles back down. His legs are too weak and his mind is too fuzzy. Whilst it usually makes him feel warm, it now only renders him vulnerable in the dark and chilly room. 

From his place on the carpet, he is within reach of Jaemin's bed and Ryan. His bottom lip juts out and he tucks the puppy under his chin, imagining that it was the giant orange toy. A hand reaches out to grab it. Jaemin exhales more heavily and shifts his head on the pillow, and the sudden movement makes Jeno flinch and recoil, nearly falling backwards. His caregiver has always taught him that it is unkind to steal. But isn't sharing caring? He can't work out whether Jaemin would let him take the cuddly toy or not, until a very strong part of him decides that he shouldn't even be near Jaemin.

Jeno, in his small headspace, doesn't know why, but he gets the urge to leave. Eyes wide, he crawls across the floor and reaches up to turn the door handle, then claws at the edge to nudge it open enough for him to squeeze through the gap, puppy still hanging from his mouth. 

The dorm is gloomy and his tears blur everything into an endless pit of darkness. He can't tell where he is exactly, apart from that it's the living room and his hands burn from the friction against the carpet. He nudges forward a couple of feet. His hand knocks against something and he cries out, scrambling to get away but it only causes his head to collide with whatever is lurking in front of him.

Glass shatters.

He whimpers, confused and muddled and his heart racing, then crawls away in what he can only hope is another direction because his bearings are totally lost. His hands meet a cold tile and something razor sharp. Pain shoots through his left palm. He shakes his hand to part with whatever is the source of the sting but it only intensifies.

An avalanche of light cascades throughout the room. Jeno's vocal chords constrict, blocking him from pronouncing any words or shouts, and he squeezes his eyes shut. The puppy falls from his lips which gives him the capacity to cry. He reaches out for the toy but his hand throbs and he can't even wriggle his fingers, making him stare at it and break down from the loss of contact.

Someone wraps their arms around him. The chest against his back is firm and warm but the arms are restricting his movements.

"Nono? What happened? Your hand!" Jaemin shrieks, voice raising in volume when he notices the blood pooling from Jeno's palm around a tiny piece of glass stuck in the ragged skin. "Get the first aid kit!" Jeno spots Renjun race out of the kitchen. 

He sniffs and follows the trail of glass to a photo frame lying on the floor. The one with the picture of all of them as trainees when they went to the fair on a day off, which had been sitting on the small cabinet next to the kitchen door in the living room for years. Jeno slowly realises the situation and wails. 

"Oh, baby. It's okay. Don't worry, sweetheart." Jaemin kisses the top of his head, ever-loving, and Renjun returns with the box of first aid supplies in hand. Jisung enters after him, dazed and still half asleep. His eyes shoot open when he registers how Jeno is sat on Jaemin's lap amongst glass shards, hand dripping with blood.

Jeno remembers how Jaemin didn't hear his crying earlier and the urge to get away returns. His mind is screaming at him that his hand is in pain and that he can't be near Jaemin. The fuzziness blocks him from fighting against it or from working out the root of it, so he acts on instinct. Jaemin is startled when Jeno squirms and thrashes to get out of his hold.

"Baby, I'm trying to help you." He speaks, voice laced with sadness and confusion. Jeno doesn't listen and only cries harder. He finally breaks free, shuffling across the floor until he is curled up under the kitchen table, the chairs creating a barrier between him and the others. Renjun opens a packet on disinfectant wipes then crouches down to peer at Jeno.

"Jeno, would you like me to clean your hand?" His speaks slowly and quietly to try to show that he is not a threat.

"Is he okay?" Jisung pipes up, still confused. Jaemin shakes his head and swallows hard.

"Jeno, love. Come out from under the table." Jaemin tries again. Jeno cradles his hand against his chest and makes no effort to move. His eyes and cheeks glisten from the tears. "Would you like your plushie?" Jaemin waves the puppy around to tempt the little out, but to no effect.

"What do we do?" Renjun asks, worried. There is no space for another one of them under the table, if Jeno were to even let them close, that is.

"Jeno." Jaemin lowers his voice back to its usual pitch. "Stop messing around." The sudden change of tone captures Jisung's attention and he stops his work with the dust pan and brush. The little closes his eyes and squeezes his arms around his knees tightly to hide his face. He is too deep in his headspace to reach the surface. "Last chance."

"Don't be harsh on him, Jaemin." Renjun warns, still clutching the packet of wipes. "He's clearly very distressed and confused right now. Let him be little."

"But he's refusing to co-operate!" Jaemin throws his arms up with despair. Jeno whimpers at the shout. "Should I call Doyoung-hyung? Mark?" His gaze barely softens when Jeno lifts his head slightly, allowing him to take in the sight of his red eyes and messy hair.

"Jeno-yah. I'll make your hand better, yeah?" Renjun waves the box of plasters this time; they are each a different colour and are decorated with bright depictions of various cartoon characters. Jeno stares at the gash on his palm and cries out, turning back to Renjun but still not moving. His mind doesn't know what to do. He wants help, wants his pain to go away, but Jaemin is still stood in the room. All he can see of him is his bare feet and long legs covered by his black pyjama bottoms. But he can imagine his face because he's been bad. It's his fault.

"Screw this. I'm going back to bed." The feet turn and storm off. Jaemin's mad. Mad at him. He's made his caregiver mad. The glass in his hand throbs so much his hand is nearly numb. His mind is numb, too. He sobs.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello~~~  
> This is @Jisungluvr ‘s request!  
> It’s not entirely focussed on the morning sickness, so I hope it’s okay  
> I did research on National Childbirth Trust’s website haha  
> TW: lots of vomiting :(  
> Also, please read the notes at the end!!!

Renjun understands that regressing into a little headspace helps Jeno to cope with stress and that it blocks out unpleasant thoughts, having become an essential part of his daily life quite a few years ago. But as he tends to the cut on his hand, Renjun can't help but worry. 

His eyes keep flicking up to observe how Jeno stares at the wall, eyes lidded and mouth parted. He doesn't react at all when the disinfectant wipes make contact with the raw wound. They usually sting mercilessly, so Renjun furrows his eyebrows at Jeno's mental absence. He doesn't even wince when he uses the tweezers to remove the tiny fracture of glass.

"Jeno?" He speaks softly as he smooths down the plaster a final time. Jeno's hand is shaking but his eyes are unfocussed and dry, his breathing laboriously slow, therefore not displaying his other usual signs of anxiety. Renjun receives no response. "Baby?" He tries again, in a tone more suitable for caregiving this time, and the silence returns. 

Licking his lips, he decides that it must be his empty headspace. Is that what Jaemin calls it? No one else has ever had to look after Jeno in this state so Renjun is nervous and his mind is clustered with unease about his actions. How does he look after someone who doesn't even respond to pain, or his own name?

He maintains his hold on Jeno's hand and rubs his thumb over his skin then shifts their position to let him rest against his shoulder. Jeno doesn't seem to even lean into the contact. His facial expression doesn't change. Renjun is still worried as he must be exhausted. When Jaemin went back to bed, Jeno had a tantrum, screaming and kicking and protesting before suddenly ceasing to make any noise at all, crashing into a state of dazed silence. The Chinese waves a hand in front of his face and calls his name again. Nothing. He isn't exactly sure what is going on. He could try to pull him out of it, but after his distress it must be calming to space out and bathe in a pool of serenity. He vaguely remembers Jaemin mentioning that this happens when he gets too overwhelmed. 

Ensuring to make as little disturbance as possible, he packs away the first aid kit and races back to the sofa. But Jeno hasn't moved anyway, still slumped against a cushion. Except his eyes are fully closed now. Renjun flicks off the lights and finds his way to Jeno's side. He assumes that he is asleep so begins to stroke his hair slowly, occasionally stopping to scratch tenderly at the back of his neck in the way that sends Chenle straight into dreamland. He hears each gentle exhale and seeks reassurance in the fact that no other major physical injuries seem to be present. But as for his mental state, Renjun hasn't a clue how to solve it. Not in the slightest. He is barely with it himself.

"Renjun-hyung?" The voice in the darkness pulls him out of his thoughts with a jolt and his hand accidentally grazes past Jeno's cheek. He pulls away and doesn't breathe for a matter of seconds. Jeno doesn't respond. Renjun lets his shoulders relax. The little's head droops dangerously close to falling off where it is laid, so Renjun has to bring up a hand to gently reposition it for the sake of his neck then he attempts to find some focus in the dark surrounding him. "Hyung?" This time, he recognises the voice as belonging to Jisung and he cranes his neck in the direction of the sound. He is met by a blinding light from the maknae's phone, which casts enough light around the room for Jisung to safely make his way to sit next to Renjun. 

"Hey, Jisung." Renjun forces out a whisper. Jisung doesn't say anything, hands wringing together on his lap. "Can't get back to sleep?" Renjun can't, either.

"Something like that." Jisung frowns and his eyes are sunken by not only the dim lighting. 

"Would you like a lullaby? A cup of tea?" Renjun asks. Jeno attempts to shove his thumb between his lips but Jisung gets there first with a pacifier to satisfy the little, who quickly resettles. 

"I'm just overthinking, hyung." Jisung flaps his hands in front of his face and pats a cushion back into shape just to give his troubled mind a way to occupy itself. Renjun can tell that he is only putting off the inevitable. 

"About what? You can tell me." Renjun reassures the maknae that surely whatever is on his mind can't be that terrible, then receives a sceptical gaze accompanied by another frown. 

"It's my fault, isn't it?" Jisung's voice is quiet and void of its usual warmth. 

"What is?" 

"Everything." Jisung pulls the cushion to cover his face and Renjun gives him a chance to continue. "The fight between Jeno and Jaemin. I kept hanging out with Jaemin-hyung, which made Jeno mad and now they both hate each other." 

"It's not your fault. It's just a misunderstanding between them, I'm sure. I'll talk some sense into them tomorrow if they don't sort it out themselves." Jisung tries to smile at the Chinese's statement, imagining his famous technique of not letting them leave the room until everything has been smoothed out, but his face twists into a grimace instead and he sighs heavily. 

"I just wanted to spend some more time with Jaemin and then he suddenly started spending all his time with me. I didn't realise that Jeno was being pushed aside until... until the situation earlier. Until it was too late. Am I a bad friend?" His voice raises with concern at the end of his sentence and he looks at Renjun with wide, glistening eyes. The older pulls him into a hug as well as he can with Jeno leaning against his other side.

"Absolutely not. We're all just stressed and we need to take some time to think it through and all make friends, or boyfriends, again." Renjun rests his hand over Jisung's to get them to still. 

•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•

The room is flooded by sunlight by the time Renjun wakes up. He is alone in the living room with a dull ache pulsating through his shoulder, likely from sleeping in an awkward position and something in his arm clicks when he stretches. He vaguely picks up the sound of the toilet flushing, then a dishevelled Jeno traipses back into the room and collapses onto the sofa. Jisung scurries after him with a worried pout. Renjun is suddenly much more awake. 

"Jeno?" He reaches out to smooth down a stray strand of Jeno's hair, but he leans away with a whimper. "What's the matter? You look pale." 

"I threw up again." Jeno bites his bottom lip harshly and swallows, Adam's apple bobbing to try to keep his stomach where it should be. His eyes are dark and his pyjamas cling to his sweaty chest. Renjun spots the pacifier under the coffee table, probably having been strewn there in Jeno's panic to reach the bathroom in time. 

"Oh, it's alright, baby." Renjun speaks and this time Jeno allows him to run his hands through his hair. 

"I'm not little." Jeno looks up at the Chinese and his glistening eyes would have usually told a different story. 

"Alright." Renjun says and he tries to smile reassuringly. "You can be." 

"I don't want to be. Don't want Jaemin to have to worry about me." Jeno explains meekly, then suddenly clamps his hand over his mouth. Jisung dashes in with a washing-up bowl and shoves it onto Jeno's lap, looking away with disgust as Jeno retches. Renjun pats his back until he is sure he is finished, gasping for breath and tears welling up. 

"Why don't you take your top off?" Renjun suggests as he eyes the sweat dripping off Jeno's forehead. "Or get changed into a cooler shirt?" Jeno nods slowly then starts to push his numb body off the sofa. Jisung rushes to push him back down. 

"Don't move, hyung. You should rest. I'll bring you something." The maknae exclaims, disappearing again. He returns swiftly with a plain white button-up and he helps Jeno to change into it, then makes sure that he keeps some of the buttons undone. 

Renjun watches carefully as Jeno moves to pull his feet up onto the sofa, stretching out his legs so that he is lying down with a cushion against his chest and eyes roving over the ceiling. The other two can tell that something, more like someone, is troubling him and Renjun doesn't have difficulty guessing who it is. His fingers pick at his plastered wound, a gentle hiss escaping his lips. 

"Don't do that. Let it heal." Renjun says and reaches to softly pull Jeno's hand away from the cuts. 

"It stings." Jeno whines. "And my head hurts." 

"I'll get some water." Jisung gets up again and Renjun smiles at how endearing it is that Jisung is so desperate to help. Perhaps he wants to make up with Jeno again, even though those two didn't explicitly fight. 

"Thank you, Ji." Jeno croaks out. 

Another presence looms in the doorway and his mouth stays hanging open when he locks his eyes with Jaemin. He has a flask clutched in his hand, no doubt full of coffee, and he stops in the living room to stare back at Jeno for several seconds. Renjun doesn't speak but looks between them, waiting for one of the them to say something. No words come. Jaemin continues his route out of the room and the front door slams. Renjun spotted the tear escaping down Jaemin's cheek, but keeps quiet. 

"I'm gonna-" Jeno sits bolt upright and Renjun is there with the bowl just in time. There is barely anything even left in his stomach and it leaves him dry-retching for an uncomfortable period of time. 

"Was that...?" Jisung places the glass of water on the table and gesticulates to the door. Renjun nods. 

"You're alright, Jen. Breathe. Have a sip of water." Renjun says, the soothing tone immediately returning.

"Is this the worst it's been so far?" Jisung pipes up. 

"Yeah." Jeno gasps out, squeezing his eyes shut to let a dizzy spell pass. His stomach is still turning and spinning inside of him and his throat is raw. 

"Oh, baby." Renjun massages Jeno's shoulders with sympathy pooling out of his every word. Jeno chokes up again, luckily not with vomit this time. 

"Don't... don't call me that. It reminds me of him." Jeno pleads. He feels pathetic. After six years together, a misunderstanding and lack of communication won't be the thing to rip him and Jaemin apart from each other. It can't be. 

Especially not when their career relies on them all getting along. Especially not when he is pregnant with Jaemin's baby. 

Guilt seethes through his veins. He is aware that he should just talk to him. But he can't muster the courage, and neither can Jaemin, evidently. 

"I'm sorry, Jeno. I thought a little comfort would help." Renjun says, tone deflated. 

"I'm grateful for you both looking after me. Just... It hurts." Jeno lays his head down on the arm of the sofa, hugging the cushion again. 

"What hurts?" Jisung leans in, somehow typing away on his phone without having to look at the screen. Jeno only responds by resting a hand over his heart. 

"Renjun?" Jeno finally speaks again after a dragging minute, immediately capturing the Chinese's attention. 

"Yes?" 

"What happened to my hand?" He asks, words slow and slightly slurred. Jisung widens his eyes and Renjun swallows. 

"You were little last night." Jeno begins to chew the inside of his cheek. "You must have crawled out of your room or something, because we found you next to a smashed photo frame." 

Jeno spends a bit processing this information and he glances back down at the plasters, mind teetering close to the edge again at the sight of Winnie The Pooh waving back at him. He shakes his head to focus his thoughts. 

"Did Jaemin..." He doesn't finish his sentence. 

"He was the first to get to you. He was so worried and was bossing us around to find the first aid kit." Renjun explains and he would have smiled at Jaemin's caring tendencies if it weren't for the way Jeno's face crumples. 

"He still loves me?" Jeno asks with a shaky hand tugging at his hair. 

"Of course he does, silly. This is just as hard for him as it is for you. Which is why you need to talk to him." Renjun points out then prompts Jeno to take another drink. His cheeks are still worryingly pale and the beads of sweat haven't shifted from his forehead. 

"It says here that ginger helps for nausea. Oh, and biscuits are good to eat during morning sickness." Jisung looks up from his phone and makes eye contact with Renjun, who is grateful for the conversation change. He doesn't want to get into the gritty details of the whole situation whilst Jeno's stomach could decide to twist again at any point. 

"Don't we have a packet of ginger biscuits in the cupboard? I don't know if they're still in date or not." Renjun claims, squeezing Jeno's hand and smiling back at him. 

"I'd like that. I'm really hungry now." Jeno sits up, movements laboured and Renjun keeps an arm around him to ensure that he is stable. 

"Let's get some food inside of you then we can have a lazy day. How does that sound?" The Chinese tries to make some other conversation with him, praying that it will distract him from both his boyfriend and his nausea, or that he can get him to finally let go and slip for bit. It hurts to see him in so much pain. 

His eyes end up getting stuck on the pacifier abandoned under the coffee table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay
> 
> Firstly, I would like to apologise for suddenly disappearing and failing to update for so long. I have no excuses other than the fact that I am not with it recently, school is a b*tch and I was struggling a lot with the stress and a lack of motivation for anything. 
> 
> I‘m still not entirely in a positive mindset but I have managed to pick up writing again because it is what I love. 
> 
> Secondly, I probably lost some readers during my disappearance, so if you are still here, thank you <3
> 
> A lot more angst is coming along, just to warn you. It is the plot I originally had planned but it is now much more intense and angsty because of the request chapters and and jealousy stuff (which I LOVE btw bc I am a sucker for drawn out angst followed by diabetes fluff. Can you tell?) 
> 
> I will get back into the routine of updating properly this week.


	28. Chapter 28

"I'll go have a look at the photo frames." Jeno says as he taps Renjun lightly on the shoulder. The Chinese turns away from the mirror where he is holding a hoodie up to his body in contemplation and tries to inspect Jeno's expression. The mask is covering half of his face, but his eyes are wide and they glint under the shop lighting. For the first time that week, the glint doesn't seem to be caused by tears. 

"I've already said that you don't need to worry about it. The picture looks cute with a magnet on the fridge." Renjun replies, hanging the hoodie back onto the rack. Jeno sighs and pulls his sleeves further over his hands. 

"It's half hanging off because all of the drawings I did whilst little are hogging the space. Can we at least take some of them off?" Jeno shifts between his feet and Renjun has to lean in slightly to hear his timid voice. "You don't have to hang them up, you know." 

"But they're cute, Jen. You love drawing. Nono's our little Picasso." Renjun chuckles and Jeno blushes, adjusting his mask and clearing his throat. 

"They're bad." Jeno argues. "I don't see why you'd want to cover the fridge with indistinguishable scribbles done by a kid." Renjun rolls his eyes and turns to face him properly. 

"Trust me, Jeno, that'll be you once your baby's come along and is capable of holding a pencil." He counters. Jeno's shoulders curl in and it is now Renjun's turn to sigh. "It's been nearly a week of this madness. You've gotta just go up to him and talk it out. Jisung is upset, too. Mark is upset. Everyone's stressed." 

"Jaemin promised to spend time with everyone equally but now he just hurries away whenever I get close." Jeno explains pitifully, staring at a mother struggling to get her daughter to settle in the pushchair. 

"Look at me." Renjun demands and Jeno slowly raises his gaze to meet the sharpness of the older's pupils. "The reason why we hang up all of your artwork is-"

"It's hardly artwork."

"Quiet." Renjun holds up a finger and Jeno complies. "We do it because we love you. We adore Nono just as much as Jeno. It hurts us to see you upset or stressed or mentally tired, so those moments where you are smiling and colouring to your heart's content are so amazing. Seeing you happy makes all of us happy. I know that making up with Jaemin will cheer you up, so for the billionth time, please try, alright?" Jeno hangs his head like a scolded toddler and mumbles an affirmation. "I can't hear you." 

"Yes. I'm sorry. Can I have a hug? Please?" Jeno holds out his arms expectantly and Renjun softens, pulling him into an embrace. They're in the middle of a clothing shop with other customers giving them slightly judging looks but they simply don't care. 

"You oversized puppy." Renjun teases, ruffling Jeno's hair. "I suppose we can get a new photo frame if you want." 

"I love you." Jeno's eyes crinkle into crescents. 

"I love me too." Renjun smirks and picks up the hoodie again, changing his mind and now deciding to buy it. He catches the sight of Jeno's pout and bursts into laughter. "I love you too, silly. I'll queue up to buy this. Why don't you get ahead and start looking for a frame?" 

"I wanna choose together. I'll wait outside for you." Jeno replies and Renjun doesn't argue with his suggestion.

Jeno bounds off with a refreshing spring in his step to take a seat by the fountain and Renjun rummages through his bag to find his wallet. Jisung has been spending even more time than usual at Chenle's house and he doesn't even want to start to guess where Jaemin keeps disappearing off to. They have no schedules to allow them some rest after their comeback, but instead of using it to spend time together they are just moping around and Renjun is fed up of watching Jeno sink deeper and deeper into his hole of self-pity. He spoke to Hangyeol then dragged him out of his bedroom to the shopping centre for a day of retail therapy. 

He leaves the shop with a significantly lighter bank account - the hoodie was ridiculously overpriced and the material was too soft to resist - but his eyebrows become heavy, falling into a deep frown. 

The bench he watched Jeno sit down on just minutes earlier is now empty. 

His grip on the carrier bag tightens and he leans over the side of the fountain, eyes scanning over the water to check that Jeno hasn't fallen in. The water is barely a foot deep, but hey, you can drown in a puddle. All he sees are coins, probably enough to replace the new hole in his savings, and some discarded plastic bottles. No Jeno. Renjun drums his foot against the tiled floor and frantically turns in all directions, then he stretches onto his tiptoes to gain sight over the top of other shoppers. A group of giggling girls with a plethora of bags barges past him and he nearly topples over, losing his balance and bearings in the middle of the looming crowd of people. The shopping centre suddenly multiplies in size and the dread surging around his stomach seizes his heart and forces the beats into an erratic pulse fuelled by fear. 

He takes off and dashes in and out of every shop he lays his eyes on. There is no sign of Jeno. He can barely breathe when he has done a complete round. His body collapses onto the bench which seems much to big and the wood is much too uncomfortable without Jeno there. 

The line rings. And rings. Keeps ringing. Beep. Beep. Beep. 

He doesn't pick up. 

Or that time, either. 

After three consecutive fails to get hold of Jeno on the phone, Renjun's own device is nearly sliding out of his palm from the sweat pooling over his skin and from his unsteady hold. Jeno would never walk off without telling him. But Nono might, he realises. His mind replays the way he skipped off, the way pouted and asked for a hug. The glint in his eyes. He hasn't fully slipped for several days and with the current emotional strain it is no surprise that he might have been struggling to hide some of his little tendencies. Renjun curses himself for letting him out of his sight. He tries to phone him once more. This time, it cuts off before there is even a ring. 

He gets to his feet again. 

"Excuse me, have you seen-" The man he approaches gives him a scowl and Renjun immediately backs away again, breath catching in his throat and his feet stumbling to run away. He nearly collides with another woman and then almost runs into an overflowing bin. "Have you seen... have you seen my friend?" Renjun heaves out. The young woman in front of him looks up from her phone and gives him a sympathetic smile. 

"You'll have to give me some descriptions, sweetheart." Her eyes are kind and Renjun starts listing off Jeno's electric blue hair, his oversized coat and the dainty mole on his cheek. The lady looks blank. 

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I don't think I've seen him. Why don't you speak to the lost and found office? They might be able to help you." Renjun frantically nods and follows her directions to the small kiosk between a toyshop and a hairdressers. 

There is already a crying toddler with her stressed father outside, so Renjun keeps his distance to wait in line, fingers twisting and tugging on each other. The girl is reunited with Mr Fishy the penguin and Renjun wants to smile at how her face lights up, but the thought of Jeno being in danger plagues his mind. 

"Yes?" He blinks with shock when the man behind the kiosk speaks up to call him over. 

"Hello." Renjun stutters then his throat constricts and the rest of his words tumble over his tongue, not making it past his dry lips. 

"Can I help you?" The man prompts and Renjun closes his eyes to take a breath. He tugs the mask down under his chin. He doesn't care if he is recognised right now. 

"Yeah." He tries again. "My friend has disappeared." He fumbles to unlock his phone and he easily finds a picture of Jeno smiling into the camera after they all dyed their hair. "Have you seen him?" 

"I haven't seen him myself. But I'll definitely spread the word between my colleagues in case any of them have. What's his name? I can announce it over the tannoy." The man explains with a gentle smile and the deep creases on his forehead no longer seem so intimidating now that he is offering to help Renjun. 

"Jeno. Lee Jeno." Renjun nearly messes up the name from how muddled his brain is. 

The man presses a button and begins to request that Jeno come to the lost and found kiosk on the ground floor. 

The wait drags on.

And on. 

Renjun drops his carrier bag twice, but only bothers to pick it up once. 

No one comes. Jeno doesn't come. 

"Are you sure he didn't leave?" The man suggests and Renjun nods his head, adamant that Jeno would definitely still be in the shopping centre. Where else would he have walked off to? If he's little, perhaps his curiosity got the better of him. However, he tends to either hate or not be able to walk when in his headspace, so Renjun is also sure that he wouldn't walk too far. 

"Jaemin." Renjun sobs into his phone. 

"Renjun? What happened? Where are you?" Jaemin seems out of breath on the other end of the line and the blaring music stops after a couple of seconds. It gives Renjun a bit more space to think. 

"I'm still at the shopping centre. It's Jeno." 

"What happened?" Jaemin asks again, this time in a much more frantic tone and the pitch of his voice raises to nearly a screech. 

"I don't know where he is." Renjun confesses, covering his face with his other hand. The man at the kiosk is still watching him with an pitying look. Renjun sits on the floor from fear that his legs might give way. 

"What do you mean, you don't know where he is?!" Now Jaemin is actually screeching. Renjun holds his phone a bit further away from his ear and swallows. 

"I was waiting to buy a hoodie and Jeno went to wait on a bench outside the shop but when I left the shop he was gone and no one has seen him and the guy at the lost and found thing hasn't seen him and he announced it over the tannoy and Jeno hasn't appeared." Renjun doesn't breathe as he spews out a hasty recount of the situation. A door slams from the other end of the call. 

"I'm coming. Mark's here. We're on our way. Mark! Hurry up! Jeno's missing! What? No, just go!" A car engine starts and Renjun can vividly picture the distress etched onto Jaemin's features. 

But it doesn't prepare him for the sobbing, hysterical, windswept Jaemin who runs up to him barely ten minutes later. 

"Where's Jeno?" Jaemin shakes Renjun's shoulders and the Chinese shakily gets to his feet and doesn't dare meet his eyes. 

"I don't know..." 

"Where's my baby?" 

Mark still seems confused and the man behind the kiosk calls him over and probably explains everything to him. But Renjun can't hear their conversation over his own guilt eating him up and Jaemin's screeching. 

A phone has been handed in. It's Jeno's phone. 

Four missed calls from Renjun. 

Nineteen from Jaemin.

The man hastily types away on his computer and scrawls across some paperwork.

"If he doesn't show up within twenty-four hours, you should call the police."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...


	29. Chapter 29

The car is in silence apart from the drone of the engine and Jaemin's mutterings. He keeps talking to himself the entire ride back and neither Mark nor Renjun understand what he is going on about. His voice cracks, he sobs, then he goes back to mumbling. Mark doesn't dare turn on the radio or drive over forty miles per hour. An impatient car honks its horn behind them and Jaemin whimpers at the loud intrusion to his thoughts. 

"Jaemin-" Renjun leans closer from the backseat to speak to him, but he is interrupted. 

"I want Jeno." Jaemin sobs into his hands and kicks his legs around in the footwell. 

"We'll get him back. He'll be fine, Minnie. Don't worry." Mark reassures him and he pulls his hand away from the steering wheel to quickly squeeze his thigh but his voice is strained and Renjun can see his uncertain gaze in the rear view mirror. 

Jaemin stumbles straight into his and Jeno's room as soon as they unlock the front door. Mark and Renjun stop still in the hallway. The air is thick and it seems to be lacking in oxygen because Renjun is struggling to pull in a smooth inhale. Mark wraps his arms around him and breathes in heavily. Renjun tries to follow suit but his throat gives way and he ends up in a fit of coughs, nose running and eyes stinging. 

"Sit down." Mark mutters and helps him limp over to the sofa. "I'll call Doyoung-hyung." Renjun keens at the sound of one his favourite hyungs' name and he rests his aching head on Mark's shoulder to try to overhear Doyoung's voice through the phone. 

Instead, he gets side-tracked watching Jaemin trudge into the bathroom, his Ryan plushie squeezed under his arm and his face pale. Angry red rings his eyes and his unfocussed gaze leads him into the doorframe before he actually succeeds in making it to the bathroom, slamming the door harder than he meant to, signalled by his quiet yelp of surprise. Water starts trickling into the bath several seconds later. 

When Doyoung arrives, Johnny is in tow and they are already well-versed in what has happened and he perches on the sofa to let Renjun move to cuddle against him. Now that he has his comforting scent of lavender surrounding him, Renjun can breathe a bit easier. Something about Doyoung always clears anyone's distressing thoughts. Mark sighs into Johnny's chest. 

"It's my fault. I shouldn't have let Jeno wait alone. He was even showing parts of his little side and I didn't pick up on it. I'm a caregiver, for Goodness' sake. I have been trying to help Jeno and Jaemin for a week now and now I've just made it worse. What is wrong with me?" Renjun wails and Doyoung hushes him tenderly. 

"Nothing is wrong with you." Doyoung says as he circles his palm on Renjun's back. 

"Jeno will find his way back." Johnny claims, determined. Renjun wishes he were that sure. All he can think is how he failed at being a friend, at being a supportive bandmate, and at being a caregiver. 

He looks up and stares at the fridge. He can only see half of it from where he is sat and because the kitchen door is partly closed, but it is enough to see the photo Jeno wanted to buy a new frame for. Above and below are crumpled pieces of paper decorated with brightly coloured scribbles and wonky lettering to show who is who. Renjun can imagine Jeno's face of concentration, with his tongue poking out as he presses the pencil firmly onto the paper or as he tries desperately hard to keep within the lines. Yes, sometimes it is a little difficult to work out what the picture is depicting, but they all love each and every page because Nono drew them. On dark days, Nono is their light, effortlessly and innocently cheering them up and keeping them occupied with his antics. 

Renjun knows that he is extra lucky to have Lele, too. For ages, he is the only person Chenle spent time in his headspace with until he eventually slipped in front of the others. The evenings passed with them curled up together were, and still are, the most precious moments. But now Renjun wonders if he even deserves to get to look after Chenle like that. So he craves to spend more to ensure that he makes up for it. Makes up for his mistakes. If he ever can. 

What if Jeno never comes back? 

"That water's been running for an awfully long time now." Johnny peers back at the bathroom door. A strip of light pours out from underneath and he is right; the trickling of water still echoes around, accompanied with the occasional splashes. 

"Should we check on him?" Doyoung follows Johnny's eyes to the door and then looks back at him. 

"I'll go." Mark pushes himself up but Johnny's strength easily overpowers him, sending him back against the cushions. 

"You've had enough trauma. I'll go." Johnny strides out of the room and down the hallway. He softly knocks on the wood. No response except a splash. "Jaemin-ah?" He calls out this time. The water stops running, which shows that Jaemin is at least alive. "Jaemin? Can you open the door, please? You've been in there for ages." 

Johnny presses his ear against the door and picks up the faint sound of Jaemin mumbling away underneath the drip drops of water. A sharp snap of the lid being replaced onto the shampoo bottle follows. Johnny trudges back to the sofa. 

"Any luck?" Doyoung asks hopefully. 

"Nope." Johnny sighs, deflated. "He's ignoring me." 

"He's probably too worked up in his own thoughts to be able to hear you." Mark reasons, remembering Jaemin's hysterics in the car on the way home. 

"He'll come out eventually. He probably needs a long soak. Of course he's traumatised by it all. His boyfriend is pregnant and missing." Renjun winces at Doyoung's words which stab at him, forcing him to relive his guilt all over again.

Coughing, a wail and frenzied sobbing catches all of their attention and they all jolt their heads in the direction of the bathroom. Johnny jumps up again.

"Jaemin. Open up." His voice is stern this time and he fights with the door handle, twisting and twisting it to try to get the lock to budge. Jaemin's crying intensifies and a heavy thud resounds around the apartment. 

Silence. 

Then everything picks up again. 

"Jaeminnie? In, out, in, out, okay? Breathe. It's okay. Your hyungs want to help you." Doyoung is at the door now, too and fails just as miserably to provoke a response. 

Meanwhile, Renjun finds his wallet in a daze and pulls out a coin that fits into a slit on the outside part of the lock, allowing him to turn it with his shaky hands. The lock clicks open. He might as well try and help seeing as he created all of this mess. 

"Oh, thank you, Renjun." Johnny hastily nods towards the Chinese, who stumbles wordlessly back to the sofa. "Jaemin!" 

The door handle gives way this time and Johnny swings the door open and barges in before stopping still at the sight in front of him. 

Jaemin is leaning over the bath, his own clothes soaking wet, with the Ryan clutched in his grip and coated in a thick layer of bubbles. His eyes are blown wide when he sees Johnny in the doorway. He cowers away, bringing the plushie to his chest and mumbling something along the lines of 'please don't hurt us'.

"Why would I hurt you?" Johnny kneels down to speak to Jaemin at eyelevel and keeps his voice soft and welcoming. Jaemin gasps for breath and dunks Ryan back into the water. It sends a ripple of droplets over the side, dampening Jaemin's top even further but he doesn't pay any notice and begins gently using his hand to wash away the soap suds. "Jaemin?" 

The caregiver only shakes his head and Johnny watches in despair as his grip on the plushie tightens. He seems to suddenly realise what he's doing and he lets go, drawing his hand back. 

"Nana is sorry. I hurt you, Nana is sorry." He splutters, tears streaming down his cheeks when he picks Ryan up again and rubs tenderly at the spot where his hand was previously. 

Johnny's eyes climb up his forehead. Clueless as to what he should do, he pulls his phone out of his pocket and returns to the living room. The front door closes and Chenle flies in, beelining straight for Renjun, who goes from being curled up on Mark's lap to accepting his little on his own and nuzzling into his fluffy hair. Jisung doesn't move from the doorway. 

"Hyungs?" He speaks, shy and confused. Doyoung is staring sorrowfully at the blank television screen, Mark is almost yanking his hair out, Jaemin is still crying in the bathroom and Johnny is rapidly begging on the phone for Taeyong to come around. It's Doyoung who acknowledges his presence first. He motions for Jisung to come and sit down. "What's going on?" 

"Jeno's gone missing." 

•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•

"Jeno's gone missing?" 

Taeyong's jaw drops open and he is stood in the centre of the living room, staring down at the others on the sofa. 

"I'm so sorry hyung. It's my fault, I-" Renjun sobs, startling Chenle who pokes his cheek in confusion and worry. 

"Don't be sorry. It's not your fault. Now where's Jaemin?" Taeyong starts to reassure Renjun until he remembers why he was called upon. A wail gives him his answer. He follows the commotion to the bathroom, closing the door gently behind him before sitting down next to Jaemin. 

The water is gradually retreating from the tub, dragging the bubbles with it and Jaemin reaches for a towel. But his arm pathetically stays suspended in mid-air, not being long enough to clutch one off the radiator, so Taeyong passes one over. He watches silently as Jaemin pats the Ryan plush dry. Each movement is so gentle and caring that Taeyong wants to feel proud of his dongsaeng but the grave reality of the situation locks those thoughts away, out of his reach. 

"Jaemin. Hyung is here." Taeyong finally speaks after Jaemin pecks a kiss against the damp cuddly toy he has wrapped up in a blanket. 

"Jeno..." Jaemin stares longingly down at the toy in his arms. Taeyong has to hold back the tightening of his own throat when he finally understands. 

"We'll get Jeno back. Why don't we get you into some clean clothes and into bed in the meantime, yeah?" Taeyong starts to lean towards the younger, but he only cowers away and holds Ryan up to his chest as a form of protection. "I'm not trying to hurt you or Ryan. I'm here to help." Taeyong holds his hands up in the air to prove that he means no harm and Jaemin at least seems to untense his shoulders a bit. 

"I want Jeno." Jaemin rocks forwards and backwards. "Miss him." 

"I know you do, honey. And I'm sorry that you have to go through this." 

"Haven't seen him for days." Jaemin continues. 

"For days?" Taeyong shakes his head in sorrow and he thinks back to when Mark was crying to him about how Jeno and Jaemin had had a fight. 

"I miss him." Jaemin closes his eyes and presses his face into the plushie. Taeyong notices how his bare arms are covered with goose bumps and he is definitely shaking. Whether it be from the cold or not, he needs to wear something warmer. 

"You need to get changed. Shall I bring you some clothes?" Taeyong offers and when Jaemin nods ever slightly in confirmation he stands up and takes the warmest hoodie and sweatpants he can find, bringing it back for the younger to wear. Jaemin sits still for a few seconds, contemplating, then carefully hands Ryan over to the leader, whose heart warms at the knowledge that he is trusted. 

"Bedtime?" Taeyong delicately passes the plushie back to Jaemin as though it were a real baby, which it seems to be for Jaemin, whose mind is deep in his caregiver headspace yet rendered without his little to take care of, desperate for someone, something, anything to look after. 

Taeyong succeeds in getting Jaemin off the floor and he picks up his wet clothes for him, then finally guides him out of the bathroom. The younger stops at the sight of everyone else in the living room. Renjun turns to him and begins to try to get up, but Chenle presses harder against his chest, whining and rubbing his eyes sleepily. At least someone isn't stressed out by all this. 

"Jaemin, I am so sorry. It's my fault. You can hate me all you want. I won't care, because I know I deserve it." Renjun spills out and Jaemin doesn't even meet his eyes. Instead, he steps across the carpet and settles Ryan down into Jeno's bed, despite the dampness.

A minute later, he returns and wordlessly motions for Jisung to follow him. He knows that spending time with the maknae is what made Jeno jealous and kicked everything off, but a plushie doesn't do the full job. He longs to feel someone's warmth next to him after countless nights of freezing under the covers, alone. 

"But hyung..." Jisung starts to protest but Jaemin pulls him down and adjusts the duvet over the both of them, hugging Jisung from behind with an embrace so sought after that, now that he finally has it, Jaemin won't let go and Jisung can't move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what am I even doing


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went back and edited every single chapter over the weekend! There were soooo many typos omg I feel sorry for all of you who had to put up with them. I also updated the tags.
> 
> Also, thank you for your ideas regarding manager names!!!  
> From now on:  
> Nice main manager - Hangyeol  
> Mean manager - Jaehwa  
> Choreographer/dance teacher - Byeongho
> 
> I really should have come up with names before posting anything but this book is turning out to be a much bigger project than originally planned and because much more detail is going into this final draft, the staff have bigger roles. I'm sorry as I know it must be confusing.

An hour easily passes until the doorbell rings. The members in the living room wordlessly stare at each other, all waiting for someone to volunteer themselves to answer it as none of them have the energy.

"It could be Jeno!" Doyoung finally breaks the silence and stands up with a forced smile that doesn't really reassure anyone that he might have found his way home. 

Instead, Hangyeol follows Doyoung back into the room, face stern and eyebrows furrowed at the sight of them all sprawled over the sofa and the cushion which had fallen on the floor. Jeno's pacifier is still under the coffee table, too. 

"Am I right in saying that no one has a clue where Jeno currently is?" Hangyeol interrogates and spends time making eye contact with each and every one of them to convey his concern. The tone of his voice is strong and unlike his usual warmth and it evokes more panic into the members. 

"Yes." Renjun admits and his grip on Chenle's jacket tightens. The little squirms but doesn't kick off.

"Where's Jaemin?" Hangyeol fires again. Taeyong braves standing up and wakes Jaemin from his fitful slumber, convincing Jisung to follow them back. Jaemin's hair is messy and his nose is beginning to become blocked. He stares at Hangyeol's feet. "There you are. How are you doing?" Their manager drops his voice and takes a seat and beckons Jaemin over to sit next to him. 

"Tired." Jaemin mumbles with a distant gaze. "Ji..." He doesn't take his eyes off the floor but still reaches out an arm for Jisung to join him. Exasperated, the maknae sighs and obliges to avoid any more disputes. The caregiver immediately encloses him in an embrace. 

"I understand." Hangyeol bites his lip with worry and takes another look around the room whilst he tries to formulate a plan. He's been a manager in the company for nearly a decade and he has never come across such a frightening situation. 

The rhythmical clicking of the radiator fills the subsequent silence. 

Chenle is quickly growing restless on Renjun's lap, and Renjun has his eyes hyper-fixated on the coffee table and lips parted.

"Bedtime, ge?" Chenle looks up at his caregiver with confusion and no one breathes in the gap between his question and Renjun's answer.

"Soon, Lele. Don't worry." He replies, still without moving his eyes. Hangyeol follows his gaze and frowns at the discarded pacifier. He leans down and retrieves it, before heading to the kitchen to give it a wash under the tap and returning it to the box of supplies. 

Whilst in the kitchen, he figures he may as well make himself useful and he searches through the cupboards for some hot chocolate powder and milk. Making the beverages gives him something to focus on and he succeeds in ignoring the buzzing of his phone in his pocket. There is no doubt that the news has spread into other units and likely to management higher up. He finds a bottle on the side and fills it up with milk for Chenle then decides to give him some chocolate, too. The exact method to heat up a bottle is still engrained in his mind and he is soon testing the temperature against his wrist. 

"Doyoung? Come and help with the drinks, please." He calls out and the requested member quickly scurries into the kitchen and takes two mugs in his hands to carry back. 

"Thank you, hyung. I appreciate it." Doyoung nods in his manager's direction. Hangyeol tries to smile in return but he only pushes out a huff. 

Renjun gratefully accepts the bottle for Chenle. The little latches onto the teat with a giggle, which escalates into a squeal when he realises that it is chocolate flavour. He claps his hands and babbles in Chinese, eliciting a faint smile across Renjun's lips. 

"Drink up, Lele." Renjun tells Chenle to calm down and be a good boy, and the little eventually settles and lets Renjun take hold of the bottle. 

Across the room, Jaemin is staring at the scene and his knuckles turn white from how hard he is gripping Jisung's hand. The maknae is clearly uncomfortable, with his brow furrowed and cheeks puffed out, but he doesn't mention it. The others are just glad that he isn't screeching anymore. 

Jisung tries to shift around when Jaemin's eyes fall shut from the weight of his exhaustion, except Jaemin somehow senses the movement and moves to clamp his arms around his waist. The maknae's eyes shoot open. Taeyong raises an eyebrow in a silent display of discipline, warning him to stay still and just let Jaemin rest. Jisung pouts and turns his attention to Chenle. Usually, he could stay up all night to chat and bicker with his best friend, only now he is mentally no older than three years old and sucking on his thumb, smiling slightly in his sleep. If only everyone else could dream that peacefully. 

Hangyeol's phone buzzes again, more persistently this time, so the manager grumbles and squints at the screen which is burningly bright compared to the dimness of the room - they only have the lamp in the corner turned on. 

"Who is it?" Taeyong questions, cringing from the aftertaste of his now cold hot chocolate. 

"Sooman. It's literally Lee Sooman. Gosh, I'm in so much trouble. What do we do?" Hangyeol throws his phone down on the cushion next to him and holds his head in his hands. Renjun opens his mouth but the manager holds up a finger before he can speak. "Don't apologise again. It's not your fault." 

"It's nearly three o'clock, so we should probably wait a few more hours to see if he turns up. If not, well, the guy at the shopping centre said to phone the police, didn't he?" Doyoung reads the time from his own phone screen and Mark and Renjun nod to confirm. 

Apart from Jaemin and Chenle, everyone's eyes are wide open, bloodshot and begging to rest but not daring to in case Jeno returns. It is a demanding task, staying awake all night, but they have to pull through. 

A few of them attempt small talk but none of the conversations get very far.

At some point Jaemin starts muttering in his sleep and kicks his legs around but quickly calms down when Johnny carries him back into his bed, tucking him in with the Ryan toy which has finally more or less dried off. 

Hangyeol and Mark fill everyone's mugs back up. Only this time with coffee.

Chenle awakes, still little, and wants to do some more colouring. None of them find the energy to deny him the pencils and his joy is enough to pull them all through to seven o'clock in the morning.

"'M hungry." Chenle whines once he has completed his self-appointed challenge of completely blocking in a piece of paper with various colours. 

"Should we all eat something?" Doyoung suggests and stumbles on his way to the kitchen. He receives a flutter of delayed responses that lack all enthusiasm but he shoves a few slices of bread into the toaster anyway. 

By the time he returns with three plates stacked with toast, Chenle and Jisung are partaking in an odd staring match. The maknae wriggles on the sofa, wringing his hands together and he flicks his eyes away from Chenle, before cautiously looking back at the little. Chenle is still looking at him. His expression is curious, but also confused and his lips form a pout. When he speaks, it's in Chinese and Renjun glances between the little and the maknae before answering. This causes Jisung to swivel his head with panic. 

"He wants to know why you're not playing with him." Renjun announces. His voice cracks, throat too dry to be speaking. Jisung nods slowly and turns back to Chenle who is now frowning with a fierce determination. The maknae is still having a bit of difficulty adjusting to seeing his best friend in such a small headspace, but deep down he yearns to be confident enough to partake in being his caregiver. He is slightly hurt that Chenle hid this from him. And, with the current situation, it is doubly strange that he is still so upbeat and giggly. It doesn't fit with everyone else's downcast moods. It makes the room feel emptier, because there would usually be another little to play with him. 

Jeno is still nowhere to be found. 

The time turns eight o'clock and Hangyeol immediately picks up his phone, leaving the room to dial for the police. 

They arrive within twenty minutes, two officers with notebooks and solemn faces greeting them at the door. Chenle is mesmerised by them. Lele has seen policemen in cartoons but never in real life and Renjun struggles to hold him back. Eventually, they manage to occupy him with a game on Renjun's tablet which Jisung guides him through. The officers smile endearingly at him and sit on the sofa. 

"Where was Jeno last seen?" The policewoman flicks to a new page and clicks her pen, poised and ready to scribble down anything worthwhile. 

"At the shopping centre. I went with him and he said he'd wait outside for me by the fountain, but when I got out of the shop he had disappeared." Renjun recounts for the millionth time, and it hasn't got any less painful. Any less difficult. The officers nod and write that down. 

"We'll make a visit there and try to look for some witnesses. A few shop owners are bound to have seen him." The second officer speaks and everyone nods eagerly, grateful that they are so willing to help. 

"Hello?" A timid voice has everyone turning to the doorway, where Jaemin is stood, blanket clutched in one hand and Ryan in the other. His eyes are wide and he looks at the police officers warily. 

"Jaemin! How are you feeling? Can I get you anything?" Taeyong rushes over to him and softly takes the blanket out of his hold to then wrap it over his shoulders; Jaemin is shaking and leans into the warmth. "Come and sit down." 

"Good morning, sir. We've come to gather some information about Lee Jeno." The policewoman flashes her whitened teeth as she speaks and Jaemin sits as far away from them as possible, even though that means getting Mark and Johnny to budge up on the sofa. 

"Jeno..." Jaemin mumbles and buries his face in the cuddly toy. 

"He hasn't taken the news particularly well." Hangyeol pipes up in a hushed voice. "Him and Jeno have been dating for six years now and Jeno's a little, too. Jaemin is his caregiver and is absolutely distraught."

"But the baby..." Jaemin mumbles and Hangyeol frowns, unsure if he heard correctly. 

"Sorry? Jaemin-ah, the police officers are here to help. They won't hurt you. Please could you speak up a bit?" The manager prompts. All the members present watch Jaemin cling onto his plushie and gnaw on his bottom lip. 

"The baby!" He wails. 

Taeyong lets Jaemin cry into his shirt and the police officers take his distress as their signal to head on.

"We'll head to the shopping centre and we'll inform you as soon as we have any more news. I hope things turn out well." The officers bow and swiftly part, leaving the group to themselves once more. 

The members are collectively comforting Jaemin and Chenle starts to crawl across the carpet to join in until Jisung pulls him onto his lap, whispering for him to be a good boy and sit still. Jaemin will be alright. Will he? 

"Taeyong, what is Jaemin on about? Do you know?" Hangyeol turns to the leader, trusting him to be a reliable source of information. Taeyong takes a final look at how Jaemin's shoulders are heaving and motions for the manager to follow him into the hallway. He inhales and exhales heavily. 

"Jeno is... pregnant." Taeyong reveals, looking at the wall behind Hangyeol's shoulder, uneasy about what the reaction will be. 

"Goodness." The manager starts, hand flying over his mouth. "That's amazing. But also so, so worrying with what's going on. No wonder Jaemin is in hysterics. Oh my..." He peers back into the room and runs a hand through his hair, then brings it down to rub over his face.

"That's it? You're completely fine with that?" Taeyong asks warily. 

"Of course I am. It's wonderful news. I'm proud that Jeno and Jaemin are starting a family despite being idols because they're so cute together. They make me feel so single." Hangyeol sighs before noticing Taeyong's unamused expression. "Not the time, I know. Sorry. But I personally do not have a problem with it. It will cause implications, particularly from the media, but it is good news nonetheless. We need to get Jeno back."

"Thank you, hyung, on their behalf." Taeyong manages a smile and Hangyeol pats his shoulder. 

"That'll also explain why I had Jaehwa grumbling to me about how Jeno's gained weight." 

"Trust her to find fault with everything. She hasn't been helping Jeno's confidence. Not at all. Especially after everything that happened when he was a trainee."

"I've passed on all your complaints to higher management. They say that they're giving her one more chance. Which is just ridiculous, if you ask me. She should have been kicked out years ago. You boys have to withstand enough pressure without members of staff being cruel, too." Hangyeol rolls his eyes and shakes his head with disapproval. 

Jaemin suddenly falls into a coughing fit, dragging them back into the living room. What a mess.


	31. Chapter 31

Mr and Mrs Lee look like they've come straight from an important business meeting. But then they always do, with their pressed suit jackets and polished shoes. An expensive, shiny necklace hangs around Jeno's mother's neck. It shimmers to imitate the glossiness of her eyes. Mr Lee just seems exhausted - his tie has been loosened to not strangle his neck so much and his hair is uncombed. Doyoung opens the door with a heavy frown, chewing on his bottom lip and flicking his eyes between the statues in the living room and the parents at the front door. 

It was only going to be a matter of time before the news made its way back to Jeno's family.

Hangyeol jumps up at the sight of them and bows deeply as though that would relieve some of the weight from the fact that their son is missing. 

"We'll deal with you later." Mr Lee snarls as he cuts straight to the subject. "We want to speak to Taeyong first." All eyes swivel to the leader who stands with shaky legs. 

"Good morning, Mr and Mrs Lee." Taeyong croaks out. The lack of sleep is having its affect on his throat and there's only so much energy the coffee can revive.

"It's hardly a good morning." Jeno's father spits back. Mrs Lee reaches out and places a palm on his shoulder to remind him to keep his tone down. Her face seems to have aged from the stress and her own shoulders are slouched. She is concerned and worried. Afraid. Mr Lee is just angry.

"How can you lose a member?" Mr Lee continues without any remorse in his words. "Are you really that incapable?" 

"What's going on?" Chenle speaks, dazed after awakening from a doze, now in his big headspace and leaning back on his caregiver's lap. Renjun is still gripping him fiercely. "Hyungs?" He stiffens at the sight of Jeno's parents looming in the doorway. 

"It wasn't Taeyong." Renjun confesses. He is fed up of having to recount everything a million times, but the last thing he wants is for Taeyong to have to face the consequences of everything. "Jeno was shopping with me when he disappeared." 

"Well, why did you let them go out alone?" Mr Lee fires, his rage not ceasing. 

"They are adults now, dear, remember?" Mrs Lee finally speaks. She sighs and closes her eyes to regather some composure. 

"Isn't there something in the contract about being accompanied everywhere?" His anger is directed at Hangyeol this time. 

"That was for when he was still a minor." Hangyeol explains, ringing his hands together. "We now trust them with the freedom of leaving the dorms as they wish when they are free of schedules." 

"Did they have any schedules?"

"That's not the point here." Mrs Lee pinches the bridge of her nose. "Look. We just came to see what is going on. The police informed us that they are looking for witnesses, but we wanted some support. I can see that this is affecting you all just as much as it's affecting us." Her voice chokes up and she fumbles through her handbag in search of a tissue. Everyone awkwardly glances between each other as she sobs, unsure if it would be acceptable to comfort her when they are clearly on the receiving end of the blame. "What if he never comes back?"

At this suggestion, Jaemin seems to mentally return to the room. All he can think about is Jeno and the baby. Jeno is pregnant. He's the father. Jeno. Their baby. Jeno.

But what if Jeno doesn't come back?

What if he's not okay?

What if? What if?

There are too many possibilities plaguing his mind, and his skin, his limbs, his entire existence aches for his boyfriend to return home safely. He opens and closes his mouth several times. The rest of the room and the people in it, waiting expectantly for him to say something, are all a blur as though his mind has just taken a paintbrush and smeared all the colours together so that he has no way of distinguishing where he is or who is with him. It's a punishment. A reminder. 

He is lost without Jeno. 

"Speak, boy." Mr Lee verbally attacks him and Jaemin buries his face back into the same plushie he keeps refusing to let go of. 

"I..." It's all he can force out before his emotions take control again. 

"Oh, sweetheart." Mrs Lee reaches Jaemin's side in a split second and she clasps a second tissue and waves it in front of Jaemin's face. He can't muster the strength to take it from her, so she dabs at his sunken cheeks for him whilst muttering reassurances. "We'll get through this. I know how much Jeno means to you. I've only heard positive things about you from him and he is always so happy when he mentions you, so I know you don't deserve this, darling. It'll be alright. You're strong."

Jaemin soaks in all her words but his brain purges them back out. He shakes his head pitifully. 

Does he say it?

The other members still haven't moved from their positions on the sofa and they all look like zombies risen from the dead. A plentiful supply of empty mugs is abandoned on the coffee table. They quickly glance away when Jaemin scans his eyes over the scene. He knows he looks like the human embodiment of a disaster, but they don't need to stare. It only draws his attention back to his punctured heart. 

Should he say it?

Telling Jeno's parents would only escalate the situation because it adds a whole new layer to the complication. 

But they deserve to know, don't they? Jeno is their son. 

Taeyong picks up a few of the mugs then guides Hangyeol into the kitchen. It'll give them something to occupy themselves with. 

"Don't you dare avoid this conversation." Mr Lee's deep voice booms around the room once more and both men scurry back. 

"I'm sorry, Mr Lee." They stutter. 

"As soon as he comes home, I'm revoking him from this group." Jeno's father declares, loosening his tie even further. The blue fabric is reminiscent of the colour of Jeno's hair. 

Jaemin looks away and forces the lump down his throat. It stings and it blocks his breathing for several seconds. Mrs Lee rubs her hand over his back to help him calm back down. Her thumb unintentionally scathes over the bruise from where he landed against the table on the tenth floor. His teeth draw blood from his lips. 

"Don't be so dramatic." Mrs Lee scolds her husband. "You can't do that."

"It's clearly not a safe environment for him to be in." 

"But he's happy here. Isn't he?" Mrs Lee retorts, looking to Jaemin for an answer. He still grips his teeth around the torn skin of his mouth and she gasps, whipping out a third tissue and a bottle of water. That woman's handbag is bulging from the sheer amount of supplies she stuffed in there before diving into the car. "Did I hurt you, love?"

Jaemin winces when another tinge shoots through his back. It is a path he definitely does not want to find himself thrown back onto. He gulps down the water and presses the soft tissue against his lip to help the fresh wound. 

"My back." He whispers. It takes so much strength that his throat clamps up again. He waves around for the bottle and Mrs Lee is there to press it back against his lips. 

"You're not having more trouble with it, are you?" Doyoung frowns and leans to get a better look at where Jaemin is sat. He shakes his head, eyes closed. 

"Just a bruise."

"From what? You're always so careful, though." Taeyong adds with concern. 

"Jeno..."

"What? Did something else happen?" 

"When they had the fight." Mark clarifies and shudders. It spreads realisation and understanding among the members, but Mr and Mrs Lee are none the wiser. 

"There was a misunderstanding between us a few days before." Jaemin explains. He doesn't go into details. 

"What did you do?" Mr Lee barks. He is still the only one standing, which asserts his authority. He is so tall that his head nearly reaches the lampshade hanging down over the coffee table. 

"It might not have been his fault." Jeno's mother suggests. 

"Well it certainly wouldn't have been Jeno's. I raised my son to be perfect." Mr Lee smiles arrogantly and Jisung clenches his fists. 

"Calm down."

"How can I? My son is missing!" 

"I understand that this is a very stressful situation, but-"

"Jeno's a little and..." Jaemin announces, finally plucking up the courage to say it. He trails off before he gets to the second point.

"Yes, we know." Mr Lee rolls his eyes. "It's not as though it's not all over social media all the time."

"Have some compassion, for goodness' sake." Jeno's mother returns to rubbing her hand over Jaemin's back. "You're his caregiver, right? Thank you for being there for him. I'm glad he's found a healthy way to cope with life." 

"So, yes, he is happy here. His regression helps him to relax. And me, too." Jaemin says and he feels something dislodge from his heart as he speaks. Mrs Lee's comfort and kind words feed a bit of warmth back into him. A flicker of hope. Despite not having been able to look after Nono for days now. 

"You know, we had our doubts when Jeno was a trainee. If he would ever debut, if he would make it, if he would be successful. I worried so much. Some days, it was unbearable, not having him smiling around the house." Mrs Lee replaces the stained tissue on Jaemin's lip with somehow yet another tissue. "But I've come to terms with it now, and knowing that you're here to look after him fills me with so much reassurance."

"Except he's gone again." Mr Lee mutters and ruins the mood.

Jaemin takes a deep breath.

"He... he's pregnant." 

Silence. Doyoung sucks in a breath, Chenle looks half-frightened from Jeno's father's rage and Johnny looks ready to start a fight. 

"What?"

"I said that Jeno is pregnant." Jaemin speaks louder this time. He feels Mrs Lee pull the tissue off his mouth and he now has to use his tongue to stop the blood.

"I heard you the first time." Mr Lee scowls. "How did that happen?" 

Another silence. They clearly don't have to explain how it tends to work. 

"You got my son pregnant?" Mrs Lee stares at Jaemin with an unreadable expression. Jaemin sinks into the sofa from her wording and retrieves Ryan off the floor to fiddle with the round ears. 

"I'm sorry." He breathes out. Everyone else's lips are sewn shut as they stare at Jeno's parents, unsure what they are thinking. So far, they haven't given many positive hints towards their feelings about the news. "I just thought that you should know, being his parents and all."

"Congratulations, Jaemin-ah." Mrs Lee suddenly beams and pulls him into her arms for an unexpected hug and Jaemin can relax a bit more. At least one half of the obstacle accepts it. He cracks open an eye to look at Mr Lee, but turns his head away when he attaches a meaning to his forehead's bulging vein and his tight fists. 

He takes a step towards the sofa and Jeno's mother, sensing his presence, releases the embrace. 

Everyone holds their breath.

Jeno's father slaps Jaemin clean across his cheek. 

Jeno's mother shrieks and jumps up, ushering him out of the door before he can further lash out and she shouts at him to watch his temper and to have some sympathy; 'they're suffering too, you know!'

Jaemin blinks. 

He swallows and grazes his fingers over his sore face. Every millimetre of his head is in pain as memories of the impact invade the rest of his thoughts. 

His empty stomach can't tolerate the shock, and he gags. Poor Jisung has to hold out the washing-up bowl. Again.

It's another night of dreamless sleep for Jaemin, his skull of lead against the pillow whilst Jisung lays imprisoned in his arms and wide awake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back?? (Not Jeno I'm sorry)  
> Thank you so so much for 9000 reads and nearly 300 kudos!!!!!!!!!!!!  
> I love you all mwah  
> Also, if anyone is curious, there will be 48 chapters of this book - you might have already seen that I've put that on the details


	32. Chapter 32

Jisung is the first to wake up. He had barely fallen asleep and his eyes ache, eyelids heavy and wanting to stick back together for eternity. He focusses on his breathing for a minute or so. Jaemin is still clinging onto him and his t-shirt is sticking to his chest slightly from the sweat of spending the night next to a human radiator. At least Jaemin had slept. 

The sound of knocks against the door wakes him up a bit more. He rolls out of Jaemin's grip and stumbles over to open it, worrying that they have a schedule he'd forgotten about which would possibly result in an irritated manager fuming for them to hurry up. He swears that if it's Jaehwa he'll-

He was certainly not expecting to find Doyoung on the other side. 

"Hyung?"

"They've got him." Doyoung beams and pushes past the maknae to shake at Jaemin's shoulders. "Jaemin-ah, time to wake up, love."

Jaemin buries his face deeper into his pillow and whines deeply through his dry throat. 

"Where's Ji?" He mumbles and squints through the morning light to reach out for his precious maknae. 

"He's right here. But you have to get up. They've found Jeno." Doyoung throws some clean clothes onto the bed and Jaemin doesn't even wait until the other two have left the room before he begins to strip off his pyjamas. 

No one can sit still in the living room. They at least managed to capture a decent amount of sleep last night, but are still mostly relying on coffee to keep them going. It gives them the jitters. Mark paces the carpet. Chenle curses repeatedly at a level on a game on his phone that he has apparently beaten 'millions of times before'. Renjun mumbles for him to not drain the battery. It’s his phone, not Chenle's. Taeyong and Johnny are helping Hangyeol to load the car with some of Jeno's belongings and some snacks in case they are a while.

Jaemin barrels in, hair still knotty and his t-shirt on back-to-front, and he shoves his feet into his trainers and yanks his coat off the hook in the hallway. 

"Why are you just standing there? We have to go!" He demands and Mark shakes his head with pity. 

"Let me help you." Mark says softly and he reaches out to pull his coat back off but Jaemin slaps his hand away before he can even touch him.

"I don't care about my t-shirt, I want to go and see Jeno." Jaemin insists and when Mark notes how his eyes start to gloss over, he sighs in defeat. The contact of Jaemin's hand on his own lingers but he doesn't mention it. They're all on edge. It's understandable. 

"Then we can go and see Jeno." Doyoung zips up Jaemin's coat and guides him out of the apartment. "I'll text you when we're on our way back, yeah?" He calls out to the others before he locks the door. 

Jaemin is already down the steps and out into the street by the time Doyoung turns around to follow him. The younger struggles with shaking fingers to open the car door. He huffs and stamps his foot when the handle slips from his grip without letting him in. Taeyong rushes around from the other side to help him before his emotions get a chance to escalate. 

"Bless him." Hangyeol mutters to the leader. Jaemin has even already buckled his seatbelt and is now bouncing his knee, eyes wide and staring at the manager, waiting for him to get in the car. His gaze is so firm it is as though he is willing the manager to follow through by simply the power of his eyes. Doyoung clambers in and sits next to Jaemin.

"Ryan!" Jaemin suddenly gasps and Doyoung snaps his head up. "I want Ryan. Jeno will want him, too." Jaemin juts out his bottom lip. Doyoung falters but realises that it would be easier to just run and grab the toy. 

He is panting for breath when he collapses back into the car seat, but at least Jaemin's face lights up, finally able to wrap his cold hands back around the soft fur. The tremor in his fingers seems to subside a little.

"Ready?" Hangyeol asks and glances at Jaemin through the rear-view mirror.

"Go!" Jaemin frowns and Taeyong mutters for their manager to just get on with it. He mumbles back defensively and finally guides the vehicle into the street. 

Jaemin splits his lip again from chewing it so hard. The skin must have still been raw from the stress of Jeno's parents visiting and Taeyong rummages through the glove box in search of some tissues. Jaemin winces when the tissue meets his lip and his fingers start to shake all over again. There is traffic on the roads this morning. They've been stopped at every single light so far and the manager's sat nav has told them for the umpteenth time to turn left in 500 yards. The car fights its way through the traffic as slowly as physically possible. It's as though the whole world is against Jaemin reuniting with his boyfriend. 

A car horn blares and he jumps in his seat and bashes his head against the car window. A dull ache spreads through his skull and all he can do is whimper pathetically. His eyes sting. But he doesn't want to be in a state when he sees Jeno. He's supposed to be the caregiver. 

"We'll be there soon, Jaemin-ah." Doyoung's smooth voice works into his mind and succeeds in clearing the fog a little. 

'Soon' turns into ten minutes, then into half an hour, then nearly a whole hour. Jaemin is seriously on the end of sanity when the car pulls to a stop in the car park outside the police station. Taeyong opens the door for him and is nearly taken out when he pulls himself onto the tarmac and struggles to balance his numb feet. 

"Breathe, Jaemin." Taeyong presses his warm palm to Jaemin's back in a display of mixed pity and concern. When his eyes open again, slightly more mentally prepared this time, he strides towards the glass sliding doors, weaving between the cars and disregarding the specified pedestrian area. A car stops just in time to avoid him and Hangyeol races after him and pulls him back by his hood.

"You need to be careful!" He scolds. He is not angry, just worried. Jaemin doesn't even respond. He powers over to the reception desk and croaks out Jeno's name. He pulls a face which shows his betrayal at his own voice, for his body language portrays a much more defiant façade. 

"Sorry?" The receptionist raises an eyebrow when she throws him a sceptical look. 

"We're here to collect Lee Jeno." Taeyong clarifies to avoid Jaemin the embarrassment of speaking again. The woman has her hair pulled into a ponytail that seems to pull tightly at her forehead and her nails are long and false. Like her smile when she directs them to the waiting area. 

"What a-" Hangyeol begins to mutter but Doyoung cuts him off before he can finish his profanities, gesturing to how Jaemin taps his foot incessantly against the thinning carpet and grips the plushie on his lap. 

The posters pinned on the walls are mostly faded and dog-eared, but their messages about the dangers of cyber-bullying and drugs are still clear. No one else occupies the wooden chairs. There is a stack of magazines on a little table in the corner that don't look like they've been touched in a few decades and, judging by the headlines they brag, they must have been printed a few decades ago, too. Jaemin's eyes trail over the pile. Instead, his fingers tug on a children's picture book from a second stack. 

It is a hard-back with a cartoon sheep on the front. The fur has been covered in a layer of material for toddlers to run their fingers over. Each page has a different animal and a different texture of fabric to feel. Jaemin brushes every one. The Ryan plushie on his lap turns into an actual toddler. His own child. Their child. He imagines them smiling and laughing together, him praising their child for stuttering through the names of the animals and the colours and squealing with delight at the new sensations of the fur whilst Jeno steals his camera to take some pictures of their grins. Maybe they'd have an actual kitten or an actual puppy for the toddler to play with by then.

The presence of a police officer standing over him pulls him back to the present. Her eyes look tired and Jaemin recognises her from when she visited the dorm before. 

"Na Jaemin?" She speaks and her voice is gentle and careful, but not condescending in any way. It makes him feel safer and more comfortable. Or as comfortable as possible given the situation. The other three wish him luck when he follows on shaking feet. "Jeno is just in here. How are you feeling?" 

"Fine." He squeaks out and the officer pauses to examine his broken lip and sunken cheekbones before pushing open the door. 

But Jeno isn't inside. 

She doesn't address that at all and diverts straight to her computer. 

"You said...." Jaemin manically gesticulates for his boyfriend by flailing his arms around in the air and the officer's eyes crinkle when she smiles knowingly. In the exact same way as Jeno's do. Jaemin receives that knowledge as a punch in the gut. 

"He's through that door there." The officer points to a door to Jaemin's left and he reaches to open it until she speaks again. "There are some things we need to go through first. I'm sorry. I know it's hard." Jaemin forces out a strangled wheeze and slumps onto the sofa. The office is well-lit and even has a coffee machine and a microwave on the side. 

"I wanna see him." 

"I know you do." She repeats and taps away on her keyboard. 

"Now." 

"Firstly, Jeno was abducted three days ago, yes?" She glances up to confirm her statement, ignoring Jaemin's whinging. He vaguely nods. "A woman in her early twenties took him. We have her in custody and after looking through her phone, she appears to be a sasaeng and has been stalking your group for a while now." 

Jaemin's mouth drops open. He is of course completely aware that some fans are delusional and have a habit of following them everywhere, but for one of them to actually intercept and kidnap a member is a whole new level. His insides surge and he bites down on Ryan's ear to diffuse some of his anger before he lashes out. 

"A neighbour saw her drag him out of her car and reported it immediately. And you're lucky they did. Jeno is physically unscathed, although obviously shaken from being driven to the other side of the country and then back again with the police." The officer continues and Jaemin is trying his best not to zone out. His vision is focussed entirely on the door between him and Jeno. He is trying to conjure up an image of him, but what if he looks completely different? What if he's not physically okay? What about their baby?

"He is pregnant, too. Although I know you know that. An appointment has already been made for you both to go to the hospital and get a scan to check up on it. He's nearly at the twelve-week mark anyway." 

"Can I see him now?" Jaemin insists and the officer lets the silence drag for a few seconds, before she jumps up and unlocks the door, pity finally controlling her actions. 

Jaemin pushes past her.

The room is mostly grey: grey walls, a grey ceiling and grey carpet on the floor. The bed-sheets are a strange off-white. The only colour comes from the gardens on the other side of the grimy window. 

And from the red around Jeno's eyes.

Jaemin flies into his embrace and holds his boyfriend's head between his hands as though he has to make doubly sure that he is actually there. In person. Alive. In front of him.

"Oh, baby." Jaemin wails and squeezes his arms around Jeno's torso. 

"Jaemin." Jeno's voice fails him on the second syllable and he joins Jaemin's puddle of tears. They are tears of joy, and of relief and a newly-found hope for the future. But also of pent-up confusion and exasperation.

Jaemin's chest is tight and his heart is racing at a million miles per hour and he repeats Jeno's name in a frantic mantra. 

After several minutes he pulls away, his lips forming a wobbly smile and he stares into Jeno's eyes. The irises are still just as deep and as beautiful as they always have been. The mole next to his eye is still intact. The crescents of his smile are the same; even prettier than the officer's. Jeno's hair is still blue. His shoulders are still broad from the exercise routines he prides himself in. 

The bump of his stomach seems rounder. Jaemin knows it has only been three days, but he is sure that their baby has grown. 

Maybe it's the effect of spending the time apart from each other before. The week of cold silences, and the breakdowns of when they were around each other for once. 

Jaemin shakily gets down to his knees and Jeno raises up his t-shirt enough to expose his pale skin. The bump is clearly noticeable now. Jeno flinches ever so slightly when Jaemin strokes his fingers against the smooth of his skin, but they're both adamant it's just from the cold of the touch. Jeno's belly radiates warmth and prosperity and Jaemin collapses all over again.

"I love you." He gasps and pulls himself back up to fall into Jeno's arms. "I love you so much, Jeno."

"I love you too, Nana." 

"I brought Ryan." Jaemin announces and nearly falls onto his face when he bends down to pick up the toy which has ended up discarded on the floor. Jeno reaches to take it from his boyfriend.

"Thank you." He smiles at Jaemin, who melts into his warmth yet again.

"I missed you. I missed you so much." Jaemin cries and buries his head into Jeno's neck, clutching at his t-shirt. 

"I missed you too." Jeno says. His heart can hardly cope with seeing Jaemin, his rock and the love of his life, so distraught and helpless in his arms. He is so vulnerable. Emotionally open, as though someone has sliced him open and let all of his pent up feelings ooze out. Jeno knows that that 'someone' is him. Or, partly him. They have a lot of talking to do. 

But for now, crying into each other's chests is enough for them both to know that everyone is forgiven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone~~~
> 
> I hope you are all doing okay :)  
> I only have to suffer one and a half days of school before the holidays!!! Woop woop!!! I'll be able to update more frequently during the break.
> 
> Hopefully Jeno's reappearance during this chapter (although it's not my best writing I'm sorry) makes up for the fact that I hadn't updated in over a week and you won't skin me for it...? Please...? 
> 
> Please drop a comment to say hi because I missed talking to you guys, even if it is only my fault for not updating  
> Thank you x


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
> THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH FOR 10K HITS!!!!!!!  
> I LITERALLY CANNOT BELIEVE IT!!!  
> THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE WRITTEN SOMETHING AND GOTTEN SO MUCH SUPPORT FOR IT SO THANK YOU ETERNALLY <333333  
> I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU  
> THANK YOUUUUUUU

Jaemin doesn't release his grip on Jeno's hand for the entire journey back to the dorm. He sits in the centre seat to be closer to Jeno and therefore also has a clearer view of the road ahead. When he sees the building of their dorm, his shoulders relax to smooth out their hunch and he brings Jeno's hand up to press his lips to the skin. Jeno tilts his head slightly and smiles, although it hurts his tired cheeks and it doesn't crinkle his eyes like it usually would. This makes Jaemin's stomach knot.

"We're back. You're back, bub. You're safe now." Jaemin helps Jeno out of the car and slowly but surely leads him up the stairs to their front door. He ensures he doesn't rush so that there is minimised risk of Jeno tripping and falling and the baby-

"Oh my goodness!" Mark pulls Jeno into a crushing hug as soon as he opens the front door. Jaemin still clings onto his hand.

"Hello, hyung." Jeno croaks out.

"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for making that comment whilst we were gaming the other day. I... It made everything worse, and I'm sorry. I didn't know there was tension between you two." Mark fumbles over an apology and wrings his fingers together as a distraction.

"Mark, it's okay. Don't worry. You're forgiven." Jeno leans in to hug his hyung again and Mark sighs deeply.

Jeno halts momentarily at the sight of the others in the living room. Johnny, Jisung, Chenle, Renjun. All of them break into relieved smiles and cheer when Jeno appears in the doorway. Renjun flies over to him in a split second. He pokes his cheeks, pats his shoulders and then hugs him just as tightly as Mark did. Jeno is taken aback by all the affection from so many people. 

His mind is still stuck replaying how the sasaeng grabbed his wrists and how she shoved him into the car and how she tried to drag him back out again, no matter how much he thrashed around or protested or shouted. Flashbacks of the touch crawl over his skin and he shudders.

He has to gently push Renjun away. He bites his lip when he sees the deep shadows under Renjun's damp eyes and the tremor in his fingers.

"Jeno." Renjun chokes up. "I shouldn't have let you leave the shop on your own. How did I not notice that you were about to slip? I'm sorry." 

About to slip. Jeno's head is tugging and tugging on the string but it just isn't giving way, as it has been strengthened by the trauma of the past days. Like a coping mechanism to protect his coping mechanism. She had tons of cuddly toys stacked up in the backseat of her car. She wanted him to slip, so she could look after him. If Jaemin knew, he would literally never let Jeno out of his sight again. Usually, being given so many plushies would be a dream come true. But he refused to touch any of them. Not when she had touched them first. So, he gritted his teeth and pinched his skin to keep himself afloat and replaced the string with a reinforced steel wire. It's not going to break, no matter how hard he tugs on it.

"It's okay." Jeno manages to speak again.

"We should give you both some space." Taeyong suggests and the others file out of the dorm. Jisung stops next to Jeno, and Jeno watches him mentally recite what he wishes to say, but Doyoung ushers him out of the door before he can begin. But it's okay. As Jeno keeps saying. It's okay. It will be okay.

Jaemin sits down on the sofa and Jeno follows. He takes a seat at his side, rather than on his lap. Jaemin doesn't comment on it.

"I shouldn't have felt so jealous." Jeno starts the conversation first. The Conversation. Jaemin snaps his head up as though he wasn't expecting his boyfriend to speak at all. "I don't have a right to stop you from hanging out with Jisung. Or with anyone else." 

"It's okay." Jaemin replies. At least they both know that. "And you do have the right, because I started to completely abandon you." Jaemin's voice is timid and Jeno can tell that it takes a huge amount of energy to drag each word out of his throat. Jeno doesn't even want to begin to imagine how many tears fell during his disappearance. "Just... please don't leave me again."

"I won't, Jaeminnie." Jeno rests his head on Jaemin's shoulder in the way he so sorely missed. "I promise." 

"Jisung blames himself, you know." Jaemin says.

"But it's not his fault. I hope he knows that. Everyone blames themselves. Literally. I think we should all just move on. It's no one's fault excepts hers. If she wasn't there, then it wouldn't have happened." Jeno says, and he strokes his thumb across the back of Jaemin's hand where they are still intertwined with each other. 

"We'll try, Jen." Jaemin smiles and Jeno reciprocates it, but this time it does reach his eyes. 

Jaemin melts and begins to lean in closer, before pulling away, conflicted.

"I'm not little. At all. You can kiss me." 

And their lips instantly close the gap between each other and they dance as one, the routine easily flooding back to them despite the long time without having been so intimate. It is warm and sweet and gushing with love and want for each other. Jeno shifts to sit on Jaemin's lap without breaking the kiss and they both sigh with pleasure. Hands raise up to tug on hair or to squeeze a hip or to simply hold the other.

They had previously taken being so close for granted, but now it is a blessing to the both of them.

They break apart for air and lazily let their eyes flutter open to hold eye contact for an unmeasurable bliss. Jeno glances down at Jaemin's swollen lips and leans in again to nip on his bottom lip with a smirk. The younger yelps and swats him away, before they both burst into laughter. 

It is a colourful melody. Both of their voices in a harmony much more dear to them than any song they have recorded. Because it's just the two of them, together, sharing their hearts.

Their stomachs ache when they calm down and bathe in the gentle rhythm of their breathing and heartbeats.

"Sweetheart..." Jaemin begins and he looks away when Jeno lifts his head from his shoulder to listen to what his boyfriend has to say.

"Yes?" Jeno nods in a prompt for Jaemin to speak, but he suddenly seems to be attacked by a deep blush and a lump in his throat which prevents him from speaking.

"No, it doesn't matter." Jaemin mumbles eventually. Jeno pecks his lips again.

"Everything you say matters, love. Now what is it? You can say it." Jeno encourages. "It's only us."

"Can I make you a bottle?" Jaemin finally looks Jeno in the eyes, but he pushes out his question and glances at the wall on the other side of the room over Jeno's shoulder. "I know that you're not little, but... please? The caregiver in me has been a wreck recently. I gave Ryan a bath. Ryan! A toy!" Jaemin clenches his fists and Jeno reaches to wrap his hands around them until he feels them relax.

"Oh, Minnie." Jeno breathes out and frowns with endless pity for his boyfriend. He's thirsty and tired, so the thought isn't at all greeted by aversion. "Yes. Of course you can."

Jeno watches Jaemin's eyes brighten when he is given the go ahead and he is led into the kitchen and pulls out a chair to sit down on.

"Which bottle would you like?" Jaemin holds out both choices with a contagious smile. "Gosh, this is the first time I think I've ever asked you that. Usually you're too small to understand much."

"Except maybe when we were in the shop buying them and I was greedy and asked for both." Jeno reminds Jaemin of that particular shopping trip when they returned home with many more bags than they originally planned for.

"And I caved and bought them for you because I'm whipped. Which one?" Jaemin winks at Jeno and repeats the question. Jeno ponders before picking the one with an adorable pink kitten printed on the side.

Jaemin hums to himself as he prepares the bottle of milk and adds the honey, and Jeno soon joins in with whatever harmony he makes up. They know each other so well that they go a considerable number of bars without clashing, then they collapse into laughter all over again.

"We should write another song together, Min." Jeno suggests and his boyfriend eagerly agrees. 

"We're long due a jam session." 

Jeno's heart bursts from the thought of spending a day creating music with his boyfriend. It is already a lot to take in the current situation, when Jaemin makes space for Jeno to sit on his lip and offers the bottle to his lips. It's be so long since they've simply spent time together, chatting and teasing and basking in each other's presence. Even if Jaemin is still unsteady and Jeno is still battling in his mind. Even if it might take a bit to return back to their usual routine and smooth things out with Renjun and Jisung, who are also due a comforting conversation.

The milk is sweet and the perfect temperature to warm his insides and help him to relax. Or, relax as much as he can. It's not all the way, but it is the best he has felt in days. He soon finds himself just sucking on air and Jaemin places the bottle down on the table. They meet eyes and Jeno can already tell that he is more at ease and confident in himself.

"I love you." Jeno says as a beautiful reminder. "You're amazing. As a boyfriend and a caregiver, you know that?" Jaemin's lip wobbles and Jeno wraps his arms around him and listens to how he sobs, his chest heaving.

"I love you, baby. Thank you. Thank you." Jaemin speaks between his sobs. Jeno cradles the back of his head and rocks them slowly.

"Let it out." Jeno whispers into Jaemin's ear to comfort him and to let him know that he is safe in his arms. The roles have switched, but Jeno realises that after the terrible storm of the last few days, Jaemin needs the comfort as much as him. "Why don't we go to bed?"

Tears are incessantly streaming down Jaemin's cheeks but he still insists on helping Jeno to change into his pyjamas. And Jeno lets him. 

His emotions don't still until they are both laying in bed, side by side and legs tangled together. 

"How are you feeling?" Jeno tenderly strokes the pad of his thumb over Jaemin's damp cheek and Jaemin weakly smiles.

"Your parents came around yesterday." Jaemin breaks the news and his smile turns sad. Jeno gasps.

"They must be really worried! They know I was missing?" Jeno rubs his palm over his face. Jaemin simply nods.

"I told them." 

"That I was basically kidnapped?"

"No..." Jaemin rests his hand against the slight round of Jeno's stomach. "The baby. I told them. I'm sorry. I should have waited so we could tell them together."

"Don't worry, Minnie." Jeno places his hand on top of Jaemin's.

"Your dad slapped me." 

"What?" Jeno widens his eyes at this new information.

"He slapped me when I told them. Your mother wasn't best pleased about that. She was nice. She seemed happy for us." Jaemin hopes that he is correctly recalling that information, and that it isn't just his mind trying to conjure up some positivity in the vast direness.

"He's never usually... like that." Jeno sinks his head into the pillow. "Are you alright? I'll speak to them tomorrow and let them know that everything is okay. Even if he doesn't accept us, I'm not leaving you, okay?"

Jaemin nods slowly and Jeno kisses his forehead.

"Let's sleep it off."


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was hard to write for some reason it is kind of bad I apologise.... hmph

"There was the exact same picture book as this at the police station." Jaemin picks up the book from the table in the waiting room and hands it over to Jeno. "We should start buying some supplies for the baby." Jeno vaguely hums in agreement as he flicks through the vibrant pages.

The waiting room at the hospital is much more lively than the last one Jaemin had to suffer in. The posters are bright and show smiling babies who are happy because their parents enrolled in one of the hospital's support groups. Across the room, a mother with an infant asleep on her lap smiles at them.

"Here for your first scan?" She asks lightly and readjusts the babygro on her child.

"Yeah. Twelve weeks." Jeno wonkily smiles back at her, nerves making him drop the book Jaemin had passed him. Jaemin rushes to pick it back up to save Jeno the strain.

"Good luck." The woman throws them a thumbs up, then she is called into her appointment.

"I'm nervous." Jeno pouts and Jaemin massages his shoulder to help ease some tension. 

"So am I." Jaemin admits. "But it'll be fine." Jeno nods after a few seconds of thought. 

"Do the fans know about what happened?" Jeno asks.

"No. Unless something has been leaked. You know what those sasaengs are like." Jaemin's lips form a thin line and Jeno shudders when Jaemin loads up twitter. He angles his phone away from Jeno just in case, but everything is clear. They both sigh out heavily. "Nope. It's all good." Jaemin straightens a stray bang on Jeno's forehead. "But it seems that they're worried about our absence from social media this week."

"I mean, it's hardly surprising." Jeno states, knuckles turning white around the picture book and Jaemin looks confused. "We give them content on the daily, so when there's nothing of course they're gonna be worried."

"Maybe I should post a bubble." Jaemin opens the app on his phone and contemplates, until a midwife comes into the room and calls them in.

Her ponytail swishes when she sits down on her chair, gesturing for the other two to follow suit. Jaemin takes a hold of Jeno's hand when he shuffles to lie on the bed next to the monitor.

The room has stars stuck over the ceiling and a mural of flowers and butterflies decorates one of the walls in a bursting display of colours. 

"How are you feeling today?" The midwife smiles at them both whilst simultaneously typing on her keyboard.

"Excited. Kind of nervous? I don't know." Jeno fumbles over his words and Jaemin squeezes his hand to let him know that he is there.

"Understandable." She replies and a few pages fly out of the printer. "This first scan is always an emotional one, but I'll guide you through it and through the rest of your pregnancy. You're idols, right?"

"Yeah." Jaemin confirms and Jeno blushes. "You've only been doing it for eight years. Don't be shy about it, Jen." Jaemin pokes Jeno's cheek and the older rolls his eyes. The doctor chuckles airily.

"You can continue to exercise for now as it is good for the baby, but don't overdo it. Use your common sense. I recommend you only walk through choreographies." The midwife explains and Jeno squirms where he is lying, desperate to see their child appear on the screen. 

"Of course, yes." Jaemin frowns with concentration as he soaks in all of her advice. His eyes glance at his boyfriend, who is staring at the ceiling, so he squeezes his hand again to get his attention. "Have you got that, love?" Jeno claims that he is listening and the midwife laughs. 

"You'll be pleased to hear that the morning sickness will calm down now." She adds and signs some of the pages she printed.

"Thank goodness." Jeno groans. Jaemin runs his hand over his stomach and Jeno brings a hand to meet his. "But can we do the scan now?"

Jeno lifts up his jumper and the gel is so cold against his skin that he hisses and accidentally grips Jaemin's hand a little too tight, not that his boyfriend complains. 

And when the first fuzzy, grey image of their child appears on the screen, Jeno can barely see it because his vision is blurry and his head is spinning with too many emotions. 

"There it is." The midwife coos. 

"So beautiful." Jaemin nearly chokes up on his words because of the lump forming in his throat, tears threatening to spill. The waterworks have already turned on for Jeno, and he frantically wipes at his eyes to try to get a clear look at the baby growing inside of him. The midwife passes him a tissue and he gratefully accepts it.

"Jaemin..." He breathes out and his boyfriend is there to peck his forehead. "Our baby." Jaemin beams with the brightest smile he thinks he has ever mustered.

"Yes, that's our baby."

•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•

The midwife lets them take the entire tissue box because Jeno is still teary when they walk out of the office, copies of the ultrasound clasped fiercely in their hands that aren't intertwined with each other. Hangyeol rushes to open the car door for them both, then again when they arrive home. 

"You're back! How was it? Can I see?" Jisung bounds into the living room to greet them, followed by a stressed Renjun.

"He's been restless all morning." He tuts and heads into the kitchen to make the couple a cup of tea each. 

"I'm just glad that everything's turning out okay now." Jisung slides onto the sofa. Jaemin ruffles his hair and, for a second, he keens into the contact before leaning away when he remembers that Jeno is in the room.

"Jisung-ah." Jeno sits down next to him and hugs him tightly. The maknae is a little taken aback, but reciprocates the hug when Jaemin widens his eyes in a motion for him to do so. "I forgive you. You didn't do anything wrong. I've spoken with Jaemin and I want everyone to be back on good terms with each other. Let's all move on."

"I... thank you, hyung." Jisung smiles when the hug dissolves. "Can I see the pictures now?" 

Renjun enters the room with two steaming mugs, places them on the coffee table and frowns at Jisung.

"Don't you think that we should give them time to look at them by themselves first? It's a big moment." He raises an eyebrow and Jisung flushes, staring at the floor. Jaemin breaks the awkwardness with a laugh.

"It's okay. We want to show you." Jaemin reassures and Jeno lays the scans out on the coffee table. 

Jisung spends a moment flicking his eyes between the greyscale images of the baby and Jeno's stomach. 

"That." He points to the pictures. "Is in there?" He then turns to stare at Jeno's stomach.

"Jisung!" Renjun scolds and the maknae flaps his hands around as he stutters, flustered.

"I'm sorry. It's just incredible, if you think about it." He tries to redeem himself and Jeno snickers, shaking his head, endeared by Jisung's innocence.

"It's called biology." Jeno teases. "But yes, it is incredible" 

Jaemin is holding the tissue box out to his boyfriend before the next tear falls, and Jeno catches it halfway down his cheek when his emotions build up all over again. 

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry." Jisung crushes Jeno in a firm hug and everyone laughs, even Jeno through the wall of tears.

"I'm not sad, Ji. I'm happy. Really, really happy." Jeno says. Jisung pulls away and sceptically observes how Jeno's eyes are streaming and his chest is heaving, before accepting the statement.

Jeno spends several minutes curled in Jaemin's arms and somewhere along the way, Jisung and Renjun leave the room to give them some privacy. When Jeno takes a seat on Jaemin's lap, the younger can feel his forming baby bump against the flat of his own stomach and his eyes begin to sting. He pushes his face into Jeno's shoulder, inhaling his scent. The sweet mix of their apple shampoo and Jeno's cologne shoots straight into his head and jostles his emotions around. He doesn't want to let Jeno out of his sight ever again. He vows to spend every day and every night next to him.

A phone rings and they wipe their eyes a final time, both unwrapping their arms from around each other with equal reluctance. 

"Jaehwa?" Jaemin sighs out whilst Jeno rummages in his coat pocket in the hallway to find his phone. They are used to her appearing just in time to ruin the best moments.

"No." Jeno stops in the doorway and Jaemin turns around, resting his chin on the back of the sofa. 

"Then who is it?"

"My dad."

"Oh." Jaemin's face drops and he takes Jeno's hand when he arrives back at his side. They both stare at the phone until it rings off, returning to the lock screen which is a selca of the two of them together when they went to the beach on a rare holiday the previous year.

"I should phone him back." Jeno mumbles and unlocks his phone to tap on the missed call notification.

"Jeno!" His father's voice startles him, as it takes barely a single ring for him to pick up.

"Hello, dad." Jeno puts the phone on speaker so that his boyfriend can hear the conversation.

"Is everything alright? Are you back at the dorms?" His father doesn't hold back before firing the questions at his son.

"I'm okay. I'm at the dorms." 

"What happened?"

"A sasaeng took me."

"I might have known it would be one of... them. Have the police dealt with it?"

"Yes, she's been arrested." 

"I swear, if I get the chance I will not hesitate to-"

"I'm okay, dad." Jeno repeats, not wanting to hear whatever colourful language could be about to leave his father's mouth.

"I heard that you're pregnant?" Jaemin and Jeno exchange a worried glance. It was only going to be so long before the inevitable would come, and Jeno realises that doing it over the phone might be a better option than in person.

"Yes, dad. We had the first scan this morning, actually."

"Really? Is the baby growing well? Could you send us a copy of the ultrasound? Your mother will want to see it, too."

"We can do that, yeah. I'll send it after this call."

"Thanks, son."

"Mmm." There is an awkward silence on both ends of the phone.

"You know, I'm so proud of you, Jeno-yah."

"Really?"

"Yes." 

"Thank you." Jaemin rests his head on Jeno's shoulder and tucks his legs up onto the sofa.

"When your mother and I visited your dorm when you were missing, I said and did some things that I regret. Is Jaemin there?"

"Yes, he's next to me, actually."

"Hello." Jaemin's voice cracks when he speaks up and he clears his throat before trying again. "Hello."

"Jaemin, is your face alright? I am so sorry. I was stressed and angry but what I did was totally uncalled for."

"It's fine. Don't worry, I understand what you must have been feeling, because I was feeling it too."

"From your distress that day, I can tell how much you really care about my son." Jeno tilts his head so that his cheek touches Jaemin's hair. He swallows. 

"I really do."

"He looks after me so well." Jeno adds and his father hums down the line.

"That's good. Also, I didn't really mean it when I threatened to withdraw Jeno from the group."

"What?" Jeno's eyes shoot open.

"I said that I didn't think it was safe for you to stay at the dorms or in the company. But I didn't really mean it. As I said, I'm proud of you and you work hard, so I'm not going to force you to leave the group."

"I don't want to leave."

"Exactly. It was just me being stupid. Jaemin, I hope you can forgive me."

"I do." Jaemin picks at his fingernails and then leans forward to pick up the ultrasound pictures, smiling at the sight of their baby curled up in the womb, even if it is slightly fuzzy and in black and white. He can't wait to have the child in his arms for real in six months' time.

"Well, stay healthy, both of you, and I'll speak to you soon, yeah?"

"Bye, dad." 

Jeno ends the calls and lets his phone drop out of his hand onto a cushion.

"My dad can be an idiot sometimes."

"No worries, sweetheart. I'm fine. We've cleared it up. Now, can we send them a picture?"

As they are taking a picture of the scans and sending them onto Jeno's family group chat, Jaemin can tell that his boyfriend is deep in thought.

"Can we... Should we... Can we tell the fans?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I don't manage to update again before christmas...  
> HAVE AN AMAZING CHRISTMAS!!!!!  
> I LOVE ALL OF YOUUUUUU  
> If you don't celebrate christmas, have an AWESOME AND RELAXING BREAK!!!!  
> You all deserve it~~~~  
> And maybe I have a fic already written for christmas...  
> who knows? ;)


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daily updates?! What is this sorcery?!

That was not what Jaemin was expecting Jeno to say. His mouth opens and closes several times. Jeno's shoulders slump.

"We don't have to. It was just an idea. We'll have to eventually." Jeno doesn't quite meet his boyfriend's eyes.

"We can tell them. Of course we can, if that's what you want. But I just wasn't expecting you to want to already." Jaemin strokes Jeno's cheek and pulls him into a brief kiss.

"Then... can we do it now?" Jeno raises his gaze and Jaemin's eyes are sparkling from both love and leftover tears. 

"Yes. Vlive?" Jaemin suggests and Jeno nods his head. "Words? This is a big decision, Jen. I want to know that you are completely sure."

"I want to tell them in a vlive." Jeno straightens his shoulders and smiles reassuringly at Jaemin. 

"Alright then. I'll make sure the other two stay quiet." Jaemin pushes himself up from the sofa whilst Jeno goes to change into a more presentable hoodie and to slap on some makeup to cover the red remnants of his tears.

When Jaemin comes in, Renjun follows in his wake with a plate of apple slices and a bag of crisps.

"Get some food inside of you first. It's lunchtime, you must be hungry after this morning." Renjun places the snacks on Jaemin's bedside table, which is closer, and wishes them both good luck.

Their nerves try to push the food back up their throats, but they force it down harder to avoid being scolded by the Chinese member. They wordlessly sit down at the kitchen table, phone and tripod pointed towards the blank wall, and share one final kiss and hand squeeze before Jaemin inhales and starts the live.

The comments flood in as fans try to decipher is Jeno is little or not and as they compliment their looks, but overall they are all relieved to see the two of them appear again. Jeno and Jaemin fill the silence with easy, basic conversations about if the fans have eaten and how they have been really busy recently. This, of course, brings hope to the fans that they might be treated to another comeback so soon after their previous, and Jeno feels slightly guilty. It sinks heavily to bottom of his stomach, mingling with everything else he is feeling.

"So..." Jaemin begins and glances at Jeno. He doesn't continue until he receives a firm nod. "The reason why we're doing a live is..." He swallows and nods at Jeno to reveal the news.

"We're pregnant." Jeno announces and immediately realises his mistake and shakes his head, flustered and infinitely embarrassed. "No, I mean. We're having a baby. I'm pregnant." Jeno bites his lip and covers his face with his hands and Jaemin wraps his arms around his shoulders.

"It's a very emotional time for us both." Jaemin speaks to the camera whilst Jeno still refuses to show his face. "Come on Jeno. The fans are happy." He whispers into his boyfriend's ear. Jeno risks cracking his fingers apart to peek at the comments flying up the side of the screen. Most of them consist of the signature green hearts and he brings his hands back down. 

"I can't believe I messed it up." Jeno groans and Jaemin reassures him that it is okay, and that the fans are all being supportive.

"Can I be the godmother?" Jaemin reads out a message from a particularly excited fan who is spamming the comments. The viewer count hits the seven hundred thousand mark and Jeno bites on his knuckles, already imagining the headlines this will make. He manages to laugh at the comment but he doesn't hear when Jaemin responds to it, no doubt with another joke. 

A breath catches in his throat when he spots a negative remark on screen. Jaemin doesn't say anything. He simply reaches to report it without letting his smile falter. It's one comment out of the thousands and thousands flooding in, but it is enough to chip away some of the steel reinforcement on the string in Jeno's mind. 

His hands begin to shake. He hasn't had the fuzzy feeling for so long, so he is desperate to let it take over him. But at the same time, he is conflicted by how he is sat in front of a camera, doing a live stream with now nearly one million people watching after he has announced his pregnancy. The last thing he wants is to slip, where the reason for it would likely be obvious to the fans who probably all saw the comment, too.

"Thank you so much for your support, Czennies! We'll keep you updated. Bye!" Jaemin waves and ends the live, then Jeno collapses into his chest. He chews on the inside of his cheek and clenches onto Jaemin's hoodie with weak fists. His head is dizzy. He can feel his mind falling and falling until the string is weakened again, and it snaps. 

"Nana!" Jeno wails and Jaemin pulls him fully onto his lap to embrace him, alarmed that his boyfriend slipped so quickly and so suddenly.

"Oh, bub. I'm here. You're safe." He rests his chin on the top of Jeno's head and rocks him. Jeno's fists become weaker and his grip on his hoodie looser but he never lets go.

"Meanie. Said bad things." Jeno cries.

"Don't pay attention to them." Jaemin brushes Jeno's bangs off his forehead and the little's eyes are wide and innocent when they look at each other.

It's the first time Jeno has slipped in a while and Jaemin is furious that it's because of a dumb comment from a hater, instead of Jeno feeling safe enough to do so. He wants to jump through the screen on his phone, which is still on the tripod, and punch whoever wrote that, but he knows he has to keep it in. He doesn't want to scare Jeno further.

"Why were they mean?" Jeno whines, voice muffled by how he pushes his face into Jaemin's neck. 

"I don't know, kitten. But I'm sorry." Jaemin cradles Jeno's head. All anyone seems to be doing nowadays is apologising. "Everyone else supports us."

The caregiver uses his free hand to grab his phone and load up his bubble messages. There are already hundreds flowing in, filled with excessive hearts and sweet, supportive messages.

"Look, love." Jaemin reads a few out to Jeno. "'Congratulations! You'll be amazing parents!'. 'You're the best couple, best wishes to both of you!'. 'This is amazing news! I'm screaming!'" Jaemin doesn't imitate the keyboard smash and scream typed out, but he guesses that Jeno has understood the gist of the messages from the way his face finally breaks out into the smile.

"Nana!" Jeno cheers and claps his hands, then squirms away when Jaemin tickles his chin. "No!" 

Jaemin doesn't say anything for a while. Neither does Jeno. Although Jaemin isn't sure if Jeno is able to speak, as he is struggling to work out his current age. It makes his stomach turn to stone. It's been so long since he's regressed and Jaemin can't work out the specifics, even though he has been his caregiver for several years. He feels like he should be making conversation, though. In the past, Jeno would always relax hearing his voice, even if he can't actually comprehend what is being said, and now Jaemin returns back to feeling like he has failed him. 

"Paci." Jeno suddenly demands and Jaemin nearly falls off the chair when it snaps him out of his trance. 

"Ok, bub. Let's get your paci." Jaemin starts to secure Jeno on his hip and stand up, but the little kicks his legs and shakes his head. 

"No." He whines. Jaemin sighs. 

"But you just said you wanted your paci." 

"Paci." Jeno frowns and juts his lips out even further, leaving Jaemin baffled. Jeno sticks two fingers into his mouth and suckles whilst he stares at his caregiver with twinkling eyes. 

"My fingers?" Jaemin realises what his little wants. His heart twinges in his chest at the revelation, remembering all the times that Jeno has sucked on his fingers until he fell asleep, and he feels bad for not assuming that that is what he meant by a pacifier.

Jeno lets Jaemin stand up this time, and he rinses his fingers under the tap in the kitchen before letting Jeno take them into his mouth. His tongue tickles him slightly but it is warm and he melts into the sofa when Jeno hums a 'thank you Nana' through a lisp.

Jaemin reaches around him to pick up the ultrasounds and he cards through the images with his free hand. He traces his thumb over the tiny head and brings it to rest where their baby's heart is. He wonders if it will have Jeno's eye smile, or Jaemin's charming grin, and if it will enjoy cycling or photography as a teenager. Jaemin finds he doesn't have a preference out of all the options, because it's his and Jeno's child. Of course he will love any of their children unconditionally. As much as he loves Jeno unconditionally.

"Is Nana c'ying?" Jeno pushes Jaemin's fingers out of his mouth and they weakly drop onto his lap. Jaemin realises his vision has gone blurry when he faces his little, who has his lips parted and eyebrows twisted with concern. "I make it better." Jeno wraps his arms around Jaemin and nuzzles into his neck, giggling as he leaves a sloppy kiss on the skin there.

Jaemin's heart nearly combusts and he brings up his dry hand to wipe at his eyes and move the images of their baby back onto the table.

"I wanna see!" Jeno shouts and jiggles around to try to snatch them out of Jaemin's hand. The caregiver smiles with pity. 

"Be careful with them." He reprimands and Jeno calms down before Jaemin passes them over.

The little tilts his head in confusion and Jaemin has to look away to stop himself from fully sobbing. Nono still doesn't know. 

"What are they?" 

It's a perfectly innocent question but it makes Jaemin want to punch a wall and pull his teeth out. To him, it seems unfair that his boyfriend is now totally unaware of their child in his belly. He takes some deep breaths to compose himself before answering.

"It's a baby." Jaemin explains. Jeno screws his face up with concentration as he looks at the images again.

"Baby? What baby?"

"Our baby." Jaemin's voice comes out as a tiny squeak and he really doesn't want Nono to worry but at the same time he needs him to know.

"We have a baby?" Jeno's face lights up and Jaemin rests his chin in his hair, until the little squirms away from the touch. "Where? Show!"

"It's in here." Jaemin rubs Jeno's stomach gently. In the corner of his eye, he spots Renjun stop at the doorway, before shaking his head and leaving again to give them privacy.

"Don't understand." Jeno says stubbornly. Jaemin sucks in a breath.

"You're pregnant, kitten. The baby hasn't been born yet, but it will be in six months." Jaemin explains slowly, still tracing his trembling fingers over his stomach. "These are pictures of what's inside of you."

"In me?" Jeno tilts his head and Jaemin wants to protect him for eternity when he gives him that look.

"Yes, sweetheart." 

"How?" Jaemin is not about to have that talk with Nono. He prises the ultrasounds out of his hands and places them on the sofa away from Jeno's reach.

"Because I love you." He states simply. Jeno ponders over this explanation for why there is literally a baby growing inside of him, staring at his belly and then back at Jaemin, who barely breathes for this slow moment.

"I love you too, Nana." Jeno pushes his head back into the crook of his caregiver's neck with such force that Jaemin's back is forced harder into the sofa. He takes a minute to comprehend the conversation they have just had, before embracing Jeno and muttering how much he really, really loves and cares for him.

They drift off to sleep together and Jisung comes into the room, endeared but not at all surprised to see them curled up, Jaemin's fingers now back in Jeno's mouth, and he covers them with a blanket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've posted the first chapter of my nomin xmas fic if you're interested


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a bonus update because I couldn’t resist posting this chapter. It’s chaotic but also cute and possibly my favourite? I don’t know. 
> 
> This is also sort of a test because for the previous chapter, it says that the book has been updated today, but the latest chapter doesn’t show up when I click on the book unless I’m logged in???
> 
> Also this is now definitely the last time I’ll be online before christmas, so have a wonderful time everyone!! If you don’t celebrate it, I hope you still have an awesome break xx

The rest of the month is actually relaxing. None of the members thought that they would ever say that, given the nature of their job and the company, but they gratefully take the lack of schedules as a chance to laze around.

After a long day and night of binging movies, August arrives at their door. Mark's birthday is fun, because they all put together a picnic and take it to the park, as well as some water pistols and water balloons for their beloved leader's birthday surprise. They make it up to him with three whole watermelons. They film little sections of their day to compile it into a small vlog for the fans, who readily comment sweet messages to wish him a happy birthday and confess their love for him. They omit the scene of Mark and Haechan making out behind a tree. And the scene where Jaemin scolds Jeno for wearing a thick, baggy hoodie just to hide his baby bump, which means that he is sweating profusely under the intense sunlight.

On Xiaojun's birthday, everyone crams into the WayV dorm, leaving Louis grumpy after missing all of his naps, Leon crushed in Jeno's arms and Bella hyper from all of the attention she receives. At some point, little Yangie employs Lele and Nono to help him raid the cupboards for snacks and they might get through an entire packet of cocktail sausages before Ten has even had the chance to empty them into bowls to pass around. No one has the heart to scold them, though. Not when they probably would have all done the same, given the opportunity. And also because Jisung was their accomplice. He claims he was unfairly dragged into it because of three sets of puppy eyes, yet Lucas had clear sight of him reaching to grab the packet and opening it for them. 

But for Jeno, Jaemin's birthday is the big one. His boyfriend insisted that he didn't want any gifts as having him and the baby are enough, but Jeno buys him a ring anyway.

A promise ring, with a stunning jewel on the top and their initials engraved on the band. Jaemin cries when he opens the box, so the kiss they share is wet and disjointed from the sobs leaving his mouth, but it doesn't matter. 

"One day, Jaeminnie." Jeno holds Jaemin's hands in his and admires how the ring glints in the light. It looks even daintier on his finger than he had imagined whilst in the shop. "One day, I will call you my husband."

"Thank you, Jeno. Oh my goodness, I love you. I love you so, so much." Jaemin weeps in Jeno's arms all morning, which calls for some light teasing from the other members. 

The others just haven't experienced true love yet.

Jaemin paces over to the collection of photo frames on their shared chest of drawers and picks up the one which takes centre stage. Jeno stands behind him, wraps his arms around his waist and rests his chin on his shoulder to look at it with him. It's a frame with spaces for four different photos, and they have filled them with the ultrasound pictures. Two from their first scan and two from their second. 

The visit to the hospital the previous day had been emotional. But they all are. And even the days where they don't have an appointment booked seem to be full of tears of sudden emotion. When the pair of them cried for an entire film which wasn't even sad, Jisung threatened to move out if they continued.

Their baby is now at five months and growing healthily with no anomalies, and Jeno has even started to feel the first kicks. She's strong. A real fighter, Jeno reckons.

Their daughter.

"Happy birthday, baby." Jeno whispers into Jaemin's ear and the younger places the frame back down with a wince at the sudden hot breath on his neck. "Have I already said that?"

"Only seven times." Jaemin mutters and wriggles out of Jeno's grip.

"You're twenty-four." Jeno says. "You're getting old, Minnie."

"You're older than me." Jaemin scoffs and runs a finger around the band of his ring. Jeno doesn't respond, just pecks his lips on the back of his boyfriend's hand and tugs on it to pull him into the kitchen. 

"I think Renjun's cooking."

As predicted, the aromas of the food being created waft together into a delicious scent which makes both of their stomachs rumble from hunger. Jisung has even been employed yet again, but as Renjun's assistant this time and it was him who offered, and he has an apron tied around his waist and is meticulously following the orders thrown at him. 

"Thank you for cooking for us." Jeno and Jaemin gratefully accept the food spread out on the table and Jisung and Renjun take their own places.

"No worries. I thought I should let you two relax and bathe in your domestic shit for a bit." Renjun quips and Jisung nearly chokes on his pancake.

"Jeno gave me a ring." Jaemin holds out his hand to boast about the jewel and Jeno blushes, sinking into his chair. 

"I was there when he picked it." Jisung announces and puffs out his chest with pride. Jaemin coos and ruffles his hair. 

"Yangyang sent me a message this morning. WayV are all coming at eleven." Renjun says, mug of tea clasped in his hands. Jaemin glances at the time on the microwave.

"That gives us about an hour and a half." He winks at Jeno, who profusely looks away.

Jisung slinks away first. He is not allowed to get down from the table until he wishes Jaemin a happy birthday again and receives a dutiful kiss on the forehead, then he disappears into his bedroom, probably not to be seen until Chenle arrives.

"Are you gonna eat that?" Jeno eyes the untouched croissant in front of Renjun, and the Chinese shakes his head and pushes his plate over for him to take it.

"Eat up, Jen." Jaemin encourages and the food is gone in a matter of minutes.

"What?" Jeno notices how Renjun is gawping at him with amazement. "I'm eating for two people here." He defends and Renjun makes a point of rolling his eyes.

"It's not a bad thing. Keep going."

"And don't forget your vitamins." Jaemin fetches the bottle off the counter and places it down in front of his boyfriend. 

At yesterday's scan, the midwife had recommended that Jeno take supplements just to ensure that the baby receives all the nutrients she needs, and Jaemin had told Hangyeol to drive them straight to the shops afterwards to pick some up. Jaemin had also vowed to make sure that Jeno eats three full meals a day. Jeno had been less sure about this one, due to years of controlling his diet, and it had then been Hangyeol himself who ranted about how he really should eat properly and not worry about gaining weight.

"The company's fine with it." He had reassured the idol, and he even treated the three of them to a sneaky bag of donuts.

Jaemin isn't satisfied until Jeno has swallowed the vitamins and he then rewards him with a kiss. That's when Renjun leaves the table, mumbling something about how he'll do the dishes.

The couple have time to spend a total of twenty-nine minutes making out, eleven minutes posting cute selcas on bubble as special edition birthday posts and another forty minutes wrapped in each others' arms before the doorbell rings. Jaemin jumps up and bounds over to the door and the members file in, one after another, until the living room is packed out.

They all gush over the ring adorning Jaemin's finger and the growing bump on Jeno's stomach. Johnny has to accompany Doyoung to the kitchen to help him get his feelings back together again so that he doesn't collapse into a puddle of tears amongst the bowls of crisps and pizza boxes.

"Jaemin-hyung! Jaemin-hyung!" Yangyang races towards the birthday boy and pulls him into a tight hug. "Happy birthday!" 

"Thank you, Yangie." Jaemin coos and boops the little's nose, who then rushes back to Ten to whine about wanting to do some colouring.

Jaemin opens his presents and doesn't stop beaming when he receives new shoes, a wallet, chocolates and even a fancy camera lens each of the 127 hyungs put some money towards. The final present is a card drawn by both Yangie and Lele about half an hour before. Colours explode across the paper in an unpredictable pattern and the stick men are wonky but Jaemin loves it. It takes the centre amongst all the other cards lined up on the windowsill and both littles are gifted with a bowl of chocolate ice cream each.

Yuta turns the choreography of 'Make A Wish' into what suspiciously could become a strip tease, but Taeyong manages to calm him down and change the song to something less... dirty before he can corrupt the minors present. Yuta then talks to Shotaro, and judging by his tone, he is complaining about Taeyong. Shotaro eyes the leader, who has his arms crossed. Yuta seems to have forgotten that Taeyong can actually speak good Japanese. 

Xiaojun, Haechan and Renjun seem to be competing to see who can belt out the highest note. Johnny comes up to them and literally screams, beating all of them and receiving a pat on the back from Jaehyun. Jisung and Sungchan fight to wipe Yangyang and Chenle's hands clean from the ice cream after the littles had the wonderful decision to ditch the spoons and just dive right in with their fingers.

Jeno huddles closer against Jaemin's body where they are curled up on the sofa amongst all the chaos that is twenty-two members together.

Taeil was the first to send Jaemin a message wishing him a happy birthday. He had actually sent it the previous day, combined with a wish of good luck for Jeno's second scan and an apology for being busy on his actual birthday, as the military is hard work. Hearing from their beloved hyung for the first time in a while was nice. 

"Minnie." Jeno nips his neck with a smirk to get his attention. Jaemin had already been staring at him, just in a trance, mind whisked away by his stunning beauty. 

"Yes, sweetheart?" Jaemin rubs at the spot where Jeno had bitten him.

"Are we going to announce it now?" Jeno asks. They both survey the chaos around them.

"If you want to, of course." Jaemin tickles his boyfriend's chin and claps his hands together. The noise echoes around the room and silences everyone's conversations, pizza slices stopping midway to their mouths and the fight over who gets to choose the next song cutting short.

"We have an announcement."

Then everything picks back up again when all their minds whir.

"Are you getting married?"

"Are you having twins?"

"Are you doing a comeback together?"

"Let them speak!" Jisung's voice raising over the top of everyone else's is powerful enough to cast silence over the room again. "Yes, hyungs?"

Jeno doesn't think that their marriage is too far into the future, and the thought of having twins now seems like a cute idea, and an album of just him and Jaemin would be a masterpiece, but none of those are what they have to say.

"We're having a daughter." Jeno speaks up and Jaemin woops and cheers at the end of the sentence, starting the round of applause which rings out around the room.

"That's so awesome!" 

"Congratulations!"

"I'm having a granddaughter!"


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boxing day in lockdown sucks, so have a chapter :)

"Illie-hyung!" Jeno squeals when the call is accepted and Taeil's face fills his phone screen. He looks no different, despite the several months without seeing each other, and Jeno can't contain his smile. "How are you? I missed you." He sinks into the pillow and rearranges his duvet to cover his legs properly, flicking away some crumbs. He still hasn't bothered to get out of bed yet today. Not when lying there makes him feel fuzzy. His caregiver brought him toast and jam for breakfast in bed and left him to do a video call with Taeil. 

"Hello, Nono-yah. I'm doing alright. The military is tiring but treating me well. It's nothing compared to dancing our choreographies." Taeil says airily, smiling just as wildly as Jeno. "What about you?"

The younger takes a moment to admire how Taeil's hair has started to grow out again before realising that he has been asked a question. His mind starts to wander through the memory of the recent birthday parties, of Jaemin receiving his ring, and of the ultrasounds at the hospital. He pokes at his stomach, still amazed. 

Then come the memories of himself thrashing around in the back of the car which speeds down the motorway in a direction he didn't think he'd ever travelled in, screams useless due to the scarf around his mouth and the tape around his wrists. 

He swallows before answering.

"Everything has been fine, hyungie." His voice shakes and his lisp is clumsy. Taeil raises an eyebrow but doesn't pester. "I hit Markie with... with the water thingy! Pow pow pow!" Jeno giggles and uses his free hand to imitate the water pistol. 

"Poor Mark." Taeil laughs along with the little. 

"But we gave him wa'ermelon!" Jeno insists that they were only playing and Mark is fine. 

"How is Nana doing? I hear you gave him a special something." Taeil winks and Jeno frowns, then his face lights up and he nods with undying enthusiasm. 

"A ring! Because Nono loves him. It sparkles!" Jeno exclaims and Taeil applauds him, grinning at how adorable the little is once he gets excited. Well, he's adorable all the time but particularly when he's excited. 

"That's so sweet and special, Nono." 

"A-and Nana said I have a baby!" Jeno sits up and lifts his pyjama t-shirt, which is really just one of Jaemin's oversized ones, to show his hyung his bump. Taeil gasps. 

"It's growing so well, baby. I can't wait to come back and meet her." Taeil exclaims. "Nono?"

Jeno's eyes suddenly focus on his pacifier sat all the way on the other side of the room, on his bedside table. He's in Jaemin's bed and really, really doesn't wish to leave; the covers are warm and cosy and smell of his caregiver. His mouth feels empty and his mind is begging for the extra relief that comes with having his pacifier to soothe him. 

"Nono?" Taeil repeats his name to try to get his attention. But it's difficult. When little Jeno is focussed on something, that's all he's interested in. 

"Nana!" Jeno shouts. "Nana!" 

The door swings open and Jaemin rushes in, hair dripping wet and a toothbrush clutched in his hand. 

"Baby? What's wrong?" He asks and his eyes scan the room for any dangers. 

"Paci?" Jeno opens his mouth to wait for Jaemin to place the item in his mouth, then he closes his lips and crinkles his eyes up in a smile. "'Ank you."

"You're welcome, bub. Is everything else okay?" Jaemin sits down next to Jeno on the bed and runs a hand through the little's hair. It is still not brushed and therefore totally untamed and Jaemin would have snapped a few photos if he had his phone on him. He then notices the other phone discarded on the bedsheets. "Is Taeil-hyung still on the call?" 

"Hey, Jaemin. Yeah, I'm here." Taeil says through the device and Jaemin holds up the phone to speak to him. "Is Nono alright?" 

The caregiver glances back at the little, whose eyes are closed with the pacifier bobbing cutely between his lips. His chest rises and falls gently, but not yet slow enough to signify sleep. 

"Kitten?" Jaemin taps his cheek and Jeno's eyes crack open. The irises sparkle. "Would you like to speak to Taeil?" His eyes show no sign of having understood the question. Jeno reaches to clutch Jaemin's t-shirt instead.

"Oh, don't worry if he's too small now. I can call back later. It was nice to speak to you again." Taeil assures Jaemin, who hangs up the call and puts Jeno's phone on charge. 

"Jen sweetheart, I'm just going to finish brushing my teeth." Jaemin says as he straightens the duvet so that it's not half on the floor. "I'll be straight back for cuddles, okay? I love you." 

Jeno doesn't move or speak as Jaemin leaves the room. He just watches him leave, but the pacifier stops bobbing and his eyes widen. Where is Nana going? A whine forces its way out of his throat but it is weak and he barely hears it himself. 

He musters the strength to roll out of bed and toddle across the carpet. Once in the hallway, he has to stop and look both ways, unsure of where exactly to go. His legs feel heavy. He can hear water running, loud laughing and something whirring, but he doesn't know where it is all coming from. Seemingly all from different directions, but he can't go to multiple places at once. 

The kitchen is his first destination. No one is found in there but the whirring is definitely louder. It is closer to a deep rumbling now, and the vibrations push through his feet. 

Something orange catches his eye. His teeth grip down on the pacifier. 

The only orange things he can think of are carrots, which are yucky, and Ryan. 

The orange is a blur, whirring round and round in a circle in some sort of machine. The same one making the noise. Jeno sits his butt down on the carpet and frowns deeply. 

When the spinning slows down, the orange object sits at the bottom of the drum, allowing Jeno to peer in. 

It's Ryan. The best plushie on the entire planet. And it's behind the door, being spun around again so fast that Jeno's eyes burn from trying to keep up. Ryan is stuck. He needs help! 

Jeno pushes his hands against the clear door. It is warm but it is an uncomfortable rather than a welcome sensation for the goose bumps on his arms. He weakly bangs his fist but the spinning doesn't stop. 

He cranes his neck to peer up at the multitude of buttons and wonders what they do. But he can't reach them. His eyes drop back to the toy in the washing machine. The drum stops turning and Ryan falls to the bottom again. The fluffy material is drenched. 

Jeno doesn't understand why he can't reach in and save it. He hits the door again. 

The blur returns but this time it's because of the tears burning in his eyes. The last time he was separated from Ryan was when he had his wrists tied and was offered multiple other toys, all contaminated by the touch of the kidnapper. 

Being separated from Ryan means something bad is going on. 

"Ryan!" He cries out, the pacifier dropping onto the kitchen tiles. The clunk of it startles him and he wails. 

Jeno desperately hammers his trembling hands against the washing machine but it doesn't cease from pulling the plushie around with it. Frustration and panic surge up from the little's stomach. 

"Ryan!" He shrieks. He aches to cuddle with the toy. 

"Jeno?" He whips his head around and looks at Jisung with his red, streaming eyes. 

"Ryan." He sniffs and points at the washing machine. Jisung hesitates in the doorway. When Jeno slams his palms down on the floor, he rushes forward. 

"Ryan is okay. It's nothing bad. He just needed a wash. The washing machine is good, not evil. Don't worry." Jisung wipes the little's eyes but fails miserably at trying to turn Jeno's body to face away from what is scaring him. 

"Bu' I want Ryan!" Jeno insists and flails his limbs around enough for Jisung to be forced to release his grip on him. 

"Baby." Jaemin appears in Jeno's watery vision and this time Jeno allows himself to be whisked up so that he has his legs around the caregiver's waist and his arms around his neck, clinging on like a koala. Jaemin partly mourns for the time when Jeno's baby bump will be too big to allow for this. Jeno struggles to glare at the washing machine, not wanting to let his eyes off it just in case something even more terrible happens. "Baby, Ryan is okay." 

Jisung hovers awkwardly next to them until Jaemin convinces him that Jeno will be fine. The caregiver has a much bigger issue to convince the little to let go of. 

"Would you like to go see Yangie?" Jaemin paces around the kitchen to rock Jeno and try to soothe him. He is still breathing rapidly and his grip tightens on Jaemin each time they pass the washing machine. But he cries out whenever Jaemin starts to carry him out of the room. 

Jeno shakes his head and accepts the pacifier after Jaemin has rinsed it under the tap. 

"Are you sure? Kun-hyung texted this morning." Jaemin starts and Jeno tilts his head in curiosity. "Yangie wants to eat jelly with you."

"Really?" 

"Yes, Nono. What do you say? Want to go?" Jaemin widens his eyes with hope, only for it to be crushed when Jeno turns his attention back to the washing machine. The small screen in the corner displays that there are still forty seven minutes left of the cycle. 

"Want to stay with Ryan." 

"Renjun and Jisung with look after Ryan for you." 

"O-okay." Jeno finally agrees and Jaemin takes the opportunity to sit him down in the hall and get him into his coat and shoes. 

•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•

Lucas greets them at the door and Jeno kicks his legs to be put down when he spots Yangyang race past, Ten chasing after him and waving a hairbrush around. Jeno giggles and crawls after them. 

The world is big. Huge, in fact. He can't see the top of the counters in the kitchen and he'd have to gather a lot of strength to pull himself up onto the sofa. A pair of legs whips past him. 

He feels a pair of arms around his torso and he sits back on his legs, knees bent underneath him, and he looks up with his sparkling eyes when he meets Kun's grin. 

"Gege!" He shouts and Kun picks him up, slightly inexperienced but no less affectionate. 

"Your Chinese is so cute, Nono-yah." Kun praises him and carries him to sit him down at the kitchen table where Ten already has Yangyang squirming on his lap. 

"Jeno's here! Can I eat it now? Please?" Yangyang asks and from Ten's sigh, Jaemin can tell that the little has been tormenting him with the question all morning. 

The caregivers dish up two bowls of jelly and tip on some sprinkles as per Yangie's request. They aren't prepared to let him pour them himself. He'd tip the entire tube straight into his mouth. The glint in his eye tells them that he would. 

They let Jeno and Yangyang babble to each other. No one else understands what they're saying exactly - the words tumble out with heavy lisps and mispronunciations and Jaemin is sure that Yangyang is speaking half in German. But it's just another day in NCT. 

But they definitely understand them when they both suddenly squeal and shout, pointing at the door and kicking their legs with excitement. 

Xiaojun is panting and windswept as he attempts to explain something to them and take his shoes off at the same time. 

"Twitter. They-" He falls against the wall in another failure at untying his second shoelace. 

"What?" Kun strides over to help him. 

"The fans know." 

"Know what?" Jaemin and Ten pipe up with equal confusion and concern. 

"Xiaojun! Jelly!" The littles try to call him over but he only smiles quickly in their direction.

"Mark and Haechan. A video's been leaked."

Yangyang drops his spoon onto the floor and the loud, harsh clanging of metal brings tears to Jeno's eyes.


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: mild homophobia

The knowledge that something is wrong, very wrong, tugs Jeno back to his big headspace. He drops his spoon into the bowl, the jelly forgotten, and jumps up to speak to Xiaojun. Yangie takes the opportunity to steal the last of the other little's bowl and no one is paying attention to scold him. 

"What did you say, Xiaojun?" Jeno prompts for him to repeat whatever the issue is so that he can understand it properly without the fuzzy filter and threatening tears. He wipes the back of his hand over his eyes to dry them before any spill over. He vaguely remembers something falling and startling him but, to be honest, the entire day so far is now a blur. 

"I said that a video of Mark and Haechan kissing has been leaked. It's all over twitter. It looks like it's in the park. Mark's birthday picnic, perhaps?" Xiaojun leans on Kun's chest and runs his hands through his cracked hair with stress. 

The room stays silent for a bit whilst everyone processes the news. 

"It'll be alright." Jaemin decides eventually and they all turn to him to listen to his reasoning. He swallows. "The fans accept Jeno and I."

"But they weren't ready to come out yet." Ten counters. Jaemin looks at the floor at the realisation. "They had barely even opened up to us! And now they've been outed." 

"We should go and find them." Jeno pushes past everyone to get to the door. The others decide to just let Jaemin go with him; it makes sense for the other couple in the group to talk to them, instead of everyone crowding in their personal space. 

The 127 dorms are chaos. Jeno and Jaemin race up the stairs, unsure which floor to check, but as soon as they get to the fifth they receive their answer. They could hear the shouts before they even rang the doorbell. 

The entire unit is crowded into the living room, whilst Haechan and Mark have a screaming match back and forth in the centre. Taeyong is in tears and Jungwoo looks close to passing out. 

"Quiet!" Jeno is shocked by his boyfriend raising his voice and apparently so is the rest of the room, for the shouting ceases, the raging fire being instantly quenched. Haechan clenches his fists and it is clear that he could explode out of control all over again at any moment. 

"It might be best if everyone else left." Jaemin orders the hyungs out of the room and doesn't speak again until just the two couples are left awkwardly staring at each other, a wall of tension suspended between them. 

"And what are you going to do about it?" Haechan spits, then smacks Mark's hand away when he tries to rest it on his shoulder. "Get off me." 

"Just listen to us." Jaemin says in such a calm, contained voice that it has Jeno's head spinning. "I understand what you two are feeling right now."

"No, you don't! You two came out when you wanted to. You had the choice. We don't anymore!" Haechan's voice grows and grows whilst Mark shrinks further and further into his hoodie. Jeno reaches for Jaemin's hand. The newfound force of his bandmate's voice is scaring him. 

"Haechan, calm down!" Mark speaks as soon as the other cuts off. 

"How can I?"

"We can't solve this if you don't calm down!"

"Well, you calm down!" 

"I'm trying!"

"Try harder!"

"Both of you, shut up!"

Jeno whimpers from the volume of all three of them nearly biting each others' necks off. But his pain isn't heard over them all trying to speak at the same time once more. 

"Can you not be so loud?" Jeno tries. His words shake and he has to repeat himself. 

"Why don't you do a live and talk to the fans?"

"I don't want to do a stupid live!"

"Hyuck, it could be a good idea."

"No!"

"A social media post?" 

"No!"

"Can you please talk a little quieter?" They only listen to what Jeno requests when they notice that his lips are moving, as his voice is still too timid to raise above the power of the bickering. 

Silence reigns over the room for a painful minute or two. 

Haechan sobs and collapses onto the sofa. This time, he allows Mark to wrap his arms around him and mutter reassurances into his ears. 

"Bless them." Jaemin mumbles and squeezes Jeno's hand. Jeno is still in a slight daze from the impact the arguing had on his heart, which is palpitating too fast and he focusses on his breathing to get it to calm down. 

"The company's fine with our relationship. They will be with yours, as well. Trust me." Jaemin speaks, but it falls onto deaf ears. 

Haechan is in hysterics - his mouth opens and closes and his eyes rove all over the room and he clenches the back of Mark's hoodie. Yet not a single sound leaves his lips. 

"Jeno, do you have your phone on you?" Jaemin asks and Jeno shakes his head. "Oh yeah, I put it on charge at home. I forgot. Um... I'll ask a hyung." 

Jeno quietly watches Jaemin leave the room and return with Doyoung's phone already displaying the warzone of Twitter. Many of the tweets are in languages that they can't read, but the ones in English can be mostly unpicked and understood. There are plenty of accounts showing their support for the couple. However, the majority of the accounts are threatening to track down whoever leaked the video, accusing them of being a sasaeng and a stalker and all sorts of other colourful names. 

What would the fans think if they found out that Jeno was actually kidnapped by one?

But that's not the issue at hand. Jaemin keeps scrolling. He only stops when he finds a post of the video. Sure enough, it is clearly Mark and Haechan making out by the tree. In the background, the other Dream members' voices can be heard and the quality of the footage tells him that it's from the vlog they filmed that day. Jaemin's breath hitches and he quits out of Twitter to find the vlog on YouTube. He speeds through it and that scene is nowhere to be seen. The staff edited it out. Of course they would have done. There are never any kissing scenes even for Jeno and Jaemin, who have been out to the world for years now. 

It must have been a member of staff who leaked it. There's no other possibility. 

In the replies to the tweeted video, people are shouting at them to delete it and censor their names and remove the hashtags. But one comment in particular catches Jeno's eyes. 

"Jaem, what does that say?" Jeno pushes his finger onto the screen to stop the other from scrolling and they both read the comment. They are claiming that the username mentioned is the original source of the video. "I recognise the tagged user." 

"So do I." Jaemin breathes out. 

Across the room, Haechan's shoulders are no longer convulsing and he has finally succumbed to Mark's comfort. The older brushes his hair tenderly and is still murmuring to him. 

Jeno and Jaemin take another look at Doyoung's phone, then stare at each other. They know exactly who that Twitter account belongs to.

•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•

"This is officially the last straw!" Hangyeol slams his hands down on the desk and the two couples andTaeyong sat on the other side all flinch. "Sorry." He mutters. He starts punching his keyboard to fire off a heavily charged email. "No, scrap that. I'm calling him."

Haechan whines and Mark is there to hold him in his embrace. Taeyong frowns with pity. 

"It'll be alright." His words are the same words being repeated over and over all day, but they don't necessarily carry any truth with them. Empty comfort is better than no comfort. 

Jaemin rests his hand on Jeno's knee to stop it from bouncing with his nerves. 

"Is this Sooman?" Hangyeol barks down the phone. "Good. Well- what? No, this is urgent." Another slap on the desk. "No, it can't wait. Have you seen the state of social media?" 

Taeyong picks at his fingernails. Mark carefully observes their manager and doesn't breathe until he speaks again. 

"Exactly. The fans have tracked who originally posted the video. It's Jaehwa. Not that they know that. But the members know her usernames." Hangyeol grits his teeth and scrunches up a piece of paper into his fist to relieve some stress. The document looked important but no one dares to or has the energy to warn him. 

"Four o'clock? Can't it be any sooner? She needs to be kicked out as soon as possible. I expect a meeting within half an hour." 

They are escorted into a meeting room and for once the whiteboards which span the walls are not seen as an opportunity to doodle. Lee Sooman enters the room, hair ruffled and tie loosened at the neck. He raises a hand for them all to return to their seats when they stand to bow as a greeting. 

Jaehwa traipses in after him. 

"Sit down." Sooman orders and she doesn't meet any of their eyes when she takes a chair on the other end of the table to the others. Not that she'd ever want to sit any closer to them. Her homophobic ass wouldn't bare it. 

"What?" She leans on her elbow with a bored expression glazing her face. 

"Care to explain yourself?" Hangyeol starts and he gestures to Haechan's snotty nose and red-rimmed eyes and Mark's tensed fists and jaw. 

"I didn't post it." 

"Oh, so you know what we're here to discuss, then." Sooman raises an eyebrow. Jaemin smirks when he notices how Jaehwa visibly sinks into the chair. But her expression doesn't falter. 

"You did post it." Taeyong argues. Jaehwa looks disgusted by the fact that he would even begin to undermine her. "Along with consistent mistreatment towards Jeno and Jaemin." 

"It's not my fault they're... gay." Jaehwa's face contorts with disgust when she is forced to say The Word. 

"It's not our fault you're homophobic." Jaemin spits back. "You constantly make Jeno feel insecure around you. He uses littlespace as a way to ease his mind and relax, but how can he when you're there judging him and only adding to the very experiences he is trying to forget about?" 

Jeno grips onto the edge of the desk and senses his cheeks flame whilst he is being spoken about. He'd rather his boyfriend not bring up those things in front of her, but it has to be done. And Jaemin is only saying what he doesn't have the confidence to say himself. 

"And now you've leaked a video of Mark and Donghyuck. You've outed them before they were ready." Jaemin continues. He barely blinks as he tears her apart with a sharp, burning glare. 

"That is a huge breach of their privacy. And of their rights." Sooman adds solemnly. 

"Can you fire her?" Haechan requests with his broken voice and a trembling finger pointing in her direction. 

"Yes." Sooman hits the desk with the nib of a pen. "Taeyong and Hangyeol have both come to me with complaints about your treatment towards the group in recent months and those complaints stem from various members, demonstrating your overall lack of compassion and professionalism. This company strives for the best. And you," Sooman jabs the pen into the air towards Jaehwa. "Are not the best. So get out. Don't come back. I'll contact other companies to officially ban you from working in the idol industry. Goodbye." 

Jaehwa doesn't say a word. She doesn't protest or shout back or even make any final snide remarks. She just stands up and walks out of the room. 

"Thank you." Haechan speaks after a beat of silence. Mark kisses him on the top of the head and everyone else coos at them. 

"I'm sorry for not doing it sooner. It was well overdue." Sooman says. "Hangyeol, could you put together something to clarify what's happened? Perhaps a statement or a live?" 

"Can we write a message ourselves? Please?" Mark pipes up. Taeyong nods at the suggestion, turning to look at Sooman. 

"That would only be fair. I suppose so."


	39. Chapter 39

Throughout September, they are preparing for another comeback. Jeno is not allowed to learn the choreographies or partake in any of the dancing at all, instead being told to sit in the corner of the practice room mindlessly scrolling through social media, taking low quality photos of Jaemin (although any photo of his boyfriend is a piece of art because it has his boyfriend in it), or playing some rubbish game he just downloaded. Jaemin insists that he should stay at home and rest, but he is stubborn and would rather be able to be near to him all day.

He records his voice onto the songs for their album, but he is always exhausted nowadays and it takes more time that it usually would, only draining away more of his dwindling energy. The only song he really feels the emotions for is the ballad written by him and Jaemin. Perhaps he could spend his days practising it on the guitar when he is eventually left at home all day. 

But October is worse. He is seven months pregnant and barely allowed along to any of the schedules at all anymore, and when he does go, the only thing the hosts of the variety shows are interested in is the baby. Headlines everywhere talk about it, when it's not even their business. Of course she is top of his list of priorities, but he also wishes they would talk about the comeback and the other members' hard work. It's called promoting for a reason. But it is strange, having to watch his members from the side-lines, and he is adamant that he doesn't like it. Eight years of non-stop dancing and travelling and promotions, to suddenly having to stay sat down is not pleasant, even if he knows it's for the best.

He wakes up to Jaemin stroking his cheek. It is dark outside and his boyfriend softly tells him with a kiss to his forehead that they're home again and helps him slowly out of the car. His back twinges and he winces. Jaemin immediately picks up on it. 

"Where does it hurt? Is it your back again?" Jaemin brings a hand to slowly massage him and Jeno puffs out a sigh when his feet hit the ground. "They'll let me off schedules soon as well, baby. I'll get paternity leave with you." Jaemin reassures him as they make steady progress along the pavement. 

Jeno doesn't think he's ever been more grateful for an elevator in his life. It dings when they reach their floor then Jaemin keeps his hand on his back until Jeno is slumped on the sofa. Mark and Donghyuck can be heard laughing from another room and it sounds like they're doing a vlive or something, and a proud smile graces Jaemin's lips. But his attention is diverted back to his own boyfriend when Jeno groans. 

Jaemin fetches the oversized, blue exercise ball from the corner of the room and rolls it over to the sofa. Jeno frowns, reluctant to move. 

"Come on. The midwife said you have to do your stretches." Jaemin takes hold of Jeno's hands to prompt him to stand up, but the older doesn't want to cooperate. 

"'M tired, Min." He mutters. Jaemin sucks on his bottom lip and contemplates. 

"We can just do one round, gently." Jaemin suggests and eventually gets Jeno with his back pressed against the ball and his feet on the ground to do some assisted bridges. "Well done, love." Jaemin encourages him each time he raises his hips so they are level with his head. His now-black hair fans out across the ball and a glistening layer of sweat coats his forehead. 

"Can I stop now?" Jeno shakes his head and pouts when the younger runs a hand over his bump. 

"Alright then." Jaemin says and supports Jeno to help him stand up and make his way onto the sofa again. Jeno is glad to see the ball pushed back into the corner, out of his field of vision.

"It's exhausting and I'm not even dancing anymore." Jeno murmurs and leans to rest his cheek on Jaemin's shoulder. Jaemin brushes his bangs out of his eyes for him. 

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm doing all I can to look after you." 

Jeno smiles, tired and lazy, and cranes his neck to bring their lips together. They don't really move into the kiss, instead just letting their mouths rest there in a moment of unity and love.

"Thank you, Jaeminnie." Jeno whispers and Jaemin hums in response. 

"Our schedules are packed tomorrow so you can sleep all you want. Doyoung-hyung already knows your staying home, and he will be ready to come round if there's a problem." Jaemin circles his thumb over Jeno's stomach. His t-shirt is incredibly oversized and pulled up to display his skin. Jaemin went a little overboard with the new pregnancy outfits for Jeno when he ordered them, but the older is grateful and adores how small the baggy clothing makes him feel. He'll definitely keep them for littlespace in the future.

"I'm staying here?" Jeno asks, slightly disappointed that the plans have been made without his input. 

"We've already discussed this, love. You're not in a state suitable for travelling between schedules all day. I want you to rest." Jaemin repeats this for what feels like the millionth time because Jeno just doesn't want to listen to him. 

"But I miss you when I don't go." Jeno objects. Mark's laugh fills the apartment and Haechan begins shouting at him to not be so loud and embarrassing. At least it's not a full on screaming match like it was before.

"I miss you too, baby. I'll text you in the breaks." Jaemin reassures his boyfriend who gives in out of exhaustion.

•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•

Jeno stares at his phone screen. He hasn't heard the ping of a text from his boyfriend at all yet today. It has only been twenty minutes since the other members left, and yet it feels like it has been an eternity. The sensation of Jaemin's lips on his own from the goodbye kiss still lingers, and he touches the skin there with a sigh. 

He waddles out to the living room and curls up on the sofa, cushion between his legs to help his back, and flicks through the channels. The only thing that catches his eye is a drama. He goes back to the previous channel and chooses to watch it. He swears his recognises the scene from somewhere. He reckons he's probably just seen the drama before. 

His eyes shoot open when Jaehyun appears on screen and he fumbles to turn off the television. No way is he going through the second-hand embarrassment of watching his hyung's kiss scene. Which leaves him with nothing to do again. He stares at the ceiling, then follows a fly on its determination to get out through a closed window, clearly not understanding that the glass is blocking the way. 

Jeno's heart is heavy and his head is tired. But at the same time, not even the drawer of his colouring books and pencils and pacifiers can tempt him. He places a hand on his belly when the baby starts kicking again. He smiles slightly and closes his eyes, imagining what their daughter will look like. He just wants her to come into the world already. Being pregnant is exhausting and he's barely seven months through. He knows that it's only going to get worse as the due date nears.

Both he and the baby are hungry, he decides, and pulls himself up from the sofa to drag his feet into the kitchen. The jelly in the fridge looks so delicious, but the midwife's words ring in his head. She said he has to eat a well-balanced diet. Instead, he opts for just an apple, as he doesn't have the energy to prepare a full meal. He has the idea of calling Doyoung to ask him to cook him something more substantial for lunch. His hyung would never say no.

He is mid-mouthful when he hears the distant echo of his phone. That would be Jaemin! Finally, he has received a message from him. Jeno swallows the apple a little too quickly and pushes back the chair, the awful scraping of the legs on the tiles making him cringe, but he soon forgets that when his phone pings again. Two texts? Oh, and a third! 

Desperate to reply, he strides back into the living. His spine complains at him for the sudden excursion but he ignores it and frantically turns over the cushions on the sofa to try to find his phone. It pings again and he realises he left it in his bedroom. And his eyes are so fixated on the bedroom door that he doesn't watch where he is treading.

His foot catches on a leg of the coffee table.

He is sent tumbling forwards, arms flailing to break his fall. His wrists ache as they take the worst of the blow, but the impact of his stomach against the carpet is what knocks the breath out of him.

The pain is not just pain; it's agony.

Sharp, tight cramps constrict around his middle and he left gasping on the floor, fists gripping his hair to try to distract himself from the pain. It is incessant and unforgiving. The minutes pass and he can't move. Can't breathe. Can't stand up. Any movement he attempts only increases the contractions tenfold. Are they contractions? He doesn't even know what's going on. But he knows that it is the most painful thing he has ever felt and he wants it to stop.

But it doesn't stop. 

Tears leak out of his eyes before he can control them. Laying on the floor, everything around him is looming and intimidating and his vision blurs when the pain shoots up his back and through his legs, forcing him to cry out and thrash around for someone to help him. The silence which calls back to him reminds him that he is alone.

His diaphragm is rapidly contracting and relaxing to draw more air into his lungs, but it is in vain when his throat is dry and his head dizzy. He closes his eyes and bites harshly down on his tongue. Self-inflicted pain is not enough to lessen how his belly is screaming from the agony. His voice box is screaming, too.

And no one is coming to help him.

The pain subsides for a blissful minute, which gives him space to drag his lethargic body onto the sofa and lie down. He clutches a cushion to his chest. The soft fabric catches his tears.

Everything is too much when it returns, winding him again. It is as though he is being squeezed tighter and tighter and the pressure and cramping is just unbearable. The world spins around him. He feels sick right through to his bones. His skull pounds from the loss of fluids due to his eyes still streaming with salty tears. He can taste them. And fear. 

His fear about what the pain means. 

He is only seven pregnant. There's at least another two before the baby is due. But he does recall the midwife saying that falling can induce early labour, if the impact is serious enough. Which is why Jaemin is so careful that he looks after himself. And now Jaemin isn't here and he doesn't know what to do and the agony is dragging on and he wants to curl up and let someone just make it stop.

He wishes Jaemin could be by his side. 

He wanted Jaemin to be there when the baby comes. Jaemin wanted to be there when the baby comes. But he isn't.

His phone starts to ring. Jaemin is probably phoning him now. Jeno can already hear the concern lacing his words because he hasn't received a reply, even though Jeno was so eager to hear from him. The other members are likely convincing him to relax and calm down, that everything is okay. Jeno is maybe just asleep. How he wishes he was asleep. Anything that would ease the pain.

The lack of arms around him, and the lack of Jaemin whispering reassurances into his ear, tugs him deeper into his headspace. It is as though the string in his mind is now knotted around his middle as a new, cruelly inhumane way of getting him into his vulnerable state. 

Vulnerable because his caregiver is not here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops


	40. Chapter 40

Jaemin taps his foot on the floor and refreshes his text conversation with Jeno again. 

"Dude, can you stop?" Mark shoots in his direction and looks pointedly at his jiggling feet. Jaemin runs a hand through his hair, even though the stylist had finished with him just minutes before. They're waiting to perform on Inkigayo but Jaemin doesn't think he'll make it through the song without hearing from Jeno first. 

"What's wrong, hyung?" Chenle asks from where he is sat getting his makeup done. Dark eyeshadow and deep contour outline his features and make him look rather menacing, despite the light tone of his words. 

"Jeno isn't replying." Jaemin stresses and calls him yet again. 

The line rings and rings until he gives up, chucking his phone down on the table. 

"He could be busy." Haechan suggests. It doesn't comfort Jaemin in the slightest. 

"Busy with what? I left him in bed and he's probably still in bed. He was desperate for me to text him." Jaemin slumps down onto the sofa and compulsively fiddles with a zip on the side of his trousers. 

"Try getting hold of Doyoung." Jaemin retrieves his phone and scrolls to find his contact at Hangyeol's idea. Doyoung picks up immediately. 

"Jaemin-ah?"

"Is Jeno with you?"

"No. Why?" Jaemin curses his response. 

"He's not replying to my calls or messages." Jaemin explains and takes a shaky breath. "Can you... can you go to our dorm to check on him, please?"

"Of course. Would you like me to stay on the phone?" Doyoung's voice is sweet and manages to calm Jaemin's accelerated breathing a little. His eyes flick to the time in the corner of the tv screen. They have to be on stage in fifteen minutes but he recalls that it only takes a matter of four to five minutes to walk from one dorm to another. 

"Yes, please." Jaemin decides and he hears shuffling on the other end of the line and a door closing, then rushed footsteps for a short while. 

Another door opens and closes. 

"Shit. It's bad. Jeno! Oh, my God! What happened? Breathe, baby, breathe. I'm here. No, Jaemin's not here. But he's on the phone. Jaemin? Jaemin, it's really bad."

That is all Jaemin needs to jump up and order Hangyeol to get in the car and drive him back to their dorm. He can hear Doyoung rushing to calm Jeno down, whilst Jeno is shouting and screaming, and he misses a few breaths when he hears Doyoung mention an ambulance. 

"We have to go!" 

"You're performing next!" The staff all turn to face Jaemin and frown with disapproval. Even though Jaemin is struggling for breath and clutching his phone so hard that his trembling fingers are turning white. His hair is messy again, tufts sticking up stubbornly due to the hairspray. Can't they see that he's not in a state to perform? 

"I don't care! We have to go!" Jaemin shouts and the makeup artist yelps and her hand slips, dragging eyeliner down Chenle's cheek. She scrambles to find some makeup wipes to clean it up, but Chenle is already out of the chair and across to Jaemin. He places a hand on his back and uses his other to raise his chin softly. 

"We'll go and check on Jeno. It'll be okay." Chenle says without breaking eye contact. Jaemin barely registers his words because Doyoung and Jeno are still screaming down the phone and even through the tiny speaker Jaemin can tell that his boyfriend is just in so much pain. He needs to get to him. 

"Hangyeol-hyung. Please." He begs, a tear sliding down his cheek and dragging his mascara with it. 

"Alright." Hangyeol finally agrees and he bows quickly to the shocked staff before ushering the six members present out of the room. 

"Jaemin? You still there?" Doyoung's voice fills his ear and Jaemin puts the phone on speaker because his arm is now too weak to hold it up to his ear. 

"Y-yeah." Renjun does up his seatbelt for him. 

"I've used Jeno's phone to call an ambulance. He says the pain is subsiding, but it's tight around his middle and he can barely walk. It might be... it could be the baby. Get Hangyeol to take you straight to the hospital and we'll meet you there." Doyoung explains and Jeno cries out to him. "Baby, it's alright. Hyung is here. The doctors are coming and they'll make you feel better, yeah?"

Realising that Jeno is regressed and could be going through early labour makes Jaemin grip Haechan's arm way too tightly. The other doesn't complain and instead wipes Jaemin's eyes carefully with a tissue. 

"Can I talk to Nono?" Jaemin requests and he takes the phone back off speaker mode so that the others don't have to hear the full conversation. Jisung looks like he might throw up from the news that this is incredibly serious and Mark is on the verge of tears. 

"Sweetheart?" Jaemin tries. His voice cracks but he has to try to stay strong to not distress Jeno further. 

"Nana!" Jeno whines on the other side of the line and Jaemin snatches the tissue from Haechan, fiercely dabbing at his eyes and then biting on his knuckles for a few seconds. 

"Oh, baby, where does it hurt?" 

"My tummy. Bu' it's a bit better. I-I wanna sleep." Jeno chokes out through what sounds like a heavy wall of tears. 

"Wait for the doctors. Can you do that for Nana? Be a brave boy for me." Jaemin says and he wishes that those words could work on himself, too. 

The chaos on the other end of the line stills a little and Jeno seems to be breathing a lot better. Doyoung's voice is distantly talking to who Jaemin presumes to be a paramedic. It eases him a little, knowing that professionals are now there. 

"Nana?" 

"I'm still here, bub. Are the doctors there? Behave for them. They'll help you." Jaemin continues to talk to calm Jeno down and his own breath hitches when Hangyeol jumps a red light and another car honks its horn at them. He is still clutching onto Haechan and Chenle is leaning to hold hands with Renjun. 

"Jaemin, they're carrying him to the ambulance now. They say that they don't think it's labour." Doyoung says and Jaemin audibly lets out a tense sigh. "But he'll need lots of check ups to make sure and overnight monitoring. It could still be serious." Doyoung continues and Jaemin sucks in air again. 

Hangyeol messily parks the car in the first space they get to and they don't bother paying for a ticket before they race through into the hospital reception. 

"We're at the hospital, hyung." Jaemin relays and he can hear sirens on the other end of the line. It still sounds like Jeno is crying, which tugs on his heart terribly, but at least he is no longer screaming. 

"The paramedics say we're nearly there. Jeno is doing well. He doesn't look like he's in pain, just very confused and upset. Nana will be with you soon." Doyoung keeps speaking to Jeno and Jaemin is grateful to have such an amazing hyung. "Is it okay if I hang up now? I'll see you in a minute." 

The line goes dead and now Jaemin has no contact with Jeno. He paces the white tiles and chews desperately on his lips and then on his fingernails. Other people are giving them odd looks. Which is no surprise given that they are all still dressed in their stage outfits, which consist of black and red clothing and belts across their torsos and heavy shoes and intimidating eyeshadow. They're obviously idols. And then there's Jaemin with his makeup smeared as a sign of his distress. 

The sliding doors let in a chilling breeze and three paramedics dash in with Jeno on a gurney and Doyoung is struggling to keep up with the speed. Jaemin is at the side of the bed in an instant. 

"Baby! Oh my goodness, baby, what happened? Are you okay? What's wrong?" Jaemin pants and fumbles to take a hold of Jeno's hands whilst the paramedics are still wheeling him down the corridor. 

"Sir, we have to take him for check-ups." A doctor speaks and Jaemin ignores him. 

"Jen, love. Are you still in pain? What can Nana do to make it better?" Jaemin continues his mission of talking to the little, who whines and sniffles, eyes blown wide as he looks around at the unfamiliar surroundings. The paramedics stop pushing the gurney.

"Sir, I'm sorry but you have to go back to the waiting area. You can visit him when we call." The same doctor sternly looks at Jaemin. Jaemin raises his gaze and tightens his grip on Jeno's hands. 

"I don't want to leave him!" Jaemin shrieks. "Let me stay with him. He's my boyfriend. I'm family!" He insists and lets them see the ring on his finger. It doesn't make them change their minds in the slightest. 

Doyoung takes a hold of Jaemin's left shoulder and he flinches. 

"Jaemin-ah. It'll be easier in the long run if we let the doctors take him for check-ups. You want to know what's wrong, right?" Doyoung manages to prise Jaemin's hands away from Jeno's and he speaks with virtually the same tone he uses to speak to the littles in the group. The doctors wheel Jeno into a room before Jaemin can chase after them. 

The last thing he hears is Jeno calling out his name. 

"Come and sit down." Doyoung suggests. Jaemin is shaking uncontrollably as he takes small steps back through to the waiting area for visitors. 

Sitting in the chair with his mind messing with his thoughts, and threatening to do so until he is reunited with Jeno, brings back cruel memories. They are fuzzy from his wrecked state but he can clearly decipher that they are from when Jeno went missing. From the nights without his little in his arms. The pain is so similar to what he feels now. Except now he knows for sure that Jeno is not okay. At least before there was a flicker of hope that his boyfriend was unscathed. 

He pulls his knees up onto the plastic chair and hides his face in them and sobs. His body racks with each release of his emotions. Bad, bad thoughts plague his mind. 

Jeno could be completely fine. Or he could actually be giving birth right now and their daughter could be brought into the world when Jaemin isn't allowed to be there. Or the baby might not even make it. Jaemin's done his research. Of course he has. And he knows that unfortunately stillbirths exist. 

A particularly gut-wrenching wail is expelled from his mouth and he bites down on a finger to feel something besides the intense aching of his heart. 

He shouldn't have left Jeno alone. He should have protested to the company to get leave and stay with him all day. No one knows what happened whilst they were getting their hair and makeup styled for a performance they have already missed. 

"Hyung?" Jisung timidly calls for him and he risks looking up. The sight of the maknae's troubled expression makes him sob again. 

Jaemin is tired and exhausted and fed up of how unfair life can be. The lack of oxygen getting to his brain is making him feel dizzy, but he is aware that it could equally be the caregiver within him searching for some sort of release. 

That thought reminds him that Jeno is currently regressed and he shakes when Jisung holds his hands. The little won't know who the doctors are. He clearly didn't know where he was. His little is stranded and alone and possibly still going through all sorts of agony. The fear he must be feeling is something that leaves Jaemin's mouth dry, even though his face is soaked from tears. 

Hangyeol and Doyoung mutter to each other. Renjun whispers to Chenle. Sirens grow louder as another ambulance pulls up outside. A phone at the reception desk rings. A baby begins to cry. It could be their baby. But it's not. He scolds himself for having such an absurd thought. 

Jaemin keeps finding himself in waiting rooms. Once before finally hugging Jeno for the first time in over a week. Then twice again before his ultrasounds. All had been happy moments. 

But now, the fate waiting for him, Jeno, and their unborn daughter is foggy and dark and Jaemin's vision suddenly turns just as black.


	41. Chapter 41

Jaemin opens his eyes and immediately closes them again when his pupils burn from a bright light being shone in his face. He is groggy and his limbs are so stiff that a pair of hands has to assist him in sitting up. The light flicks off with a click. 

"He's fine."

This makes him snap his eyes open and he scans the waiting room of the hospital. Everything is coming back to him: the sound of Jeno's screaming, the sirens, the chaos and then he realises he must have passed out. He gratefully swallows down a cup of water pressed to his lips. 

"Jeno? Jeno's fine?" He gasps. The doctor with the torch raises a bushy eyebrow. 

"I meant that you're fine." He speaks and Jaemin crumples into the chair again. Doyoung pulls him into his side. He certainly doesn't feel fine. 

"So what about Jeno?" Hangyeol rolls the magazine up in his hands as he poses the very pressing question. 

"I am not sure, I'm afraid. All I know is that early labour was not induced, and there has not been a stillbirth. I was just sent here to check on you." Jaemin looks at the floor and breathes in and out when he hears those words of partial relief. "But you'll be called in soon." The doctor leaves, his polished shoes clicking on the tiles and Jaemin shudders. 

"How are you feeling?" Doyoung's voice provides a moment of clarity within the haze but it doesn't heal the burn of Jaemin's throat or the pounding of his head. 

"I want to see him." He mumbles. 

"We all do. If it's only some checks, I don't see why you couldn't go with him or why it's taking so damn long." Doyoung says in a tone so contrastingly smooth compared to the irritation behind his words. 

People come and go. Other visitors turn up to see their loved ones, bouquets of flowers and oversized teddy bears piled up in their arms. Jaemin wishes he could at least have Ryan with him. He smiles faintly at the memory of Jeno crying over seeing the toy in the washing machine. It wasn't funny at the time, of course, but looking back it seems quite humorous and certainly very endearing. They are also in need of some toys and just general supplies for the baby. Their daughter still doesn't have anything to play with nor any clothes nor a place to sleep. Jaemin sighs. He tugs his phone out of his pocket and searches around for some trustworthy companies to buy from. 

It passes the time and convinces him that the baby will be fine. That Jeno will be fine. 

"After this, I'm going straight to Sooman to request that you get time off." Hangyeol stands to find a more interesting magazine, although none of them seem particularly promising. Jaemin looks up at him. 

"Can you?" He asks, almost in a plead. The original plan was for him to only get off schedules a week before the due date, which wasn't enough for him but he let it slide, fearing that arguing would make management decide to completely scrap any idea of him spending time at home with Jeno and the baby. 

"I'll make it my mission." Hangyeol nods firmly and smiles back at Jaemin, who is still sat with Doyoung's arm around his back. 

"Thank you, hyung." 

"Jeno needs rest, and so do you. It only makes sense for you to be there by his side during the final two months and to make sure that everything is okay. Also, how much time do you want after the baby comes? A year?" 

"A year?" Jaemin repeats with disbelief. As much as he knows that quality family time would be heavenly, he really isn't sure if he could bare taking that much time away from the stage again. He swallows as he thinks. "Well... I was only expecting a couple of months, to be honest." 

"You can take as much time as you want." Hangyeol assures and Jaemin looks at Doyoung, then back at the manager. 

"Maybe I could take a few months off, then return to some schedules? Like, a part-time thing?" Jaemin reasons. From nearby, a baby begins to wail and his ears prick, his mind returning back to the very reason they are even in the hospital. The makeup is beginning to itch his face and the trousers feel too tight, suffocating. He twists the ring around his finger with worry. 

"Relations of Lee Jeno?" The doctor reappears in the room and the smattering of people all turn away from their conversations, then at Jaemin when he jumps up. 

"Yes! Yes, here. Yes. Can I see him?" Jaemin announces as he rocks on his feet. The doctor looks him up and down. 

"How are you related? Brothers?" 

"I'm his boyfriend." Jaemin declares. His tone stays strong and confident but his eyes flicker with a faint fear and disappointment. 

"Close enough. This way." The doctor heads out of the room with the wrinkles on his face barely moving from the judging expression on his features. 

"What do you mean, close enough? We've known each other for eleven years. Eleven years!" Jaemin insists and struggles to keep up with the doctor's strides. 

Jeno is laid on a hospital bed with the scratchy, white pillows stacked up underneath his head and the thin sheets messy. His eyes are sunken and wide and red and don't hide how scared and confused he is in the slightest. When he sees Jaemin enter the room, his arms fly up to reach out for him. 

"Na..." He wheezes and Jaemin does his best to not break down on the spot. 

"Baby." Jaemin replies with equal weakness. He strokes Jeno's hair and holds his hand and traces his fingers over the mound of the baby bump under the bedsheets. Jeno whimpers and makes a sorrowful attempt at forming a sentence. Jaemin shushes him softly. "I'm here. Nana's here. You're okay, sweetheart." 

Jeno shuts his eyes tightly and some tears slide out from between his beautiful lashes, causing Jaemin to shoot a glare at the doctor. 

"Is he still in pain?" He demands an answer. Jeno is non-verbal, hand shaking in his own, so he can't tell if his distress is because of pain or just shock. 

"No. We've given him a light dose of painkillers." The doctor flips through the paperwork on his clipboard and then taps at the page with a chubby finger. "We can't give him anymore, though, as he's pregnant and painkillers are not always suitable." 

Jaemin relaxes a little at this and studies Jeno's face. He is pale and his lips are dry as they mumble incoherent syllables. His eyes don't falter from their focus on his own belly. Jaemin moves his hand to tap a soothing rhythm there. 

"Is the baby alright?" Jaemin asks, quietly due to him dreading the answer. 

"We've thoroughly checked and yes, the baby is alright. We have sensed movement and a heartbeat and there has been no bleeding or discharge." The doctor recalls. Jaemin strokes Jeno's cheek. 

"You hear that? It's alright, love." Jaemin speaks softly and Jeno eventually moves his head to look at his boyfriend and caregiver. 

"C-cuddles?" Jeno mutters. 

Jaemin faces back at the doctor, who shrugs and explains how you're not usually allowed to get into a bed with a patient, but they give allowances to small children and littles. The caregiver pulls the sheets back, exposing the oversized t-shirt and tracksuits that Jeno is still wearing, then clambers up to sit next to him.

Within a matter of seconds, Jeno has resumed his favourite position on Jaemin's firm chest and he hums happily, the tears drying on his cheeks. Jaemin embraces him without hesitation. 

"What happened?" Jaemin glances at the doctor between kisses to Jeno's head. 

"He hasn't been particularly responsive." The doctor begins with a tut and he then throws his hands up to defend himself before Jaemin can bite back. "Which is understandable given his mental state." 

"Mental state?" Jaemin hisses and Jeno whines. The caregiver's eyes soften, despite the smudged, dark makeup surrounding them, and he whispers an apology into his ears. "Regressing is a perfectly healthy coping mechanism." 

"I didn't say it wasn't." The doctor sighs. Jaemin despises his attitude and doesn't understand why he is making everything so difficult. "All I'm saying is that he has not been able to give us any information, so we don't know what happened. But I can tell you that it was likely a fall, judging by the temporary abdominal pain felt, which would have been caused by the impact and the trauma." 

Jaemin nods slowly and narrows his eyes. He shifts to caress Jeno's stomach again but Jeno whines, mouth dropping open and eyes blown wide. The caregiver doesn't have a pacifier or any plushies with him because they came straight from the Inkigayo dressing room, so he offers his fingers. He'll give credit to the doctor for being patient and waiting for them to resettle before continuing. 

"The baby will be due in late December, possibly early January if she decides to hang around a bit longer. Some can be really stubborn." The doctor smiles knowingly and Jaemin politely returns the gesture. 

His boyfriend is nearly dozing off in his arms and his mouth is slacker than usual around his fingers. Jaemin is angry and sad and guilty that Jeno has had to experience that trauma. He knows that it wouldn't have happened if he had stayed at home with him. Jeno's forehead is burning up when he kisses him there. But the doctor assures him that hot flushes are perfectly normal and that it's not a fever. 

December. That's barely two months away. Jaemin's eyes crinkle in the corners when he comprehends just how soon that is. He gracefully and eagerly thanks any deity that their daughter is unharmed, and Jeno, too. Although he struggles to remove the agonising screams and cries from his memory. 

"Are you listening?" The doctor approaches the bedside as he glares at the couple, unamused. Jaemin rests his chin on Jeno's head. 

"What were you saying?" 

The doctor huffs and Jaemin can tell that he is possibly uncomfortable by how clingy they are being. But Jeno deserves all the cuddles in the world so who is Jaemin to deny him that, when he himself also yearns to deliver them? The little's breaths are now much slower and finally regular. 

"I was saying that you should talk to him about balancing his regression and parenting. How often does he typically drop into littlespace?" 

"A few times a week. Sometimes everyday. Sometimes barely ever. It depends on how busy we are." Jaemin answers, not even having to think too hard about his answer, for he knows every tiny detail about his boyfriend. And he is there for pretty much all of the regression. 

"Right." The doctor says simply and Jaemin nudges Jeno's head lightly to allow him to flick away some drool with his free hand whilst he waits for a response. "Would you like a tissue for that?" The doctor places the box down on the bedsheets and Jaemin removes one to use. 

"Becoming a parent is a huge deal. I hope you know that." The doctor continues. Jaemin nods. 

"Yes. It's a dream come true for us, really." Jaemin can't resist admiring the glint of his ring. 

"I'm glad." Although he doesn't seem it from the way he stares at the couple and swallows, lips pursing tight. "It will mean that Jeno won't be able to regress as often. Caring for a baby is time-consuming, and doing so whilst in littlespace won't work." Jaemin frowns. 

"Why not? I don't regress. I'll be there." Jaemin replies. 

"But Jeno is the carrier so the baby will be dependent on him in particular. Regression and parenting can work hand in hand, but the ratio needs to be right. Jeno can play with your daughter whilst regressed, for example, but when her nappy needs changing or when she wants milk it won't work." 

Adorable images of Jeno colouring with their daughter flash through his mind and a smile blossoms across his face. His heart flutters. 

"I'll talk to him about it as soon as possible. Can we go now?" Jaemin says, eager to return back to their own bed and to get Jeno into some fresh clothes with a pacifier; as cute as it is, his fingers are beginning to turn numb. The doctor scans over the clipboard. 

"Yes. As everything is fine, I can discharge him." 

They are given a wheelchair to help get Jeno to the car and they succeed without waking him from his welcome slumber. Whispers of relief and excitement travel around the group. 

From now on, everything will be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s a promise!


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry I didn’t update yesterday...  
> I hope this cute chapter makes up for it.

"Easy, love. What do you want? I'll get it for you." Jaemin rushes to ensure that Jeno sits back down before he causes too much strain on himself. Jeno forces out some air and resettles next to Xiaojun. 

"Just a glass of water, please, Minnie." He mumbles and Jaemin pecks his cheek, then weaves his way through the crowd of members and towards the kitchen. 

They're having a joint birthday party for Yuta and Winwin at the WayV dorm, which is also just an excuse for all of the members to get together again, all in one place, and celebrate far into the night. It's late; everyone dancing lazily to the music, which has been dimmed to sit in the background of the conversations, Taeil is on a video call mirrored onto the television so he can join in the fun, and it is definitely way past the littles' bedtimes.

Chenle and Yangyang both fell asleep partway through an episode of a cartoon that none of the hyungs could recognise, so it must have been a recent one. The name got stuck underneath Jeno's tongue, hidden away and refused the opportunity to escape by the dominant power of his adult headspace. He knew the show. But he wasn't prepared to say it out of fear that he might have let himself go too much. Now, they are curled up together with a blanket from Yangie's bed and Ten hums gently and alternates stroking their hair. 

The atmosphere is actually pretty chill, considering the chaos that usually arrives at the door of whichever apartment all 23 of them choose. There is no grinding, no loud rock music, and certainly no alcohol this time around, resulting in a content Jeno. Perhaps it's because everyone doesn't want to overwhelm him. Or maybe it's because of the never-ending schedules being piled on them recently. Either way, Jeno gratefully sips on the cool water his boyfriend brings him and lets his eyes droop. 

"You can drop, sweetheart. It's okay." Jaemin whispers. Jeno struggles to hear it over the sudden shriek from Jungwoo when Louis jumps onto his lap without warning, but it calms him nonetheless. However, he's still not letting go. Their baby kicking inside his belly is enough to make him aware of the implications of regressing. 

"Two littles are already enough." He mutters in response. Jaemin firmly takes the water from his grasp and places it onto the table then looks back at Jeno, eyes stern. 

"Don't say that. It's not true. You're not any less valid than Lele and Yangie." Jaemin says. 

"But I need to try to get out of the habit." Jeno protests with a pout. 

Jaemin can see the sadness well up in the other's eyes as he pushes those words out, and his tone is broken and shaky and weak. 

"Jeno-yah, no you don't." Jaemin reaches to stroke his cheek but he leans away with a whine. 

"Yes, I do."

"What makes you think that?"

"I-I... with the baby. Can't. I wanna be a good appa." Jeno finally raises his gaze to meet Jaemin's stronger one. 

"You can still be a good appa and a little, baby. Don't-" 

A cry resounds through the room, quickly joined by a second, and it hushes the chattering and breaks Jeno and Jaemin's conversation short. 

Chenle and Yangyang have woken up from their nap. Their eyes are teary and they immediately kick the blanket away and reach out for their caregivers. Ten and Renjun scoop them up onto their laps and soothe them with all sorts of sweet-nothings and reassurances in a mixture of Chinese and English that the other members fail to comprehend. Except for Jaemin, who wishes for Jeno to stop being so hard on himself and to just slip and let him look after him. They need to have that conversation, Jaemin is certain, but a much more current issue has sprung up on them, forcing him to push it back to a later date. 

"Come on, Nono, sweetheart. Let Nana cuddle you." Jaemin opens his arms but Jeno shakes his head, chewing on the inside of his cheek and reaching for his drink again. The liquid refreshes his mind a bit, but he is still shaken by the crying littles on the other side of the room and, somewhere deep down in his heart, he longs to join them.

"Stop." He whimpers. "I don't want to slip." Jaemin sees straight through the lie. "Last time I did, I ended up in hospital, a-and it hurt." His voice betrays him. "I wanna stay big and re'ponsible and look after h-her." 

"And Nana wants to look after you, bub." Jaemin coaxes, not giving up his fight. 

"Nono!" Chenle suddenly cheers up at the sight of him and wriggles free from Renjun. He slides onto the floor. The members step aside to clear a pathway and Lele crawls towards where Jeno is sat on the sofa. "Nono! Play!" The little scoops up the pile of coloured blocks, decorated with numbers and cartoon animals, and dumps them at Jeno's feet. Yangie whines at how Chenle is playing with his toys without him, and Ten lets him free, too. 

The whole room is oddly silent for a minute. Someone has even turned off the music. Jeno squirms at the feeling of so many people looking at him, waiting. He squeezes his eyes shut. Jaemin prompts for everyone to get back to whatever they were doing beforehand with a raised eyebrow and mimed clapping of his hands. 

"Play!" Yangie joins in Lele's chant. Jeno's fingers tingle and he whimpers, this time allowing Jaemin to wrap his arms around him and press a warm kiss to his head. 

The world turns fuzzy and he sighs. 

"Nono can't play today." Jaemin smiles down at the two littles sat in front of them. 

"Why not?" They pester. Although, bless them, they don't mean to and are just being curious and innocently confused. 

"He has to take it easy at the moment." Jaemin explains and traces a big heart over the now very visible bump on Jeno's body. He takes some time to inspect the shimmer in his eyes and his slightly parted lips. "Actually, maybe you can play with him." 

Both other littles cheer and Lele tugs on Jeno's left ankle, causing him to let out a broken cry. 

"But only if you are gentle. Why don't you have a tea party?" Jaemin suggests. 

"Boring." Yangie frowns and clunks two blocks together particularly forcefully. 

"Yangyang!" Ten scolds and he widens his eyes in a silent apology to Jaemin. "Listen to Nana, alright? Do as you're told for once, please." 

The little drops the blocks onto the floor and nods, frantic. 

"I think it might be a safer idea to let just those two play together." Renjun pipes up as he observes how they continue to stare up at Jeno with persistent callings of his name. He runs a hand through his hair. "What even made them wake up? Hey, Lele, no. Don't do that, baby. The blocks aren't food." Renjun kneels down and prises them out of Chenle's grip. He grimaces at how the coloured wood is now sticky and slimy with saliva. 

"I agree. They're a handful." Ten reaches down to pick up a thrashing Yangyang. The commotion brings everyone's attention in their direction again and makes Jeno hide his face between Jaemin's shoulder and the sofa. "We should not have fed them birthday cake, oh my goodness. Yangie! No!" 

Jaemin cradles the back of his little's head and keeps his other hand over his belly. Jeno is warm, very warm, and he is glad that he is getting a lot of rest after the scare of the previous week, yet it fills him with regret that now is the first time he has let himself regress since. It's not as though they haven't had schedules to attend - Jaemin has been granted time off thanks to Hangyeol. They haven't fully had the conversation about balancing parenting with regression, although it was briefly mentioned on several occasions before being cut off, like just now. It seems like Jeno has taken the idea straight to heart. Jaemin is even more focussed on clarifying everything with him because of that. 

"Play?" Jeno's voice suddenly is heard and Jaemin feels his breath on his neck. 

"Do you want to, love? Aren't you tired?" He asks. 

"Wanna play." Jeno lifts his head and stares at his caregiver with lidded eyes. Jaemin contemplates hard before answering. 

"What would Nono like to play?"

"Tea party." Jeno huffs and Jaemin accepts the idea, given that it is simple and relatively harmless. 

"Okay, baby." Jaemin pecks his forehead before calling Ten and Renjun over with their hyper and excited littles to set up for them. 

When the set of plastic teacups and plates and teapots are all brought out of the toy box, it piques the interest of the rest of the group, and they are soon all sat in a huge, wonky circle on the carpet. Jeno and Jaemin stay on the sofa for ease, as Jeno finds it increasingly more tiring to move about nowadays, and that combined with his hazy mind means it would be near impossible to make the manoeuvre onto the floor. 

"Some tea for you, sir." Yangyang and Chenle giggle as they make their way around the group. Despite the so-called 'tea' actually being water, each member thanks them in various humorous ways to keep them entertained and energetic. They even throw in some bows as though they were royalty, which receives particularly delighted squeals. 

It may be a strange sight, the group on the floor on the evening of Winwin's birthday, but it is cosy and everyone is happy. More than happy, in fact. It is home to them. 

Jeno twists his neck to gaze up at Jaemin with oozing amazement and fascination when Lele serves him his cup of tea. The caregiver nods with encouragement and just as much love in return. 

"Happy birthday to Yuta and Winwin! Cheers!" Taeyong leads the celebration by raising his cup into the air and everyone follows, smiling and laughing at how Yangyang and Chenle shout especially loud. Jeno musters a squeak to imitate the word a few beats after. This leads to a second round of cheering and applauding and a huge, dopey grin blooms on Jeno's face. 

Jaemin can tell by the way Jeno is running his teeth over his lips and blinking often that the little isn't entirely sure what is going on, but he is just content with seeing him purely happy. Just for tonight, he pushes away the brewing anxiety over the approaching due date for the baby. 

Jeno squeaks again when Leon sidles into the room and settles in the middle of the circle, curling his tail around himself to try to sleep. He couldn't have chosen a more impractical spot, really. 

"What's his name, Nono?" Kun asks him. The little frowns in thought before beaming again.

"Ca'!" Jeno claps his hands together and everyone praises him, totally whipped for his adorableness. 

"Well done, sweetheart." Jaemin rewards him with a kiss on the cheek. 

"Ca'." He repeats it with more vigour this time and Hendery leans to pick up their pet. Leon begins to scratch before realising that there is no escape, and he lets himself be carried over to Jaemin's lap, where he simply takes it as another opportunity to try to doze off. 

"Isn't he soft?" Jaemin coos and Jeno wriggles around with delight at the sensation of the fur beneath his fingers. The caregiver's mind flips to the only situation to ever come out of this, but he doesn't mind it too much. The sneezes and runny eyes later are worth the pure joy now. 

The littles are all occupied: Lele and Yangie with refilling everyone's cups and Nono with Leon. The calm but also the glee radiating from the three of them is enough to recharge the rest of the group. 

But of course they all insist that it's because of how delicious the tea is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year!!!  
> Happy birthday to our King Qian Kun!!!  
> Happy adulthood to our forever maknae Jisung!!!  
> Gosh there’s so much going on at the moment. 
> 
> I hope that you all stay happy and healthy and strong for the new year ahead of us. I started posting this book around the time that school started back and although that has meant that updates were sometimes infrequent (I’m sorry...) it has really helped me to stay sane. Each kudos and comment makes me so happy, so a huuuuuge thank you to all of my readers. I love you all mwah <333
> 
> Sappy speech over, who are you placing your bets on for the dreamies’ rooftop fight? That’s the real question.


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things get sPiCy :D

Jaemin slides under the covers and snuggles into Jeno, wrapping his arms around his back to make himself the big spoon. Jeno groggily lifts his head up off the pillow before dropping it once he settles into Jaemin's embrace. He has been served breakfast in bed all week. Being so immobile is still hard to get used to, as he is an idol after all, but he appreciates how Jaemin is looking after him all the time. He wishes he could give as much care back. But even making it to the sofa can be a strain some days. Walking is difficult, because his weight is unbalanced and Jaemin nearly had a fit when he saw him on his way to the bathroom on his own yesterday. He constantly feels on the verge of toppling over. 

"Hey, baby." Jeno speaks first. He feels the tickle of Jaemin's hair against the back of his neck. 

"Good morning, sweetheart." After his boyfriend returns the pleasantry, a delicate kiss is planted on his neck and Jeno hunches his shoulders to block him access out of instinct. 

"It's not morning. It's nearly one o'clock." Jeno flicks his eyes to the clock on his bedside table. 

"Well, good afternoon then." Jaemin mumbles his correction. 

"You know, I won't be able to laze around in bed all day when the baby comes." Jeno says. Jaemin sighs. 

"You can if you want. I'll be here, too. The birth will be tiring for you, love." Each word tickles Jeno's neck but it soon becomes soothing for him. 

"But she'll want to explore." Jeno complains, drawing out the syllables slightly. 

"Not when she's still really tiny." Jaemin replies. "She'll just eat and cry and poo." Jeno snorts with laughter, and Jaemin can vividly picture the crinkle of his eye smile. 

"Besides, staying in bed makes me feel little." Jeno says through a yawn. Jaemin coos until Jeno bats him away. 

"About that." Jaemin speaks, voice less of a mumble and firmer this time. "We need to decide how we're going to balance your regression with parenting." 

"I can just do away with it."

"Absolutely not. It helps you relax and cope with thoughts, right? You'll definitely need a method of stress relief for when our daughter comes into the world." Jaemin states. 

"But what if she's crying and the noise makes me slip? I'll be a hopeless father." Jeno groans, and Jaemin receives it with a click of his tongue. 

"I have an idea." Jeno cranes his neck around to peer at his boyfriend with curiosity. "Why don't we set aside particular times for you to regress? We've done that before whilst we had a ton of schedules. Do you remember, baby?" Jaemin explains and Jeno nods, hesitant. 

"I think so. That could work."

"It'd certainly take the edge off, wouldn't it? If you keep regressing several times a week when we decide, then you'll be able to control it better around the baby." Jeno nods again. 

"Okay. We'll do that." The older easily agrees to the plan. "I like it when you talk me down, anyway." He adds in a shy mutter.

"The doctor said that you could play with her whilst regressed." Jaemin adds. 

"We'll see." Jeno says simply. 

"Thank you, love." Jaemin kisses over Jeno's neck again and the older sighs with content. 

The hold Jaemin has around his torso tightens a little, before relaxing and the kisses cease, yet Jeno can still sense a lingering touch of his lips. His breathing is regular and slow against his back. Jeno decides to let him rest for now. He works so hard, meeting all of his needs, so now that he has the opportunity to take a break Jeno doesn't have the heart to disturb him. 

A slim line of sunlight peaks in from between the curtains which still haven't been opened. Jeno spends a while following the dancing dust particles. They shimmer as they tumble through the air, the sun as their spotlight during their intricate routine. His mind wanders. 

His boyfriend said that he should keep using littlespace as his stress reliever, but what about Jaemin's? 

"Minnie?" Jeno whispers. There is no response until Jaemin sighs and, judging by the movement and rustling of the duvet, he stretches out his legs. 

"Yes, love?" 

"How are you going to relieve stress?" Jeno asks. He keeps his voice down, afraid to disturb the calm, and his words leave his lips into the space of the room, not directed towards his boyfriend. He isn't even sure if Jaemin heard him, but he eventually gets a hum of contemplation. 

"What do you mean?" Jaemin busies himself with stroking the hair on the back of Jeno's head. It is silky from not having been dyed for several months. 

"I have littlespace. So what about you?" 

"I'm your caregiver." Jaemin says. "Looking after you helps me to relax." 

Jeno's eyebrows dip. The vague memories he has of the events that occur whilst regressed and the stories thrown between the members all tell him that looking after him can be anything but relaxing. 

"Really?" He tilts his head gently. 

"Yes, baby. Really." Jaemin confirms and Jeno lets it slide. 

They fall back into the still, calm quiet. Footsteps pass their door, pause, then change their mind and continue on. The distant murmuring of the television creeps under the door. Jaemin shifts positions again and Jeno's mind sets on an idea. 

"I want to help you." Jeno decides and the younger questions him again. "Like, with your stress." 

"I'm not stressed, baby. Don't worry about me." Jaemin claims, but Jeno remembers how he was shouting at some overcooked rice and nearly cursing at the weather for being a single degree too cold. And of course the way he keeps impulsively stroking or staring at his baby bump. 

"You must be stressed about something." Jeno presses. He makes sure to keep it gentle and vague, though, as he doesn't want to pester Jaemin too far. However, he does often tend to be a bit too closed off about those types of emotions: something that Jeno wants to work on with him. 

Jaemin doesn't reply. 

"See." Jeno huffs and uses his arms as a lever to roll over and lay on his other side and face his boyfriend. "So I want to help you."

"I'm alright." Jaemin insists. His smile is weak and doesn't reach his eyes. 

"What would help you to forget your worries?" Jeno wraps an arm around Jaemin's neck and pulls him closer until their foreheads are touching. "A massage?" 

Jaemin smiles and shakes his head. Jeno knows what he is going to propose, but he pretends to ponder over more suggestions. 

"How about a nice warm bath?"

"Maybe this evening." Jeno makes a mental note of this. 

"An orgasm?" 

Jaemin's eyes shoot open wide and his lips drop apart. He doesn't know what to say. His heart rate accelerates within a single beat, as though the metronome it is attached to has been suddenly set to a ridiculous tempo. 

"I..." He begins to stammer. 

"An orgasm it is then." Jeno's eyes glint with mischief, but also with desire and lust. 

"You're pregnant. I am not sticking my dick inside you, if that's what you're planning." Jaemin exclaims in a breathy voice. Jeno raises an eyebrow. The younger's legs begin to wriggle about and a gentle blush is appearing on his cheeks. Jeno knows that he is already turned on. 

"Sex while pregnant isn't dangerous. I looked it up." Jeno says with a shrug. 

"You looked it up?" Jaemin repeats with disbelief. 

"Yeah. I was curious. It's been a while since we've messed around and..." He trails off and lowers his gaze to the area of the duvet which conceals the younger's growing erection. 

"It has been a while. But I don't want to hurt you." Jaemin circles his thumb over Jeno's bump. "Or her."

"You won't. You're always really gentle with me. Plus, we decided years ago that we prefer it slow." Jeno continues and has his turn at kissing his partner's neck. 

Jaemin lets out a faint moan, which spurs Jeno on to change from kissing to sucking at the skin until impressive red and purple hickeys begin to form. 

"Jeno..." Jaemin sighs. Jeno comes up to silence him with a full make out session. It is a fierce competition between their lips and their tongues and who can tug the other's hair the hardest. Jeno is more dominant than usual and Jaemin is more compliant than usual. Both revel in this slight change in dynamics. 

"But we don't have to if you don't want you." Jeno reassures the younger when they pull apart, panting. 

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I couldn't live with myself if I were to hurt you." Jaemin confesses. He squirms again and Jeno can tell that he is having problems downstairs. 

"That's totally fine. I can just suck you off instead." Jeno says. 

He only receives a whine as a reply, so he interprets that as a signal to kick back the duvet. A considerable tent is already forming in Jaemin's grey sweatpants. 

"Are you not wearing underwear again? Naughty." Jeno scolds with a smirk and Jaemin draws out the syllables of his name. 

The older rests his hand over his erection, but doesn't move yet. He watches Jaemin buck his hips forward in search of some form of friction. His forehead is already glistening and he seems to have lost the ability to close his mouth. Jeno wonders if he ever looks this needy when Jaemin is teasing him. But now isn't the time, because it is his turn to help his boyfriend relieve stress. 

He dips his fingers into the waistband and Jaemin throws his head back to hit the pillow as soon as they make the smallest contact with his hard cock. The noises he lets out are beautiful so he continues further. 

He presses his thumb and forefinger around the base, then Jaemin whines so gutturally that it goes straight to Jeno's head. More eager this time, he wraps a whole hand around his cock and slowly drags his hand up to the tip, where he is met with the stickiness of dripping precum. 

"So needy, baby." Jeno keeps his hand in place whilst he kisses Jaemin passionately for another minute. It is the younger who breaks away and requests Jeno to get on with it. 

And he does. He nearly rips his sweatpants off his legs and takes the angry, red cock in his hold again. Jaemin keeps bucking his hips and kicking his legs and demanding more, so Jeno places a firm hand on his abdomen, effectively anchoring him into place against the mattress. That is when he finally begins to move his hand. 

It is slow, but each drag of his fingers drags out another moan from between Jaemin's swollen lips. They're not as swollen as Jeno's are about to be, though. 

"How? What... position? The-ah! The baby..." Jaemin pants out. Jeno circles his thumb over the slit and spreads out the precum before responding. 

"Sit up against the headboard, and I can lie on my side with my head against your thigh." Jeno describes and Jaemin resumes his position in a flash. 

With the baby bump, Jeno can't kneel or lay on his stomach like he usually would. Whilst he is shuffling into a comfortable position, Jaemin starts to stroke at his cock himself, eyes blown and staring down at Jeno with adoration and a hunger for his lips to go down on him. Jeno notices and bats his hand away. Jaemin whimpers. 

"Naughty." Jeno teases. "I didn't say you could touch yourself."

"Since when were you into-ah! Oh my God! Jeno..." He is broken off when Jeno finally begins to lick around the head of his cock. He pulls off after a few seconds and lets the salty warmth dissolve over his tongue. 

He sinks down again before Jaemin can even formulate any more words. He hollows his cheeks and takes him all the way down to the base in one go and his nose brushes through the light smattering of pubic hairs. The head just hits the back of his throat, and he is lucky that his gag reflex has disappeared over the years together. 

His head bobs up and down. His tongue roams over every millimetre of Jaemin's erection. His hands come up to play with his balls. That brings out an especially long whine accompanied by some colourful language. Jeno stares up at his boyfriend, who eventually cracks his eyes open to look down and they maintain a powerful eye contact. 

It is Jeno's turn to moan when Jaemin yanks on his hair and digs his fingernails into his scalp. He comes up for air, just briefly, before immediately returning. He is more compelled to speed up and suck the beads leaking out of the tip. 

Jaemin grits his jaw and furrows his eyebrows. Jeno can tell that he's close. 

The younger begins to meet Jeno's lips with erratic thrusts of his hips and Jeno no longer has the will to stop him. 

It is desperate and frantic and lustful, then when Jaemin comes, he throws his head back and his whole body stills, save for his cock pulsating to pump his load down Jeno's throat. 

Jeno takes everything and swallows everything. 

He pulls off, letting Jaemin's cock droop, limp and totally spent, then pulls himself up to be on the same level as Jaemin. 

They pant in unison and their emotions are a whirlwind around their sweaty heads. Where they were frantic just seconds ago, they are now satisfied and back to their usual cuddles and kisses and open love.

"Do you feel better, Minnie?"

"A million times better."


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for 400 kudos!!  
> ٩(˃̶͈̀௰˂̶͈́)و

Jeno and Jaemin spend an entire morning and part of an afternoon searching through countless websites and picking out tiny clothes and toys and supplies for their daughter. They finish up by ordering a whole selection. The shopping list of teddies and baby bottles and nappies and babygros passed onto Renjun and Doyoung is immense, and Doyoung has to drag the Chinese out of the door, scolding him for not wanting to do the favour. Some items aren't available through click and collect, so they pay extra for delivery and get a hefty package arriving at their front door the next day.

Jaemin stands in the centre of their room with his hands on his hips and the other Dreamies at his sides.

"Which bed are we getting rid of?" He asks. Everyone turns to Jeno for an answer. 

"Mine."

"You sure?"

They both have their own beds, one on either side of the room, but they sleep together virtually every night. There has been some bumpiness along the road which has meant that they slept separately, but now with the baby on the way they are closer than ever.

"Yeah. We usually sleep in yours." Jeno motions to how his bed has a neat duvet whilst Jaemin's is crumpled and thrown around.

"Alright then. Someone help me lift it." 

Mark and Jaemin succeed fairly quickly in dragging it across the carpet to the centre of the room. It reveals the layer of dust surmounting underneath it, various boxes and even an old bike tyre. They pile the sheets up in the corner and the mattress is lowered onto the floor. Haechan passes them the screwdrivers from Johnny's toolbox so that they can find the screws to disassemble the bed's frame. 

Not being able to do anything too strenuous, Jeno gets to direct everyone. He thoroughly enjoys being more powerful over the group and bossing them around, with them actually listening. Chenle and Jisung bicker over how to put together the cot until he mediates the fight. Renjun makes sure that the carpet is well-covered with a plastic sheet then prises the lid off the small tins of paint and begins to dip his brushes into them. Jeno and Jaemin helped him to design a pattern for the mural and they chose the colours themselves. 

Jeno observes how Renjun guides his pencil over the wall. The outline is faint and he can't wait for the final product. He rubs his hand over his belly.

"This is your room, baby." He mutters as he senses some more kicks of her dainty feet. "This is where you're going to grow up. I love you so much already, princess."

"Who are you talking to?" Jisung scrunches up his nose and looks around, only to find the members who are all engrossed in their own projects.

"The baby." Jeno replies and Jaemin crosses the room towards him.

"She'll be able to hear you." Jaemin speaks softly then pecks Jeno's lips.

"Ew! Stop it!" Chenle shrieks, but they only lean back in and introduce a bit of tongue to the mix, smirking into the kiss. "No! My innocent eyes!"

"Shut it, Chenle. You're not innocent." Jisung quips and earns a glare from the Chinese. 

"So what have you done then?" Haechan smirks and Chenle blushes. 

"Don't." Mark warns his boyfriend with an attempt at a stern glare. 

"No arguing, please." Jaemin says when he and Jeno finally break apart from each other's lips. "And there'll be no dirty talk around our daughter, you hear me?" He individually makes eye contact with each and every member to ensure that they've all got the message. 

"Oh, she won't be able to understand anything anyway." Haechan exclaims as he decides to take a seat on the pile of Jeno's bedsheets. 

"What are you doing?" Jeno asks him, and he feigns nonchalance. "Get up. It seems like Chenle and Jisung need a third pair of hands." Jeno points to where they are both trying to balance a half-built cot with the screws and tools. Haechan sighs and pulls himself up again to take Jisung's place in holding two pieces of wood together whilst Chenle fits the screw. 

"I want a baby, too." He grumbles. 

Mark trips over his own feet and topples, seemingly in slow motion, into a tin of bright yellow paint. Some splatters onto the wall, but most of the contents end up over his shirt and jeans and face and even in his hair. 

"Mark!" Renjun glowers, his paintbrush now clenched tightly in a fierce fist. "You've wasted all the paint! That was for the flowers." 

Their beloved hyung doesn't move from where he is sprawled on the floor. His face is so horrified and shocked that it is almost comedic, and the other members stand and stare for a while longer, trying their best to process what just happened. 

"I guess you don't agree, then." Haechan mutters with disdain.

"No!" Mark shouts out and clumsily attempts to pull himself up, but the plastic covered in paint is slippery and his rainbow socks have no grip. He lands on his butt and groans. "No, it's not that I don't agree, Duckie. It's just that..." 

"I know. We talked about it and decided not yet." Haechan finishes for him. 

The other members daren't move. Or speak. They stare between Mark and Haechan. Mark's tumble should have been funny, but none of them laugh when the silence is thick and heavy, crushing their words before they can even reach the air. 

"Maybe you should be discussing this in private another time." Jeno suggests, and the rest of the group nod in appreciation for the idea. "For now, Mark I'm sorry, but this calls for a picture." He has taken his phone out of his pocket and snapped some photos of a disapproving Mark before he can protest. 

Mark brings a hand up to try to wipe the paint off his face, but his fingers only spread it around more and he makes the situation worse, if anything. Renjun is still scowling. On the wall next to him, there is a smiling kitten in pink and grey, only partially painted, and yellow specks now decorate the lower wall underneath her, instead of where Renjun has sketched out the flowers around her. 

"Bloody hell." Renjun grits his jaw and turns away from the mess, probably deciding that ignorance is bliss. 

"Can you not?" Jaemin speaks to him. Renjun spins around and glowers again. 

"Not do what?"

"Swear. There are minors around." Jaemin continues. 

Renjun looks around the room. He didn't think that Jeno or Chenle were regressed. Jeno certainly isn't by the way he is standing in the corner and cracking up at the pictures of Mark. Or fans' reactions to the pictures of Mark. Chenle is still on the floor next to Jisung, frowning at the instructions for how to build the cot, which eliminates him as well. 

"What? No there aren't." Renjun replies and gets back to mixing some more pink paint, slightly darker for a shadow this time. 

"Yes there are." Jeno says and strokes at his baby bump. Renjun rolls his eyes. 

"She's not even born yet." He reasons. 

"But as we literally said earlier, there are studies that show that unborn babies can hear you." Jaemin explains and Jisung eyes Jeno's belly warily. "I don't want her first word to be something rude."

"She won't learn that quickly." 

"Renjun, do you know anything about babies?" Jeno asks. Renjun shrugs. 

"Nope."

"Remind me not to let him babysit." Jaemin rubs a palm over his cheek with stress. 

"He's a really good caregiver." Chenle defends him with a light blush on his cheeks and a hesitant tone. 

"Thank you, Lele." Renjun says indignantly. 

"It's okay, ge." 

"I was joking." Jaemin complains. "I'd trust you more than any of the other members, to be honest." Renjun doesn't reply, he just dips his brush into the paint and continues with the mural. 

By the time evening rolls around, Mark has had a good shower, is trending on Twitter and has clarified that there are no hard feeling between him and Haechan. The cot is fully made and the fluffy blankets are already rolled out inside, and a few drawers have been dedicated to the baby's clothes and a box for her toys. The bedroom feels much emptier without Jeno's bed there, but it also feels much brighter and open. 

They order pizza and fill out the sofa in the living room, a bit of music playing in the background. 

"Well done, everyone." Jeno and Jaemin raise their glasses of lemonade in a toast and they all copy the action with tired but satisfied smiles. 

"I can't believe it's been eight months already." Mark muses. Jaemin snuggles into Jeno's side and nods with agreement whilst letting out a huge yawn. 

"I'm usually the tired one, baby." Jeno giggles and helps Jaemin wipe away the water which collected in his eyes. 

"Been a long day." Jaemin says. 

"Well, get used to it, because the nights are going to be long, too." Renjun adds. 

Jisung is the first to doze off, so Chenle decides that it's time for him to join the maknae in dreamland. The Chinese goes limp as he drifts off and eventually ends up slumped on Jisung's chest. The sight is adorable and Jaemin takes enough photos to embarrass them with a few months down the line. He doesn't understand how Chenle can't see them as a couple. Yuta messages Mark, who responds to say that he and Haechan are going to spend the night at the Dream dorm. Renjun lets Chenle's mother know about the arrangements on behalf of the younger. 

"Do you have any name ideas?" Haechan asks out of the blue. Jeno and Jaemin look at each other for a while as though they are having a silent conversation. 

"We've done a bit of thinking." Jeno says and then receives a kiss on the cheek from Jaemin. 

"Yeah. We want a pure Korean name, to be a bit more unique." Jaemin continues. 

Everyone who is still awake leans forward in expectation for the name reveal. 

"Maybe Noeul?" They nod at each other and smile. 

"That's pretty." Mark praises. 

"Then you'd both be Nono!" Haechan exclaims and Jeno rolls his eyes. Jaemin tickles his chin, then his hand is batted away with a mutter. 

"Exactly. Isn't it cute?" Jaemin teases, and despite how Jeno tries his best to feign annoyance, he can tell that he loves the idea really. 

The rest of the night is calm. Surprisingly calm for all seven of them gathered together, anyway. Chenle and Jisung hardly stir, and they leave them curled up on the sofa with a few blankets. Seeing as Jisung never makes it to his bed, Mark and Haechan take it, only not before receiving stern words from Renjun telling them not to mess around. Not that they'd even dream of contaminating their maknae's bed like that. 

Jeno and Jaemin share a warm bath - not too hot, as that could be dangerous - with plenty of bubbles and love, then they slide under the duvet on Jaemin's bed. 

Their bed, now.

The room still smells vaguely of the drying paint on the wall. Jeno nuzzles his face into the space between the pillow and Jaemin's neck, and it's replaced by the sweet scent of his boyfriend. He inhales deeply and his mind begins to relax at the sensation of Jaemin playing with the hairs on the back of his head. 

"What do you really think about the name Noeul?" Jaemin whispers. Jeno is pulled back to the surface, but the movement is gentle and not unwelcome. 

"I like it. A lot." Jeno says, voice muffled, but the younger can still sense the smile. 

"I'll have two baby Nonos to look after, won't I, sweetheart?" Jaemin chuckles. Jeno sighs happily and mutters something unintelligible. "What was that?"

"I said that I'm excited. I know you'll be the best dad, Minnie." Jeno repeats and he lazily lifts his head as he speaks, then drops it onto Jaemin's chest. 

"So will you, baby." Jaemin answers. Jeno hums with his eyes now closed. 

"Renjun did a really good job on the mural, didn't he?" Jeno keeps talking quietly. His words are slurring more and more and Jaemin knows that he is ready to sleep. He kisses the top of his head and intertwines their fingers. 

"It's pretty. Just like you." Jaemin says. 

But it falls upon dozing ears and a light exhale leaves Jeno's lips, then he continues breathing slow and calm, fast asleep. Jaemin carefully rearranges the duvet and settles down into the warmth.


	45. Chapter 45

"I'm nervous, Min." Jeno says, gripping the presents for their parents tightly on his lap. He sees Jaemin grit his jaw and clench his fingers around the steering wheel. He is nervous, too, but he would never admit it to his boyfriend. 

"It'll be fine. They're our parents." Jaemin says simply. 

They drive through the town centre and the Christmas lights strung around the lampposts aren't turned on, given that it is mid-morning and the sun is shining. However the sun isn't providing much warmth, as Jaemin had to wrap a scarf around Jeno's neck and scrape ice off the car, which they're borrowing from Hangyeol for the day. 

"But it's the first time they're seeing me pregnant and the baby's nearly due and they're going to ask me about when... they're going to... I don't want..." 

Jaemin swings the car into a parking spot and turns off the engine before facing Jeno. The older has tears welling up in his eyes and he makes a poor attempt at saving the presents from falling off his lap. They're lucky that none of them are breakables. Jaemin doesn't pick them up, instead taking the opportunity to take Jeno's cold, shaking hands into his own. 

"It's alright, love. Breathe. No one's taking you away from me ever again." Jaemin speaks softly and slowly compared to how Jeno is breathing heavily and rapidly. 

"But-"

"There are no buts, baby. I promise. It's okay. You're safe. Let's go and have a nice day at home. Aren't you excited to see Bongshik?" Jaemin continues to soothe his boyfriend by rubbing circles onto his hands. 

"And Seol and Nal." Jeno adds when he can comfortably draw in enough air. 

"Oh yeah, of course. Sorry." Jaemin smiles guiltily when he realises he missed off the other two cats. He makes up for it by wiping Jeno's cheeks and then gifting him with a kiss on his lips. 

"You can keep driving now." Jeno says quietly. Jaemin just nods and rejoins the steady flow of traffic. 

A little while later, Jeno's phone pings with a message. It's the Dream group chat. The others are sharing pictures of them in their outfits for Gayo Daejeon and Jeno frowns at the phone screen. It's the first year that Jeno and Jaemin aren't attending, but it is clear that the rest of the group are missing them, too. Their eyelids glitter with gold makeup and their hair is slicked back beautifully. 

"What do I say?" Jeno chews on his bottom lip. Jaemin quickly reads the messages and looks at the pictures when they stop at a red light. 

"Just say that they all look good and send back a selca of you and I, if you want." Jaemin suggests. Jeno just does exactly that, mustering a smile for the photo.

The chat floods with texts from them wishing them a happy day and to give their love to their parents. 

Jeno's house is at the edge of town, in a nice neighbourhood with detached houses. They chose his house over Jaemin's because of its closer proximity to the dorm. Jaemin doesn't need his boyfriend to point out the house and he parks on the pavement outside, then they spend a few seconds kissing and checking their appearances. 

"My parents are already here." Jaemin points out the blue car on the driveway. 

"Let's go then." Jeno opens the car door but Jaemin dashes around to help him before he can get out himself. "Thank you." 

They make slow progress up the driveway. The front door is swung open before they arrive there, and all four parents crowd in the doorway, cheering and smiling and opening their arms to embrace their own sons. 

"It's so good to see you!" 

"Welcome home!"

"I made the baby a cake!" 

They eventually manage to step inside, the warmth and familiar scents of home bringing smiles onto their faces. And the sight of Jeno's baby bump once he's removed his coat makes their parents gasp and beam. Jeno's mother bursts into tears. 

"My baby... my beautiful Jeno... she's coming along so well." She cries, the tears shining as brightly as the white pearls around her neck. Jeno hugs her as tightly as she can with his protruding stomach. 

"She's due at the end of the month." Jaemin announces and Jeno's mother cries harder. 

"That's wonderful." She manages through her watery lips. "I was so terrified. But now that you're here in my arms and safe, I'm so relieved."

"Come on into the living room everyone." Jeno's dad ushers them to sit down, noting the panic and discomfort on his son's face at the possibility of the unwanted conversation starting, and he heads into the kitchen to prepare drinks for them all. 

As soon as Jeno sinks into the sofa, three pairs of ears appear at his feet, soon turning into his cats when they jump up to rub against him and compete for his affection. Seol manages to push Bongshik off, whilst Nal nuzzles into Jeno's hand and smugly watches the two other cats scrabble around on the carpet. 

"Damn cats. Oi!" Jeno's mother claps her hands and the fight stops as suddenly as it started, then they both manage to receive some fuss from their favourite human. 

Jaemin watches in awe as the cats purr and begin to curl up around his boyfriend, whilst totally avoiding him. Since he accidentally squeezed them too tightly in an attempt at a hug they haven't been warm towards him, which is understandable, and it gives him some time to admire Jeno's smile. 

"So, how are you two doing?" Jaemin's mother sips on her tea, passed from Jeno's father, and awaits her answer with warm eyes. 

"We're doing very well, aren't we, love?" Jaemin says and turns to his boyfriend for an agreement, but Jeno is too engrossed in talking to and tickling his cats. "Sweetheart." Jaemin prods his shoulder to finally get his attention. 

"Yeah?" 

"I said we're doing well, aren't we?" Jaemin repeats with a sigh. 

"Yes. Oh, Bonghikie, what are you doing, baby? You're so clumsy aren't you, hm?" His attention is soon lost again when the grey and white cat tumbles off his lap and claws at the sofa to try to not fall. 

"She never learns! Since she's been a kitten, I've been telling her not to scratch the sofa and what did she just do? She scratched the sofa!" Jeno's mother jumps up and scolds the cat, who meows back in complaint before slinking away to curl up next to the radiator in the corner. Jeno pouts. "No, Jeno-yah. She has to learn." 

"What about the question your mother asked you?" Jaemin's father prompts them to concentrate. 

"We're doing well. Oh, we decorated her half of the room a couple of weeks ago! And Renjun painted a pretty mural of a kitten with some flowers and we've bought a ton of stuff for her." Jeno's excitement increases and he eagerly tells their parents about what they've been up to recently. 

"And I hope you've been taking all your supplements." Jeno's father says. His son reassures him that he has been following all of the midwife's advice, and they leave out the fall and hospital visit he had. 

The conversation flows from possible baby names to how the members are doing, then they manage to watch their performance on television, which leads them to talk about when they'll both be going back to work and if they'll move out of the dorm to live as their own family. Jaemin says that they hadn't considered that option but that they'll give it some thought a bit further along the parenting journey. 

Jeno's mother provides a hearty meal of all their favourite foods for lunch, which is when the parents notice something. 

"You're engaged?" Jaemin's mother drops her chopsticks and stares at her son's hand. Jaemin tilts his head with confusion and Jeno stops chewing his mouthful, unsure of how to react. 

"Well?" The other parents demand an answer. Jeno and Jaemin exchange a silent second of eye contact before either of them speak. 

"You mean this?" Jaemin asks cautiously and runs his thumb over the band of the ring on his finger. "No, we're not engaged." 

"Oh." Their parents sit back in their chairs and the young couple find each others' hand under the table to squeeze. 

"It's a promise ring." Jeno clarifies. 

"So marriage will come eventually?" Jeno's father pushes. Jaemin winces. 

"Yes. But not right now." Jeno replies. He keeps it short and simple, signifying that the conversation is over. 

The arrival of the cake at the table breaks the ice, luckily. It has two layers and is decorated with lilac, pink and yellow swirls of piped icing with a calligraphic 'Congratulations!' adorning the side of the larger bottom layer. Everyone cheers when Jeno and Jaemin cut the first slice together to reveal how there is extra complexity to the baking; it is a pink and brown marble cake, with delicate whirlpools of chocolate cake mixed into the vanilla sponge, which has been dyed pink. 

After the cake as gone down a treat, they head back to the living room and hand out the presents as an early Christmas celebration. 

"Open it!" Jaemin's father motions to a huge box which is over waist height on his son, labelled to both Jaemin and Jeno. 

They each tear into the red, glittery paper. It's a pushchair for their daughter. 

"I know it won't get use for a few months, but it'll certainly come in handy when she's a little older." Jaemin's mother says after taking a few photos of the couple smiling next to the box. 

"Now open ours!" Another box, which is just as big, is pushed towards them by Jeno's parents. 

Inside is a huge stack of toys. There are some little cars, building blocks, plushies, action figures, dolls, a mobile for her cot, you name it. The couple had bought her some toys already, but nowhere near this many. 

Jeno and Jaemin thank their parents with tight hugs and laughs and kisses on the cheek, and Jeno's mother cries all over again from the intense emotions she is experiencing from seeing how her son and maybe-possible-future-son-in-law are reaching a huge milestone in their relationship. 

"I remember when you were tiny, Jeno-yah." She sobs into her son's neck and Jaemin has to jump in and support his back to stop him from being pushed over. "And now you're having a child of your own." 

"It's incredible. I'm so excited and happy and proud of you both." Jaemin's mother joins in with the tears and both of their fathers stand back, out the way and sharing impatient glances. 

Both sons let their mothers ramble for a good ten minutes until all their tears have dried. They themselves nearly break down into tears just at the feeling of being in their arms after so many months, but they hold it together for their sake. 

"Gosh, I'm sorry." Jaemin's mother wipes her eyes with a tissue and takes a big inhale, as though recollecting herself. "Why don't I show you how to fold down the pushchair? You'll need to get it in the car."

The couple are now even more grateful for this visit back home because their parents share golden nuggets of parenting advice with them that no one else back at the dorm would be able to give, and the internet only does so much. 

"You will come and bring her for a visit, won't you?" Jeno and Jaemin insist that they will of course do just that. 

"You'll officially be parents next time we see you!" They awkwardly laugh and hold hands once their coats are buttoned up. 

Kisses and farewell hugs are shared all around and they finally collapse into the car. The pushchair fits perfectly in the boot and the box of toys is secure on the backseat. 

"It's getting dark already." Jaemin exclaims as he drives out onto the main road. Jeno only hums vaguely. 

His head is back against the seat and tilted slightly away from Jaemin and towards the window. It's not until the younger sees his reflection in the glass that he realises that his eyes are drooping shut. Everything is understandably so draining for his boyfriend nowadays, so it's no surprise that a day full of emotions and conversations has sucked every last drop of energy out of him.

Jaemin puts the radio on quietly to give him something to listen to. The roads are much calmer at this hour, the only noises being the humming of the engine, the ballad on the radio and an occasional sigh from Jeno. The lights are now twinkling under the moonlight in fantastic displays in the shapes of snowflakes above the road and baubles hanging from the trees. 

Jaemin doesn't wake him until they pull up outside their dorm building. He admires how his jawline is prominent under the orange glow from the streetlight, then goes around to his door and shakes his shoulders and kisses his forehead gently. 

"You've got to wake up, kitten." Jaemin speaks in almost a whisper. Jeno frowns but doesn't open his eyes. 

"Don't wanna." He mumbles then struggles weakly to get Jaemin's hands off him. Jaemin, being ever cautious, doesn't want to hurt him in any way, so he backs away to let him calm down a bit. 

"It's bedtime, bub." He tries again, and succeeds in getting him out of the car. 

But Jeno's legs are wobbly and his mind is suddenly too small to immediately cooperate. 

"Come on." Jaemin coaxes him inside and straight into the lift. There is no way that he would be able to carry him anywhere with his bump and fussy temper. 

Renjun is still awake at the kitchen table, finishing off a landscape painting, when they fumble through the front door with Jeno still whining and Jaemin widening his eyes to plead for help with the stuff from the car outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would anyone be interested in a sequel???


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What everything has been building up to...

At first, it is just a normal morning. 

NCT 127 head to the SM building to film some content, WayV have a photoshoot for a magazine, and NCT Dream have dance practice for the new year concert next week. This leaves Jeno and Jaemin at home. 

They treat themselves to a lie in, not rolling out of the duvet until gone ten o'clock, then breakfast consists of Jaemin's pancakes, which Jeno scoffs down like usual. The Christmas tree sparkles in the corner of the living room, curtesy of Renjun. All the members had only been given a couple of days off over Christmas, meaning that none of them (except Jeno and Jaemin who have the luxury of paternity leave) travelled back home to their families so they all gathered together and ordered food, having to share out the leftovers in the evening. The fridge is still piled high, despite the celebration being two days ago. 

Jaemin supports Jeno from the kitchen to the sofa. They only get to the middle of the carpet before Jeno cries out and clutches his middle. Jaemin yelps and tightens his hold on his boyfriend, freezing for a few fearful seconds, then leading him to sit down. 

"Is it a contraction?" Jaemin asks, biting on his bottom lip as he rubs his hands over Jeno's back to try to soothe him, despite him internally panicking. 

"I... probably." Jeno pants out. 

The pain subsides after just under a minute and Jeno breathes out heavily. 

"I need to time them! How close together should they be when we go to the hospital? I did a ton of research, so why can't I remember anything now?" Jaemin flaps around and disappears into their bedroom to retrieve his phone. Jeno makes it onto the sofa and the younger comes back within a matter of seconds. "No, I shouldn't leave you! But I need to gather everything together! Where's the hospital bag?"

Jaemin seems to malfunction. He stands in the middle of the room, takes one step in one direction before turning in another in a dizzying dilemma. 

"I'm okay, baby. Calm down." Jeno reaches to hold his wrist and coax him to sit down. "It'll be hours before they're five minutes apart. Let's just get on with the movie we planned to watch." 

"Only if you're sure you're alright." Jaemin says sternly. Jeno giggles and manages to pull his boyfriend onto the sofa, who lands next to him with a soft yelp. "Fine. You win, love."

The movie is a romance film they went to see at the cinema for their first official date. Watching the couple on screen raise their child now hits them in a special place in their hearts and Jeno starts to hear sniffling coming from Jaemin. He wraps his arms around him and kisses his cheek again and again. 

"I love you, Minnie." Jeno says softly. He receives a sob in response. 

"I love you, too. So much. So damn much. Thank you for carrying our baby. I know it hasn't been easy." Jaemin says, voice watery in the crook of Jeno's neck. 

As if on cue, another contraction hits, but it is shorter this time and not too painful. 

"Thank you to you, Jaeminnie." Jeno smiles when the contraction stops. "You've looked after me so well." 

"No I haven't." Jaemin whimpers. "I let you be taken from me. I don't think I'd survive if it happened again." 

"It won't, baby." Jeno reassures his boyfriend, then asks him to grab a tissue so that he can wipe Jaemin's eyes for him. 

"We're so soppy." Jaemin manages to laugh when his tears recede and Jeno pokes his cheek playfully. 

"Well, get the soppiness over with before I'm screaming and swearing trying to deliver the baby." Jeno jokes and Jaemin's eyes widen. 

"I bet it'll be so painful for you, sweetheart. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Jeno holds a finger to Jaemin's lips to stop his rambling. 

Jaemin holds Jeno through each contraction and by the evening he has collected some clothes and baby supplies together in the bag designated for this very occasion and begun to time the contractions. The gap between them is nearing the five minute mark. He makes sure to keep Jeno's mind afloat to not let him slip from the emotional turmoil. 

Renjun and Jisung return home in the middle of a longer contraction. At the sight of Jeno puffing on the sofa and Jaemin frowning, Jisung shrieks and starts to scramble to try to find something helpful to do. Renjun, on the other hand, approaches and speaks softly. 

"Is the baby coming?" He asks when Jeno breathes out with relief.

"Yeah." Jeno mutters. 

"Shall I put the things in the car for you?" Renjun offers, and the couple are grateful for his help. He gets Jisung to do it with him so that he is out of their way. 

"Well done, baby." Jaemin massages Jeno's shoulders and back and he smiles faintly at the soothing touch of his partner's hands on him. 

Contractions come and go. Their frequency increases, and so does their intensity. Jaemin tries his best to comfort Jeno. He reminds him that each one is a step closer to their baby being born and that he is there by his side. The pain becomes so bad that Jeno loses the ability to talk or hear during a contraction and he cries out when it feels increasingly tighter. 

Jeno shuffles around on the sofa between the pain. Any position he tries doesn't feel any comfier than the previous. He's sweaty and already exhausted and wants it to be over, yet he knows that he is far from the worst. 

"Hyung, I'm scared." Jisung cowers into Renjun's arms when Jeno screams through the worst contraction yet. 

Jaemin drops his phone when he measures the contractions as five minutes apart for the third time, then hurries to help Jeno stand and walk out to the car. Another contraction hits whilst they're in the lift, where Jeno's cries of discomfort ring around in the tiny, confined space. Renjun hops into the driver's seat and nearly jumps a red light when Jeno's belly clenches impossibly further. 

Jaemin is on the phone to their midwife when they pull up outside the hospital and dash inside, frantically finding the maternity ward. She guides Jeno onto a bed and takes his blood pressure and the baby's heartbeat. She is scarily calm despite how Jeno is shouting and swearing and Jaemin is on the brink of collapsing from his own tension. 

"There's still a couple more hours, I'd say." The midwife reports after measuring Jeno's dilation. "Jaemin-ah, you can take a rest if you wish." She tries to guide him over to a sofa on the other side of the room, but Jaemin is not having it. 

Not when his boyfriend is crying on the bed. Not when they're so nearly there. 

"I want to hold his hand." Jaemin protests and scurries straight back over to Jeno's side. 

"You can. But you need to rest, too. At least have some water." The midwife guides Jeno through another contraction, then heads over to the water fountain to fill up a glass for Jaemin. 

He struggles to force the liquid down his throat. It is cold, so cold that it makes his throat clench and he also doesn't want to turn away from Jeno, terrified that everything could somehow go wrong in such a short space of time. 

Eventually, he does take the sofa because his legs ache from standing up for nearly two hours since they arrived at the unit. But he keeps his lips sealed. He is in no place to complain when Jeno has been experiencing his contractions for over eleven hours already. 

"Oh my God!" Jeno curses when his water breaks and the midwife rushes over with some towels and supporting praises. 

"You're doing well. But the contractions will start to be more intense now." She warns.

"I can't! No! It's too much!" Jeno wails when the next one hits him at full force, relentless and unforgiving for his fatigue. 

Jaemin's head hurts. His heart hurts. His hand hurts from where Jeno is squeezing it unbelievably hard. 

"Just one more centimetre, Jeno-yah." The midwife massages Jeno's shoulders and takes the final records of his blood pressure before hitting a button to summon a second midwife to help. 

The next hour is so muddling and chaotic but exciting. Jaemin keeps losing Jeno from his vision because of his tears and his voice is starting to become hoarse from shouting back at Jeno to tell him how well he is doing and how he is so nearly there, just one more push. 

One more push turns into many, many pushes. 

"No, don't push now." A midwife, Jaemin doesn't know which one, speaks and Jeno collapses onto the bed, panting furiously in the break between contractions. 

The midwives check the baby as she begins to emerge into the world. Jaemin tries to lean over, but is gently pushed away to give them space to ensure that the umbilical cord is not causing any problems. He can hear his heartbeat in his head. His fingers are numb, desperate to hold his daughter. He wipes at his eyes with his sleeve; he won't be able to look at her properly with blurry vision. 

The contractions are now further apart, but they all just want them to stop. Jeno is eager to push and push, even when the midwives tell him not to, instead encouraging him in their ever-gentle voices to breathe deeply and systematically. 

Jaemin wants to run his fingers through Jeno's sweaty and messy hair to at least comfort him a little, but he is so focussed on his screaming and pushing that he leans away when Jaemin reaches over. 

The younger paces the length of the room, jumping whenever his boyfriend screams or swears another time. It seems to never end. 

Finally, after countless gruelling hours, Jeno exhales with relief and the midwives cheer. 

At 1:09am on the 28th December 2024, their daughter Noeul is welcomed into the world. 

Jaemin rushes over to Jeno's side when a midwife gives Jeno the injection in his thigh to induce the delivery of the placenta and the other cuts and clamps the umbilical cord, before bringing Noeul up to rest on Jeno's chest. 

Jeno beams so brightly that Jaemin's heart swells even further than it already had at the first  
sight of their daughter. The midwife presses on Jeno's pelvis and tugs on the cord to deliver the placenta, but Jeno doesn't pay much mind to it. Not when their beautiful firstborn daughter is laying on his chest. 

Her eyes are still closed and then she gasps as she takes her first breath and Jaemin breaks down into tears all over again. He is ecstatic, euphoric, delighted, every happy emotion under the sun, or moon in their case, to see Jeno, his amazing boyfriend, holding their daughter so close to him. 

Noeul gasps again, mouth hanging open to display her toothless gums, and lets out a crackly wail. 

"She's not in pain, don't worry. It's normal. Skin on skin contact is good, it'll soothe her." The midwives reassure the couple when the piercing cry hits their eardrums. But they don't mind, as it's the first time they're hearing their daughter's voice. 

Next, Noeul slowly cracks her eyes open. 

"She's got your eyes, Jaeminnie!" Jeno exclaims and looks up at the younger before quickly gazing back down at his child. It's the first thing he's said since he finished labour. 

Jaemin leans over to take a closer look. And he's right. Her eyes sparkle brightly with curiosity and innocence and a cry turns into an adorable yawn which has everyone in the room cooing. 

"Let's give her a clean, shall we?" The midwives lovingly wipe the worst of the remnants of birth off the baby and wrap her in a white, fluffy blanket. "Which colour hat would you like?" 

A basket full of tiny knitted bobble hats is displayed in front of them, and they pick out a purple one together, gasping with love when the hat is placed delicately on her head. It covers up the faint wisp of hair she has but they know it's for the best to keep her warm. 

"Congratulations!" The midwives clap and Jaemin leans down to kiss Jeno's lips. "She is all healthy, so we'll give you some time to bond before we weigh and tag her." 

Jeno rubs a shaky finger over one of their baby's cheeks. She parts her mouth slightly and gurgles, and her parents squeal in delight. 

Parents. They're parents. 

Everything they are feeling is so much more intense than they could have ever imagined. They knew it would be the best moment in their lives, and yet Jaemin was unable to predict the overpowering urge to cry, to laugh, and to run up and down the ward to tell everyone the news all at the same time. 

"She's beautiful." Jeno breathes out and wraps his arms even tighter around her to cuddle her closer into him. He feels how she weakly kicks her feet. 

After a few minutes, Jeno passes Noeul onto Jaemin to hold. She is so dainty and tiny in his secure arms that Jeno has to brush away his tears for him. He is scared of dropping her or not holding her correctly, but Jeno keeps giving words of reassurances and love to him, a reward for all those that Jaemin has given him over the past nine months. 

Jaemin shakily inhales before he speaks. 

"Thank you, Jeno. Thank you for bringing such a precious gift into the world."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tada!
> 
> This chapter was really hard to write and I had to do a ton of research, and I still didn’t include all the details. 
> 
> I was conflicted over how to write it, actually. I didn’t want to go into loads of detail about every step, but at the same time I knew I couldn’t skip it, as it was a chance to pick up on another beautiful emotional connection between Jeno and Jaemin. Which is why I sort of dipped in and out between detail/plot and description. 
> 
> I hope this chapter does the rest of the book and the angst along the way justice. It was a pain to edit because the previous draft was a mess (probably because it was so hard to write in the first place), so I’m sorry for taking a little longer to update. 
> 
> Also, I’m sorry for missing their daughter’s birth date. I had originally planned to post this chapter on her birthday but I missed it by a week or so :( If I hadn’t taken larger gaps between posting along the way I would have made it. And I’m not cruel enough to make you wait until December this year. 
> 
> I also made a note last chapter about a possible sequel, and lots of you have said that you would like me to write one, which I of course would be delighted to do! This took many months to write, so a sequel won’t appear until much later this year at the earliest. I already have ideas though! 
> 
> Until the next chapter (which is kind of the last chapter, because the 48th is kind of a bonus, without giving you any spoilers) bye byeee


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last main chapter!  
> 48 is a bonus, a little like an epilogue I guess  
> :)

After Noeul has been weighed and tagged and had the appropriate tests, she goes back to snuggling on Jeno's chest. A midwife has to guide him through the first breastfeed, which is messy and clumsy but yet another provider of such beautiful, indescribable emotions. Then they manage to put her in her first babygro, which is the cutest sight either of them have ever set their watery eyes upon. 

They take pictures. They thank the midwives. They cuddle for another hour with their daughter, who is now lightly dozing. Finally, they call their members. 

Doyoung, to be precise. 

He picks up after one ring. Renjun and Jisung had frantically visited their hyungs to shout about how Jeno had gone into labour and was at the hospital. It had been another sleepless night for the entire group, except this time the person they were awaiting was a newborn. 

"She's here, hyung." Jaemin sobs down the phone. 

"Congratulations!" Doyoung must have it on speaker because a whole plethora of voices chime back into Jaemin's ear. "Shall we come?"

"Please. The midwives said we can have visitors." Jaemin reaches to strokes Noeul's cheek delicately. 

"Okay. I'll bring the dreamies." 

Jeno nods off when the phone call ends. Jaemin's eyes are also calling for sleep, but he blinks hard to try to keep the urge at bay. 

The door cracks open, then fully swings back when their members pelt into the room, excited and hyper and eager to congratulate them. Doyoung attempts to keep them quiet, to little avail. 

"Ah, she's so cute!"

"I'm such a proud uncle!"

"Hey, who said you were the uncle?"

"Guys, calm down." Doyoung shushes them and gestures to how Jeno's eyes are fluttering back open. 

They turn into happy crescents at the sight of his members in the room. He and Jaemin are holding hands and onto their daughter's tiny fingers at the same time, connecting the three of them in a cuddle triangle. Jaemin has climbed onto the bed to lay next to Jeno and the other members crowd around, smiling and leaning closer to take a look at the baby. Jeno can't contain a huge yawn. 

"Go to sleep, sweetheart. It's been a long day, hasn't it?" Jaemin finally gets the chance to smooth out and rearrange Jeno's hair, who puckers his lips in search of a kiss which he doesn't have to wait around for. 

"I'll let you off for kissing in front of me just this once." Chenle teases. Doyoung shoots him a glare. 

Jeno groans when he stretches out his legs and tries to reposition his head on the pillows. He has gradually slumped down over time, but with Noeul in his arms he can't sort himself out again. His boyfriend guides him to sit up for a few seconds whilst he plumps up the pillows for proper support. Jeno winces, then sighs. 

"My back aches." He grumbles. Jaemin says how he understands and encourages him to relax and close his eyes. 

"You need to rest, Jeno-yah. Jaemin's right." Doyoung folds his arms and looks down at the younger with furrowed eyebrows. The baby is adorable, but Jeno's frazzled and exhausted appearance is worrying. 

"You can hold her." Jeno gestures for Jaemin to take Noeul from him, and Jaemin marvels at how delicate she feels in his hold once again as he steps over to the sofa, where Renjun joins him. 

Noeul weakly grips onto Jaemin's finger when he tickles under her chin and her red face flourishes into a smile not at all unlike Jeno's. His heart beats solidly in his chest. 

"Hello, baby girl." Jaemin says with a contagious smile that has the rest of the room gathering around him. "I love you." 

His daughter opens her lips and seems to try to tug Jaemin's finger into her mouth, but he diverts and tickles her chin again. She kicks her legs a little. They are constricted by the blanket, so Jaemin readjusts it to ensure that she is comfortable. 

"She's so tiny." Renjun speaks in a whisper and Jaemin nods in agreement. The baby weighs six pounds on the dot, which is small. Not dangerous but still small. 

"What's her name?" Jisung asks. 

"Noeul." Jeno pipes up from his bed. Thinking that he was asleep, everyone turns their heads to look at him. Jeno yawns again and Jaemin tuts. 

"So you chose that one, then? I love it." Mark exclaims. 

"What about her family name?" Chenle adds. 

"Na Noeul... Lee Noeul... We haven't discussed it yet. But I think Lee sounds better, to be honest. Plus, you're the carrier." Jaemin thinks out loud. "What do you think, Jen?" His boyfriend nods sleepily. 

Lee Noeul it is, then.

The name circulates around Jaemin's mind. The new addition to their group. To his family. Him and Jeno and Noeul are a family. He has a daughter. A child. Being an idol, he never would have imagined that his dream of being becoming a father would ever come true, but Jeno has delivered their bundle of joy and made it happen. 

Jeno, his wonderful boyfriend who hasn't always had such an easy life, but who opened up to him because Jaemin allowed him to cry, to be himself and regress with him. 

Jaemin's emotions start to constrict his throat and make his eyes sting and he pulls Noeul into his chest, rocking her gently as she gurgles. 

The other members take pictures to send to the group chats, and Hangyeol in particular is eager to see the baby. Jeno dozes on and off so Jaemin returns back to the bed, but keeps their daughter on his chest for some extra bonding time between them. 

"Should we phone your parents? They need to know the news and it's more of a reasonable hour now." Doyoung suggests. 

"Please." Jeno mumbles and Jaemin agrees. Both of them are occupied, so they let the members dial the numbers and put them on speaker so they can still talk. 

More tears come, particularly from Jeno's mother, and Jaemin's dad goes on a whole tangent about how they need to visit them as soon as possible. A whole photo album is requested, but those taken by the members have to suffice for now. 

"Best wishes, both of you. We're so proud." Their parents keep congratulating them, not being able to believe the news despite how Jeno was actually pregnant for nine months. It's just that a lot emotions arise when you become a grandparent for the first time. 

Jeno takes Noeul back when she starts to cry. 

"Why is she crying?" Jaemin frets and scratches at his head. 

"She's probably hungry. Are you hungry, baby?" Jeno coos and lets her drink some more of his milk. Her fists curl up and she closes her eyes and Jaemin watches with adoration. He is confused and holds his hands mid-air in case he has to suddenly jump in to help, but Jeno seems to instinctively know what to do when it comes to feeding and soothing their daughter. 

Jaemin feels like he has a long learning journey ahead of him. But he is ready and eager to tackle it. 

Jeno hums a faint lullaby and no one else seems to dare to breathe in fear of disturbing the peace. It's like they have been captured in a stunning piece of art, still and enthralled by the miraculous life event. 

It is a miraculous life event. 

Jaemin still can't believe it. 

Not even when Noeul takes a chubby hold on his fingers again once she finishes feeding, nor when his lips meet Jeno's for another chaste but affectionate kiss. 

Their midwife comes back into the room with a smile. She busies herself with tucking the bedsheets back in. 

"How are you feeling?" She directs her question at Jeno. "May I take your blood pressure again?" 

Jeno holds out an arm and the midwife takes the required measurements then adjusts the purple hat on Noeul's head. 

"How is your little trooper doing?" She tickles under her chin, and the baby leans her head back to gaze up at the shining wrinkles on the doctor's face. 

"I've just fed her again." Jeno replies. 

"Oh, well done! That's excellent news. And I take it you've bonded with her as well?" She turns to Jaemin, who quickly confirms that he indeed has. "You're ready to go home, then!" 

The other members gather their belongings together whilst the midwife fills out the relevant paperwork and helps the new parents to make sure that Noeul is bundled up properly from the cold weather before they can carry her outside. They arrange Noeul's first check-up and finally set off home. 

Jeno's legs are stiff, so they are all patient when they make slow progress through the ward and out into the fresh air. He feels like an entirely new person. The last time he passed through those glass sliding doors, he could barely breathe and was doubled over during a contraction. Now, he has his shoulders relaxed and a new, special addition to his heart. 

The breeze is welcome against his tired cheeks. He is tired from the birth, plus all the smiling and laughing he has been doing since. He is lighter on his feet, despite the ache of his limbs, probably because the extra six pounds are no longer firmly within him but held in his arms. His clothes seem to drown him. 

Jaemin walks closely by his side. He is like his bodyguard, a fierce and passionate protector of the two most important people in his life. Because, at 24 years old, he is a father. The ring on his finger calls his attention, and his heart leaps even further at the thought that soon he could call Jeno his husband. 

Hangyeol is there in the carpark, ready to drive the other members home in the minivan whilst Doyoung volunteers to drive for Jeno and Jaemin. The couple climb onto the backseat and together manage to get Noeul into her carseat without too much protesting. She is already dozing off again, tummy full and head drooping. She accepts the seatbelt and then the blankets laid over her. 

Doyoung doesn't start the engine until he is content that they are safely strapped in. Jeno vaguely smiles when he observes how his knuckles turn white around the steering wheel and how he seems to be chewing on his bottom lip. Each time they stop at a red light, he peeks at them through the rear view mirror. 

"She's alright, hyung." Jeno says. "Thank you for driving us." 

"It's the least I could do." Doyoung replies and indicates to turn into their street. "I wouldn't expect either of you to drive today. I was just terrified of driving too fast or crashing or something."

"We're home now. Don't stress. Thank you." Jaemin smiles back at him, grateful for all of Doyoung's help day after day, year after year. 

Bringing Noeul into their apartment for the first time is yet another moment of joy. She is still asleep, but everything starts to feel somehow even more real now that their baby is literally in their home, on the same sofa that they had sat on most days throughout the nine months of her development. 

"Welcome home, Noie." Jaemin unwraps the blanket from around her body and takes the hat off to reveal her wisp of hair once more and to stop her from overheating. 

"Already trying out nicknames?" Jeno raises an eyebrow and Jaemin rolls his eyes. 

"Of course I am. Who don't I have a nickname for, hm?" Jaemin replies and lets Jeno rest on his shoulder, as always. 

Noeul brings a tiny fist up to her face and briefly rubs at her eyes, before they open and sparkle up at her parents. 

"Hello, precious." Jeno says in a high-pitched voice and rubs his thumb over the top of her head. "Did you have a nice nap?" 

"I bet you did, angel." Jaemin giggles. Noeul tries to copy the noise but it turns into a wet cough lasting for several seconds. 

"Oh dear." Jeno mutters and pats at her back. 

Her pale blue babygro is baggy around her feet and they've had to roll the sleeves up around her wrists because she is so tiny, which makes her even cuter in their eyes. Both of their minds wander over future images of her dancing around the living room, learning to play the piano and running around with Jeno's cats and they sigh in unison, glad that their daughter has made it safely into the world. 

It hasn't been an easy journey. Not at all. But they've learnt a lot. About each other, and about the world. Not everyone is accepting, but that's not their problem to worry about. And it's better to talk through disagreements, never to leave them to bubble and spill over until it wrecks both of them. Mistakes have been made, to never be repeated again. 

But, most importantly, their love for each other hasn't faded. It has become even stronger, if anything. The resilient and permanent strings between them have now been tightened with extra knots by the arrival of their daughter. 

They are never leaving each other. 

They are stepping into a whole new chapter of their lives. A whole new book, in fact. 

"I've made food! Are you coming?" Renjun calls out from the kitchen. "You must be hungry."

"Yes!" Jisung cheers and races in. 

"Hey, not you. You can eat in a bit. Let Jeno and Jaemin eat first." 

"But-"

"Jisung." The couple can tell just by his tone that he is waving some sort of kitchen utensil in the disgruntled maknae's face. 

"Fine." 

Jeno and Jaemin laugh when they walk in to find Jisung sat at the kitchen table, hood up and arms crossed in protest. His nose sticks out with curiosity when Jeno asks if he wants to hold Noeul for a bit. 

He squeaks when Jeno fully lets go and leaves him to cradle her on his own. 

"No! Why are you trusting me? What if I drop her?" Jisung stares at the baby with terror and Renjun can't help but snap some photos. Jaemin swallows a mouthful and hums in appreciation of the delicious food. 

"You won't hurt her." He reassures him but Jisung doesn't relax until Renjun takes her off him and tickles her belly. 

At least Jeno and Jaemin know who can and who maybe shouldn't be in charge of babysitting.


	48. Chapter 48

"Shh." Jaemin presses his finger to his lips to get Chenle to stop giggling. "It's a surprise. Ready?" He shields the one candle on the cake with his hand and nods for Jisung to open the door.

"Happy birthday to you!" They all start to sing when they file into the kitchen. 

"Happy birthday to you!" Noeul looks up from where she has stuck her hand into her yoghurt, which is also somehow smeared on her forehead. She gazes at the flame on the candle, mouth agape. She then begins to clap along to the birthday tune. Jeno rushes over with the packet of wet wipes before the yoghurt can coat the entirety of her hyper body; the highchair is being pushed to its limits. 

"Happy birthday dear Noeul!" Jaemin places the cake down onto the plastic board attached to the highchair. Noeul kicks her feet and looks up at him with a laugh. The cake is decorated with a smiling kitten the same as the one on her bedroom wall - Renjun repainted it when they moved into their new family home. 

"Happy birthday... to... you!" They draw out the final phrase with a dramatic rit and throw in some improvised harmonies, not that it matters to Noeul, who is just excited by the attention she's had all morning. 

She woke up to a pile of presents at the end of her bed, even though Christmas was only three days before. Inside the unicorn wrapping paper was a brand new Lego set, an animal picture book, another unicorn cuddly toy and a light up mini piano she had the delights of thumping for a good half an hour as soon as Jeno fitted the batteries. Noeul can't seem to decide whether her favourite things are cats, unicorns, or music.

She wriggles her legs around and jabs a chubby finger into the cake and squeals when it comes away coated with icing. 

"You have to wait, darling." Jeno tuts and takes a clean wipe to remove the stickiness from her fingers. He keeps the wipe on the kitchen counter, aware that it will definitely come in handy again shortly. 

"'Ake!" Noeul claps and hits her hands on the highchair with amusement. 

"Yes! It's a cake, baby. Happy birthday!" Jaemin kisses the top of her head. Her hair is growing thicker and darker, and is just long enough to be pushed back with a bow. 

"Say thank you to Uncle Renjun for making it for you." Jeno leans down to speak to his daughter at eye level and point to the named member, who is filming the whole event on his phone. 

"Ta!" Noeul babbles and everyone laughs and praises her.

The commotion drags Bongshik into the kitchen. She slinks through the doorway with her tail low and ears pushed back with caution, sniffing around the tiles in case any food has been dropped for her to scavenge from. 

"Cat!" Noeul shouts and points down at the pet at her feet. Bongshik freezes before dashing back out again, no doubt to curl up next to Nal and Seol for another five hour nap.

When they moved into their home, they brought Jeno's cats with them. At first, they weren't too impressed by the change of surroundings or the baby screaming through the night, but now they have warmed up a little. The three of them no longer ignore Jaemin and they occasionally give Noeul a short opportunity to stroke their fur before curling up with Jeno. He's still their favourite by a long way.

Apart from when he regresses. Jaemin still laughs at the memory of their utter confusion. Jeno, who is usually fairly quiet and calm, suddenly wants to spend the day crawling after them and tugging on their tails and pulling on their ears when he slips into his little headspace, so Jaemin has extra work to do to keep them separate. 

It also means that, yes, he sometimes has two babies to look after. But he thoroughly enjoys seeing the two of them babbling to each other, Noeul still being dependent on Jeno, who eagerly helps her to build a block tower or is always ready for a cuddle. It has taken a while for Jeno to be comfortable doing such a thing around their daughter. He went the entirety of the first month without slipping. Jaemin was getting desperate. He tried talking him down, leaving Noeul with Renjun just for the morning, even treating him like he were little. But nothing he did could remove the constant worrying about their daughter from his boyfriend's mind. That was the very thing that was blocking him from letting go.

It wasn't until Chenle slipped whilst visiting them that Jeno realised that Noeul was fine around littles and gave it a chance. He was quiet and shy and refused a bottle, whimpering about how he has to care for the other Nono. But as the months passed, they managed to fall into a routine of planned regression. Jaemin had a lengthy talk with Jeno about how Noeul is not judging him and about how it's acceptable for him to step back and relax, leaving the caregiver to look after the baby.

And Jaemin adores it when Jeno slips and becomes Noeul's sort of older brother for a few hours.

Every milestone they have reached with their daughter has brought tears to their eyes. Her first laugh, her first time crawling the length between the two of them, and her first word. Which wasn't rude, in the end, but a pure 'appa' that had both of them sobbing and cuddling her.

They are gradually easing back into their idol schedules. Throughout their leave, they were still filming little videos here and there for the fans and doing some lives. But only recently have they attempted their usual workouts again. Especially for Jeno, the process of dancing full routines like before will be difficult but satisfying. He has the full support of everyone around him, including Noeul who likes to clap and try to climb on his back during push ups.

"Blow out the candle, sweetie." Jeno mimes the action to get their daughter to follow. She ends up drooling a little and the adults all hide their grimaces and the fact that it was actually Jeno who blew it out from beside her. "Well done!" 

Jaemin takes the cake onto the kitchen table and cuts the slices for everyone. It's only the Dream members with them at the moment and the others are going to visit in the afternoon. They stand around Noeul. She sticks her fingers straight into the cake slice, then squeaks when she shakes her hand to try to get it off. Eventually she discovers that it is edible and she licks it off, biting on her fingers and kicking her legs in appreciation of the sugar. 

"I can't believe she's a year old already." Haechan sighs and rubs a hand over his own belly, which is starting to become visibly round with his and Mark's baby. 

"It's gone so quickly." Jisung agrees. "I'm not the maknae anymore." He fakes wiping away a tear and Jaemin bats his shoulder playfully.

"Yes, you are. You're still one of my babies, Ji." He says and tries to lean in to kiss his cheek. Like usual, Jisung grumbles and tries to pull away. His complaints turn into shouts when he nearly drops his cake. He does not want to sacrifice any food over a kiss on the cheek, as much as he dearly loves his hyung.

"You'll be having your own baby before you know it." Jeno says with a nod in Haechan's direction. Haechan exhales at the thought of giving birth and having to look after a child. Watching Jeno and Jaemin with Noeul, he has figured that it can be tiring and stressful, but at the end of the day it is more rewarding than anything else.

"We told our parents the news yesterday, actually." Mark says and plants a kiss on his boyfriend's forehead.

"Yeah? How did it go?" Renjun asks as he flicks through the videos and photos he has taken today, deciding which ones to post and which ones to just send on the group chat.

"There were tears." Mark replies.

"A lot of tears." Haechan corrects. He eyes everyone else's concern and then hurries to elaborate. "Happy tears. Don't worry. My mother even said that she had been wondering when a grandchild would come along. The cheek!" 

"Well, we know where you get it from, then." Renjun teases and Haechan just sticks his tongue out back at him.

Noeul copies the action and manages to blow a raspberry along with it, more drool seeping out of her lips and calling for the wet wipe Jeno had on standby. 

"Let's get you cleaned up, you little angel." He mutters and skilfully wipes her face and hands clean from sticky crumbs and saliva. Noeul tries to poke his cheek several times until Jaemin joins his boyfriend in holding her still.

"More like little devil." Chenle states and stares back at her when she focusses her round eyes on him. They maintain eye contact for a few unnerving seconds and it is the quietest either of them have been all morning, yet it makes the other members glance between each other with caution.

"Did you just pass some more devilish knowledge onto her or something?" Jaemin asks, and his voice makes Noeul gurgle and peer up at him. She juts her arms out and he pulls her out of the highchair to hold her on his hip.

"No." Chenle narrows his eyes at the baby. "I'm just letting her know not to mess with me."

"What are you on about?" Renjun shakes his head with puzzlement.

"She stole my plushie." Chenle pouts.

"She what? She's barely one. How can she steal a plushie?" Jeno is offended by the suggestion that his beloved daughter has done anything except be an angel.

"We were playing and she crawled off with it. She hid it behind the sofa." Chenle explains and doesn't stop staring at Noeul. Jaemin cradles her head protectively, then looks at Renjun for a confirmation. He was the one who looked after her whilst Jeno and Jaemin had gone shopping for her birthday gifts.

"I thought you were playing nicely!" Renjun puts his empty plate onto the table and crosses his arms. 

"We were until she ruined it." Chenle whines. 

"Oh, for goodness' sake, why on Earth are you holding a grudge against a baby for something as tiny as that?" Renjun raises an eyebrow towards the other member, then says something in Chinese which has Chenle apologising and walking towards Jaemin and Noeul to awkwardly pat her head. The baby opens her mouth to try to bite his hand.

"See! She hates me." Chenle groans. 

"No one hates anyone." Jeno says to mediate the peace. 

Which is true for the members. Another year has passed with successes for the group and for them as a family. Noeul has an abundance of caring uncles, even Chenle, and two parents who love her unconditionally. Since the first photos of her were posted on Jaemin's instagram, she has been flying straight to the top of everyone's bias lists. And rightfully so, because she is an honorary member of NCT. The fans are always waiting for more Noeul content, for her full album and for her first rap. 

At just twelve months old, she has unknowingly made had a huge impact. But that is nothing compared to what is to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!! Your support, kudos and sweet comments have made me so happy during the last few months and I am a little sad that this book is finished, although very satisfied to reach this milestone. 
> 
> A thank you to everyone who gave chapter requests, too! It was fun to include some of your ideas into the plot! I enjoyed making it more interactive. 
> 
> This book is the longest one I have ever written so I am kinda proud of myself haha It was also my first time figuring out ao3. Don’t worry, I’ll still be hanging around and I might post the occasional oneshot or something or you might see me comment elsewhere. 
> 
> I’ll keep coming back to this book to reply to comments and to edit. The plot won’t change at all, but I’ll be rewording bits to smooth it out and fix typos etc 
> 
> And I’ll definitely still be writing! I have a sequel half-planned and I already have inspiration. As a clue, there were tiny hints of a backstory throughout this book which might possibly be revealed in a sequel, plus you’ll get to see lots and lots of Noeul <333 our queen
> 
> As I said earlier, a sequel will take many months to write, so don’t expect anything too soon. 
> 
> Once again, a huuuuuuge thank you to all of you, including silent readers (I have no way of telling on this site exactly how many readers I have which is slightly daunting) 
> 
> Stay safe, keep smiling, best wishes to you and I’ll see you soon! 
> 
> For now, bye byeeeee
> 
> Xxx


End file.
